Back then I thought that religion should have nothing to do with love, but I may be starting to see her point of view.

I was raised Catholic. My boyfriend Matt was raised mainly by his Presbyterian mother, but his dad was Catholic and so Matt was baptized as an infant. In all reality, neither of us are very religious now. Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve considered myself Christian, but have never been a big fan of organized religion. My beliefs are my own and I don’t like other people forcing their beliefs on to me.

None of that really means much now, religion doesn’t really come up much in our college relationship, but with Matt and I planning our future together, the topic of kids came up which begged the question: Do we raise them in the church, and if so, which one?

Matt’s been to church with me and my family when we go home to visit my parents, and he’s told me that he likes the tradition of it all (Matt’s never been a fan of change). While I do feel at home at Catholic mass, there are reasons that I refused to get Confirmed back when I was 16. There are just some things about Catholicism that I don’t agree with. We went to his home a few months ago and went to a nondenominational church that his mom had just started going to and, well, it was a little weird. Neither of us were really comfortable there.

We’ve been thinking about trying to find our own church here in Austin that we can call our own, but we have no idea where to start; it’s all a little intimidating and a bit confusing. There are parts of Catholicism I find comforting because it was what I grew up with, and part of me is afraid to go to a church where I have no idea what is going on. Matt doesn’t really like talking about religion with other people, so he’s not a fan of the idea of going to churches where people want to know his every waking thought on God. At this point we don’t know what we’re going to do, but fortunately we have a lot of time before we have to decide about what ideology to raise our children with.

But this whole thing has got me thinking: what about couples who fall in love that are both religious people of two different religions? Matt and I have some things in common when it comes to our faith, but what about two people who have completely opposite sets of beliefs? Religion may not be an issue now, but it’s definitely going to pop up down the road. Is it worth it to get involved with someone with opposing beliefs? Is this something you can get over?

Like I said, I’m starting to see what my friend’s mom was saying when she said it’d be easier to date someone of the same religion. What do you think?

“I’m Catholic”
“I’m atheist”
“I’m Jewish”

Even if someone’s beliefs can’t be put under a specific religious category, everyone has their own opinion on how humans got here and how people should live their lives.  All of these different views come together to make a unique world, but religious differences have the potential to hurt or even end a relationship.

Because religious views generally have a great impact on a person’s lifestyle, differing views can cause conflict in relationships. An atheist may be incredibly uncomfortable if their significant other wanted to attend church every Sunday and prayed every day. Likewise, a person who is used to being involved in religious practices may feel like something is wrong with them if their boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t want to come with them to Bible study or other religious gatherings.

And then there’s the family. And the potential future family.
It can really become a hot mess of opinions, beliefs and arguments.

While this may be overwhelming for some, there are ways to cope with religious differences and make a relationship last. Taking turns attending religious practices can give both members of the relationship a look into a new religious lifestyle. Each person could take time discussing with the other what their religious views mean to them and what they do or do not want to do because of them. Essentially, a couple needs to reach a compromise that makes them both feel comfortable.

But sometimes a compromise may not be reached, and as hard as it is, you might have to let go. A dear friend just ended her relationship with her boyfriend of three years. She identifies with Christianity while he identifies with Atheism. She really wanted him to attend church with her and her family, and he felt that doing so was just buying into what he called “the mentality of organized religion.”  Most of their discussions about their religious differences ended up in arguments, and celebrating any religious holidays together made them both feel weird. Since they could not reach an agreement on these subjects, they chose to separate. After three long years.

Most of us don’t really consider religion when we’re looking for a mate, but we should. It’s hard to think about family and marriage when you’re making out with the boy you like from Anthro, but it’s even harder to realize how different your beliefs are when you’ve invested years into a relationship. And, sure, it’s 100% possible to be with someone who doesn’t believe the same things as you, but you definitely want to find that out before it’s too late.

What can I say? I’m very passionate.

Which made things a bit difficult for me recently when I met a wonderful guy…whom I soon found out was a Republican (ew). I wanted to like him – really I did – but was it really possible to be with someone who votes for the other party? I mean, it may be just a vote, but doesn’t it all tie back to someone’s beliefs, morals and passion?

I tried to stick it out, but I couldn’t get myself past the fact that he declared his love for Fox News within the first 5 minutes of my arrival.

Don’t get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with Fox News. And there is nothing wrong with Republicans. But someone who makes a bold statement about his love for Fox News is not someone I want to be with. It is one thing to date someone who votes for the other team; it is quite another to date someone who votes for the other team and then declares his love for said team from every pedestal/mountain/tall chair he can find.

At that point it becomes less about political party and more about values and common interests. It is not that I hated him for voting for Bush (which, in fact, I did), but rather that my idea of a fun Saturday looked completely different from his. I like to walk in the park, hit up the farmer’s market and peruse the aisles of Trader Joe’s. He wants to listen to Rush Limbaugh on the radio while he drives his gas guzzling Hummer to a Pro-Life rally downtown.

Like everything else in life, when dating someone out of your political party moderation is key. If your prospective mate is a more moderate member of the Republican Party, that’s fine; while you may have differing views on tax breaks for the wealthy, the more important issues – the ones that come from deep inside you and dictate who you are – may still align. But if he’s a Bush loving, gun toting, anti-abortion activist, you may want to pack your things and get out. And, perhaps, consider picking up a more liberal lookin’ guy at the polls tomorrow.

I really don’t have a huge problem with that…cliche as it sounds, there hasn’t been anyone yet that I would even consider worthy of my “sacred gift”, as my Catholic school teacher called it. Nor am I saving myself for marriage. It’s crossed my mind, being raised in a pretty conservative family, but I’m not going to lie and say that if the right person and situation were to arrive….well, you know.

No, I’m fine with being a virgin. It’s other people that seem to have a problem with it. It’s not that my friends ridicule me for it or anything, but there is a certain awkwardness whenever the topic of sexual conquests and such comes up in conversation. I’ve tried to tell them a thousand times that it’s totally fine to talk about sex around me, I do know what it is and the mechanics involved. I guess they feel like they’re making me feel naive or something ridiculous like that.

It’s also pretty annoying the assumptions that people make about me when it comes up in conversation. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve been at a party and somehow the topic of sex comes up (as it often does at college parties), and I am met with horrified stares when I nonchalantly utter the words, “No, I’m a virgin.”

You would think that I’d told them my dog just died. People have actually tried to console me, saying things like, “Oh, it’ll happen for you eventually. Don’t worry about it!” Are you kidding me?

So, I guess I just want to debunk a few myths about virgins:

1. I don’t spend all day pining to FINALLY have sex.

2. I will not sleep with the first person who offers.

3. I am not Amish/Mormon/Southern Baptist/member of an anti-sex cult (although all of those are perfectly valid reasons for someone to remain a virgin…except possibly that last one).

4. I do know what sex is, and how it works.

5. Talking about sex doesn’t make me uncomfortable.

6. Just because I haven’t had sex doesn’t mean I’m not having fun.

So in the future, non-virgins, try to understand where I’m coming from.

I mean, lest ye forget, you were all virgins once too!