Dear Dude,

I have an awkward situation. I’m in a relationship with a guy I really like. However, he has never been comfortable about the amount of time I spend with one of my guy friends (let’s call him Brian). Brian and I were friends with benefits for awhile in college and are still good friends, although we never hook up anymore. My boyfriend knows I love him and wouldn’t cheat on him, so he accepts that Brian and I are friends, even though he doesn’t like it much.

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Ah, the new relationship. A time to learn everything about one another, to cuddle (a lot), to hold hands whenever you can, to have lots and lots of sex…

And, apparently, to ditch your friends.

You know, those people who have been there for you for years through every messy sitch you get yourself into. The people who you used to spend every day with and told everything to. The people you once lived with, but now only visit when you need to grab something out of your closet.

Yeah. Those people.

Did I miss something here? Was there some sort of memo that says it’s okay to ignore your friends when you’re in a relationship so you can only focus on your new guy? Is it possible it went to my SPAM folder? Because I didn’t get that and now I’m wondering why my BFF just traded me in for a BF.

Let me just say one thing: I have nothing against relationships, especially the honeymoon stage – everyone knows that’s the best part. And I can completely understand pushing your friends aside a little bit to be with your boy a little more in the beginning. It’s normal, and happens with almost anyone. But what is not normal is girl who completely ditches her best friends the entire time she is in a relationship and then comes crawling back, usually with no apology, the second it’s over. Read More »

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman, so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like call girls vs mistresses!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

Ah, the holidays – the food, the lights, the presents, and let’s not forget your family’s warm embrace… of your boyfriend. Yeah, OK, you love the family, and the significant other is a, well, significant part of your life, so it makes sense that at this loving, sharing time of the year to try and bring the two together – or does it?

There are some definite perks to bringing the boy home for the holidays. For one, you get to spend time with your fam without having to give up time with your guy. And why should you have to leave him? After all, he’s a part of your life, which means he’s part of theirs too, and everybody should be grown up enough to get along for a few days. Plus, it’s a perfect time to prove to the family what a great guy he is (if they’re not convinced yet) since spending that much time with him will help them all get to know each other a lot better than over the typical 1-2 hour meet-the-parentals dinner. There’s also the little bonus of having lots of other people around and things going on, so it’s not as much pressure on the guy as a typical trip home might be since everyone’s distracted.

Holiday fun with all the people yo care about, what’s not to love? Read More »

I want that. Sigh.

With the exception of a short love affair that ended via email (which the boy addressed to Natalie), I’ve been single for a long three years. And I’ve been totally OK with that for the most part. I’ve really gotten to figure myself out; my good qualities (I’m incredibly generous to those I love) and my not-so-good qualities (I’m what some people might refer to as a judgmental bitch).

While finding a boyfriend has always been on my “things that would be nice” list (along with winning the lottery and looking like Rachel Bilson), it was never something that I was actively seeking. I don’t mind spending time by myself. I don’t mind making independent decisions. I don’t mind doing everything I want, including watching The Hills in my underwear while eating a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch.

But last night, as I was doing just that, something happened. When Justin Bobby handed Kristin his rocker leather coat and snuggled up to her as they watched the sunset I actually started crying. Yes, crying. Over an annoying fake couple on a bullsh*t show.

“I want that,” I thought to myself, as I used my sleeve to wipe snot from my upper lip.

My reaction surprised me. I had no idea how badly I wanted a boyfriend, but the tears-turned-deep-sobbing were telling another story. And then I realized that there were many other aspects of my life that were equally as telling.

Yeah, after taking a deeper look, I’ve realized that I am most definitely ready for a boyfriend. And by “ready,” I mean, “I’m sick of watching Sunday night TV alone and I need someone to play with my hair while I lay on their lap…now.”

Not sure if you’re ready? Here are a few tell-tale signs your jonesing for a BF: Read More »

Q: I started dating a guy I was friends with for 1.5 years.  He asked me out forever, but I wasn’t ready after a bad breakup with an ex-bf. We went out on a handful of dates and then he got distant, so I pulled the plug and we stayed friends. I stopped contacting him.

One day in September I texted him. He claims he didn’t know it was me, so I started flirting with him and it drove him nuts trying to figure out who it was until he finally guessed it was me.  We got together again in November.  He asks me indirectly what else am I doing that week, he wants to see me again.  We got together again and he’s kissing me again in public.  I feel a little shy about it.  Then we make out at his house, but we don’t have sex.

We saw each other again in a few days.  I had to travel locally for work. I come back and we go out and again he kisses me rather hard in public – but we don’t go to his house.  But something changed and lately it’s been lunch type dates.  He also claims he’s had a cold on and off for 3 weeks.  It doesn’t stop him from hanging out with other friends and he doesn’t go to a doctor for it.  He said him saying he’s sick isn’t a hidden message, and that he wants to fondle me, but having a cold puts a damper on things.

I think I’m being blown off and he doesn’t want to hurt me.  I know that I don’t get to know the reasons why.  Though I have a pessimistic attitude b/c of some past experiences,  I’m diligent not to make that someone else’s burden to carry, however.  The problem: I think I started to fall in love here.  I want to believe he is telling me the truth, but my intuition says he’s being passive-aggressive.  I just wonder if this is my pessimism at work or should I spare myself some heartache and accept that he’s keeping me at a distance and move on to someone that wants to make more of an effort to see me?

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If you’re in a first serious relationship like I am, there are a lot of questions and doubts swirling around. Part of you wants to hold back emotionally because, after all, this is the first time, and it’s rare to strike gold the first time you go digging. But you are so happy and in love and you just know this is a biggie.

But what does that mean? And how do we navigate the rocky waters of a serious relationship? The only guides we have are cheesy sitcoms. Do we actually need to exchange letter sweaters? Make a fuss on the six-month anniversary? Spend every waking moment together, or have our own time? Talk about every little detail of our childhoods? Can we disagree on something big and still be happy together?

It can be a difficult job to sift through what expectations to set in a healthy, supportive relationship. The important thing, however, is to do just that and have a clear idea of what your expectations are. If you’re expecting flowers every week but the significant other doesn’t believe in giving gifts, someone’s going to get their feelings hurt. Or if going out with friends of the opposite sex is upsetting for one person but not the other, some ground rules should be set. Living the monogamous life has plenty of pitfalls, but the smart, communicative couple can avoid most of them. Read More »