I’m sure I don’t have to remind all of you Twi-hards what movie is coming out this weekend. But for all of the rest of us who don’t care about Kristen Stewart or Taylor Lautner’s abs, guess what? Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part One is coming out this weekend! Yes, they have broken the final book into two movies (kind of like a better series of books about wizards did), and now we get the pleasure of seeing a bunch of crazies lined up outside movie theaters all weekend.

The trailer for the movie makes it look like a dramatic, werewolf-filled episode of Vampire Teen Mom. I live-blogged while I watched the trailer to give you all a better idea of what this AMAZING movie is actually about.

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We all remember it: flipping violently through the book, pressing our nose against the hinge during the steamy tent scene while Jacob spooned with Bella and kept her warm. Gripping the pages while Edward and Bella lay in the giant bed he bought her, trying not to do the dirty out of fear that Edward would sink his fang teeth into the nape of her neck. . .

I’m going to need a moment….

OK. Ready.

Let’s face it: vampires versus werewolves might be the best thing that happened to pop culture since Bret Michaels’ Tour Bus and Facebook poking. And tonight this showdown comes to the forefront once again.

Today, for the third time, Twilight fans are camping outside of movie premiers, gripping their pre-purchased tickets, and kissing their Jacob Black posters before they prance to the premiere of Eclipse.  Eclipse is the third (and best, in my opinion) installment of the Twilight saga. Why is Eclipse the best portion of the saga? Two words: vampires vs. werewolves. Want more? Edward Cullen vs. Jacob Black.

It’s the epic battle between vampires and werewolves that has us wondering once again: who reigns supreme? Is it Jacob or Edward? We’re going to break it all down for you here, then you tell us who comes out on top. Read More »

Such a lady.

Dear Kristen Stewart,

You’re kinda new to this whole superstar thing.  I get that.  Sure you did movies before, but ever since Twilight’s wild success, your career has completely taken off.  I’ve read a lot of interviews wherein you say odd things (“I don’t want to make movies for kids, and I don’t want to make movies for adults either.”) and you’re more than awkward when people ask you questions.

Still, I want to like you and for a brief minute, while blinded by the bearded hotness that is Emile Hirsch, I decided I didn’t mind you in Into the Wild.  Funny thing happened, though.  He walked off screen and then it was just you in a dirty tank top and I in my living room and suddenly I hated you again.  Maybe we just got off on the wrong foot.  Perhaps you just need a little guidance from someone with a different perspective.  Well, I’d love to help you.

First, you need to stop telling people you’re pregnant and/or a lesbian.  So you don’t want to admit to maybe dating your costar.  Fine.  But do so tastefully and with offending the smallest number of people possible.

Smile.  If I have to look at your face on nearly every single website I visit and in all the magazines I pick up, then please, for the love of sparkling vampires, pretend that you don’t hate your life.  You are the only girl I know who could stand on the red carpet wearing a Dior dress, surrounded by gorgeous men, and scowl.  Snap out of it.

E-nun-ci-ate.  You’re a mumbler.  A head down, eyes averted, hand wringing, digging the toe of your shoe into the freaking dirt, grade-A mumbler.  Seriously, your movies and television appearances require subtitles.  Who are your PR people?  Do you have a handler?  How about a best friend?  Find someone to pinch you every time you don’t speak clearly.  Maybe a shock collar will do the trick.  I don’t know, but find something fast. Read More »

WTF? So you can sleep with Edward??

When I was waiting outside of the Scholastic store in Soho to buy the 7^th Harry Potter book, I saw a reporter from the New York Post who was walking up and down the massive line and interviewing people for a story about the book’s release. I overheard him speaking with one guy who had a lightning bolt scar on his head.

I know what you’re thinking—“All right, it’s kind of odd that an adult man would dress up for the release of a kid’s book, but it’s not totally unheard of. That dude probably wasn’t any weirder than any of the other people in the line.”

Wrong. This nutbar didn’t just draw a lightning bolt on his forehead—as he told the reporter, he had literally carved the scar into his skin with a razor blade.

And to make matters worse, I was ahead of him in line. Yes, I had arrived at the bookstore before the psycho.

So needless to say, I know a thing or two about what happens when fandom gets extreme. Even so, Twihards—people who are obsessed with the Twilight books and movies—take things a step beyond anything I’ve ever seen before. As of Wednesday, at least 2,100 screenings of New Moon, the second movie in the series, were sold out—and those are only the showings measured by MovieTickets.com. There’s also a ton of Twilight merchandise available all over the web, stuff that ranges from normal (t-shirts, posters) to full-on batsh*t crazy (A shower curtain screen-printed with a giant picture of Robert Pattinson’s face. A life size vinyl wall decal of Edward Cullen’s silhouette, accented by the words “Be Safe.” A pair of underwear that’s illustrated with the sexy vamp’s face—inside the crotch). Read More »

Twihard (n.)- A serious or an obsessive reader of the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer, one leap above Twilighters.

When I read the first, crisp page of Twilight, I became a Twihard. Now, don’t get the wrong idea. I don’t think I’m a vampire, nor do I think I’m a clumsy, modern damsel in distress who will be rescued by a strong, fanged man. Okay, the clumsy part is true, but I digress.

I read all four Twilight books within two weeks, an amazing feat considering it was during my first week of classes freshman year. When the first movie came out, my roommates and I pre-ordered our tickets and counted down the days until its release. We made t-shirts (sad but true) and drove an hour to the theater, making sure to leave early enough to get there at least two hours before the previews started to get optimal seating. The second the movie started, the theater packed with girls went silent. Until Edward appeared on screen and screams and “Woooohs!” ensued (with yours truly screaming the loudest). It was awesome.

I now own the special edition DVD and watch it all the time, but as much as I can quote the movie and tell you every last thing about it, I am WAY more excited for New Moon. The director is better, the effects are better, Robert Pattinson is still in it… Not to mention, Taylor Lautner is a god. (I will cut Taylor Swift if they officially come out with their secret romance.) I bought my tickets for New Moon - one for me and my boyfriend who so graciously is accepting my command that he go -  in September. Yes, September. Read More »

Let the nerdy boys of the world rejoice!

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Watch: The Contraception Opera