I’ve been looking back on my sexual history lately and I’ve realized that I’m pretty lucky. Minus one or two “off” times, I can’t say I’ve had a lot of bad sex. While I try my best not to do a lot of comparing, I think I’ve found the difference between the good times and the not-so-good times – communication.

It blows my mind how many people have sex without ever communicating to their partners about their likes and dislikes. As much as we might will it to happen, our partners aren’t mind readers. Chances are they’re going off of what worked for them in the past, what they wish you would do to them in return, or what they’ve seen in porn. While you might get lucky and it’ll do the trick, most people need a few pointers in order to really get what works for you

I know, I know, talking explicitly about sex can be a little awkward sometimes (well, I would assume it is for some people… I do it on a weekly basis so I’m kinda used to it). Not to be too blunt, but if you can’t talk about what you’re going to do, you shouldn’t be doing it. That said, I want all my readers to be getting the satisfying sex they deserve, so here’s some pointers on how to communicate effectively what you like without sounding like a dominatrix:

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Ending a relationship with someone, no matter how long you’ve dated, is never an easy thing. You have to face someone and tell them – in more or less words – that you don’t want to be with them anymore. For many, it can be quite devastating to the heart (not to mention, the ego).

So, how do you deal?

Some go for the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse. It makes sense; it’s always easier to come up with some reason that conveniently puts the blame on you rather than telling your soon-to-be ex that he really isn’t that funny and you’d rather stab your eyes out with a fork than hear another one of his lame jokes. And, sure, by doing so, you save face and spare their feelings, but ultimately, you’re not being completely honest if you can’t come out and tell them exactly why you’re ending it.

If I’ve ever had to break up with someone, I always try to be as honest as possible, but keep his or her feelings in mind. For example, when my ex and I of four years were falling apart (and even though I still loved him at the time) I knew I had to cut the cord. When I sat him down to discuss why we needed to break up, I was honest: we were killing each other, fighting all the time and I knew it wasn’t going to get any better, ever.

It was an incredibly hard conversation to have, but after 4 years, I felt he deserved that respect. Read More »

He wants to do me.

He wants to do me not.

He wants to do me…

…Then never call again, do me, then tell all of his friends, do me, then flip out about my guy friends…the list goes on. If only the “He wants to do me” sentence could exist without the predictable post sex behavior, I would be living in a much more sexually satisfying world.

The problem with most guys who I have encountered is this: They really believe that if they have intercourse with a girl, she will flip out and suddenly be in love. Maybe all of the guys I know have simply given themselves too much credit because I’m always recycling the same kind of guy over and over again: Artsy and ARROGANT.

I suppose that, for me, there’s a degree of truth to this. But at the end of the day, I don’t want to be in love with anyone. Being in love is a shamefully painful experience to me, honestly. I’d rather be in the casual sex club…but the older I get..the harder it is to stay a member of that club. Read More »