Who the hell is "Mikey Hot Pants"?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in college, it’s that half of the contacts in my phone are people I don’t know. I may have known them for the length of a drink or a line outside my favorite bar, but memory fades with last call.

In any case, what makes the randoms in my phone stand out is how they’re entered as a contact… affectionately re-named, if you will.

We all do it, and I really do lament my memory slipping, but as I was going through my contacts list the other day, I couldn’t help but crack up at some of the best names I found in my phone. After which I was reminded of some of the better names and numbers taken down by some of my friends.

With no further ado, the best contacts I completely forgot about, and you likely have in your phone too: Read More »

I’ve hooked up with quite a few people in my time on this planet. I won’t share my number here, because that’s nobody’s business but mine and the unfortunate roommates who had to listen as I added more boys to the list, but let’s just say I’ve had my fair share of romps.

My “number,” however, only reflects about 75% of them.

Why? Well, because there are some that just shouldn’t count. Like the guy who couldn’t keep it up, or the one who left while I was sleeping and I wouldn’t recognize again if he was lying in my bed completely naked. Or the one who referred to my lady parts as “Taco Bell” (as in, “Yo quiero your Taco Bell”) and was immediately asked to leave.

Why should I count someone who likened my vajay to a Chalupa?

We all have those guys or hookups that just shouldn’t count. And by “count” I mean “never happened and I am going to drink heavily so I completely block it out.” I asked the CollegeCandy writers to tell me which guys didn’t make their list. Where do you draw the line? Read More »

[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]

I’ll put it plainly: On my 19th birthday, I made it my duty to get really, really drunk. It was my freshman year at school, and my parents had come up for the weekend and taken a few of my closest friends out to celebrate with us. Naturally, as is often customary when mom and dad are footing the bill, the wine was flowing for a good two hours. By the time we finished dinner and got back to campus I had a great buzz, and we made our way to our friend’s apartment where a party was being thrown in my honor.

A kid that I had been hooking up with lived in the apartment along with nine other guys, and as the night went on we starting flirting a lot and it seemed like I would end up spending the night. I was really excited that he was paying attention to me – so excited that I didn’t even care when I dropped my new cell phone in the toilet. (I’ll always owe one of my best friends for sticking her hand into my pee and extracting my shiny pink Motorola Razor… Since that weekend, when talking to my parents, I’ve maintained the argument that one of my friends dropped it into the toilet. They still don’t believe me.)

Anyways, fast forward to the next morning. Read More »

It’s amazing how universal the college experience is and how readily we all accept it as normal. Talk to any college student on any college campus in the country and you will easily find common ground: in the drinking games, in the fake ID horror stories, in the theme parties, in the hook ups.

It is only when an outsider (Read: An Old Person) looks in and comments on the college scene that we take a second look and realize that our choices really aren’t that…acceptable.

My friend recently sent me this article, in which some old dude jumps into the college scene and reports what he finds. And what was it? Just your typical weekend at any college campus: parties, makeouts, puking, etc. Only, when he talks about it it sounds a lot different than when we share our stories in a typical Saturday morning recap. Read More »

Let’s face it: s**t happens. Sometimes we get a little crazy and accidentally go home with someone(s) that we did not intend to. Now, I’m not condoning that you engage in any activities of this sort, but if you happen to do so, I want to be sure you have a way of 1) getting out of there, 2) not repeating the same mistake for quite some time, and 3) having a hilarious story to go along with it.

So, here are a few tips for handling the most difficult of situations.

“I think I had an accident…” – Now I hope this hasn’t happened to you, but if you ever happen to wake up and realize that you took one too few bathroom trips last night, I have a solution for you. My friend Chris once peed himself (for lack of a better phrase) and promptly asked the girl he woke up with for a glass of water. As soon as she handed it to him, he spilled it all over his lap. Hey, I’d much rather be compared to a klutz than an accident-prone toddler.

“What’s your name again?” – Waking up next to a rando is pretty embarrassing. But nothing is worse than waking up to a relative stranger when you can’t remember their name. Even if you’ve narrowed it down to Jose and Jackson, you really can’t just test one out to see if it’s right. If you’re planning on never seeing them again, it’s totally acceptable to use the word “you” in the place of their name in any sentence. If you plan on seeing them again, however, ask them to enter their number (and name!) into your phone. Don’t pull the ol’ “How do you spell your name?” when you enter it in. Believe me, it’s pretty mortifying when he snaps back “B-E-N” while staring you down. Read More »

There’s something that doesn’t seem quite right about the fact that a college student is more likely to skip class when the atmospheric temp drops below zero than to say “no” to a party.

Sure, we can layer five sweaters, two hoodies, a parka, and a scarf, but once we’ve stepped outside, bookbag in hand, we realize we would much rather snuggle up under our down comforters and hibernate until spring. Yet, when Friday rolls around, we’re willing to trudge across campus in a blizzard, wearing mini skirts and halter tops, just to look cute for Martini Night.

Of course, these practices only snowball (har har har) into bigger problems when we get strep throat, bronchitis, the flu, or other wintery illness since our immune systems have been frozen solid. Rather than braving the cold, risking hypothermia, or sitting in an ice-cube of a car, begging the heat to kick in for twenty minutes just so you can feel the steering wheel to drive to a party, here are some ways to make the weekends work…warmly.

1. Host a floor party.

Especially in suite-style dorms or university apartment complexes, this is a no-brainer. Everyone can pop in and out as they please, nobody even needs a jacket, and you’ll never be stuck being the DD. If your RA is a stickler for the rules, this can be tricky, but if you can get away with it, have an open house on your floor/in your hall/ around the building. Read More »

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned in college, it’s that half of the contacts in my phone are people I don’t know. I may have known them for the length of a drink or a line outside my favorite bar, but memory fades with last call.

In any case, what makes the randoms in my phone stand out is how they’re entered as a contact… affectionately re-named, if you will.

We all do it, and I really do lament my memory slipping, but as I was going through my contacts list the other day, I couldn’t help but crack up at some of the best names I found in my phone. After which I was reminded of some of the better names and numbers taken down by some of my friends.

With no further ado, the best contacts I completely forgot about, and you likely have in your phone too (please note that actual names have been changed on the off chance any of these people remember exchanging numbers with me or my friends):

1. John Cinco de Mayo

Ah, yes, you remember the Cinco de Mayo story. What a glorious and drunken event. He’s still in my phone, identified by when I met him. This can also occur with cities and venues as well (see below)… Read More »

For college students everywhere, mid-March means the glorious time to break away from the monotonous second semester daily grind and go buck wild on sunny beaches for a week. Although I participated in most “college-esque” activities; sororities, student organizations, etc, having the stereotypical balls to the wall spring break was something I never did. And now, looking back on it, I’m proud of it.

Trying to convince my conservative parents that spending upwards of $1500-$2000 for a week’s vacation was a hopeless cause. All of my friends would say, “But alcohol is included in the package deal! All you can drink!” Yeah, I’m sure that will be a real selling point. “You see mom, I can binge drink with all that money…”

At the time, I thought I would look back on my college experience and wish I would have splurged on a crazy spring break experience. But now that I am more removed from the situation and college life, I’m actually kind of happy that I didn’t partake. Read More »