Got a guy question that’s tearing you up inside? Don’t trust your girl friends to give you honest advice (because they’re afraid if they tell you the truth you will freak out and throw things at them)? Just want to try and understand what a guy is thinking?

We’ve got the dude for you. Send your questions to AskTheDude@CollegeCandy.com and he’ll give it to you straight. Because you can’t throw things at him, no matter what he tells you. Our dude is answering questions every Wednesday, so ask away!

Hi Dude,

I have a question that’s been bothering me for a while. I started hooking up with this guy in early February and I’ve done things to him (you know what I mean), but I’ve never slept with him. In April, he started asking me if I’d have sex with him. I said I would, but due to various reasons, it never happened, which was fine with me. About a month ago, he came to visit me (he’s home for the summer and lives 2 hours away). That night, after going down on him, I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He replied, “I can’t, because I really like you.” I was really confused and when I asked him to clarify, he
said that he really respected me and liked me and, therefore, couldn’t do that to me. He also said something about not wanting to ruin things between us.

What’s even more confusing is that merely a few hours before, we had been texting and he very clearly said that he wanted sex. He even bought condoms the previous week. So why would he do all that if he didn’t actually want to have sex? My friends have said, “Maybe he’s really bad in bed and doesn’t want you to find out.” I’ve also wondered if he suddenly found something unattractive about me and didn’t feel like having sex anymore. Nothing makes sense to me. We’re in a purely physical relationship and he suddenly tells me that he doesn’t want to sleep with me. If you could tell me what is going on, that would be great.

Thanks,
Down (Literally) and Out

Dear Down and Out,

Let’s see, how can I put this to you in the most delicate and gentle way possible…You are nothing but a BJ Booty Call. Although many women know of the common and popular phenomenon known as the booty call, few realize that guys also have their “go-to gals” for head too. I definitely have had a few Head Honeys in my day, and without wanting to give you the exactly blow-by-blow of subsequent events (pun intended), it goes without saying that my feelings for each girl were about as shallow as a 12 oz. of Red Stripe (once I’m done with it).

Don’t take anything this guy is saying seriously. No matter how much he texts you, verbally primes you for sex, and/or implies that he has deeper feelings for you, he is completely and utterly full of it (and pretty dumb too). Although there could have been convenient conspiracy theories of insecurities with his package size, the inability to get intimate with another human being, or the fear of exposing you to a funky STD…they all fly out the window because you’ve already gone down on him.

Do me a favor and stand up, turn off your cell phone, and remember that a guy should be climbing walls, agonizing through America’s Next Top Model or pretending that the bathroom actually does smell like Fabreez after he’s been in there for an inordinately long period of time…in every attempt to sleep with you. Don’t be offended – if a guy isn’t interested enough (or over some deeper seated issue) to not want to have sex with a fabulous girl, it’s clearly his problem (not yours). Purely physical relationships can be awesome, but try having one (safely) with a guy who can actually seal the deal and please you for a change. Better yet, get your own Down-with-Down Dude for when you need a booty call… and skip the complication.

Hope that helps,
Dude

For this week’s Wednesday Night Encounters, we’re going to observe Men Of Few Words. Not everyone finds it necessary to go on and on about what they want in a partner. Some people enjoy eulogizing for hours about their likes and dislikes, their hopes and dreams, their “future”, but these guys aren’t interested in bogging us down with such trivial matters. In only a few small sentences, they get to the heart of the matter. They know what they want…and they want it now.

Nice.

New York Guy Seeking a Chick to Kick the Sh*t Out Of Him (PS: he’s afraid of the word vagina)

I am looking for a dominant woman to smack me around a bit, and abuse me for her pleasure.

I want you to make me grovel at your feet, lick and suck your toes. Have you bend and make me lick you know where and clean you to show me my place.

Yes, I know, its extreme but damn it sounds fun, doesn’t it?

I am clean, nice and gl and wish to start fulfilling some fantasies I have had.

A plus if you are mature and a plus if a BBW.

‘Sopranos’ Extra Looking to Try Out His Viagra

Greetings and thanks for stopping by. what is super viagra? it’s a sexual stimulant that keeps me hard for hours… even after i’ve come! once i get off i’m yours to use any way you want plus, i have great hands, tongue and heart… oh and i’m also fairly well endowed. not huge but, as one lady friend once told me: ‘i’m the perfect size.’

funny thing too… the last lady i had a one night sand with… it lasted for five years! no, the viagra didn’t last that long!

I Can Haz Oralz?

let me get onto my knees. crawl under your desk. then lift you skirt up. pull panties aside. an orally plz you.

IF HE DOESN’T HAVE SEX NOW, HE WILL DIE. SERIOUSLY!!!

I AM EXTREMELY HORNY AND MUST HAVE SEX IMMMEDIATELY. I AM D AND D FREE AND COMPLETELY CLEAN THERE IS NOTHING. WRONG. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WTIH ME EXCEPT THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS HORNY AND I NEED TO F*CK IN AS MANY POSITIONS AS POSSIBLE.

I EVEN WILL WECOME MORE PEOPLE TO THE F*CKFST. WOMEN OF ALL AGES AND SHAPES ARE INVITED. PLEASE HURRY IF INTERESTED CALL ME AT 2 ONE 4 7TWO5 2SIXFIVE6 I WILL BE ANSWERING ALL DAY UNTIL 4. I WILL MAKE EVERYSECOND YOUR WITH ME HEAVEN. HURRY BEFORE YOU MISS YOUR CHANCE.

Give Him a BJ, Please? I Mean, The Dude Had To Move Back To His Momz!

im not looking for sex just a bj i just broke up wit my lady and it would help i hade to move back to my moms…ladies only plz know how to suck d*ck for real!

Before I delve into how much oral activity went on last night (on the show of course), the beginning of Nip/Tuck was utterly horrifying. Dr. MacNamara’s new leading lady sh*t herself in his hot tub and was from that point referred to as “the sh*tter.”

Is it just me or does this girl seem way too unworthy of dating such a hot doctor? I don’t care that she used to be fat. I don’t mind that she has some intimacy issues. What bothers me is that her personality sucks. What does he see in her? Especially now that she’s literally sh*t all over him. Uh, so gross. I did however find all of the poop talk hilarious.

My prediction is that MacNamara dumps her and gets it on with Eden, lesbian Olivia’s overly sexual daughter, who’s hair is out of control. And side note: Is this chick for real? I mean what is she? A teen dominatrix? You’d think she were a tease, but I’m seriously doubt it.

Now on to the oral. GOOD LORD, what a variety. First we have the sh*tter giving Dr. Mac a BJ. Then we have Olivia going down on Julia. And last, but I’m sure not least, Kimber and Matt giving us a full on oral sex show after they smoked crack. And while we’re on the subject of these two, I was like “WHAT?!” when I watched this scene.

Their poor baby.

Above all, I think one of the highlights of the episode was when Julia slept with Christian. I know I was probably as shocked as him when she flat out said she did him to be done with him. Dude, you. Got. Served.

Now that the whole MacNamara/Troy family is back together again, we are all in for some crazy ass drama. God, I love this show.