Sorry CollegeCandy readers, but I’m not sharing details. All I can say is it was a fun night that involved a lot of alcohol and a we-really-hope-she’s-sleeping roommate situation. Good times. Anyways, while this was something I was hoping to cross off of my bucket list, I never really realized that I was actually interested in women. Did this make me a lesbian? Was I bisexual? Pansexual? Bi-curious? The labels didn’t really matter to me. I just accepted that I like what I like, and that’s okay.

If you allow me to make some broad generalizations, here are my favorite and least favorite things about being with both guys and girls:

Guys: I know a couple guys who are just a little obsessed with the size of their penis.
Girls: I have never in my life heard a girl talk about how she wishes she had a bigger vagina.

Guys: finish, and they’re out of commission for a good 20 minutes to an hour, depending on the dude. Of course, there are other things they can do for you… but does anyone ever really do that? In my experience, when he’s done, the sex is typically done as well. This has always been okay with me, but then I realize that…
Girls: can keep going and going and going and going. I’m actually curious about that — how does girl-on-girl sex actually end? Could we just set a mutual quota of 10 or so orgasms per sack session? Sounds kinda nice actually.

Guys: There’s always that worry in the back of your mind as to whether or not a guy is comparing you to something unattainable – something he saw in a magazine. I’m hot and all, but I’m no Kate Moss. I don’t know how many women’s bodies he’s seen, and I don’t know what he expects to see when he looks at mine.
Girls: To be honest, it’s not often I see a girl who is truly unattractive. I find all women beautiful. But at the same time, it’s kind of nice to see that the girl I’m naked with has cellulite on her legs — just like me, or she gets rolls when she bends over — just like me, and she’s still completely gorgeous (just like me?). It kind of gives you a sense of feeling normal about your imperfections.

Girls: studies show that up to 50% of women fake orgasms. How do I know when I’m doing it right!?
Guys: after sex with a guy, you KNOW you did a good job. There’s um… evidence.

Girls: get PMS. I know because I get it too. How exactly would sex work between two hormonal women? I predict fighting, passionate make-up sex, and then maybe a little post-coital crying. I’m not being sexist, I’ve actually (embarrassingly) been there.
Guys: will never, ever get PMS. Lucky bastards.

Guys: Penis = awesome.
Girls: Vagina = awesome.

See my problem here?

The truth is that there are pros and cons with getting busy with both sexes. There’s a lot to learn from different experiences, and I would totally encourage anyone who’s a little curious about exploring their sexuality with someone of the same sex to go for it. Seriously, if you can find the right person, it’s a good time. And if it ends up not being your cup of tea, at least you can say you tried!

Do you have any same-sex experiences? Please feel free to share! What advice would you have for someone exploring his or her new-found love for the same sex?

A: Well, honestly, I do think you’re overreacting–but it comes down to personal preference and opinion, so if his sexuality is something you can’t deal with, then you’re not right for each other.

Before you start drafting your “it’s not you, it’s me” speech, hear me out. Let’s say he’s 100% straight as an arrow–you do realize that he would notice other women besides you, right? And as much as you may hate it, he would probably form some opinion on how hot your friends are, too (though if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll keep it to himself). So what’s the difference between him noticing other women or other men? He’s still choosing to be with you.

Is it possible that you’re a little worried about friends’ reactions? Since you’ve been with him for a couple of months I’m assuming it wasn’t a dealbreaker–you did continue to date him after all. I actually dated a bisexual guy a few years ago, and the experience was not much different than dating a straight guy–for me, hearing that he was bi was like hearing that he loves dogs or hates seafood. Some of my friends were a little bit shocked when they found out, so his sexuality was only an issue when I started feeling defensive about it.

Another possibility is that you might just be a jealous person. Have you had the same fears about your straight boyfriend checking out your friends or other women? Are you worried about your current boyfriend checking out women and your female friends, or only the guys? If this is a recurring theme in your relationships, it’s not something that will go away unless you confront it, regardless of the sexual preferences of your future partners.

Of course, you might be just genuinely icked out about it–but that’s something you have to figure out for yourself. Would I dump a guy over his sexual preferences? No–but you have the right to feel however you feel about it. Likewise, he has the right to be with a partner who accepts this part of him, and if that’s not you, then it’s only right to cut him loose. I may not agree with you, and I may feel like you’re overreacting, but that’s based on my opinion and my experiences. I wouldn’t sleep with a Republican, and I’m sure there are plenty of people that would tell me that I’m overreacting and being judgmental, but I have the right to feel that way.

Would I be disappointed if a guy broke up with me over my sexual past? Sure–until I realized that if he’s grossed out or bothered by my feelings and experiences with sex, then he’s probably not at all right for me. Figure out how you feel about it and then act accordingly, but do it soon; don’t drag the relationship out and lead him on if your gut is telling you to leave. You both deserve better than that.

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle it next time!

[Image Via Mediabistro]

A: My instinct is to answer your question with “Maybe. Who cares?” and leave it at that, but I’ll try to do my job and actually advise. That said, I can’t tell you whether or not you’re bi. I think it’s possible that you’re crushing on your female friends because it’s a safe way to explore same-sex attraction—since they’re your friends and they’re straight, the chance of a hookup happening is minute, meaning you can admire/lust from afar.

But I also don’t think a few same-sex crushes necessarily have to mean something, and I hope you don’t feel pressure to immediately define yourself as soon as you catch yourself staring at a chick with a great rack. In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that I did make a brief jaunt to the other side myself. It was fun, and that was that. When I told a few friends about my tryst, I got a range of responses: amused, disgusted, curious, and shocked. A lot of them asked the question I hadn’t even bothered to ask of myself: “Are you bi?”

The answer? No, not particularly. But who knows, maybe by next month I’ll be marching in gay pride parades wearing flannel and waving a rainbow flag. The point is, I wasn’t interested in dissecting What It Meant, not for me, and certainly not for the benefit of others.

Let yourself be unsure. There’s no deadline to make a decision about how you feel and you’re not required send out a memo to friends and family letting them know that you’re out and proud. So give it time—see if you develop crushes on girls that aren’t close friends. Head to a lesbian bar for a drink and see how you feel. Watch some lesbian porn and see if it’s something you might want to try. Explore your attraction in a way that’s comfortable for you, within your boundaries, and on your own timeline.

Got a sex woe? In need of advice, tips, or how-tos? Send your questions to pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and look out for an answer next week on CollegeCandy!

Bo got his stitches out and these reality dating shows need to give me a counter at the bottom of the screen so that I know how many days have passed.

The group goes on a field trip to a tattoo parlor. Tila wants to know how far they’ll go for her because based on who “proves their love”, that’s whose family she’ll meet. Everyone has to get a tattoo, piercing, walk on broken glass or sit in the electric chair.

Lame. Brittany wants to get a tattoo and I forbid you to get Tila’s name tattooed on your body. Of course Tila is disappointed when Brittany takes time to think about it. Screw you; YOU get a tattoo, Tila. Kristy gets a star tattoo on her neck. I’m sure that the cameramen are disappointed that it’s not on her ass. Is she really a model?

George is going to walk on glass. Please drink a 40 before you do that. OH MY GOD. Tila is only interested in these people when they eat animals genitals or bleed for her. I cannot believe that he’s not cut.

GET OUT – Tila is going to walk on glass -0 and that’s because the glass is fake. Seriously? That’s stupid. George is going home for being a baby.

Bo is getting a tattoo of a shot glass on his calf. Um, Bo should be exempt because he has a freaking PLATE in his JAW. Jay is utterly unmanly — put your shirt on when you give your interviews! You have NO muscle under that layer of fat. Jay gets his first tattoo on his back and it looks ridiculous on him.

Lisa is going in the electric chair and 1) I’m not surprised and 2) I’d think that it’s fake. She’s tough though, so I don’t think that she’d exaggerate pain.

Brittany thinking that she’s a loser for not going – she gets a belly button ring. Brit, take it from me, a belly button piercing is pretty meaningless, it’s not painful and it’s not permanent, so calm down. Kick her off, I’m done with her.

Kristy wins a “sexy” date. Bo and Jay get the “romantic” date. The other three get a “dirty” date.

All of the dates are gonna be the same – make out time. Kristy is going to try on lingerie with Tila and what is it like to FILM this if you’re a straight man with all of the girl on girl make out and lingerie?

The Bo and Jay date is next and for whatever reason, Tila decides to spend alone time with Jay (read: make out with him) and Bo gets sloppy seconds.

George, Brittany and George strip down have to do body artwork. Tila tells Brittany that she’s the kind of girl that grows on her. Like athlete’s foot?

Cut the BS with Lisa already, Tila. I am as straight as you are and I’m attracted to Lisa.

Next day they have a BBQ and I forgot that Bo would have to be on a blended diet. SO the challenge is to eat some nasty ass blended hot dogs. Blended with pig vomit? I can’t watch this; I will totally throw up on the keyboard.

No shock that Lisa won yet again and she gets to go into Tila’s bedroom. Could you stop feeding everyone chocolate covered strawberries? Thanks. And she’s not fickle; she’s just not stupid enough to tell you that she loves you after spending a total of 47 minutes with you.

Eliminations!

Get the EFF out of here, picking Jersey Jay first. Kristy and her booty are bringing Tila home. Final four are Lisa, George, Bo and Brittany.

Bo gets a key because he’s so busted from being on this show.

George is out. What a waste.

Oh, good, Brittany is finally going home.

Wait – whhhhaaaattttt? RIZZO is going home?!?

I am utterly shocked. Lisa has been my front runner with Bo the whole time – I hate when I’m wrong. Dammit.

Next time: Meet the parents.

Their challenge for the day is a biathlon and with that, I am over the whole Tila’s bi thing and it’s only episode three. Tila looks bored as she announces that it’s boys versus girls. What do pearl necklaces and blue balls have to do with biathlons? Oh.

This challenge makes me wonder why I never had a slip n slide when I was a kid. “I cruised through it until I got to the blue balls; then it all fell apart for me…that was my downfall, the blue balls.” Isn’t that how it always happens, Ryan?

Do they all share a wet suit? Chad is last and he too struggles with blue balls. Why do they call Jersey Lisa/Toni from Paradise Hotel lookalike Rizzo? I like her. I might like-her like her. Oh, and she wins it for the girls. Aw, Chad, I heart you even though you lost.

The girls win a date. Which consists of the girls – going to school. They are dressed in terrible school girl uniforms and Tila’s going to teach them – what? How to make a Myspace page?

They all have to write “I CAN…something, something, pig’s vagina.” Uh, can anyone actually eat a pig’s vagina and not poison themselves? Do me a favor, all of you – never do a google image search for pig’s vagina. Please. Looks worse than what was on the plate. I kind of wanna die. Like I could vomit in my lap. HOW the eff can Tila be disappointed that people can’t tolerate eating an animal’s genitals? This is the most engaged she’s been since the start of this season.

Lisa won again. Puke on Tila now cuz she deserves it. Wait – Lisa picked Dominic to come on the date? I don’t know how that went down because my stomach is trying to punch its way out of my throat.

Lisa kisses Tila during their date and normally I’d say Ew, but Tila deserves to have some pig vagina in her mouth. Tila tells some fake story about how she first knew that she liked girls. Dominic tells Tila that he thinks that bisexuality is a phase and he just got himself kicked off right there.

Eliminations! Goody. Two girls and two guys are going home. Even better.

It comes down to Ryan, Bo and Dominic for the guys. She keeps Bo and his cheesy white belt.

For the girls, the last ones standing are V, Samantha/Glitter/Pole Ridder, and Lauren – she keeps Pole Rider.

Everyone takes their stupid shot and why do I feel like there’s water in those shot glasses?

Next time: Breasts, booze, boys fighting and Glitter cries some more.

Oh, Tila, maybe this time it will work for you.

So Tila is newly single and 15 guys and 15 girls arrive to compete for the affections of the MySpace ho. Tila comes out in gold booty shorts saying that it didn’t work out with Bobby and that she’s still bi. And by bi, she means a liar.

She wastes no time and starts with a boys vs. girls cage dance off in order to win Tila time. She encourages them to remove clothing and of course a girl removes her top and Nick, the elder care specialist, drops his drawers. I’m not amused by the shot glasses blocking out body parts; it’s not clever.

The girls win and do they recycle MTV houses? I only saw one episode, but it looks like they covered Domenico’s faux marble with blue and pink carpets.

I like that we know everyone’s occupations. Will they keep their jobs after this? There are way too many people from New York and New Jersey on this show.

I won’t name names because it’s pointless to do that at this point — except for Boston Michelle, because she has a wicked awesome accent.

Tila makes them perform in a talent show which is totally boring and then two girls end up making out. Shocking. And shocking-er? Tila sees it. Of course.

Girl eliminations: The maker outers are told, “Give me back my key and get the f*ck out of my house.” Is that how she rolls? I like.

Six leave and they do their requisite shot.

The boys, who have been left out in the cold and in the cage, are up.

(Um, does anyone watch “Viva Hollywood“? OMG. Vinci and Berto doing their love scene. Ha. Remember “8th and Ocean“? Yeah, I barely do, too.)

Tila changes out of her booty shorts and I see twins. Christ, here, too?

Chad, who I think needs to be my drinking buddy, teaches me the phrase “wang bone” and drunk Mohawk kid needs to go home.

Jay from Jersey is like every bridge and tunnel guy in the clubs. Someone calls him Corey Haim and I was totally thinking that. Are they gonna fight? Is this scripted?

The guys have to perform a fashion show.

Nick the elder care specialist presents Tila with an actual d*ck in a box and he’s so going home.

Boy eliminations: Nick and his penis are out. Some other guys are out. The mohawk is wasted and sent home. Tila sends home a twin.

I have no predictions. I decided that I would indeed like to drink with Chad and walk on the beach with Kyle.

This season: Oh, they all sleep in one bed? Chad punches Bo in the soul patch? Fire pits and tears and I bet that they are already casting for season three.

I get looks a lot. That shouldn’t really strike me as surprising; everyone gets looks. Amused looks, horrified looks, heartbroken looks, enamored looks…I’ve gotten them all. Still, nothing was quite the punch in the gut as the look my mother gave me when I told her I was going out with a girl.

I’d been dating Megan for something like six months around the time I finally talked to my mom. For six months, I was horrified at the concept of telling my middle-aged, old-fashioned African-American mother that her daughter, the girl she had been a father and mother to for twenty years, was very much in love with your typical Irish girl (sans fiery-red Weasley hair).

I had told my mother that I was bi before, but it was some six years ago and I’m pretty sure that she just passed it off as me being dazed after being hit over the head with puberty. I was almost certain that she’d forgotten (she hadn’t, the old elephant), and when I told her, a look of terror and disgust would follow suit.

It didn’t, and I still can’t decide if I’m grateful for that or not.

It was a little after Christmas when I finally decided I was going to fess up. Megan had just had surgery on her knee, and I wanted to be there for her (read: be her slave for a week). I had told my mother a half-baked excuse as to why I was hoping on a Greyhound and going from Long Island to Virginia to see one of my “friends” from school. After a lot of thought, I decided to just lay it all out.

At first, her expression was the sort of quiet, understanding, thoughtful expression that moms usually have when you’re pouring your heart out to them. I explained in slow, carefully chosen words that I had been in a relationship with Megan for a few months, and that I felt like it was time to tell her such. There was a five second silence that stood between my voice and hers.

“I don’t want you to make decisions based on a few negative experiences,” she finally replied. I hastily explained that, no, it wasn’t because of the horrible ex-boyfriend fiasco (we were never actually going out). She nodded, and I could tell that it was forced. She wasn’t upset or horrified, but I could tell, I could see that she was disappointed, and that hurt me more than if she had thrown me out the house. Here was my mother, a black woman that grew up in Brooklyn during the Civil Rights movement, who was barely a generation removed from Barbados and had been instilled with good, honest West Indian values, and she was disappointed.

“I figured it out already,” she added after a few seconds with a forced smile. I had a feeling she did, and I coughed out a chuckle as a reply. Megan had come to visit me that summer, before she had even asked me out. My mother can be and often is intimidating, so Megan spent most of her time upstairs in my room. (“Megan can sleep in the guest room, if she wants,” my mother helpfully suggested on Megan’s second night with us. “I know,” I sheepishly replied. I think that was when she figured it out.) We were silly and flirty the entire time, but it wasn’t really until she got on the Amtrak back to Virginia that I realized that I was lovesick.

After a few more awkward exchanges (“Does she only like girls, or is she…?” “No, no, she’s…she’s like me, too.” “Just be open to…” “I will.”), I scurried back to the security of my room. The next day, it seemed like nothing had really changed. She didn’t treat me any differently, and it seemed like she had forgotten the conversation entirely. Maybe she had.

My mother occasionally asks how Megan is when I talk to her on the phone, but not often. I’ve come to realize that there will always be a part of her that is disappointed in me, and that realization sleeps in my gut, coming out of hibernation every now and then to pace around and growl at me. In time, I hope that she’ll accept the fact that, yes, I do love this girl. But for now, knowing that my mom still loves me is good enough.