Remember that line Charlotte said in an episode of Sex and the City?

“I’ve been dating since I was 15! I’m exhausted! Where is he?”

Yeah. That’s pretty much where I’m at right now. I mean, really, between meeting guys who beer bong in the wrong places and giving my number to rather questionable dudes…seriously! WHERE IS HE?!

I’ve got the “learn to be by yourself and love yourself” BS down pat… I’m ready for my prince charming g-dammit!

Then I had a revelation mid-fatburn program on the elliptical: Women have a come a long way and nowadays, we’re practically equal to men. So why should I just sit back and wait for prince charming to come up in his white horse…or BMW? I should get out there, strut my stuff, and find Prince-Effing-Charming myself!

Can I get an ‘Amen’?!

It’s time to get tough with men; no more games, fellas. I’m here for the real deal. I’ve got to be aggressive…be be aggressive!

Then I came back down to earth, and off the endorphins, and  I realized that might not be the best approach for me. I don’t do aggression to well. I need to have a serious sit-down with this guy – he seems to know more things about dating than I do.

I mean, if Heidi Montag can get hitched…then there has to be hope for the rest of us!

Ever have one of those nights where you just really wanted to get drunk (we’re not judging!) but no matter what you throw down the hatch it just won’t happen? You try everything: shots, bongs, mixing your beverages. But even after all that work, you’re still far, far away from making poor decisions.

Yeah, it’s pretty sucky, I know. But no matter how desperate you get, you wouldn’t do something as sick, disturbing and really grosstastic as this, would you?

Who thinks of this sorta stuff?! Sure, I’d like to get drunk without all those pesky calories, but sticking a beer bong up your booty is a bit much, no? Plus, one of the best parts of drinking is the social aspect;  I can’t imagine my friends would want to join me in the bathroom as I shove a (super sized) vodka-soaked tampon in my cooch.

I am incredibly disturbed that people actually think this is a good idea, but even more disturbed by the fact that my mouth has touched many, many beer bongs in my time. Lord only knows where those things have been before.

I need a cocktail.
In my mouth.
Not my lady parts, thankyouverymuch.

"12 more hours of this? I can handle it. I'm sotally tober..."

You’ve got a big day planned: early morning breakfast, football pre-party, football game, then out on the town with your homies.  18 hours of boozing? Psssssh. It may sound like a lot, but you’ve been training for a day like this since you stepped foot on campus.

You set your alarm for 7 a.m. then run around the house screaming at your roommates to get out of bed.

“It’s party time! Get up!” You turn on all the lights, bump your iTunes and head down to the kitchen for a power breakfast. You search for the carbiest things you can find, then shove a half frozen bagel into your mouth and wash it down with some OJ, the only non-alcoholic beverage you will have for the day. You don’t have time for chewing; you have an outfit to pick out.

Once your stomach is good and coated you head back to your room to prepare for the day.
Appropriate drinking outfit? Check.
ID? Check.
Camera? Check.
Small flask that fits into your purse but can still get past campus security? Cheeeck.

You head back downstairs and begin mixing cocktails for the roommates. Slowly, they make their way to the kitchen where you are waiting for them, drinks in hand.

After everyone’s buzz has been kick-started (thanks to your force feeding), you take some much-needed selfies then head out to your pre-game of choice. Once there, the drinks come quickly: shots of Captain’s straight from the bottle, cans of Keystone straight from the funnel, and 2 games of flip cup…all before 10 am.

You’re feeling good, like a rock star.

“I LOVE DAY DRINKING!” You scream. “This party’s goin’ all. night. long!” Read More »

You are only a few hours away from a three day holiday weekend, ladies! Can I get a “what what”?! Memorial Day Weekend is the official kick-off to summer, which means only one thing: it’s time to get a bikini wax the inevitable family BBQ.

Truth: You love hot dogs off the grill
Truth: Your family is ridiculous and you’d much rather spend the time with people who don’t make inappropriate jokes about hot dogs. Or at least people who make funny inappropriate jokes about hot dogs. And are under the age of 65.
Solution: CollegeCandy’s Memorial Day Family BBQ Drinking Game

Because Great Uncle Bert’s war stories (a war which he was not in) are easier to listen to when you’ve got Bud Light coursing through your veins. The best part? You can play alone and, being that you leave the BBQ with a killer buzz, you always end up the winner.

What you will need:
A case of domestic beer (we’re celebrating America, aren’t we?)
Various other alcoholic beverages
Your drinking hat Read More »

Health guidelines and facts are constantly changing as we learn more about the human body and what we need to stay strong. To maintain optimal health, you need to keep up to date with the newest in fitness, nutrition and medical research.

Check out the latest headlines about that unique body of yours:

- So you think you’ll impress your crush by taking on a beer bong like a champ? A new study published in the March issue of Psychology of Addictive Behaviors asked women how much they thought they needed to drink at a social event to interest a man. The women’s estimates were more than twice what the guys said they would prefer. At your next party, drink less and truly impress! Read More »

We all have them – those four million t-shirts baring our university’s logo/our sorority letters/the 45 clubs we are a part of. You’ve collected them over the course of your degree, and now you have so many you can barely close your dresser drawers. You probably have a few you wear — the nice one you bought at the bookstore, or your favorite shirt you acquired at a school event (because every college student knows free sh*t is good sh*t) that you wear to the gym or sleep in. But the rest? They just sit there taking up precious dresser space because you can’t bring yourself to get rid of them.

“I did my first beer bong in that one,” you tell yourself. “I can’t throw away the memories!” Well, you don’t have to. Here are a few ways to reuse your old shirts.

Throw pillows — Pick the t-shirts with logos you love, but never wear. Follow these easy instructions, and you have new room decor. The main cost is pillow forms, or cotton batting, but it’s a lot cheaper than going out and buying them from a decor store. Variation: make an actual t-shirt pillow.

T-shirt shopping bag — Go green when lugging your groceries home with a snazzy new shopping bag. You can save the planet by not using plastic bags, and have extra change for happy hour by not spending a cent on the reusable ones from the grocery store. Plus, you can turn that pre-party t-shirt into something actually useful! Read More »

My friend met a great guy last weekend. They hung out at the bar and when it closed he walked her home. When they arrived at her place, they sat on her stoop and talked, flirted, laughed.

It wasn’t until the sun started coming up (and she realized she had to be at her internship in the AM), that they realized how long they had been out there. He took her number, gave her a kiss and went on his merry way. She was excited…until a week went by with no word from him.

She couldn’t understand what happened. I couldn’t help her, either. So, I turned to experts in the field of douchey boys: my guy friends. They have helped before – I was sure they could explain the situation this time, too.

He Said:

When a guy asks a girl for her number and never calls back, a few things might be happening. First, he might have been involved in a fatal beer bong accident, and be buried six-feet under by the time the obligatory three days have passed. But that’s unlikely.

Another, more likely, option is that after he sobered up, he realized that the girl was actually some type of human-beast hybrid and his buddies asked him WTF he was thinking, pretty much eliminating any chance of getting in touch. Or he just forgot he’d gotten the girl’s number altogether until it was too late. Drinking might be a good social lubricant, but it’s not the best ingredient for long-term planning. Read More »

Three days ago, I returned from the first ever Rothbury Festival in Rothbury, Michigan – a 5-day musical event featuring an eclectic range of music, from Dave Matthews to Disco Biscuits to Snoop Dogg. I’m exhausted, my feet are calloused & my cheeks are sunburnt (& freckly!), and maybe it was just all the booze, greenery & glow sticks, but my little spirit is renewed.

After spending a night chillaxin’ in Sherwood Forrest, letting my fatigued body sink into a colorful hammock for two and talk for hours with one of my new best friends over cocktails in combustible corn cups, I knew it was time for a change. A huge, life-changing, effortful change. Something about spending the weekend surrounded by happy, empowering, inspirational people (albeit a little dirty & drugged-up) was a huge, magical, sparkly slap in the face that it’s time for me to conquer, one-by-one, all the things I want to in life.

So, without further adieu, here is my list of sweet stuff I wanna learn.

1. How to give a kick-a** massage. I am OBSESSED with massages. I try to con all my boyfriends, friends, (even boy friends!) to give me little shoulder, back or foot massages (perfect after a long day at work…or shopping). However, I am just as inclined to return the favor because I know how ridiculously nice (and/or orgasm-inducing) a massage can be.

2. How to make sweet jewelry. I used to be the baddest b*tch on the block because I could make friendship bracelets with any color of the rainbow out of any type of string. Unfortunately, I haven’t practiced my art for about, oh, 10 years & I think it’s time for me to get back in the game. But, I sure will have a lot of catching up to do. Read More »

It’s about 8 AM on a Sunday and you’re half-awake, rolling over in bed to get comfortable again.

“Uhh, where am I? Sh*t, who is this guy? Where is my underwear?”

Another blacked-out night on the town. No shame, I’ve had my fair share, but from time to time I wonder if I had equal chances of waking up in a ditch in Jersey. As a former bartender (and current bar-hopper) I’ve gotten to know a lot of people and their drinking habits. As a result I picked up a lot of ways to keep the boozin’ under control.

There is obviously the option to watch the clock and literally make sure you don’t exceed your alotted dph (drinks per hour). 12 oz. of beer, 4 oz. of wine, and 1 oz. of 80 proof liquor all take about an hour for your body to metabolize, so you can go ahead and do the math on that versus how long you plan on drinking and how good you want to feel.

This won’t work at a party, but if you’re at a bar, do not open a tab. It’s a fabulous way to drink too much and blow more money than you intended. This is my personal downfall. I recommend using cash. You can bring a limited amount, forcing you to stop when it’s gone. Although, if you make the bartenders run your card every single time you buy a round, they might stop serving you anyway. Read More »

If I was still in college right now, I’d be peeing my pants with excitement over this awesome new development in alcoholism.

The Portopong!

Yes, yes, the summer is almost over (10 days and counting) but if you have access to a pool and a group of fun-loving friends, the Portopong is where it’s at. What college student doesn’t love a good game of pong? And in a pool no less? Yea, how about no less than amazing.

Just to make sure, we’re talking about this kind of pong, not this kind.

The Portopong is inflatable, which means you can squish it in your backpack and head over to the pool party after class. It comes with pool strings, patches for leaks and, if you buy one by tomorrow, it’s 40 bucks – 10 bucks off the normal price.

The only negative thing I can say about the Portopong is, if you’re gonna market to college students, find attractive people to sell your product. I think I see some man boobs. Read More »