The tensions are as high as their heels this week, with four models left competing for the title of America’s Next Top Model.

The girls arrive home to find a note from Tyra telling them that she is sending them to “the great mall of China.” C’mon, that’s pretty clever!

The girls head to the mall in the morning in search of an outfit to recreate the look of one of the four beauties they heard stories about—and this is where some eyebrow-raising model sabotage begins. After wasting time wandering off on the other side of the mall, Bianca runs into Jenah—and gleefully tells her that she just has to check out that area, knowing full well she won’t find much.

Jenah gets back in time to show off her outfit in a casual runway show and gets her sweet revenge by winning the challenge. In addition to getting a dress made especially for her and a friend (Chantal), she also gets one-on-one runway lessons from Miss Jay. We’ll see how those help her if she makes it to the final two!

The next morning, the models head to the Great Wall to be made over into warriors. And their photographer is, drumroll please—Tyra! Is there anything she can’t do? (Oh right: sing, act, make music videos…) Both Chantal and Jenah do well, though Tyra takes issue with Jenah not knowing who she is. “She’s a good model, but who is she?” asks Tyra.

Right, let’s pretend this is a soul searching competition. It’s barely even a modeling competition! Read More »

This week, the girls go on go-sees, which made me hate Saleisha for the first time. She did some major ass-kissing and and just came off really fake. It doesn’t seem like any of the girls do particularly well, and only Bianca and Saleisha make it back from the go-sees on time.

The rest of the girls are disqualified from the challenge for arriving late, so the competition isn’t too tough, but it’s Bianca that wins the challenge.The next morning, the models head over to their photoshoot, where they’re greeted by Mr. Jay, sexy Nigel, and (fake) lions and dragons. The goal is to stand out in a crowd. Is Nigel eligible to win? He’s clearly the prettiest.

Jenah is up first and doesn’t impress me much. Does anyone else think she looked like she looked like an awkward teenager playing dress-up with all that makeup? Saleisha does a decent job, as does Bianca once she finds her groove. Chantal is critiqued for looking like a showgirl, and Heather falls flat as well. Read More »

Put on your skinny jeans—you’ve got Tyra Mail!

After some Heather-bashing on Bianca‘s part, the girls start this week of America’s Next Top Model off in nude bodysuits, learning how to move in a sexy way. They practice their sexy runway walks and their “wall slides,” before putting on knee pads to crawl across the floors. ANTM is getting x-rated! Bianca looks like she’s crawling across the desert for the last drop of water on earth, and gets miffed when Heather gets praised for what Bianca thinks is an awkward performance.

The next morning, the ladies pile into the van and head off to shoot a music video. With Enrique Iglesias. Finally, a believable challenge! The girls act surprisingly aloof after meeting him, whereas I’m practically hyperventilating on my living room couch, but hey, I guess “dripping with sex” isn’t everyone’s type. Lisa and Heather get picked to be featured in the video, which doesn’t exactly thrill Bianca. I’m sensing a theme for this episode. Read More »

America’s Next Top Model got batsh*t crazy last night, when the girls practiced runway walking while wearing straightjackets. Seriously.

Miss Jay explained that often in couture shows, you have to walk in constricting costumes. Which is a fine explanation and all if more than a handful of past ANTM contestants have ever walked on a runway after the show.

The green van takes the girls back to the house, where Bianca calls Saleisha “borderline plus-size,” which, you know, makes me the poster child for morbid obesity.

Bianca goes on to say that she’ll “bring bitches down,” and will stoop to cutting up clothes, but don’t let the red hair fool you! She’s a real model and she can be couture!

Uh, what? Someone needs anger management classes a bit more than runway training, methinks.

A couture runway show is up next, and I’m officially in love with Victoria. She has the most interesting face in the competition other than Janet. Saleisha wins the challenge and Bianca sneers and bitches and makes me loathe her more.

The bondage theme of the episode continues with a photo shoot involving ropes and couture. You know, just another day climbing a rock wall in a designer gown. My favorites were Heather and Victoria (sorry Janet!), but the whole thing just didn’t do much for me. Read More »

Is it just me or is this cycle of America’s Next Model the best one yet? And by “best,” clearly I mean “most unrealistic, annoying, and completely addictive.”

Last night’s episode, the second of the cycle, “keeps our Earth good,” (thanks, Mila) with a green-friendly van for the girls. It takes the girls to their new house, where half of the models manage to fit into one bathtub.

Tyra continues Awareness Crusade 2007 with the photoshoot, an anti-smoking campaign, where Mila laughs at chemo and everyone points out Heather’s awkwardness even though she’s really not acting in any abnormal way.

In fact, she’s made the first intelligent comment of the episode, when she says that the bitch-fighting between Bianca and Lisa is giving her a headache.

Next up is a shopping spree at…Old Navy. Um. Budget cuts, Tyra?

The pick on Heather-athon continues, with Jenah’s comment that Heather doesn’t know what’s trendy. I didn’t realize that a symptom of Asperger’s is bad fashion sense, but hey, what do I know? Oh, and Ebony forgets to put on pants.

Then the girls come home, where the girls continue bashing on Heather, except for Victoria, who, in her own snooty way, is growing on me. Sure she kind of feels like she’s better and smarter than the other girls, but, well, I’d probably feel the same way. Read More »