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Everyone’s been talking about Beijing’s Olympic Opening ceremony; it’s futuristic, the best we’ve ever seen, full of spectacle…blah blah blah. Not to be a dick, but how interesting can this sort of thing really be? A bunch of people marching around carrying flags, fireworks, George W…it sounds kind of like the Fourth of July, except slightly more boring, because nobody can be drunk.

Since my social calender has a big gaping hole where tonight’s plans should be, I’ve decided to sit in front of the TV (with or without my face covered in a homemade facial…I’m not telling) and liveblog through this so-called fantastic futuristic mind blowingly awesome ceremony.

Let’s see how badass China really is, shall we?

7:58pm — Matt Lauer and some guy are talking…President Bush is coming down the aisle…he looks slightly awkward.

8:00pm — holy f*ck there are a lot of drummers…in wizard garb.

8:05pm — I think my retnas just exploded from the lights.

8:08pm – [IM from Peanut37] “Wouldn’t want to be the one who effs up in that drum group”

8:13pm – Okay. I’m kinda impressed with those rising Olympic rings…

8:23pm – Dude, there is now a massive scroll in which peeps are dancing on. Plus there’s a drawing. On the massive scroll. That the dancers are doing with their bodies.

8:34pm – [IM from dimitriobsidian] “The block thing kind of looks like…those things they sell in Spencer’s. You know, the ones where you put your hand or your face or whatever body part you think would shock the public the most and it leaves an imprint? … THOSE BLOCKS ARE PEOPLE??”

8:51pm – Some guy is playing the piano, surrounded by people who are lit up and reminding me of an accidental LSD trip I took once…

9:00pm — An hour into the ceremony and I impressed but also bored. Does this make me uncultured?

9:07pm – Commercials. Wait, ER has only one more season? John Stamos is on that show now? That show is still ON?

9:12pm — [IM from pomqueen13] “On display tonight, things China has given us… including paper, fireworks, kites…. and undoubtedly some OPIUM.”

9:20pm – [IM from itisbecauseiam] “I think that china is just trying to show off how vast their population is… there’s no reason to have thousands of people in each and every performance”

9:23pm – Turkmenistan? Where the crap is that?

9:36pm — Table tennis. I forgot that that’s an Olympic sport. I need to watch. I used to have a ping pong table in my basement…the balls kept rolling into the cat litter.

9:47pm — Falling…asleep…being..lulled…by…bagpipes…

9:55pm – PRESIDENT BUSH JUST CHECKED HIS WATCH. He’s as bored as I am.

10:11pm — Okay, I’ve watched for 2 hours and 11 minutes, my computer sounds like it’s about to blow up, America hasn’t paraded through the parade of nations, I’m super hot, and watching people wave flags is not as interesting as it sounds. Thanks to everyone who sent in hilarious IMs…glad I’m not the only one in on a Friday night. Let me know when table tennis is on. NIGHT!

This year’s Beijing Olympics are possibly the most politicized Olympics to go down on the planet in decades. It’s always ugly when politics enter into something supposed to be as pure an ideal as the excellence of sport, but the polluted skies over Beijing aren’t the only source of dirt and grime these days.

Everyone knows about the furious and polarizing debates and protests over Tibet. It’s hardly news anymore that there are monks on the march, and Chinese police cracking down on them. What I find even more disturbing, however, is the crushing influence of the Chinese government over people’s free speech. When so-called public opinion polls emerge saying that over 90% of all Chinese people are wholeheartedly in favor of every aspect of the Chinese government, as I’ve been reading about in the New York Times, you know something’s wrong.

No country likes their government that much, unless they’re too frightened to say differently. And now, this strong tendency to crack down on opposing opinions has gone one step further: it entered the olympics.

Princeton student Joey Cheek, class of 2011, a world champion speed skater and former Olympian (who was only going to the Olympics to support his team) has had his visa revoked by the Chinese government. The reason? Cheek is an outspoken activist for the genocide in Darfur, and has been critical of China’s many investments in the Sudan. Cheek had no intention of bringing his politics to the arena, but the Chinese government won’t tolerate any opposition, including the mere possibility. Meanwhile, the official dudes of the Olympic committee are refusing to defend the student, basically saying it’s out of their jurisdiction.

So much for the spirit of the Olympics.

I always used to think that cities were granted the privilage of hosting the Olympics for good behavior — having a well-developed nation with well-cared for citizens and a clear position supporting human rights and all that good stuff. Hence, the olympics that I’ve seen in my lifetime have all taken place in relatively developed nations — the U.S., Italy, Greece, Australia, and the upcoming Great Britain.

China, however, still has many troubling issues to address in terms of its position on human rights. Why has it been given the gift of the Olympics if it’s still bullying anyone who speaks critically of it? Here’s hoping the coming Olympics will be a showcase of athletic prowess and not governmental might.

And Now the News with Kandy Korrespondent!The Group of Eight (G8) summit is taking place this week on the Japanese island of Hokkaido. The meeting originally was to center around the issue of climate, but was changed due to surging food and oil prices.

The intensity of the global situation has turned this island paradise into a police state. Japan has spent $280 million on security, surrounding the summit venue with a human blockade of 21,000 riot police. Despite the wide security perimeters, protesters began to gather on Saturday with many more expected to arrive during the week.

Meanwhile in Malaysia, leaders of the world’s largest Islamic nations gathered for their annual “D8” summit to discuss global inflation. The D8 is a reaction against the exclusive nature of the G8 summit.

In Other News:

World leaders remain split over attending next month’s Olympics in Beijing. Chancellor Merkel of Germany and Prime Minister Brown of the UK will not be attending the opening games in protest of China’s poor human rights record—most notably demonstrated through the crackdown on Tibet in March.

Prime Minister Sarkozy of France is still debating the issue. Last week, as a result of Sarkozy’s public lambasting of China’s human rights abuses, the government said that it would give Sarkozy the cold shoulder even if he were to attend.

On the other side of the spectrum—President Bush reiterated his intent to attend the entirety of the Olympic games as has Japan’s Prime Minister Fukuda.

This morning, during rush hour in Kabul, Afghanistan, a suicide bomber attacked the Indian embassy. According to witnesses, the attacker targeted the line of people waiting in line for visas.

On Sunday, another suicide bomber killed 15 policemen in Islamabad, Pakistan during celebrations marking the end of last year’s Red Mosque Siege. No organization has claimed responsibility.

Will the violence never cease?

And Now, on a lighter note, for Something Completely Different:

In case you haven’t been following the news from Germany very closely, the country has been in an uproar for the past few months over the upcoming wax Hitler addition to Berlin’s Madam Tussaud’s wax museum. Barely minutes after the grand opening on Saturday, a German man forced his way past the figure’s guards and tore Hitler’s head off. I guess that was that.

That’s the news!

It’s the News with Kandy Korrespondent!

Democratic presidential nominee-apparent, Obama and soon to be ex-presidential candidate Clinton shared a private tête-à-tête on Friday marking the first step towards re-uniting the much divided Democratic Party. Neither the meetings’ location nor content have been disclosed.

Meanwhile, Clinton supporters are mounting an intense effort to pressure Obama into offering Clinton the post of vice president. On Tuesday, Senator Clinton told supporters that she would be “open” to being Obama’s running mate if it would help the Democratic Party win the White House.

In Other News:

On Friday, a bill aimed at limiting climate-warming carbon emissions died in the Senate after a procedural vote. The bill would have cut total US emissions by 66% by 2050. Opponents said it would result in lost jobs and even higher fuel prices.

Despite the highest jump in the unemployment rate in 3 ½ years, 5.5% during May alone, the White House maintains that the country is not in a recession.

Internationally:

On Friday, Zimbabwean opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai was detained for the second time by police. Tsvangirai is set to compete in a run-off against incumbent dictator Robert Mugabe on June 27th. On Thursday, police held five US diplomats, among them the US ambassador, and two British diplomats after they visited victims of political violence. The opposition says that 65 people have been killed since the first round of voting in March.

A senior western diplomat told the UK’s Telegraph on Friday that Mugabe’s power has been reduced to that of a figurehead with several generals in actual command of the country.The diplomat says that it was these senior generals who kept Mugabe in power at the end of March.

On Thursday, Mugabe banned all of the international aid organizations working in Zimbabwe—including the UN organization CARE International—saying that they were aiding Tsvangirai’s campaign bid.

CARE warned on Friday that the regime’s ban puts millions of Zimbabweans at risk. CARE’s Africa communications manager Kenneth Walker stated,

“You have a situation, a very dire economy in Zimbabwe… inflation is more than 100,000 percent and just finding the next meal is an extremely major exercise for a great many people… So several million people without access to food aid, health services, education, clean water and sanitation facilities are at risk.”

Eighty percent of Zimbabweans are unemployed. Home-based care for those affected with HIV-AIDS was among the services provided by CARE.

And Now For Something Completely Different:

Beijing Olympic organizers have released the officially sanctioned cheer for the August games. The four-step cheer is designed to promote cheering in a “smooth and civilized manner”. Organizers will use television programs, squads of volunteers at Olympic venues, and the Education Ministry to assure proper cheer etiquette.

It goes like this:

“Olympics… Jiayou” (translated as “add oil”—a traditional Chinese sporting cheer)

as you say this, clap twice and then give a double thumbs up.

Then, “China… Jiayou”

If you are a foreigner you may replace Olympics and Jiayou with the names of individuals and other countries.

That’s the news!

[Photo courtesy of the New York Times.]

It’s the news with Kandy Korrespondent!

Yesterday saw a climactic end to the democratic presidential race. Superdelegates rushed to throw their support behind Obama which in addition to his victory in Montana placed him solidly past the requisite delegate count with 2,152. He claimed the nomination in his victory speech to supporters in Minnesota.

Although Clinton failed to concede the nomination, a growing number of moves by her campaign seem to indicate that she is preparing to withdraw from the contest. Most notably, on Tuesday she reportedly told supporters that she would be open to being Obama’s running mate.

In Other News:

Senator Kennedy is recovering well following brain surgery on Monday to remove a malignant brain tumor. He is expected to begin chemotherapy and radiation treatment in the near future. His cancer diagnosis has rekindled talk of the so-called “Kennedy Curse”. Senator Kennedy’s two brothers JFK and RFK were both assassinated while his oldest brother died during a covert mission in WWII. Curse believers point to additional other tragedies through the years ranging from drug overdoses to plane crashes to cancer (of which Senator Kennedy is simply the latest).

On Monday a Texas judged ordered that the 460 children seized during the April raid on a polygamist sect must be returned to their parents. The judge ruled that the children were not immediate danger despite numerous reports of underage marriage. The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a splinter faction of the Mormon church, believes that polygamy brings glorification in heaven.

Internationally:

At least eight are dead and 30 injured following a suicide car bomb attack on the Danish embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan on Monday. Danish embassies became targets for terrorist threats following the infamous Muhammad cartoon debacle in September 2005.

The Myanmar military government is forcing cyclone refugees to return to their devastated villages. According to unconfirmed reports, government run camps are being closed down and several schools are preparing to reopen. Aid groups say that sending children back to school will increase the spreading of disease.

China has published a list of dos and don’ts for visitors to the Beijing Olympics in August. Regulations include: Do not bring any printed materials critical of China. Do not plan on holding any rallies or demonstrations in China. Also included is a ban on bringing into China, “Anything detrimental to China’s politics, economy, culture or moral standards, including printed material, film negatives, photos, records, movies, tape recordings, videotapes, optical discs and other items.” While the International Olympic Committee does have a rule forbidding all demonstrations and propaganda near Olympic sites, venues, or areas, China is perilously close to impinging upon the games commitment to free speech.

And Now for Something Completely Different…

Sunday marked the last day alcoholic beverages were to be allowed on the London Underground and Londoners decided to commemorate the day in style… well at least that was the intention. The festivities quickly degenerated into an all out brawl. Six stations had to be closed and several damaged trains were withdrawn from service. The police arrested 17 people while six assaults were reported against underground rail staff and police.

That’s the news! See you tomorrow

Ironically, this torch relay was supposed to be the largest in Olympic history—a showcase of international cooperation and sport. Instead, it has become a testament to international outrage over China’s human rights abuses, especially over Tibet.

March 31: A huge carefully scripted ceremony at Beijing’s Tiananmen Square sent the torch off across the globe

April 3: In Istanbul, Turkey, the Uighur expat community staged demonstrations against Chinese persecution of their “brother” expats in Xinjiang. In February 2007, for example, an Uigur activist named Ismail Semed, was executed on the shaky grounds of attempting to “split the motherland” and possessing explosives.

April 6: Massive clashes occurred between Free Tibet protesters and police during the London relay. Thirty-seven protesters were arrested including a man who tried to snatch the torch away from one of the runners. Another tried to put out the torch with a fire extinguisher.

April 7: In Paris, massive protests forced organizers to cancel the final third of the relay—transporting the flame by bus to the end point. Activists succeeded in hanging Tibetan flags and black banners from the Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame.

April 9: In San Francisco, thousands of protesters—both Chinese Americans supporting the games and human rights activists–surrounded the torch. Fearing violence, officials cut the planned route in half and changed it—meaning that at several points runners were waiving to near-empty streets.

The Buenos Aires, Argentina relay on April 11th and in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania on April 13th were comparatively peaceful and well managed.

April 16: In Islamabad, Pakistan, the relay was moved from the streets to a local stadium open solely to officials and invited guests.

April 18: In India, officials sealed off the huge city of New Delhi hours before the relay and arrested 276 protesters in an effort to protect the event. Heavy security surrounded the runners turning the traditionally celebratory event into a fairly dismal occasion.

April 19: The relay route was comparatively quite in Bangkok, Thailand thanks to the official warning that Tibetan exiles who disrupted the proceedings would be deported.

On Monday, April 21, the torch will travel through Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and then Jakarta, Indonesia on April 22. The torch will then travel through Canberra, Australia on April 24th where anxious officials have been mapping out security precautions since the first signs of unrest in Europe. They have erected steel fences along the 12.4-mile relay route.

On May 4th the Everest part of the relay will commence with the relay going up the Nepal side and down the north face into Tibet. Nepalese soldiers have been given permission to use any force necessary—including firing shots– to prevent protesters from stopping the relay.

Stay tuned for further updates.