My birthday was a few days ago and, as with any birthday, it brought with it a need for self reflection (I hesitate to use the words “existential crisis”, but, if you insist.) It occurred to me that I’m an adult now, really and truly, and as such I’ve been dating for a long time. I have learned something from all those years of failed, miserable relationships. And I am going to impart those things to you, things that I’m sure many of you know and have learned the hard way. Some of these things are rather obvious now, but I sure wish I would have known them when I started dating.

10. Long term relationships make you fat. Birth Control + Getting too comfortable = Letting yourself go.

9. The amount of effort you have to put into a relationship is directly proportional to the chances of said relationship failing. Don’t get me wrong, every single relationship takes effort and compromise and there has never been an easy relationship in the history of the universe. What I’m saying is, if you are trying really, really hard to make the relationship work, that probably means that there is enough wrong with said relationship to warrant a breakup. It also probably means that your significant other is not trying as hard as you are and is, therefore, less invested in you. And you should breakup sooner rather than later. (see #3)

8. If a guy doesn’t want to ever go down on you, he’s a scumbag. Dump him immediately. Read More »

I recently celebrated a birthday. It came and went as all birthdays do.

There were some presents given and drinks were drunk and my mom even called to sing me a rousing chorus of “Happy Birthday.”

However, I noticed this a year a disturbing trend I hadn’t seen in years past: The ever so casual Facebook birthday message…which is both really typical and totally impersonal.

I must say that while it was totally nice to see my comment page fully loaded with birthday wishes I had to remember that not every single one of my friends had dutifully remembered my special day. Facebook had kindly reminds everyone that I am connected with my birthday was coming up.

I find this to be a good reminder tool, but friends should not rely totally on the Facebook birthday wish. A card would be nice kids, or even a phone call. My address and number do happen to be listed right on my profile.

The Facebook birthday wish only says, “I feel an obligation to post on your birthday that I didn’t remember, but I have no time to do anything else.”

Lame, kids. Really really lame. Read More »

Facebook has killed etiquette.Remember when you used to get phone calls on your birthday, handwritten invitations to housewarmings, and thank-you cards in the mail? Me neither.

We’re a generation raised on internet communication, and I’m not sure that we’re better off. I started thinking about this a few weeks ago after sending invites to my 21st birthday via Facebook.

I’m not much of a birthday celebrator, so the last time that I actually made a big shin-ding out of it was years ago—back before the majority of my friends had emails and screen names, when I called each of them from my phone home and they jotted down the event specifics on a big Spice Girls or kitten calendar. You would get a phone call from each guest by a specified date, letting you know if they were coming so that you knew how many goody-bags full of Jacks, Silly Putty, and friendship bracelets to buy. Read More »