It’s no secret that college students drink a lot of beer. And it’s also no secret that we’re all pretty broke, so often the money that we could be spending on our beloved beverage has to be spent on more “practical” things…like food or textbooks. Well, thanks to a new site that’s calling itself a “search engine for beer,” you’ll be able to save more money so you can afford beer and the other important things in life.

Just plug in your zip code, and SaveOnBrew will give you a list of all the deals on beer near you. SaveOnBrew lists the type of beer on sale, the store, and the price. You can also sort by beer type, beer brand, the store and container size or quantity.

So instead of having to search each store’s ads to find deals on beer, SaveOnBrew makes it easy for you by putting it all in one convenient, searchable database.

For what? Well, just about everything these days. From finding the perfect shirt to getting directions to that restaurant you’ve only ever been to once to planning your wedding. There’s an app for it.

And most of the time, I think that’s a good thing. I pride myself on welcoming new technology, embracing these changes and seeing them as good technological advancements, rather than unnecessary complications. But today I just might have to make an exception. Because after spending some time in the app store I’ve made some discoveries that have led me to question not only my love of technology, but my love of humanity.

Have you seen what’s out there? It’s okay if you haven’t. Because I’ve brought it here for you. Partly to inform you, but also so you can commiserate with me. These are the apps our guys are downloading? No wonder they screw up so often!

1. Breastimate. An app that can tell you the bra size of every women in the room. You can either upload a picture, if you’re really curious about an old flame, or take a photo right there on the spot. Just point and click and there you have it. A “breastimated” bra size.

2. Super Sexy Pickup Lines. Great. As if guys don’t come up with enough cheesy pickup lines all on their own. Now there’s an app to help them come up with the creepiest, sleaziest, most ridiculous pick up lines out there. Can we get an app that makes men stop using these pick up lines, please?

3. Bump. Guys aren’t big on the whole hugging and holding and showing affection thing, especially not with one another. So often they end up doing the head nod or the fist pump, or occasionally that half hug, half handshake thing. It can get a little awkward. But they don’t have to worry about that anymore. Not with this app. All they have to do is bump their iPhone and there you have it, a bromance is born.

4. Jersey Shore Grenade Detector. This list would not be complete without a Jersey Shore mention. So let’s see what these boys have in store for us, shall we? Ladies, let me introduce you to the grenade detector, an app with the sole purpose of detecting and alerting of grenades. I feel as though I should be surprised, but I’m not.

5. iFart. Want to make fart noises? There’s an app for that. Oh, the world we live in. Not only does this app come with prerecorded fart noises but you can also record your own. And the best part, you can even set your phone to make fart noises when someone picks it up. It’s the Whoopi cushion of the 21^st century, ladies.

6. iBeer. Do you ever feel the need to pretend to drink a beer when you’re out and about? No? Funny. Neither do I. But apparently this is something that guys have a real need for, since there’s an app out there for it, and all. With one click of a button the screen of your iphone can turn into, that’s right, a glass of, beer, which you can dip down and pretend to drink, and watch the fake liquid disappear.

Really, guys?

But somehow I feel like I’ve only won the battle, not the war, aka, Summer BBQs. With Memorial Day just around the corner, they’re a-comin’ and with them, beer, hot dogs, potato salad, chips and dip… It’s all going to tempt me beyond belief, especially once I have a few cocktails. So in an effort to maintain what I’ve worked so hard for, I’ve come up with a BBQ Game Plan.

This may sound deep, but setting an intention before I begin my day has really helped me stay on track. So why not set one before I head to any summer gathering where not-so-healthy food is involved?

Promise yourself to be kind to your body. Treat it like a temple; after all, it is what allows you to function normally everyday. Doing this will keep you conscious of your noshing choices.

Be sure healthy options are available. Find out if your friends, especially guy friends, are serving anything other than artery clogging fare. If they’re not, bring a veggie platter, and maybe some chicken or shrimp. That way you won’t be forced to eat a greasy cheeseburger.

Load up on veggies. So you’re there, you’re hungry, you see all the deliciousness being grilled and passed around. Refocus on your intention and GO FOR THE VEGETABLES. Load up on these bad boys and, of course, have the healthiest protein possible. You will fill up quickly (helloooo, fiber!) and ease the temptation for the fattier options.

Determine portion control. Okay, you’re really dying to try some macaroni or potato salad. Go ahead and indulge. BUT your serving should be small, about the size of your palm. Refrain from going back for more; remember you are in love with your new body.

Don’t drink too much. I totally lose track of my healthy eating mantra when I get drunk. Somehow I always think it’s okay to pile everything on my plate, like it doesn’t count. IT DOES. Even worse, our beloved beer, wine and the like have plenty of calories that will only add to the count, so that’s another reason to pace yourself.

I know this may sound really inconvenient and lame, but if you want to develop healthier habits when it comes to summer parties and barbecues (and not have to skip out on them because you’re afraid you’ll throw away everything you’ve worked for), it’s best to start off on the right foot, right now.

Remind yourself of those intense cardio sessions, thousands of crunches, hot yoga classes as well as the healthier food choices you’ve made. You are proof that dedication to your health and fitness works. Stay strong and satisfied with your beautiful bikini body.

No. It’s most definitely not.

So we thought we’d help College Board and all those other important SAT people out by offering them a few alternative SAT questions. Real life questions, the kind of questions that college students may encounter on any give college day…

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila…

(A) Four (B) Floor (C) Bed (D) Death

2. Beer goggles is a commonly used college expression. Explain the meaning of this phrase and then use it in a sentence.

3. A walk of shame is:

(A) Walking into class after said class has started (B) Walking home during the early hours of the morning in last night’s clothes after spending said night in with a guy (C) Tripping while walking in high heels

4. A steak dinner is to real life as ____ is to college life.

(A) cafeteria food (B) Ramen noodles (C) Chef Boyardee

5. Finals week will most likely be spent:

(A) in the library (B) studying (C) on Facebook (D) Both A and C

6.  In college your dating life changes. It’s far less likely that a guy asks you to hang out after class or go to a football game with him, and far more likely that he propositions you at a party. But there is an alternative. Explain the concepts of friends with benefits. Then discuss the pros and cons of such an agreement.

7. Your roommate asks to borrow your favorite sweater. Not only is it too small for her, but she also has a habit of returning items she borrows unwashed. Explain how to get out of such a situation without starting a roommate war.

8. Name six of CollegeCandy’s ten ways to drink a beer.

9. The best reason to drop a class is:

(A) It’s at 7 a.m. (B) The professor has terrible reviews (C) It’s on a Friday (D) All of the above

10.  Name some college stereotypes. Which will you be? Why?

It’s probably the latter. But still, I can’t help but think that there are certain shopping experiences that really would be made easier if they could be done with some booze in hand…

1. Swimsuit shopping. Bring on the shots. If it were up to me no woman would ever have to endure such a horror sober. Take a shot of tequila before trying on any one piece. Two for tankinis. Three for bikinis. By then, they’ll all look great.

2. Holiday shopping. Holiday shopping is super stressful and extra annoying because you don’t even get to keep any of the stuff that you spend so much time picking out. You’re giving it all away. So next December get your peppermint mocha or eggnog spiked before you start your shopping.  I think it will go a lot more smoothly…

3. Lingerie Shopping. Similar to the swimsuit shopping experience, except the lingerie doesn’t stay on for nearly as long. Go with wine for this shopping experience. Take your girlfriends and have a little bit of a fashion show, and sip some red wine as you do. It’ll relax your nerves for when you buy the lingerie… and for when you use it.

4. Shopping for School Supplies. With book prices these days drinking while book buying should be mandatory. For every $50 you spend, take a shot. For every $100, chug a beer.  Do it before you head out on a Thursday night and you’ll kill two birds with one stone- school supply shopping and pregaming.

The possibilities for such occasions are endless. Tell me ladies, which shopping experiences do you wish you had a drink in hand for?

If there’s one thing we all know (but often try to deny), it’s that college is basically it’s own little universe. It’s that beer-drinking, bar-hopping, Cliff Notes-reading, coffee-chugging “safe haven” between the comfort of your parents’ home and that place everybody calls “the real world.” And unfortunately, we all know that “real world” is much less exciting than MTV moguls would like us to believe.

As a senior, I’ve finally realized one very important thing: College is awesome. And there’s quite a lot of sh*t you can get away with here that just isn’t gonna fly once you graduate. For example:

1. Mid-day naps. Unless you decide to hightail your pretty bum down to Mexico or start your own company or something, mid-day siestas are generally not in the typical workin’ girl schedule. Oh, how I love the five hour breaks in between my classes.

2. Threesomes. Unless you want to end up like Charlotte in SATC, watching your dude getting’ frisky and feelin’ up some rando-girl while you stand awkwardly on the sidelines, I think threesomes are definitely better explored pre-graduation. I think almost everybody has at least one wild hookup story (that may or may not involve multiple partners) by the time they leave college. And that’s where those kind of explorations should probably stay. In college.

3. All nighters and Adderall binges. I’m pretty sure it’s not “adultlike” to stay up all night, downing cups of coffee and caffeine pills (or whatever your all-nighter drug of choice may be) to finish whatever crazy task your boss asks of you. Purple bruise-like bags under your eyes will never be sexy. Especially for an early morning meeting.

4. Pizza diets. Depending on where you live, life’s little luxuries, like one dollar slices on Monday nights, might not be at your disposal the way they are now. Nor should they be. You will be an adult and should be eating real food. Like steak or something.

5. The Uggs and North Face uniform. Or any variation, such as: Victoria’s Secret PINK collection from head-to-toe, matching college sweatshirts and sweatpants, etc. Real jobs require real clothes.

6. Tuesday bar hopping. I’ve already accepted that life is probably going to suck hardcore without one dollar cherry bombs on Tuesday night. I try to tell myself that I might be able to pull off being a member of the “Tuesday Crew” every once in awhile for the first few years after graduation. Or at least until I start to resemble my mother who gets a four day hangover after sipping half a glass of wine…spritzer.

7. Sleeping on random couches. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve done it. Quite a few times. …Without realizing it until the next morning. In the “real world,” I’m pretty sure people take stock of who is in their house when three a.m. rolls around. Maybe.

8. Meal plans. As much as college cafeteria food sucks, I think I’m really gonna miss late night mozzarella cheese stick feasts courtesy of Mom and Pops. In the “real world,” you can’t just go into some fancy sushi restaurant with your co-workers and hand the waiter your college ID and wave him off.

9. Making out with your best girl friends at bars and parties. In the “real world,” it’s no longer socially acceptable to grab your girlfriend’s face at the bar (..or you know, your company’s holiday party) and scream, “Let’s make out!” at the top of your lungs before proceeding to play tongue-tackle in front of a crowd. Unless you’re a total Debbie…as in, desperate. Or dumb.

10. Peeing in public places. In college, it’s normally (but not always!) kosher to pop a squat in the backyard at a party when the b-room runs of out T.P. In the “real world,” you’ll get arrested and labeled a sex offender before you can even empty your bladder.

11. Posting party photos on Facebook. This basically goes without saying. Once you graduate (hell, maybe we should all start this now?), don’t even THINK about posting that pic of you on the toilet throwing the peace sign. And, just to make sure you have all your bases covered, you’ll probably want to invest in an external hard drive so you can save all your old faves from undergrad and delete all incriminating photos off the internets forever.

Anything else you can think of that just can’t happen in the real world but is totally fine in college?

[This post is a favorite of CollegeCandy fan, Allyson...and it's one of our faves too!]

Get it out of your system now, ladies.

If there’s one thing we all know (but often try to deny), it’s that college is basically it’s own little universe. It’s that beer-drinking, bar-hopping, Cliff Notes-reading, coffee-chugging “safe haven” between the comfort of your parents’ home and that place everybody calls “the real world.” And unfortunately, we all know that “real world” is much less exciting than MTV moguls would like us to believe.

As a senior, I’ve finally realized one very important thing: College is awesome. And there’s quite a lot of sh*t you can get away with here that just isn’t gonna fly once you graduate. For example:

1. Mid-day naps. Unless you decide to hightail your pretty bum down to Mexico or start your own company or something, mid-day siestas are generally not in the typical workin’ girl schedule. Oh, how I love the five hour breaks in between my classes.

2. Threesomes. Unless you want to end up like Charlotte in SATC, watching your dude getting’ frisky and feelin’ up some rando-girl while you stand awkwardly on the sidelines, I think threesomes are definitely better explored pre-graduation. I think almost everybody has at least one wild hookup story (that may or may not involve multiple partners) by the time they leave college. And that’s where those kind of explorations should probably stay. In college.

3. All nighters and Adderall binges. I’m pretty sure it’s not “adultlike” to stay up all night, downing cups of coffee and caffeine pills (or whatever your all-nighter drug of choice may be) to finish whatever crazy task your boss asks of you. Purple bruise-like bags under your eyes will never be sexy. Especially for an early morning meeting.

4. Pizza diets. Depending on where you live, life’s little luxuries, like one dollar slices on Monday nights, might not be at your disposal the way they are now. Nor should they be. You will be an adult and should be eating real food. Like steak or something.

5. The Uggs and North Face uniform. Or any variation, such as: Victoria’s Secret PINK collection from head-to-toe, matching college sweatshirts and sweatpants, etc. Real jobs require real clothes.

6. Tuesday bar hopping. I’ve already accepted that life is probably going to suck hardcore without one dollar cherry bombs on Tuesday night. I try to tell myself that I might be able to pull off being a member of the “Tuesday Crew” every once in awhile for the first few years after graduation. Or at least until I start to resemble my mother who gets a four day hangover after sipping half a glass of wine…spritzer.

7. Sleeping on random couches. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve done it. Quite a few times. …Without realizing it until the next morning. In the “real world,” I’m pretty sure people take stock of who is in their house when three a.m. rolls around. Maybe.

8. Meal plans. As much as college cafeteria food sucks, I think I’m really gonna miss late night mozzarella cheese stick feasts courtesy of Mom and Pops. In the “real world,” you can’t just go into some fancy sushi restaurant with your co-workers and hand the waiter your college ID and wave him off.

9. Making out with your best girl friends at bars and parties. In the “real world,” it’s no longer socially acceptable to grab your girlfriend’s face at the bar (..or you know, your company’s holiday party) and scream, “Let’s make out!” at the top of your lungs before proceeding to play tongue-tackle in front of a crowd. Unless you’re a total Debbie…as in, desperate. Or dumb.

10. Peeing in public places. In college, it’s normally (but not always!) kosher to pop a squat in the backyard at a party when the b-room runs of out T.P. In the “real world,” you’ll get arrested and labeled a sex offender before you can even empty your bladder.

11. Posting party photos on Facebook. This basically goes without saying. Once you graduate (hell, maybe we should all start this now?), don’t even THINK about posting that pic of you on the toilet throwing the peace sign. And, just to make sure you have all your bases covered, you’ll probably want to invest in an external hard drive so you can save all your old faves from undergrad and delete all incriminating photos off the internets forever.

Anything else you can think of that just can’t happen in the real world but is totally fine in college?

[This story was originally posted by Erica - Kent State University.]

Likey? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

So in case you think you’re the only one with confused parents (why don’t you just pick up the phone and call her! Why do you always have to text everyone!?), this list will help you to see that you’re not the only constantly having to justify to your parents that slapping a bag of boxed wine is a fine way to spend a Saturday night.

1. We drink like champions

Let me just start by saying, parents will NEVER UNDERSTAND why college kids drink so much. I think we can all say that it’s a fun thing to do, a great way to meet people, and an easy way to break the ice with the cute guy across the room. Yet parents will always wonder if a kegstand is actually safe and why taping cheap beer to your hands is fun. Just accept the fact that no matter how many times you try to explain the rules of Beer Pong, parents will think that package of ping pong balls in your room is because you and your friends reaaally got into ping pong this past summer.

2. Hungry? Let’s Order Pizza!

If you didn’t make it to the dining hall before it closed or ran out of pasta to make at your apartment, pizza is usually the first thing to come to mind. Parents don’t understand that it completely normal to order pizza seven nights a week without even peeking inside the fridge. Healthy eating doesn’t really exist in college. Sure we go to the gym and sure we sometimes make sure to order chicken AND BROCCOLI from the Chinese place, but we rarely pull out the food pyramid and consult it.

3. Dating? What’s that?

Our parents grew up in an era when men held the door open for women and automatically picked up the check at a restaurant. In this day and age, they are shocked to find out that you met a hot guy at a party a few weekends ago, but have only texted back and forth a few times. The extent of a date is a swipe into the dining hall — and if you are really getting crazy maybe a movie back at the dorm while your roommate is blasting music/studying/bbming. Personally, I’m good with the random make out sessions on the weekends; the dating can wait until after college when guys are more interested in dating than how many beers they can chug in 2 minutes.

4. Hey dad? So I kind of need some money…

As we all know, everything costs money and sometimes parents don’t understand what we’re doing with that $500 they put in the bank account at the beginning of the semester. Let’s face it, college is expensive and if you ARE ordering that pizza all the time you probably will need a constant influx of money from your parents. Yet, in case your parents are stubborn, I usually just tell them I’ll pay them back in full when I become rich and famous. Gets them every time!

5. School > Home

When college kids go home for breaks or vacations, parents are usually the ones that are more excited than the students. Coming home means having an actual curfew. And worse than the curfew, it means actually sleeping alone, like no inviting your former high school flame to spend the night. They’ll never understand why you’re so excited to go back to school, nor will they ever get why we sit on the couch for our entire break watching horrible TV,  with our laptops on our lap, videochatting with all our college friends.

What about you? What are you constantly trying to explain to the parental units?

We might be too old to go door-to-door and ask strangers for candy… but we’re not too old to dress up as slutty versions of our favorite childhood fairy tales characters, animals, or public service workers, are we? Besides, if we’re struggling to pay $49.99 for a “Sexy Bull Fighter” costume, dammit, we want to get the most bang for our buck!

Here are a few games and party options that you can host throughout Halloween week, just to get into the spirit of things!

Liquor Treat
This game can be the most fun, but is also the most difficult to pull off, especially if you live in a dorm with a strict RA or a No-Alcohol Policy. Similar to an “Around-the-World” party, you have to rally everyone on your floor/in your apartment building to participate. The members of each room or apartment choose a theme…and a type of liquor. When guests arrive, they go door to door and can stay to mingle in any room they like. When they ring the doorbell, they are also rewarded with a shot– hence, this is the grown-up’s version of Trick or Treat.

Scary Movie Drinking Games
Take advantage of the fact that F/X, Sci-Fi, and all of the basic cable channels will be playing Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street and Halloween over and over for the whole month of October. If you are familiar with the movie, you can make up your own rules – e.g. take a shot every time the theme song plays in Halloween, or chug a beer every time you hear the “whispers” in Friday the 13th, or you can find several ready-made drinking games online to play. The good news? You’ll be so buzzed by the end that you won’t be too scared to sleep with the lights off!

Monster Mash
(Courtesy of Celebrations.com)
This is one of those counting drinking games that is so difficult to get the hang of, and so easy to get absolutely smashed by playing.

Sitting in a circle, you and your friends go around the room and count off–no small feat for college students! On numbers divisible by “3,” the player says the word “monster” instead of the number, and on numbers divisible by “5,” they say “mash” instead of the number. Whoever screws up, drinks. Once you get going, then, the game should sound something like, “1..2…monster…4….mash…monster….7…8….monster….mash.”

Boo! Zoo
Too smart to waste your night on a mere counting game? Throw in some crazy hand gestures! This is the Halloweenified version of the game “Zoo,” which you may or may not have heard of, but that needs to get into your Drinking Game vocabulary.

To play Zoo, everyone sits in a circle, again, and before you begin, go around the room and have everyone think of a word and a quick hand gesture to go along with it. For Halloween, then, a player might be “Ghost” and have a ghostlike motion, while another player is “Stab” and makes the universal signal for stabbing someone.

To begin the game, everyone must clap in a “We Will Rock You” rhythm. The starting player is predetermined, and the opening chant is as follows: “What are we playing?” “Boo Zoo!” “Why are we playing?” “Get f**ked up!”

The starting player continues the clapping, but inserts her word and gesture into it, and then inserts another players’ word and signal. Example: clap-clap-Ghost, clap-clap-Stab. Stab must be alert, and continue the clapping rhythm, following suit by shouting another players’ signal and performing their movement. The best part of this game is that whenever someone messes up, all players must partake in a group social! This one gets extremely tricky in large groups, which means more drinking for all involved!

Bobbing for Booze
I’m not going to lie, bobbing for apples was NOT my favorite fall game growing up; then again, who really wants to stick their face in some tepid water that the other kids have probably snotted and drooled in, only to come out with a freaking apple? For college purposes, why not mix things up a bit? Buy a bunch of nips from the liquor store (or have everyone bring a couple to throw into the pot), and toss them in a bin or vat of some sort that’s filled with water. Give everyone a turn to bob for nips, and then let everyone shoot their prizes! If you want to be bad, buy some nips of the nastiest liquor you can find, because you won’t be able to see what you’re bobbing for while you play.

And if you are really up for a challenge, toss the nips in a vat of jungle juice instead of water, and see where the night takes you from there!

[Get your Halloween on here.]

[We ladies spend a lot of time wondering what guys are thinking, most often over stiff drinks or soupy ice cream. Unfortunately, besides The Dude, we don't often get the chance to really find out. So we continue speculating, wondering and growing more and more self-conscious by the minute. Not anymore. CollegeCandy's got a new guy in town who is going to open up his man brain and enlighten us as to what exactly goes on in there. Prepare yourselves, girls; I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting ride.]

Just like a psychic that can tell your future with Tarot cards or your palm, guys can tell a lot about a woman by the kind of drink she is having at a bar. And just like those crappy psychics with crystal balls, guys are often full of sh*t too, but here goes.

Note: I am using the bar as a setting rather than a house or frat party because it offers up more variety. The only variety you get at college parties is not what you’re drinking, but how you’re downing that Natty Light: upside down, through a funnel, or the traditional red cup. At your local bar, however, you can see everything from your down-to-earth non-light beer drinkers to the seemingly high-maintenance Cosmopolitan drinkers. Can both of these women be the same person on different nights? Sure, but not likely.

Guys know what they like also, but we’re a little shaky on our drink convictions. We pretty much drink what’s available or what everyone else is drinking. We like being part of the (wolf) pack. Primal instinct, I guess. And with this primal instinct comes the ability for men to predict certain kinds of personality traits based on the type of drink a women is having.

Now, there are way too many drinks and concoctions to go over all of them, so I will choose the most popular based on a recent Friday night research session at a local bar.

What follows is a gateway into the part of the male brain that is dedicated to women and bad decisions: the penis. OK, OK – I’m kidding. We do use our real brains (just not to their full potential at times), but we are wired differently so have an open mind and don’t get mad if the stiletto fits.

Cosmopolitans
When a guy sees a girl drinking a cosmo, the first thing that will come to his mind is, “uh oh, this girl is a prissy brat looking for someone to buy her drinks for the rest of the night.” Before you get your panties in a bunch, let me explain. Cosmos are sweet, pricey, and usually watered-down. The phrase “you are what you eat” (in this case drink) obviously comes to mind. Men think you are probably sweet, but pricey and with a watered-down personality. I don’t mean pricey like a hooker, but more like you appreciate nice things, material things. There isn’t anything wrong with that, but know beforehand that the cosmo in your hands is a sign that reads, “Sex and the City princess without the sex.”

Vodka Tonic
One part vodka, one part tonic water. Throw in a splash of lime if you’re feeling frisky and you have a simple, no frills drink that is tasty, but strong. It is no surprise that the description of a drink can also describe the drinker. With this drink in a woman’s hand, you can be sure of one thing: she’s not going to hold anything back. When I asked a 21-year-old woman what she thought about her vodka tonic, she replied, “it’s a little more rude than a cosmo, but straight up. Not fancy, just plain with a kick.” You can expect a woman with this drink to be more approachable and receptive to a guy’s opening line, but she will be quick to tell you whether or not she is interested. She is laid back and mature, but likes to have a good time. She gives the impression that she is also into health and her figure (this is the lowest calorie cocktail out there). Also, the type of vodka she chooses can reveal even more: If she chose the house vodka, she might not be as picky about her style of men; she’s attracted to whoever catches her eye. With premium vodka, she knows exactly what she wants and never settles for less.

Beer
When all else fails, the girl drinking beer will probably never let you down. This is the girl who you can party with and then hit Taco Bell with at 3 in the morning. She isn’t offended by the multitude of sexual innuendos and jokes that are inevitable when guys get together and drink. Guys are so comfortable with these types of women because they know they can expect a drama-free night, unlike with the quiet, cosmo drinkers huddled around a table in the corner. When guys think of a girl who drinks beer, the following descriptions come to mind: cool, down-to-earth, and one of the guys.

There is only one problem – guys say they want date someone like that, but they hardly ever do. These women are very likeable and easy to be around, but they have the tendency of falling into the dangerous friend zone. This slippery slope can wreak havoc on your dating life because while you’re puking your guts out from all that fun beer pong, the guy you secretly like is trying to pick up the hot, girly cosmo drinker during last call (smart fellow waited until it was last call so he wouldn’t have to spend money on all those damn expensive cocktails).

Shots
This is probably the most controversial description for two reasons. The first one is because women hate it when men judge them based on the superficial. (Women call it superficial, we call it deductive reasoning.) Second, women don’t want to admit to being that girl dancing on the bar in her bra with guys throwing dollar bills at her (the same girl you and your girlfriends will gossip about on Monday morning). No woman wants to be called a slut. Not even sluts like being called sluts. It is important that you know what men are thinking, though, so I will have to be the one to break the news to you:

Tequila, Jager, Kamikazes, Fuzzy Navels, and the vastly offensive yet tasty Red-Headed Slut – all great shots that lead to bad decisions and great morning-after stories. If you’re a woman taking shots like a champ, you might as well wear a bullseye on your back. Men think you’re a slut. Girls taking shots at a bar makes a girl with a tramp stamp look more prude than Taylor Swift. For you it might just mean that you are celebrating or had a really long day, which is fine. But celebrating and that really long day ended around shot #7. Men, on the other hand, are thinking one thing: this is a woman looking to do something or someone crazy and not remember it the next day.

Wine
Red or white, wine will always mean sophistication, maturity, and a low tolerance for bullshit. Men tread lightly around a women drinking wine at a bar. The glass of wine tells men that she knows how to pace herself, but with the right company, the glasses will keep coming and alcohol will do what it does best. The wine-drinker enjoys a good conversation, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be about something deep like existentialism. As long as it’s engaging, she will stay along for the ride.

Could I be completely off on these descriptions? Of course. If you’re a female beer drinker, you might be reading this and saying to yourself, “I hook up plenty with my guy friends and just because I like to drink beer doesn’t mean I’m not feminine enough.” You’re right, it doesn’t. But, like with all the other drink types, there might be women out there who have consistently thought they were sending a different message or no message at all with their drink.

This isn’t a scientific approach to personality profiling. It is, however, a blunt assessment of how most guys think when it comes to women and their drink of choice. Men are lazy. We use anything in our brains that helps us cut corners and make decisions quicker (things like past experiences, movies, stupid sh*t our friends say, and even superficial things like drinks). Have some fun with this and use it on guys. Next time you go out with your girlfriends to a bar, play around with this and see what kind of guy each drink attracts.

It’s worth a shot.