By college, we’ve learned that sometimes the one that we want doesn’t always want us. And at that point it doesn’t matter that you would’ve loved him for the rest of his life, or that he promised you he’d never hurt you. Because the only thing that matters when your heart begins to crack again for the first time in a long time is you.

Lesson #51: Make Yourself Your Priority

We’ve all heard the advice from our best girlfriends in times of heartbreak—“Don’t waste tears on a guy who walked away from you when they were falling down your face,” “Don’t lose sleep over a guy who isn’t losing sleep over you,” and my personal favorite, “You were so much hotter than him anyways!” Whether any of it’s true or not isn’t the point, what matters is what you turn the situation into.

Rest assured you are not stupid, you are not a masochist, and you are not an emotional/psychological cutter. You fell hard. And then you looked up from your fall and realized you were alone. That’s all. Don’t look into it and try to make it some kind of representation of your overall personality. Take this one situation to deal with and move on from. It’s hard enough getting over heartbreak without being bogged down by your entire dating history simply because you’re desperate to make some kind of psychological breakthrough about yourself that probably isn’t even true anyways. Give yourself a real chance because heartbreak is hard enough to get through without you being hard on yourself.

Some things are cliché for a reason; because they’re true. Even though it sounds cliché, your friends’ advice is more than them being polite. A guy who could watch you hurt, and walk away is no guy to continue hurting yourself for. Just like a guy who cant be bothered to call you back isn’t worth your time, it goes without saying that a guy you were bending over backwards for is never going to budge.

Now more than ever, I’m realizing that there are just going to be certain guys who will never remember your birthday, or your only sibling’s name, or that last Friday night was supposed to be “date night,” and not “sit around and watch him and his friends make Chuck Norris jokes” night. And for whatever reason, we convince ourselves, despite the obvious flaws, that there is more to this guy than all of the blatant indicators proving us so very wrong.

The good news is that there is always room for a turning point, but only if you allow yourself to get there. And the only way that’s ever going to happen, is if you reclaim your life, and make yourself the priority of it again. Remind yourself that it doesn’t matter that he said he never wanted to hurt you because the remnants of the relationship show that he did hurt you and, even worse, he didn’t stick around to make it better. So now, it’s on you to make it better on your own.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 50 rules of the Single Girl Society.

Which YA novels would you reread?

Get ready for a celebrity cat fight!

Are creative people more likely to cheat?

Daniel Craig thinks the Kardashians are idiots

Worry free outfits for finals week

Fun alternatives to your average winter coat

Kirsten Dunst fears our fear!!

Enjoy being single this season

Starting the real person job search

So Glamour magazine tells you you’re supposed to wear sexy underwear even if you’re staying in for the night, and your mother says you’re supposed to keep an open mind — even if that means going on a blind date with a family friend who you’re pretty sure used to get high on cleaning products — and people keep telling you you’re the crazy one?

Lesson #48 – You’re not crazy, you’re just single.

As single girls, every now and then someone is bound to call you crazy. Sometimes it’s warranted, like when you’re screaming at your ex outside a bar only to realize it’s just a guy who looks like your ex from far away (and with drunk goggles on), and sometimes it’s not-so-warranted, like when you pass on the party everyone’s been talking about simply because you don’t feel like putting on makeup. I mean, there is, after all, a difference between crazy and lazy. Needless to say, at some point in our single lives, we’re going to feel like we’ve not only lost control, but are spinning further and further away from reality.

There are already enough stigmas that come with being single. Whether it’s the cat-lady cliché, or the neurotic perfectionist with unreasonable expectations, it seems that crazy always finds its way into the connotations of being single. So let me just take the time to say it right now: You are not crazy, you’re just single.

How is it that if a guy loves being single he’s considered mysterious or a free spirit, but if a girl loves the single life, she’s got to be crazy? In there is anything pop culture has taught us, it’s that there is no norm for crazy anymore. From 72-day marriages, to breakup albums that avenge those who broke your heart, who knows what normal is anymore?

While you may not have the luxury of not caring what anyone says about you, you are single after all. Be who you are, even if no one else gets it. As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or anyone else, your happiness should be your primary concern. If dancing around your apartment to Jessie J in your over-sized sweatpants is your idea of a big night, then ignore the girls who are calling you crazy because you don’t want to be felt up by frat guys who mix booze with self-importance instead.

We’re all a little crazy, but don’t allow people to make you feel that way just because you aren’t living a life that’s identical to theirs.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 47 rules of the Single Girl Society

Lesson #44 – Halloween is the ultimate girl’s night.

Halloween weekend is here! Get your corsets and animal ears ready because if Mean Girls has taught us anything, this is the one time of year when skimpy outfits are perfectly acceptable…well, if you don’t count that Spring Break booze cruise you took to Mexico. If you ignore the fact that mass-produced costumes sexualizing occupations traditionally dominated by women is totally demeaning, Halloween is the ultimate girls’ night.

The perfect single girl’s Halloween starts with you and your best friends, getting ready together with the perfect party soundtrack playing the background. Halloween is basically a night of dress-up, so take a little extra time getting glamorous with your girlfriends. Just think, if you were getting ready with your boyfriend, you probably wouldn’t get to interrupt applying the perfect smoky eye for a Britney Spears dance-off on the bed. But with if you’re getting ready with your girlfriends you can swap around makeup, do each other’s hair, ask opinions about things your guy would’ve cared less about, and laugh about the Halloween versions of yourselves.

So you’re single now and feeling a little anxious about having to give up your pre-planned Prince William and Kate Middleton costumes? No worries, this holiday is the perfect time to step out on your own, in a costume that you’ve always wanted to be, and never needed a counterpart for. We’ve heard it all before, but this is the one night a year you get to be anyone you want and if you’re dealing with a breakup, consider this a night to escape your regularly programmed post-breakup life.

If you’re looking to kick this girl’s night to the next level, group costumes are perfect for ramping up the girl power. The Spice Girls and Fanta girls have made the top of my list for favorite girl group costumes.

Another favorite for costume inspiration this year are the bad girls. Villains make the best costumes because they really give you a chance to step out from your normal life. This year, I’ll be dressing up as Cruella de Vil, despite my own affinity for animals. If you’re not ready to be a villain just yet, a lined cat-eye and a glossy red lip, can give you just the right about of bad girl edge. You can’t help but feel sexy and powerful with bad girl costumes including the likes of Bettie Page and Joan Jett.

Halloween is supposed to be fun, so stick with your friends, get dolled up, and goof off whether you’re at a house party or hitting the club scene. Believe me, it’s better than walking into party in a couples costume every other couple is wearing…or waking up to a guy who looked a lot better the night before in a Tigger suit.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 43 rules of the Single Girl Society

Lesson #43 – Don’t Fall For A Weed In A Flower’s Suit

When I was younger, I used to spend afternoons collecting bouquets of what I thought, at the time, were wildflowers. When I skipped into my house, unaware of the mud stains on my clothes, and too consumed with my new bunch of handpicked flowers, my mother would always shake her head and laugh at me. As she put my handpicked bouquet into a paper cup, she’d smile and say, “These are just weeds with cute outfits.” Looking back, I wish I would’ve taken her input more seriously, because as soon as I started dating, I quickly learned her advice applied to more than just gardening.

When it comes to guys, why is that the worst weeds disguise themselves as flowers? As my luck would’ve have it, the most annoying weeds that I can’t seem to get rid of in my dating life were the guys that caught my eye first. This theory even goes beyond looks. (Not to say I haven’t been drawn to an impeccably dressed guy rocking a crisp Brooks Brothers’ shirt and tie, only to realize that his good sense of style was just about the only good thing about him…) It seems like the life of the party guy — who may not even be the most attractive flower in the bunch, but certainly had the most entertaining personality — has also turned out to be one of the biggest weeds in my life.

We say that we can’t fall for someone unless we have that initial attraction, but most times I find that it’s the initial attraction that ends up screwing me over. He looks great on paper, his first date personality is practically perfect, and yet just mere weeks later, he’s got his eyes glued to ESPN at all times, except, of course, for the times when they’re glued to my boobs.

Just like those supposed wildflowers from my childhood, I pick these guys who at the time give me a sense of pride, like, “Wow, I found something special,” and sure enough, you realize he’s not special at all, he’s just another weed in a well-tailored suit.”

What is it about girls? We’re so attracted to anything even slightly shiny, whether it’s the gleam of a guy’s smile or his flashy personality that could easily rank him as a local celebrity. We’re so attracted that we lose perspective in those first euphoric rushes of finding a new crush.

It’s time we look beyond the first thing that drew us in to a guy and think toward the future to see if this guy is more than that. We don’t need to pull out our marriage-material glasses and over-analyze each man, but instead, just keep in mind that a relationship needs to be more than the initial spark that pulled you in in the first place. A guy with substance, who you felt an initial pull towards, but found other things to love about him as well, makes him a flower amongst weeds.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 42 rules of the Single Girl Society

Lesson 41 – Don’t Ask For Advice You Don’t Intend On Taking

There you are, shaking your head again, because somehow (perhaps under the influence of a little Grey Goose and Sarah Dessen) you’ve wandered into dangerous territory yet again. So you fell in love with a fool. Who hasn’t? And it seems that every time you’re left to your own devices, you wake up covered in his sheets and your own shame. And even though you refer to him as a soul-sucking douchebag void of emotion, he’s always been your soul-sucking douchebag void of emotion. But just because he’s a fool doesn’t mean you have to be one too.

The way I see it is that if you’re going to go out of your way to beg your friends for advice on how to fall out of love with a man who clearly has no regard for your feelings, than you need to go out of your way to at least try and take their advice. So many times I’ve given my closest girlfriends pep talks that they’ve requested, to deter them from their loser ex-boyfriends, and so many times it’s like they haven’t listened at all as they race back to him and the bedding his mother probably purchased for him. If you have no intention of taking your friend’s advice, especially after you practically begged for it, then please do them a favor and stop asking for it.

By now we all know your friends are your friends and they just want what’s best for you. When they go out of their way to give you thoughtful advice, that you ignore the minute you smell so much as a hint of your ex’s cologne, the least you could do is make an effort to take it to heart. The blunt and honest truth is that nobody likes the friend that makes a huge deal of asking for advice about her romantic troubles but who, upon receiving said advice, pretends like she never asked for it in the first place.

Often girls justify going back to their exes with the fact that they’ve listened to advice suggesting they don’t, convincing themselves they’ve heard out both sides of the story. The problem lies in asking for advice out of ritual and never actually processing and internalizing it. And sure enough the vicious cycle begins, you run back to him and then to your friends for more advice that you don’t intend on actually taking as you rush back to him the minute you’re alone again.

Maybe some girls have a reservoir of advice to give out to girls like it’s candy on Halloween night, but when I take the time to dole out advice to my girlfriends, I put thought and consideration into it and, above all, energy. Energy that could’ve been spent doing things that are actually useful to my own life, like studying or playing Dance Dance Revolution. As a general rule of thumb, don’t ask for advice because you like the attention, or because you want to feel less guilty about not making any true efforts to move on from your ex. If you’re not going to consider your friends’ advice out of respect for yourself, then at least do it out of respect for your girlfriends.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 40 rules of the Single Girl Society

So school’s back in full-swing and with it comes mixers that have already started to wreak havoc on your liver and your attached friends who can’t help but interject with something like this, “Maybe this will be your year.” Funny how the year of the single person is supposed to be the one when they become un-single.

Lesson #40 – Make this year your year.

If you’re anything like me, your response is less than ladylike. Something along the lines of an eye-roll, a fake smirk and a murmur under your breath just before downing the rest of your jungle juice and figuring out an exit strategy. Okay, so maybe you’re not as bitter as me, but enough is enough, it’s time single ladies everywhere put their stiletto-clad foots down.

There are so many things that can mark the makings of a good year—time spent with friends and family, doing well in school and at work and getting a chance to really figure out who you are. Love can make your year, but it doesn’t have to be for someone else. The best years of my life have been these past two years in college, my single years where I dated off and on, some guys more serious than other but, above all, maintained a sense of my own independence.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, the best part of being single is the flexibility. When you’re the only person in charge of your life, you choose with who and how to spend it. There’s nothing in the world that quite measures up to having a perfect sense of exactly who you are and what you want from life. In my own experience, I’ve found that it’s the periods in my life where I’ve been 100 percent single that help me through the periods in my life where I’m a little less than 100 percent single.

So many girls float from relationship to relationship, often forgetting that there are fundamentals you learn while single that can make a relationship stronger and more fulfilling. For example, the independence you learn to love while single can carry over when you start a relationship and create a healthy balance of time spent with your guy, you friends and above all, yourself.

I cant help but be bothered by girls who think it’s appropriate to make a judgment about my life just because it’s different than theirs. It’s almost as if being “the single friend” is an inconvenience to these girls, like they’re just waiting for you to convince a guy to date you already so you can go on double dates and hear her boyfriend tell the same hunting story over and over again.

Make this year your own, on your own, and if love rolls around, just remember the things you picked up from loving yourself.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 39 rules of the Single Girl Society

Sometimes the hardest parts about being single are not the phone calls from your older sister asking you if you have a date yet for her upcoming wedding or trying to walk past the couples interlocking fingers as they walk hand in hand to class. Instead, the hardest part about being single can be the things we never really consider, like just how depressing it is to reach for a box of Just For One frozen vegetables every week. This week’s column is different than the usual dating tips but just as integral to a single girl’s life.

Lesson #38 – Cooking For One

As far as being a domestic goddess is concerned, I’ll take a TV dinner with a glass of wine if it’ll save me time at the end of a long school day and 112 degree weather. Cooking is more than time consuming, and cooking for one can be a challenge. No matter what, it seems like I never master cooking the right amount, always ending up with too much or not enough. And while I doubt I’ll ever be one of those people who finds cooking at the end of the day soothing and relaxing, I’ve picked up a few tricks that have made it tolerable and quick enough for my constantly thinning patience.

Invest in smaller or individual-sized pots and pans. Around back-to-school, individual cookware is super cheap at places like Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond so there’s still time to grab some. I’m not sure if small pink skillets make cooking easier, but it sure makes cooking more fun. Another great appliance to have around is a mini slow cooker because, like mom, it does all the cooking for you and somehow manages to taste like home.

Finding online recipes can be a little overwhelming, so I always try to narrow my search down, either by website (The Food Network is amazing) or by number of ingredients or low-calorie options. For those of you on Pinterest, you probably already know it’s amazing source for recipes. Go for ones with simple ingredients like, rosemary, lemon, chicken and extra-virgin olive oil. My latest favorite, Rosemary Lemon Chicken, includes those ingredients and once you chop everything up and throw it in a skillet, it practically cooks itself.

In order to make cooking as enjoyable as possible, I suggesting playing your favorite Pandora stations. For me, there’s something so right about Ray Lamontagne and Amos Lee at the end of the day. You know what else goes great with cooking? A glass of wine…or two.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 37 rules of the Single Girl Society

Do you ever put your foot down and say, “I can’t be with someone who…”?  If you’re dealing with a guy who doesn’t care about your O, I’m not alone in saying that’s grounds for giving him the boot.

And on that same note, tmotional cheaters are sometimes worse than ones who physically go out and whore around, so just say no to them, too.  And when he interprets your concern as nosiness, it’s time to sit down and talk before he dumps you.

And in the event that you do find yourself alone, here are eight things that are always better solo.

Earlier this week, I went on a date. Yes, a real live college date. They’re rare, but apparently they didn’t go the way of the Tyrannosaurus Rex and do still exist.

I agreed to grab dinner with a guy who had been in my honors seminar this past semester and I didn’t think anything of it. When he came to get me before dinner, I just figured it was on his way or something. But then he paid for dinner and insisted that we go to a movie… and it was around there that I started to catch on.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against dates. Nothing at all! Hell, in the hook-up culture that is college, I like the idea of them. It’s a lot easier to get to know someone when you’re sober (and not already making out…). But I had forgotten how SO not enjoyable first dates are. Seriously, it was like an interview, but a really, really, REALLY weird interview. With awkward silences. And flirting.

The thing is, I knew this guy. We had always had a great time making fun of our professor during class and even had a considerable amount in common aside from our shared hatred of the reading assignments. He is a genuinely cool, funny, nice guy. But as we sat at a small table for two, something was oh so clearly off. Unlike our endless witty banter that took us through an entire semester, there were long pauses. He seemed nervous. It just wasn’t the same kid I knew from lecture.

And it was weird.

All this time being single, I thought that all I wanted was to go on a date with a genuinely nice guy. I wanted to be wined and dined and wooed. But when I accidentally stumbled onto a date, I was so not into it. I don’t know, maybe it was because I was surprised/confused, maybe it’s just that I don’t think of him that way, maybe it’s because dating is  awkward and I don’t really know how to do it, maybe it’s because I can’t stop thinking about how much fun I would have on dates with my ex…

The list could go on for decades, but I think that what it ultimately comes down to is that maybe I am a lunatic and don’t know what I want.

They say the grass is always greener on the other side. When I wasn’t dating, I wanted nothing more than to roll around in that lush grass with the perfect boy. And now that I have a very strange first date under my belt, I want to hop back over to the other side of the fence where none of the confusion of dating can get to me.

God, can’t a single girl catch a break?