Going to college with my BFF wasn’t always so kosher. Here are a few things that really helped us out.

1. DO make your own decision. We didn’t decide to go to school together. In fact, we refused to tell each other what our final results were from each college, just in case one of us would be swayed by the other’s decision. We wanted to make our own, independent decision.

2. DON’T rely only on each other. We didn’t speak for the first month of school. Okay, after that last one, I’m sure you’re beginning to wonder if we really were friends at all. Yes. I swear. We decided it was more important to make friends on our own during that first, crucial month. I fell in love with my floor, and she, hers. After that month passed, it was like we had two sets of friends. Her new friends became mine, and vice versa. It became a God-send to be able to escape to a different dorm or get coffee with a different crew. But it never would have happened, had we only held on to each other.

3. DON’T be afraid to not speak to each other for a while. It’s okay! College is a time to learn about yourself, and sometimes, that may mean ignoring your past for a little while. This doesn’t mean you’re not friends anymore, it means that you’re just figuring your life out. No harm in that!

4. DO realize how lucky you are. Most people don’t get to go to college with anyone they know, let alone their best friend. You’re guaranteed a shoulder to cry on, someone to call when your roommate goes off the deep-end or maybe just when you need a ride all the way home. Don’t take the little things for granted.

College is going to be the best four years of your life, and you’re lucky enough to spend it with your BFF!

Did you go to college with your BFF? Do you have tips?

And its only right that we return the favor, treat them equally awesome in all areas of friendship. But even with the best of intentions, it’s easy to get sidetracked. Life is busy and staying touch is hard. And scheduling time in for her panic attacks as well as your own can get kind of tricky.

Maybe CollegeCandy can make that a little easier?
Here are five easy ways to be a good friend.

1. Make time to chat. Like I said, life is busy. And whether you and your bestie live down the hall or across the country staying in touch is never easy. But if you don’t know what’s going on in her life how will you know when to start in on rules 2-5. Skype or Facebook message. Text or e-mail. Take a coffee break or do dinner. But make time to chat. She’ll appreciate that you care enough to care about her life.

2. Listen before you speak. It’s important to give advice (see rule number 3) but before you do that you need to know what’s going on. Okay fine, so maybe you know that the guy she’s crying over is so not worth her tears. But she obviously doesn’t think so. Find out why. Don’t speak over her and don’t give your opinion before she’s given hers. Know the situation, understand where she’s coming from, and then…

3. Tell the truth. Now that you know what’s going on, it’s time to talk. Whether she wants to know what you think of the new boy toy or which top to wear to dinner, be honest. It’s a cliché for a reason. She’ll appreciate your candidness, and she’ll know she can trust you. It’s simple, and to the point. It’s something everyone can do, and something everyone should do.

4. Make her laugh. We all have those days. You know, those days that make you want to curl up in a ball under the covers and never come out. And on those days when we feel like nothing is ever going to get better again, and the easiest thing a friend can do is make you realize that isn’t true. So tell a stupid joke. Or share your own embarrassing story. Or share one of ours! Make light of the uncomfortable situation. Just make her laugh. It’s a simple and easy way to make her realize things are going to be okay.

5. Know when to break out the chocolate. Or the chocolate martinis. But that’s just semantics. The point is that sometimes a girl needs to wallow. And you need to let her know its okay to do that. Whether she broke up with her boyfriend, failed a test, or is having family problems, breakout the Ben and Jerry’s and head on over. Watch old movies or listen to cheesy music or Facebook stalk all night long. It won’t solve her problems, but it will make her forget about them for a while.

This isn’t the stuff of brain surgeons. It doesn’t require crazy amounts of money, or endless planning. It  just requires cutting a little time out of your week to be there when she needs you to be. Because really, that’s all a good friend is, don’t you think?

This week, as I caught up on my favorite fall shows (and watched some Sex and the City reruns) I couldn’t help but notice a running trend: female friendships. Sure some shows were about shopping (or singing while shopping) and some were about saving lives, but at the heart of it all, were some pretty cool chicks.

The kind of best friends every girl wishes she had.
The kind of best friends that will risk their lives to help you, the kind that will stand by you through anything, the kind of best friends that will…let you raid their closet. (Hey! It’s the little things that matter.)

These girls aren’t real, but we all wish they were. So, in my first ever Weekly Ten (yeah, I’m new so get used to me!) I’ve decided to pay tribute to what I consider to be some of the best fictional BFFs out there, past and present.

10. Santana Lopez, Glee
She stood by her BFF as Brittany came to terms with the idea that Brittany S. Piers could be just as fierce as Brittney Spears. And she shared a dream sequence with her. And it was hot.

9. Phoebe Buffay, Friends
Come on, you know you want her to write an out of tune, off-key song about you.

8. Elle Woods, Legally Blonde
Even though she was in law school she still managed to take time out of her day to teach her friend the bend and snap. Now that’s true friendship.

7. Caroline Forbes, The Vampire Diaries
Did you see last week’s episode? The newly turned vampire kicked some werewolf butt while saving her best friend’s vampire boyfriend. Who does that!? A BFFAEAEAE, that’s who.

6. Veronica Mars, Veronica Mars
When her best friend was brutally murder she didn’t just get mad, she got even.  Nothing stopped her from knowing the truth, not even being trapped in a freezer and left to burn.

5. Hermione Granger, Harry Potter
The girl leaves behind her family and her friends to help Harry fight the Dark Lord. (Shut up. No, I won’t say his name. And yes, I know my inner geek is showing.)

4. Cristina Yang, Grey’s Anatomy
She operated on her best friend’s husband while there was  a gun to her head. Best. BFF. Ever.

3. Lorelei Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
Not only was she Rory’s best friend, but she was also the coolest mom a girl could ever have. She did everything for her daughter, from helping her study Shakespeare to helping her find her favorite hangover food. That’s love.

2. Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl
Okay, so maybe you don’t want to be one of her minions. Or on the receiving end of her “Blair Waldorfing.” But she and Serena? They’re the real deal. Next time Blair heads off to Paris for the summer, can she take me with her instead?

1. Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
Big said it best when he told her friends, “You girls are the loves of her life. A guy’s just lucky to come in third.”

Who are your favorite TV/movie BFFs?
And is it just me, or do you want to find your own BFFs and give them a big ol’ hug?

Got a special place in your heart for top 10 lists? We do and we’ve got some doozies.  Get ‘em all out right here.

And you thought Justin Bieber fans were scary….

Old men are sexier than ever.

And this is why we love dating in the Fall.

BFF is officially a word. Just look it up!

This fall, it’s all about the shearling.

How to keep from moving too fast in a relationship.

However, amidst all that excitement, there’s one gray cloud looming: you’ll be leaving your best friends from home behind.

No matter how much fun we have with our school best friends, it always sucks to leave behind your home BFFs – the girls and guys you grew up with, who know all about the times you made a fool of yourself in 9^th grade homeroom, and whom you can still go out with and have a good time. It especially sucks after a summer spent with them, when you’ve gotten used to seeing them on a daily basis, and you know that when school starts things will be different. Because let’s be honest: despite all of our best intentions to stay in touch with our BFFs during the academic year, it’s usually pretty tough. Between the parties and the actual work, it’s easy to start speaking only once a week or learning about one another’s lives through Newsfeed.

For those of you who are bummed about leaving behind your best girlfriends, don’t worry – you still have a few more weeks of summertime fun left, which means plenty of time to stock up on some serious BFF bonding sessions. So here is a list of things you should make time to do with your girls before you’re all back in school, back in the grind, and back to intermittent IMs.

1. Make dinner together.
Whether you’re a cook or not, I guarantee you and your girlfriends will have a good time making dinner together. Choose a yummy meal that is also pretty easy to make (no reason to get in over your head), and let the fun begin. Me and my friends do it every few months that we can all get together, and we absolutely love how cute and kitchsy we feel making our own dinner. Go food shopping together, get a bottle of wine, and give each other cooking jobs. Just please, trust me on this one, try to have at least one person who knows what they’re doing.

2. Have a sleepover.
Remember when you were 13 and you begged your parents every weekend to let your best friends sleep over? Well, now that we’re in college, we have sleepovers on the reg – but they’re  usually of the drunken variety, when one of us is too hammered to get ourselves home in one piece. These are always fun, no doubt about that, but try doing it with your friends when you’re all sober. Watch funny movies, eat popcorn and ice cream, play your favorite childhood board games, talk about that cute guy you hooked up with last week, and get through the night without someone throwing up in the bathroom. You’ll feel like you’re in middle school all over again. Only with bigger boobs and better stories.

3. Go out – ALL of you.
Pick a date, make sure all of your girls have off of work, and go somewhere fun (instead of just the local bar you’ve been frequenting all summer). Get dressed up in cute dresses, heels, do your hair… and get wasted. Everyone, no excuses allowed. Have that one last night of drunken debauchery to have something fun to talk about with your roommates on the first day back.

4. Road Trip to the Outlets.
Since you obv have to show up at school wearing something cute and new, a shopping trip before the semester starts is a must. And a shopping trip that involves tons of cheap threads and a mini-roadtrip is a BFF bonding mega-must. You’ve got girl time, fashion shows, Auntie Anne’s pretzels and a ton of new duds to show off during Welcome Week.

5. Make legit plans to visit each other.
At the end of the summer when you’re with all of your friends, you’re all inevitably going to talk about how much you’re all going to visit each other. And 85% of the time, it doesn’t happe. Take out your calendars and set a date for a reunion. It can be at one of your schools, back at home, or at some fun and fabulous destination (Vegas, anyone?!), just as long as it happens.

It’s not like you meant to be dishonest, but the words tumbled out of your mouth before you even had the chance to think about them. You’re not lying; you’re sparing her feelings. Does she really need to know that you think she completely overreacted or that no, you don’t think the reason he didn’t call was because he got run over by a truck? You’re just trying to be a good friend. But are you really? Not according to Lori Gottlieb, who believes that being one another’s “yes women” is turning our BFFs into our worst enemies.

I pride myself on always telling the truth, in friendships, in relationships, and at work. Always. Honesty is not only important; it’s necessary. It builds trust, gains respect, and keeps things simple. There is not a single situation that could possibly be made less complicated by lying. At least, that’s what I strive for, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I too have caved to the pressure of being a “yes women” on more than one occasion.

According to Gottlieb a “yes women” is a friend who tells you exactly what you want to hear. She reiterates your opinion right back to you, squashing your fears and reaffirming your beliefs. She makes you feel better about yourself, while also making herself feel better. If you’re right, then so is she. There’s safety in numbers. Misery loves company. We’re just helping each out, right?

Wrong. We think that by lying to our friends we’re helping them, when we’re actually doing just the opposite. Honesty is the best policy. It’s a tried and true cliché for a reason. Wouldn’t you want to know the truth? Isn’t it better that you have a BFF who cares enough to withstand your rage when she disagrees about your new boyfriend? Sometimes, the truth hurts. But that doesn’t make it any less valuable.

Granted, nothing is ever that simple. If the truth will do more harm than good should you still be honest? Your friend just finishes telling you about her horrible day. She woke up late, failed her Poli Sci pop quiz, and then had an argument with her boyfriend. The fight is over and done with and even though you disagree with the way she handled it, nothing can be done about that now. Ben and Jerry’s container in hand, she turns to you. “You think I did the right thing, right?” I applaud the women that won’t cave under that kind of pressure.

And even if you are one of the brave and blunt, that doesn’t always work in your favor. When someone asks for honesty, they don’t actually want honesty. At least, most women don’t. They want to hear you agree with them. They want to hear their own carefully crafted opinion repeated back to them. No one wants to hear “that dress makes you look fat”, or “yes I do think your boyfriend is cheating on you.” No one wants to hear the bad stuff. So on the off chance that your friend fesses up and tells you that the bright orange romper is best left on the sales rack, you probably won’t be particularly happy with her, either.

But maybe you should be?

When it comes down to it, it’s all about personal relationships. What do you want in a best friend? What type of person are you and who do you surround yourself with? Someone who will pat you on the back and tell you it will all work out, or someone who will tell you to stop whining and start dealing? Can you lie to your BFF to spare her feelings or are you always straightforward, despite the consequences?

It’s this ability to see a situation from someone else’s perspective that Gottlieb’s article lacks. She makes interesting points, and offers what could be life changing advice. (Her article has been described as the He’s Just Not That Into You of female friendships.)  But she makes the mistake of assuming that everyone holds the same values that she does. With Gottlieb, everything is black and white, right and wrong. Everyone is exactly the same, and there is only one way to react to a situation. She generalizes, speaks for all women, instead of just herself, and doesn’t stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, there are exceptions to her rules.

What do you think, CollegeCandy readers? Do you want the truth and nothing but the truth? Or would you prefer the white lie and the spared feelings? What would a true best friend do? When is it okay to lie and when are you doing your friend an injustice?

There are some unwritten rules of friendship we all know: Thou shalt hold her hair back when she is praying to the porcelain god after a long Friday night. Thou shalt never date her ex-boyfriend, brother or best male friend. Thou shalt never have to watch Say Yes to the Dress alone. Thou shalt risk your life to satisfy the drunken cravings of your BFF.

But that’s where the clear-cut rules end and where the giant friendship gray area begins.

How can you tell if you are in a toxic friendship? Do you know how to tell if your friends are talking about you behind your back? And that friend who always compliments a terrible outfit choice or lets you date jerk after jerk – does she understand that, despite your feelings, honesty is the best policy? That there are certain moments between friends that always require the truth?

And how do you know if you’re the toxic one in the relationship?  Think back to the last fight you had with your boyfriend, your mom, your boss, whoever – did every little detail end up on your newsfeed? Did you give them the ol’ “talk to the hand cuz the face ain’t listening”? Yeah, probably not the best course of action, right?

Friendship is sacred so don’t take advantage of the good friends you’ve got, and definitely don’t give your loyalty out to the girls who don’t deserve it. Pause, evaluate and move forward with your worthy BFFs.

Best friends. Waiting home for you with open arms when you take that first walk-of-shame (or hip to hip, if you’re in the good fight together). Your shoulder to cry on, owner of every secret known to your embarrassing character.  A best friend is there for you when you need to decode that late night text from your crush.  A best friend is there for you when all you want to do on a Friday night is veg out and discuss the important things… like Octo-mom. A best friend will accompany you on the dance floor and be honest if you’re ‘shopping cart’ move is outdated.

And a BFF is there for you to tell you you’re fat?

OK, let me put down my Caramello Bar, and let’s figure this out. A recent survey of 3,000 women revealed that one in five women secretly think her best friend is fat but won’t dare share this information with her.  The study also suggested that the truth was a big “no no” because 1 in 5 women ended the relationship post dishing the info. Now, this seems a little extreme. You mean to tell me relationships end because your BFF tells you to put down the bread stick?

On the surface, as natural as being there for me to watch trashy reality TV, I would want my BFF to be there to tell me the truth about my weight (especially after sifting through my freshman year Facebook album).  Double chins and Smirnoff do not go well together and maybe I need a little outside perspective (sans beer goggles) to see that. Best friends are supposed to be honest with one another and if she can’t tell me the truth about my ever growing muffin top, who can?

But on the other hand, I would be pissed off, hurt and embarrassed.  Maybe, when I attempted to squeeze into all 12 pairs of my jeans with no success, I already realized that. I don’t need someone else to point it out to me and make me feel worse. And maybe I feel good about what I’m wearing and my Beyonce curves; who is she to tell me the cupcake doesn’t add into that happy equation?

I guess I am contradicting myself here, because as much as I want someone (especially my best friend) telling me to lay off the Sun Chips, I want them to lay off my weight issues.  Those issues are mine to control and while I’d like my BFFAEAEAE to be honest with me, there is such a thing as too honest.

What do you think?
Is there an unspoken pact in a friendship to bolster each other and leave the mirror and a scale to do the dirty work?  Do you want your friend to lie to you, or is it your friend’s duty to tell you the truth?

And, apparently, to ditch your friends.

You know, those people who have been there for you for years through every messy sitch you get yourself into. The people who you used to spend every day with and told everything to. The people you once lived with, but now only visit when you need to grab something out of your closet.

Yeah. Those people.

Did I miss something here? Was there some sort of memo that says it’s okay to ignore your friends when you’re in a relationship so you can only focus on your new guy? Is it possible it went to my SPAM folder? Because I didn’t get that and now I’m wondering why my BFF just traded me in for a BF.

Let me just say one thing: I have nothing against relationships, especially the honeymoon stage – everyone knows that’s the best part. And I can completely understand pushing your friends aside a little bit to be with your boy a little more in the beginning. It’s normal, and happens with almost anyone. But what is not normal is girl who completely ditches her best friends the entire time she is in a relationship and then comes crawling back, usually with no apology, the second it’s over.

I have a best friend (although I am starting to reconsider calling her that) who has done this to me twice already, and is going for the numero tres right now. The day she and her boyfriend made things Facebook official, she was suddenly MIA. My friends and I weren’t surprised at first – we figured we’d give her a few weeks and then she’d be back. After all, who can go THAT long without a girls night? Except that didn’t happen.

It’s been almost a year now, and she is still spending every bit of her spare time with this guy.

She doesn’t come out us to the bar anymore because her boyfriend really isn’t thrilled with the idea. She doesn’t call us to meet up for coffee or catch a movie when she’s bored. She’s not there on Saturday mornings when we lay around and recap the night before. The last time we hung out, we went to the restaurant he worked at so he could serve us… and spent half the time watching them make googly eyes at each other across the table.

Every time she’s with us, which is extremely rare, he’s all that we hear about – how cute he is, what sweet little thing he did that day, every tiny detail of any kind of fight they had. She is constantly giving us advice on finding a boyfriend, adding insult to injury and saying things like, “You guys really need to meet a guy like mine. He makes me soooo happy.” Because, obviously, being single is something that needs to be fixed. And not that we have any problem getting to know her new boyfriend, but it’s more than a little annoying when she invites him everywhere, not even considering the fact that we might want to spend a little time with JUST her.

But my favorite is that we usually only get a call from her when he’s busy. And she doesn’t try to hide it either – asking if we want to hang out and adding in the fact that her BF is at work, sighing heavily to let us be absolutely sure that we are only there to entertain her until he comes home.

WE ARE SICK OF IT.

Not only do I miss my friend a lot, but it hurts to see her throw away our friendship like this! It makes me angry that she doesn’t care about me like I thought she did, and it makes wonder if she ever really did. I mean, what kind of true friend just shoves someone aside because a guy is suddenly interested in her? How can someone just ditch people like that? And how could I ever care about someone who doesn’t realize how hurtful it is?

I don’t know the answers to any of those questions, but I do know that I’m starting to want my friend back less and less. And that thought doesn’t even makes me sad anymore.

I’m a senior in college, single, loving it, and have just as many girlfriends as random sexual escapades (almost). So maybe I’m not having as much consistent sex as I’d like, but I am still getting my fill of lovin.

I am absolutely in love with my girlfriends.

I feel more fulfilled from my friend relationships than I’ve ever had from boyfriends. Maybe that’s not saying too much about my ex’s, but the power of the female friendship amazes me, especially in college.

In high school, I used to be a boyfriend-girl (you know the type). Although I tried to split time between the BF and the BFFs, I definitely ended up sacrificing girl time for the boyfriend. But now, after staying single in college, I never have to make the sacrifice of feeling lonely just because I don’t have a boyfriend. I actually feel more loved, supported, and celebrated through my friends.

I always have someone to laugh with, cry with, and get bagels at 10 in the morning when I’m hungover with. My girlfriends are the perfect boyfriend that doesn’t exist.

Being a single, senior with my chicas is exactly how I want to spend my last year in college.

Besides, who wants to be tied down with a boyfriend for their senior year? Not me, that’s who. I’d rather drink with my girlfriends, hang out with some hotties, and have my nice full bed (and comforter)  all to myself.