Occasionally, despite my generally laissez-faire, non-judgmental attitude towards sex, there are a few things that perturb me. Rape, of course. Slut shaming. Abstinence-only sex education. And ignorance about contraception. One of the most disturbing manifestations of this that I’ve encountered are ladies who take the pill and have absolutely no idea what they’re putting into their bodies and how it works. Maybe it’s because the pill has become so normalized and routine, like popping Advil, so the complexity of it isn’t apparent, but I definitely feel that once you start playing with the hormones in your body, you need to know what’s up.

1. The pill tries to keep you free of pregnancy in four different ways.

It tries to stop an egg from leaving your ovary. Then, it makes your cervix produce more mucus so neither an egg or sperm can stick. The hormones also prevent the lining of your uterus (or potential womb) from getting thick enough for a fertilized egg to be viable. Finally, the pill manipulates the movement in your Fallopian tubes to prevent an egg from meeting a sperm in the first place. So, it’s a pretty complicated process, and every once in awhile, the pill fails to execute it properly, which is why most of us know, or know of, someone who has gotten pregnant while on the pill.

2. It loses effectiveness if you don’t take it at the same time every day.

One of the reasons the Pill is so popular is because it doesn’t affect your fertility in the long run, which means that if you’re not diligent about taking your pill daily, it does start losing its pregnancy protection magic. So pick a time that is most convenient for you, set an alarm on your cell, and pop it on the regular. If you do miss a pill, here are the guidelines for how to get back on track.

3. Your side effects aren’t going to be the same as your friend’s side effects.

Everyone’s body reacts differently to changes in the hormonal structure. Your skin may clear up while your friend’s looks like she just went back in time to 7th grade, or you may experience consistent spotting while someone else’s periods become non-existent. It’s perfectly normal to have to go through multiple pills to find one that best suits your body and your needs.

4. The pill does not protect against STDs. 

I would never deny that the pill has been a major game changer for women, especially in the way that we are able to have agency over our reproductive choices, and we don’t have to rely on men using condoms in order to stay baby-free. However, if you are getting it in with someone new, and you have no idea what their STD status is, please use a condom (correctly).

5. Your birth control shouldn’t make you miserable. 

Whether your appetite has been out of control and you’ve been gaining a bunch of weight, or your cramps are unbearable, or you’re spotting a lot in between periods, you don’t have to endure it. If your body hasn’t adjusted after 3 months, it’s time to look into a different option. Whether it’s another pill or an IUD or a Nuvaring, your contraception should not make your daily life uncomfortable at all.

[Image via Calek/Shutterstock]

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Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m a senior in college and have been in a serious relationship for the past 5 years. He’s my high school sweetheart. I know, we’re so cute! We just got engaged and are getting married when I graduate (he’s two years older and is already working).

Now that we’re engaged, I want to go on birth control, but I’m not sure what to try. What do you recommend?

Thanks, Tuffy!

Engaged!

Dear Engaged,

First of all, congratulations!!! You’re right, that’s super cute. Go, girl!!! Secondly, a disclaimer: Tuffy ain’t no doctor, mmmkay?! So go to your OB/GYN to get REAL advice! But in the meantime, here’s what I got:

I’m going mostly by Planned Parenthood, so you can check out the link here:

(BTW!!! If you don’t have insurance and need to see an OB/GYN, Planned Parenthood is a great resource!!! Clicky click that link!) Basically, if you’re going to have sex and you don’t want a baby, you have to use protection. If you’re also worried about STDs (which MOST of you should be!!!), you need to use a condom and that’s pretty much that. You could kind of use a female condom, but those seem to be slightly less effective and have a few downsides (may be uncomfy, can slip inside you during sex, etc.). CONDOMS, people. CONDOMS!!! There are also a bunch of options you can use WITH condoms to prevent pregnancy.

Some women like the diaphragm. It’s fairly effective but it doesn’t protect, of course, from STDs. It’s like a little cup you insert in your hooha. It’s nice and inexpensive and each one lasts for about two years.

Then, of course, there’s the ever-popular birth control pill. Be careful when you go on these, since they do pump you full of hormones and some people have serious side effects. (Read up here.) Really wonderful for some women, really harmful for others. Remember, the pill does NOT protect against STDs!!!

Similarly, there’s the sponge. It soaks up the spermies and kills ‘em. Check but not as effective as we’d like.

Then there’s the patch, which is quite effective (for pregnancy, NOT STDs!). You have to wear it. Like an accessory. Same hormonal risks, but, again, great for some.

The shot: Depo-Provera. Very easy, lasts three months a shot. A little more expensive because it’s more convenient.

NuvaRing: an insertion thingy. VERY effective but pricey and a little risky. Read up, kids.

Aaaand the birth control implant. Very expensive up front but lasts three years. Mostly pretty safe, from what I understand.

I mean, basically, you just have to do your research and talk to your doctor. I applaud you for being responsible!!!!!!!! Please, kids, protect your bodies and your futures!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. Or smash.

I was struck with complete disbelief after reading about a woman who, despite using multiple forms of birth control, keeps getting pregnant. Like, pregnant seven times in 5 years. Like, she and her husband only had sex three times since September and she’s currently expecting another kid. Did I mention she’s tried the Pill, condoms, injections and an IUD…and they still don’t work? Yeah, after the shock wore off, I came to the conclusion that this woman is full of it.

Was she really using condoms all this time? Or was she actually on the pill or had the shot? What are the odds after practicing every form of contraceptives known to man that NONE work on 23-year-old Gemma Potter? What causes her genetic makeup to be so incredibly different from most other females on earth? There is no sperm that strong and no contraceptive that weak. I think she might be yearning for some extra media attention or her husband might be slipping off that condom during hot and heavy lovemaking. I mean, hey, it’s in the heat of the moment, how could she ever tell?

Condoms and birth control have proven to be extremely effective to the greater public. As an adolescent teenager growing up, “safe sex is the best sex” is all I ever heard. If I remember correctly, I think there was an actual song to go with that slogan…but anyways that’s beside the point! The point is, everyone is taught to wear condoms or get on birth control if you don’t want to get pregnant! Those methods have been tested hundreds of times by well-educated doctors and scientists who know what they are doing. So the real question is, if she is not lying, she is not using contraceptives the right way. There is no way in Hell they could have failed her seven times in a row.

Let’s face it, after the first, second and third baby that came during her supposedly “protected” sex, what person in their right mind would rely on any other form of protection to work for them? Obviously the form of protection she’s using is being used incorrectly, so she needs to seek guidance on the matter.

If all else fails, the answer is quite simple actually. DON’T HAVE SEX AS MUCH or GET YOUR TUBES TIED! Potter complained about not having a real career or actually being able to go out and have a drink with her girlfriends because she is pregnant all the time. Do you want to ultimately be knocked up your whole life and therefore exist broke and friendless, or do you want your life back? The question is simple, Ms. Potter.

Ultimately, I recommend these two energizer bunnies go back to Sex Ed classes and learn the correct ways to practice safe sex, because they obviously missed the memo. I wish the two of them the best and a baby-free future. Good luck!

What do you think? Are these two really being careful and Ms. Potter is simply an ultra-fertile Myrtle? Are they missing a crucial step along the way when using condoms, the Pill or another method?

Maya is a freshman print journalism major attending Howard University in Washington D.C. She loves fashion, beauty, and all things glamorous. Follow her on tumblr at myprincessdiaryxoxo.tumblr.com or on twitter at @Mayaalena

‘Tis the season to be jolly, to count thy blessings, and to make itemized lists of all the things you want. I used to wish for an easy bake oven, then Justin Timberlake’s hand in marriage, then an unlimited supply of Louboutins…oh, wait, I could still definitely go for that. In addition to a shoe closet to rival Mariah Carey’s (and world peace), I also wish for a shift in our collective sexual culture. We have all the potential to be sexually liberated, but we just won’t let ourselves — as a society — be that great. My ultimate five wishes are:

1. There would be free forms of birth control.

Unplanned pregnancy is awful. Abortion is not ideal. Luckily, there is this wonderful invention called contraception that would greatly decrease the occurrence of both. The reality of the situation is that people are going to have sex because it feels amazing, not always because they want to pop out babies, and our society needs to adjust to this and make contraception as accessible as possible. The risks of unprotected sex are far too great.

2.  Rape would never happen.

Without a doubt, rape and sexual assault are some of the most traumatizing experiences a person could ever endure, and it breaks my heart that 1 in 4 women will experience one or the other during her time in college. We live in a rape culture, where women are expected to always be available for sexual consumption and our language has stripped “rape” of its meaning (you did not rape your psychology final, okay?). In lieu of rape never happening, I would be over the moon if we could stop automatically jumping to the conclusion that all women who report rape are lying, conniving bitches who were totally asking for it because our skirts were short.

3. We could all be sluts, or prudes, and it wouldn’t be up for judgment. 

I don’t care if you’re saving yourself for marriage or for the next guy who buys you a shot, and no one else should either. As long as you’re being responsible, it’s all fair game.

4. Everyone who is sexually active would get tested regularly. 

Most STDs are not a big deal. They can be cleared up with antibiotics and are not any more disgusting than a cold or flu. If we could treat our sexual health like our dental or overall physical health, there would probably a lot less disease transmission, since people would be open about their status. Gonorrhea would be the new strep throat.

5. Everyone would have sex because they want to. 

There would be no having of sex because you feel peer pressure, or you desperately need validation, or because you were really, really, really wasted and you didn’t even know what you were doing for real. Sex should be fun. If it’s not, take a step back and re-evaluate. There’s nothing wrong with abstinence or celibacy.

Basically, I just want everyone to be sex-positive. What’s on your personal sexy wishlish? More orgasms? More kink? Less bad cunnilingus? I want to know!

Teen sex is all up in my Google Reader this week and not because the characters in Glee were getting it on.

The Centre for Disease Control and Prevention released new statistics that the U.S. teen birth rate is declining. Between 2009 and 2010 the rate dropped nine percent to a record low. It’s dropping not because less teens are having sex (it’s staying about the same), but because — surprise, surprise — because teens that are having sex have started using contraceptives.

And for all you pro-lifers out there, relax, because teens are not only having less babies, but they’re also having less abortions. Being able to prevent pregnancies means teens are less apt to put themselves in a situation where they would want an abortion.

While cross-country the teen birth rate average is dropping, the University of Georgia released a study showing the correlation to higher birth rates and abstinence-only education. Fact: when people know how to use contraceptives (and have access to them) they are no more likely to have sex, they’re just less likely to get pregnant. So can we all just agree that abstinence-only isn’t work. Please.

Sticking to the topic of teen sex, concerned parents of American can stop fretting that popular culture is hurting their children. The Associated Press and MTV combined forces to do a study on teen sexting. Survey says only one percent of kids 10 to 17 are sending racy photos of themselves (either online or via text). A similar survey done in August showed that five percent of 14 to 17 year olds had sent nude photos of themselves.

While it does get higher for older youth, it still isn’t representative of the ALL TEENS ARE SEXTING message which is often painted. Parents, what you might want to be asking yourself, is why your 10 year old needs a cellphone with a camera. Or have their own laptop. Seriously.

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A few months ago, an old friend randomly texted me. We’d known each other for about eight or nine years – she was a former next door neighbor. People grow apart over time, but we’d still send each other the obligatory “are you still alive?” text every now and then. This go around, the conversation got a little serious.

We got on the topic of love…her love life and my lack thereof. She had a boyfriend that she’d been on and off with for a few years. The only “on and off” I had was my television.

“I’m having a baby girl in July,” she texted as the conversation waned.

I was mind blown. This girl who I basically grew up with was having a girl of her own?!

When I applied for my internship at The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy in D.C., I had my old friend in mind. I could’ve sent applications to the hundreds of newspapers and magazines in the DMV (D.C., Maryland, Virginia) area, but I wanted to do something that truly made a difference. Starbucks runs and fact checking could wait. Luckily, I’m working with Bedsider.org, a new online birth control support network that is informative, fun, and edgy enough to make a real difference. When I got the internship, I promised myself that I’d try to relay the Campaign’s message of prevention to my friends back home. Roughly 75 percent of my graduating class is married or they have a child. Isn’t that crazy?!

One of Bedsider’s sayings is “babies are great…when you’re ready for them.” I totally agree. My friend, as fabulous of a mother as she may be, was definitely not ready for a baby. We used to dream out loud about what we’d be when we grow up. I wanted to write and she wanted to act. I’m fortunate to be living my dream and now my friend has to put hers on hold.

I love Bedsider because of its honesty. Let’s get real…mostly everyone in our demographic is having sex or something similar to it. We young guys and girls can be pretty hard headed…no one really picks up (or reads) those sex pamphlets at the doctor anymore. Bedsider features “Real Stories” from people our age who tell us about their contraceptive preferences. There’s a nifty Method Explorer with a photo and detailed description of each birth control method, and you can filter the methods by categories like “most effective” and “do me now.” How cool is that?

Every college or high school may not be one of the top institutions for sex ed. On my campus, for example, there’s only the occasional awareness program, or my personal favorite — the condom bowl at the front desk in dormitories. Bedsider’s a great alternative if Sex Ed 101 isn’t in your course catalog and a great supplement even if it is. I really like the fact that the site is so visible in the realm of social media – I can check out their Twitter feed, receive a birth control or doctor’s appointment reminder on my Blackberry, and read Bedsider’s tumblr during my lunch break. I update blog posts and find images for Flickr Friday almost every day.

It’s a little too late for me to send my friend a link to Bedsider.org. But the recent launch is timely enough for you to send it to your friends and family!

Few people actually want to be saddled with a kid at 18 (or 19 or 20 or…), but it can be tempting to play Russian roulette in the heat of the moment. But like, don’t forget…kids kinda suck. The spit and drool and cry and throw things and ruin your clothes and puke in your hair and try to cram their entire tiny bodies into your best handbag…

So if Teen Mom doesn’t convince you enough to play it safe, these photos should.

Male and female condoms. Birth control pills, shots, patches and rings. As a smart, independent college woman, you’re no doubt familiar with the range of contraceptive options. But soon, a new one may be added to the list – male hormonal birth control.

Over the last several years, hints at the possibility of a reversible form of male birth control have popped up here and there. But new research is providing evidence that a safe, effective form of hormonal birth control for guys is well within reach. And the idea has already built up strong support. This month, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation will hold a conference to discuss the recent advances in male birth control research.

There are several potential forms of birth control for men, all of which are being thoroughly researched. One method is very similar to existing female birth control pills. It uses the hormones testosterone and progestin to send signals to the body to stop producing sperm. However, there are still issues with side effects for this method in some men. One side effect may surprise you – drinking alcohol when taking these drugs makes patients sick. So, maybe this one isn’t quite ready for college.

Another method involves injecting a gel to inactive sperm into the scrotum. The third method uses an ultrasound to briefly heat the testes, which stops sperm production for months. And, similar to hormone pills, another method involves a hormone implant.

All of these methods have been shown to be reversible, unlike existing procedures such as the vasectomy. More extensive research will be needed to make sure that these forms of birth control really are safe and reliable. But scientists are optimistic – some estimate that a male birth control daily pill could be on the market within 5 to 7 years, and implants may be available even sooner.

This is great news for ladies who may have problems with hormonal birth control. It could also be nice for couples who prefer to avoid condoms for whatever reason – although, as always, no form of hormonal birth control can protect against STDs. So don’t pitch your condom stash just yet!

What do you think? Would you want your boyfriend/friend with benefits/random hookup to try male birth control? And do you think guys will even go for this in the first place? Let us know what you think!