I hope you are staying in tonight, because the opening ceremonies are gonna be off the chain!

Tara Reid will not be Dancing with the Stars. Drinking with the stars, however? She’s got that one in the bag.

These women can totally kick your ass.

Woman arrested for posting “sexual” stories online. We are so. screwed.

This might be the weirdest phobia ever. And the best video.

These kids somehow make me feel inadequate.

Forget Labor Day; September 2nd should be a national holiday!

Bad News: Ben and Jerry will not be making a Crack Cocaine/Horse Tranquilizer ice cream anytime soon.

Speaking of drugs…let’s hope Amy Winehouse is washing her hands…

Weird foods from the Olympic games.

Practice (extra) safe sex. You know, just to be abso-freaking-lutely sure.

This story is old, but the photo is priceless.

Man posts ad on Craigslist looking for a MILF…and gets one. Kinda.

You know those people that always seem to be in love? Annoying, right? But even more annoying, and frustrating, are those people that not only love freely but have their sentiments reciprocated. They bounce from one long-term, healthy relationship to another seamlessly, never regretting the past or even pausing for a good cry and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

And they make the rest of us look like emotionally immature, sexually frustrated, constantly single idiots.

But hey, you know what? Single’s not the worst thing. Because beneath the sun-touched, crystal-blue emotional coastline of those happy loving couples, there are gloomy storms. There are flashes of suspicious lightning and sudden tidal waves that crush the fishing canoes of stability on the rocks of impatience. There are the riptides of boredom that drown the surfers of passion. There is a dead seagull in the reeds, and it is gross and smelly.

Sexy and Stressed-out

One rather obvious downside of monogamy is that it isn’t polygamy. You can’t just go jumping every pile of bones in sight. And that might not a downside to some, since a sudden increase in sexual partners can turn your genitals into a giant bullseye for emotional instability, STDs and scary unwanted babies. But even if you aren’t planning on turning your dorm room into an all-hours Orgy 101 lab section, a monogamous relationship can turn even the most innocent girl-boy relationships into a nervous stressfest.

Maybe you’re visiting the guy you’ve been chums with since second grade, when you broke your hand launching your Big Wheel off of ramps you begged your dad to build. Maybe you’re going to catch a movie with an old friend who didn’t just bring his girlfriend — he brought the engagement ring to show off, too. Maybe he brought his boyfriend. The most physically intimate act you might commit is a badass fist-pound when you cut some guy off at a light. And yet, when you turn your cell phone back on, you’ve got four missed calls, a jittery text saying “were r youu!!!” and a voicemail that’s nothing but incoherent, angry sobs. And you’d say it’s paranoid and crazy, but at the same time, you know you’d be doing the same thing if he were having “a movie night with Katie” or whatever. People in relationships get protective, and it’s easy for that to damage long-standing — often longer-standing than the relationship — heterosexual friendships. Read More »

Summer is not coming to a close! Do not listen to your television blaring “back to school” commercials at you! Keep on loving the sun and living the summertime life. Here are my five favorite things about summer – the good, the bad and the sweaty.

1. Venti Starbucks Iced Passion Tea Lemonade (with two pumps of melon):

If you haven’t tried this drink, walk… no, RUN, to your nearest Starbucks. Don’t worry; if you live in America it will probably be no further than a block away. This drink is the greatest non alcoholic summer beverage I’ve consumed. I’ve even attempted to make it the greatest alcoholic beverage I’ve consumed. Do not mix with vodka! Not good. Anyway, it’s sweet, tangy, caffeine free and most importantly, it’s pink.

The bad?: Friends mock you for embarrassingly long and girly drink order and local Starbucks staff start knowing you as “Two Pump Melon Girl.”

2. Rainbow flip flops

Obvious summertime staple! These go with everything and flip flops are the only shoe of choice for the summer. I have a beach pair, which are completely destroyed and a nice pair, which are on their way to being completely destroyed. Can wear these to class, bars and the gym. But only to the gym if you plan on just walking around observing, in lieu of legit exercise. My kind of gym shoes! Read More »

The next time you want to drown your boy problems in a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s, you might want to read the nutritional info.

Newsweek recently uncovered the six most fattening ice cream flavors (Personal note: there wasn’t any real news to cover, Newsweek? Like the upcoming elections, the crumbling economy, or the War on Iraq?). Here are the results of the study, with my personal opinions on whether 6 hours at the gym is worth a scoop or two.

1.Haagen Dazs Chocolate Peanut Butter: 360 calories, 24 grams of fat

This should really come as no surprise. Chocolate+Peanut Butter= guaranteed muffin top. But it’s sooo good! Still, 360 calories will take about half an hour of vigorous cardio on a CrossTrainer, and can you really trust yourself to stop at the teensy half-cup serving?

Fight this craving with: two frozen peanut butter cups.

2.Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby: 330 calories, 20 grams of fat

Umm, did anyone EXPECT fudge-covered, peanut-butter-filled pretzels, swirled in vanilla malt ice cream and rippled with even more fudge and peanut butter to be healthy??? Sure, Ben and Jerry might be a perfect rebound after you spied your ex at the bar with the dorm sleaze, but you won’t be able to fit into your skinny jeans after more than a bite or two.

Fight this craving with: a 100 calorie pack of Mr. Salty chocolate-covered pretzels. Read More »

We all have our weird habits. And we have all learned throughout our lives that it is best to keep those things hidden. I mean, no one needs to know that I end an evening at the bar with a 100 Calorie pack and a jar of peanut butter.

We were discussing these things the other day – our guilty pleasures – and wondered if we were the only ones who had em. I can’t possibly be the only person out there who dances around to Britney Spears in my underwear, right? Right?

In an effort to make ourselves feel better (or less weird), we asked our writers this week to share their guilty pleasures. The good news is: ours aren’t nearly as embarassing as we thought.

Kathryn S: The most dirty, vulgar songs ever recorded. I love listening to my “Perv Mix” on my ipod at that the gym: the little old ladies on the treadmill next to me have no idea that I’m listening to Blink 182′s “F*** a Dog” or Liz Phair’s “Hot White C*m.”

K – NYU: Singing in my car. Back in the glory days when I had a car and lived in a real place instead of Manhattan. “Invisible Touch” by Phil Collins is wayyyy up there, as well as “Escape” by Enrique Iglesias. Read More »

I’m a huge fro-yo fan, and my dream job may be taste-testing at the Ben & Jerry’s factory in Vermont, but sometimes it’s good to keep your calories in check when you’re craving something chilly for the summer. You know…with bathing suits and super tight dresses, and all.

And so, I bring you a ridiculously easy Yogurt Mousse to curb that sweet tooth without giving up on the flava.

What you will need:

½ cup plain nonfat yogurt

½ cup light Cool Whip

1 capful flavored extract of your choice (Vanilla or almond are great, lemon and orange aren’t bad if you’re craving fruit)

Sprinkle of Sweet and Low to taste

How to do it:

Mix all ingredients in a bowl and add Sweet and Low as desired (if desired at all). Yeah, it’s that easy. Read More »

Alright, I have a confession. My name is Jen, and I’m a Mountain Dew addict. It’s my drug. It’s my euphoria. It’s my baby blanket of comfort and warmth and all-is-well-in-the-world. And right now, I’m sitting with a two-liter bottle cradled in my lap like a lime-green toddler.

I know what you must be thinking. EVERYONE has their weaknesses. But mine’s a little out of control. Sure, some people cross the street for Starbucks instead of Dunkin’ Donuts. Sure, some people can’t make it through a bad day without a pint of the gooiest, most-fattening Ben and Jerry’s flavor (uh, did you know our favorite boys now make Cake Batter? Yeah, I know. Look out waist-line, plus-size ahoy).

But do they base their entire college existences around their indulgences? I think not. Read More »

Prepare to have your heart broken: “As she put him into his cage for the night last Thursday, Dr. Pepperberg said, Alex looked at her and said: “You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you.” He was found dead in his cage the next morning…” (New York Times)

Does every art teacher have to be a hippie? I mean, c’mon! That’s like saying all female gym teachers are lesbians… (Chicago Tribune)

What if universities called your house every time you missed class? What if they called your entire school? For some reason I don’t think my mom would have done what these moms did. (tampabays10.com)

$160 = a 5-year supply of Ben and Jerry’s. You just have to find a criminal. Wasn’t this a Nancy Drew book? (local6.com)

Just in case you’re like, the one person who doesn’t check PerezHilton everyday and haven’t seen his own ads on his own site, his show is on tonight. So, you might as well watch so you know what the hell he’s going to be talking about all day tomorrow. (VH1.com)

Health food is health food.

Health food is good for you. Health food will keep you slim. Right?

Well, not if you eat twice as much.

The Journal of Consumer Research recently released a study about the “obesity paradox”; a trend that shows the rise of both obesity and health food popularity in America.

Basically, the trend goes like this: when people see something that says ‘low fat’, they eat twice as much of it—or—they allow themselves higher calorie deserts or snacks after eating a ‘healthy’ meal.

This development makes perfect sense to me. Whenever I force myself to eat a salad for dinner (I mean, how are lettuce and tomatoes supposed to fill you up?), I’ll go straight for the ice cream afterwards. I’ll tell myself, “I ate real healthy for dinner! I can eat more of this than usual! And I won’t gain weight!”

Which is, of course, total bullsh*t.

Especially when most ‘low fat’, ‘low calorie’, and ‘low carb’ products aren’t always as ‘low’ as they claim to be, and often times have unhealthy hidden components.

Now, I’m no doctor, but I’ve read enough of these America is so freaking chubtastic! studies to hypothesize that our major issue as a nation is our tendency to over-eat. Gorging ourselves on bran muffins is still gorging ourselves. Read More »

Is anyone else seeing yellow? I’m pretty sure The Simpsons are taking over America. And I’m okay with it.

7-11’s are now Kwik-e-Marts, Jet Blue is their official airline, even Ben & Jerry’s is making an exclusive Simpson’s ice cream flavor for the premiere. Which, by the way, is being held in Springfield, NJ the town America chose as their own Springfield.

You too can be Simpsonized, eat Krusty-O’s cereal or a pink sprinklelicious donut, drink a Squishee or down a Buzz Cola all while reading your Radioactive Man Comic Book.

Or, if you’re a fan of fashion and find yourself glazing the pages of the August Harper’s Bazaar, you’ll see it features Marge alongside Simponized Linda Evangelista modeling the latest fashions (honestly, some dresses are from the Fall 07 collections). The designs of Chanel, Viktor & Rolf, Lanvin, Louis Vuitton, Versace, Gaultier are all featured as the family tours Paris.

WOO HOO! Could life get any better??

It could…and it does. Read More »