Dear Miley Cyrus (and other teenagers across America intent on destroying any modicum of talent you possess by making extremely foolish decisions),

I used to not like you. Actually, I’ll cut the crap. I wanted your vocal chords removed. Or at least have you banished to some remote part of the world where I wouldn’t have to be subject to your ubiquity on TV, on the radio, in magazines and sold-out concert venues. I refused to listen to more than five seconds of any song of yours that I had the great misfortune of accidentally hearing, unless I wanted to be filled with boiling rage at the unanswerable question of how someone with the singing voice of a farm animal could become outrageously successful. Like, how?

But then you started to do some stupid things. That photoshoot with Annie Leibovitz, for starters. Never mind that you were at the not-ripe-for-nudity age of 15-years-old, or that it was so transparently a cheap attempt to sexualize a juvenile Disney juggernaut – the most confounding thing of all was the reasoning your team gave for conceding to the risqué photoshoot: “You can’t say no to Annie.”

Really? You can’t? It’s called exploitation, people, and it’s something that one should most definitely decline to take part in.

Then came the pole dances, the writhing around in a bird cage for “Can’t Be Tamed,” the steady drop in the amount of clothing you wore for public appearances. And finally, the kicker: you doing bong hits for your 18th birthday. Captured on video and promptly submitted to a far-reaching gossip website with a rabid, unforgiving readership, no less. Your team said it was Salvia, we said it didn’t matter what it was, because you were clearly as high as an untethered kite.

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So for those of you not in the know, Bieber cut his luscious locks. I should admit I don’t have Bieber fever, and I actually think he looks 10 times better without that awkward swoop thing that Tom Brady Stole. Which brings me to my next point…why is this news? Why is this a top story of all my favorite celebrity blogs?

I get hair cuts all the time and it never stops the presses, so why should Bieber’s new shag be talked about like it actually means anything? Or our favorite friend, Jen’s, new style (which isn’t new for anyone who actually watched ‘Friends’).

Shouldn’t we be more focused on other things, like I don’t know…their talent? Career? Upcoming movies? Or anything else remotely interesting? But their hair — I mean, come on people, when did celebrities’ hair styles become more popular than the celebrities themselves?

Well I guess a while ago, because after doing a little bit of research, I discovered that Justin and Jen aren’t the first celebrity haircuts to set the world on fire…here are 17 more: Read More »

Facebook makes a progressive step towards equality…YAY

Some really, affordable outfits you can put together

She’s the only reason to see this movie

Celebs who lost weight for a movie role

Get the dashing diva nail look today

They’re definitely the next Lohans

3 ways to wear motorcycle boots

Some silly statistics

Ask me on a damn date!

Wowza, we thought last week was bad! This week just womped it! There have been all kinds of crazy flying around this week, and it’s only getting worse. At the rate we’re going, nervous for what’s to come next week. Cheating, drugs, trashing hotel rooms, you know, just another typical week in Hollywood.

Super 2-Hour TV Special

1. Charlie Sheen has lost it. Earlier this week, Charlie was hospitalized after being found in a trashed hotel room at the Plaza Hotel in Manhattan. Reports suggest that it was a drug and alcohol related incident, but his reps maintain that he had an allergic reaction to a medication. And then there was the girl (prostitute? porn star?) hiding in the bathroom. She’s pressing charges against Charlie because he was acting like a looney-bird. Oh and did we mention that Denise and his kids were across the hall? Classy, Charlie.

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The days are long gone when Miley Cyrus swung her abnormally thick blond tresses all over her bedazzled bright jackets in Disney’s, Hannah Montana. I can almost hear her nasally, trumpeting laugh in the background as my (always loyal to every showing of the sitcom) lil’ sis watched it mid-afternoon, hooting and hollering in between bites of Gushers.

Miley’s innocent conversations with guitar strumming Billy Rae Cyrus are long shadowed by a dark chasm of tight bodices and bird feathers we know as Miley Cyrus now. It’s momentarily saddening – she was so innocent and sweet – until you realize that Miley was destined to enter Britney-ville sooner or later.  That juicy, sweet southern accent and Disney-infested resume was too much to pass up.

Regardless, her sudden hankering to flounder in a sea of sluttiness hasn’t taken me over the edge quite yet.  Amongst the only 22-year-old to admit it, I love listening to her (Ke$ha-esque sounding) new CD while pre-gaming and I won’t change the channel after snorting out my intestines in disgust at her abundance of ripped clothing. (Honestly, what’s with all the tears, girlfriend?)

Like everybody else does.

Seriously.  I have not seen so much distaste for any human being since people encountered the individual that told them the Tooth Fairy was their daddy.  Has anybody else noticed how much crude, angry mob-style hatred people feel deep inside their souls for this girl?? Read More »

Billy Ray supports Miley’s lap dance. (And we do too!)

Who does Victoria’s Secret think is the perfect woman?

Cougar Town gets a new name.

Can someone please explain Gaga’s shoes to me?

One Tree Hill might not be going anywhere.

Did he really just say that?

When I was 17, I was wasting gas and cruising around in my new Ford Escort, jamming to Destiny’s Child. Occasionally me and my girlfriends would get really rebellious and hit up the McDonald’s drive thru for some dollar menu action.  That was my life.

Obviously, Miley Cyrus’s life is taking a different course, and at 17, she is moving into her very own house! It is about time; I’m sure Liam is getting fed up with sleeping on the couch and listening to Billy Ray strum along on his guitar.

While it seems a little crazy for most normal people to move out on their own at a measly 17-years-old, but we have a feeling we know why Miley’s packing her boxes and leaving Casa De Cyrus.

1. She Wants to Have Sex
I don’t know about you, but if I were dating a walking hunk o’ burning fire like Liam Hemsworth, I wouldn’t my parents even around to see the way I look at him.  It would be borderline offensive.

2. Billy Ray
It’s gotta get annoying to wake up every morning to the sounds of your (straightened) mullet-headed father strumming his guitar in hopes you might record a duet with him. Or to always have to listen to the story about that time he had the #1 song in the country. Or to have to give your parents a weekly allowance from your Hannah Montana fund…. Read More »

When the word mentor comes to mind, we think of someone we look up to for advice and guidance. Someone we truly respect and admire. And unless you happen to be the 7-year-old girls that I babysit, that person is probably not Hannah Montana.

But for the Top 11 American Idol contestants in tonight’s episode, Miley Cyrus is gonna attempt to be just that – their mentor. What is she gonna tell them!? What advice could she possibly give!?

“Yea y’all, it would be really helpful if you had a dad who was a one-hit wonder and had a really sweet mullet in the ’90s! Then you could get your own show on the Disney Channel, and your career will really take off!”

I personally feel kind of sorry for these Idol hopefuls, because contestants in past seasons have had the honor to work with legendary figures in the music biz. The contestants on season 6 hip-hopped with Jenny from the Block, rocked out with fashion and music mogul Gwen Stefani, and were even mentored by Bon Jovi, Bono, and- wait for it- DIANA freakin’ ROSS! Read More »

We all agree that Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck. But can we really blame her for being so messed-up when she’s had to deal with parents like Michael and Dina Lohan?

Michael has been acting especially awful lately—he keeps leaking recordings of phone calls with Lindsay and her mom to the media, supposedly because he’s worried about her. Right, because the best way to help your strung-out daughter is by releasing calls that you recorded without her knowledge to the national press, who have always been nothing but kind to her.

What a douche.

Thinking about Michael Lohan reminds us of other Hollywood dads who are certified d-bags. Jon Gosselin, Alec Baldwin, the Hoff… all of them are rich, famous, and majorly jerky. But which one of them deserves to be named the Douchiest Hollywood Dad of all? Tell us what you think in the poll below. Read More »

Welcome to the world, Stella Luna Pompeo Ivery!

Aubrey O’Day’s giving a little Peepshow.

Zac Efron’s face is traumatizing.

A guide for hiring women…from 1943.

Is that Rihanna? Are those pants? What is going on?

Confessions from a Tucker Max one night stand.

It’s the end of an era for Billy Ray.