Email just isn’t private anymore. Everyone knows that. Big Brother is always watching — especially if you work at a giant company where CEOs have enough money to have you killed, stuffed into a bag, and “disappeared” forever.

Which is why it’s hilarious to read about people using their work email to send private messages. How naive can you be? Don’t tell your honey about all the bad things you want to do to him that involve chocolate syrup. Don’t send a bitchy diatribe to your best friend about how your boss has constant armpit stains. DON’T DO IT.

Unless you want to end up like these people.

[photo from www.amazonmortgagecentre.com]

Ryan, if you would just date me, you would have no home to wreck!

Caution, triathlons may kill you

Dunkin’ Donuts gets healthyish...

This list is stupid

Spanx are actually…kind of…not the healthiest body image idea

Americans hate fat people.

Kutcher VS Timberlake: Who’s the biggest douche?

Make fun of yourself. I dig it

The grey area of sexual responsibility

Why does Hollywood insist on remakes?

The cast members on CBS’s Big Brother — OH MY GOD THIS IS SO SCARY!! — survive yesterday’s earthquake

Oddly, these two news stories are more Orwellian than Orwell.First we have this little ditty. It’s an article about how the Russian government dropped cement from sky-high heights through the roof of an unsuspecting citizen.

What’s odd about this (besides the obvious falling-cement thing) is that this happened because, in preparation for Russia Day (?!), the government was “seeding the clouds:” inserting liquid nitrogen, cement powder, and silver iodide into the clouds so that it won’t rain. And what’s more, they’ve been doing it for the past 20 years.

That’s right, friends. On Russia Day, all skies must be clear, by order of the government. Do the citizens know this? Or do they think that it’s a miracle that it never rains on national holidays?

On to the next creepy government story.

In Romania, citizens so despised the living candidates that they reelected a dead mayor. For realz.

Yeah, they knew he was dead. So what? As one profound villager says, “I know he died, but I don’t want a change.”

Gosh, if we knew it was that easy, we could have all just voted for JFK every year.

Oddly, neither of these two tales is from the good ol’ USA. Is our government slacking off in its world-renowned Big Brother ways? Is the news just tired of reporting it? Or have we, finally and just in time for the new election, just become complacent?

[Image courtesy of http://capefeare.com/]