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It’s finals week and snowing here in the Midwest; what a lovely combination. I can’t think of a better way to take a study break than to snuggle up by the fireplace with a few pledge sisters and talk about our upcoming winter formal… the reason why I return to school second semester every year… the highlight of January!

Woof.
Who am I kidding? Faking it is not something I’m great at so I won’t even try.

Winter break is days away and that means literally only one thing for a sorority girl (OK, besides presents): winter freaking formal. It’s what every sorority girl looks forward to, right? What she spends her winter break thinking about and shopping for. The sorority event. The night that every potential new member dreams about and counts down to. The stuff sorority life is made of.

I guess.
I’m not going to candy-coat it: I kind of hate this time of year, and since we’re supposed to be getting in the spirit of the Christmas, I guess you could call me the Grinch of Holiday Formals. Ugh.

It seems like every year I am riding the struggle bus to find a date to these things… and for what? To buy a $100 dress that I will wear for 3 hours tops, ruin as I spill a drink on it in the midst of avoiding awkward conversation with my blind date, and make wonderful memories that I will only remember thanks to my camera? Chaos.

But that’s not even the worst, most stressful part of all. That award goes to the semi-forced conversation between you and the house social chair.

“Sooo, have you found a date yet?” She asks, half excited to hear your answer and half excited to hear of your failure.
“Ohhh, no, I just can’t choose. So many options!” This is sorority girl in distress code for, “I haven’t asked anyone because I have ZERO prospects.” If you’re lucky, your guy friend from orientation (for whom you have NO romantic inklings, just a mutual love of drinking and dancing) will go with you. If you’re not so lucky, an older sister in the house sets you up with “the cutest guy ever!” and you spend your night forcing conversation while the rest of your house gets it on in dark corners around the venue. I’ve been there (see exact scenario above), and it will never happen again. Which means I still need to find someone to go with. Sigh.

And then there’s always the sorority girlss unrealistic expectations about their dates. Unless he has been your diehard boyfriend for plus or minus a year, don’t expect to be impressed. A formal is just another excuse for a guy to drink, like any other night of the year, only this time he’s wearing a tie. Sure, every so often a guy will come along and sweep you off your feet, but 9 times out of 10, that does not involve some grand romantic gesture but rather some drunken dance moves that land you both on your asses on the dance floor. These guys are not Prince Charming; they’re frat boys! And no he’s not (cringe) “the one.” I’m disappointed if you even pondered that thought.

So, what? Formals are a waste of time and money? We should all skip them, save the $100 and bottle of vodka we were gonna smuggle on the bus and just stay home? Hell to the no.

Yes, formal season can be stressful but it can also be a great time, the best night of the year, the kind of night that sorority life is made of. You just gotta know what to expect and roll with the punches (even if those punches may or may not include rubbing your date’s back while he pukes over the side of a river boat. Don’t ask.). My suggestions: take a friend to these formals and have fun. Don’t worry about impressing some guy you barely know (or have never previously met….) Make memories with your sisters because those memories are the ones you will want to replay in 10 years… not a sloppy make out with what’s-his-face. Then, when the night is over, post the pics on Facebook immediately so you can re-live the glory with the girls over (a very late and very hungover) breakfast the next morning afternoon.

What is the scene like at YOUR sorority before a formal? Have YOU taken a blind date to a date-function?

Get more Greek Life goodness right here.

[We scoured the country to find the ultimate sorority girl to share her sisterly expertise with you. After reading through tons of applications followed by hours Facebook-stalking all the candidates (which proved difficult thanks to FB's privacy settings....), we found her. She gave you the lowdown on rush and now that you're sitting pretty in your new house, she's moving on to more important topics: date functions.]

It seems like every year ALL the fraternities try to cram their date functions and formals into two weekends in the fall and spring. For a socialite like myself and the rest of my pledge class, juggling all these events can be a bit overwhelming for a girl! (Who am I kidding? The BF is a Pi Kappa Alpha, so unless it’s his fraternity’s function I sit on the sidelines and watch my friends get dolled up while I wish I was, too, desperately throwing together a toga!)

Speaking of toga, who doesn’t want to get asked to a fraternity date function? FINALLY you get to go to your date’s house without worrying about a drunken slew of GDI girls ruining the mood. Just you, your date, his brothers, and their dates – perfect. BUT there are plenty of ways to make the night not-so-perfect.

Everyone has had that “OMG I’m so glad I’m not that girl” moment at a party, and Greek events are definitely no exception. News travels at lightning speed through the Greek community so for your sake (and your sorority’s sake) heed my advice and don’t be that girl! And, believe it or not, ALL the things I am about to advise you NOT to do I have seen first hand. And it’s not a pretty picture.

Girl fight? Tsk, tsk. There is absolutely nothing attractive about two girls yelling and screaming at each other at a fraternity, ESPECIALLY at a fraternity date function. Seriously- have some class and keep it together. Causing a scene at a dance will not only to completely embarrass your date at HIS house, but also your sisters or friends who are there too.

Ditch your date? How rude! Ok, Ok I know sometimes we get asked on dates or to functions by guys that…well… aren’t exactly our first pick. Been there. Done that. BUT make the most of it and have a good time. DON’T purposely lose your date ten minutes after walking in the door. At least build up some liquid courage and attempt to make some decent convo. If all else fails, hang out in a big group to make things less awkward.

Use your date as a garbage can/toilet. Do I even have to say it? Watch how much you drink. The last thing your rep needs is a picture of you all over the Book with vom all over yourself…and your date. Only you know how much you can drink – don’t try and be superwoman and drink your date under the table. Trust me: you will lose.

BUT, if (and only if) you pinky promise you will not do anything listed above, then hell yeah go to the date function!  What can you do to spice up your date night?

Blind date? YES! Especially after a brutal break-up (again, from experience), tagging along to a date function with a few good sisters (that’s you Mere, Meg and Emily!) and meeting a rando blind date can be fun AND take your mind off of your depressing ex situation. And even if there is no ex situation, take advantage of set-ups; you never know who you’ll meet!

Be a wingman? SO fun. Tagging along as a third wheel (when invited) can be a blast. You get to play up your friend to her date and avoid the pressure of trying to impress anyone yourself. Highly recommended!

Are YOU getting ready for a date function?? Anything you wanna know? Let me know! Let’s talk date functions!

I wish someone would have taken that bottle of cran away...

I’d consider myself a seasoned formal veteran. As such, I have acquired a bit of wisdom as far as formal do’s and dont’s. Whether you are a freshman going to formals for the first time or even a senior not affiliated in the Greek circuit, I have chosen a recent and epic failure at Greek formal-ing that will hopefully teach you from my mistakes… or at least give you a good laugh.

The Blind Date

Blind dates are quite common in the formal world. Twice now I have agreed to help out a friend of a friend who “just can’t get a date.” This would be the red flag for most girls – why on earth can’t this dude nab a date?! -  but I, blinded by naivete and the prospect of free food and drinks, always acquiesce. My second transgression was just a few weeks ago. We get to the place, which happened to be a $30 cab ride away, making my chances of leaving slim to hitchhiking. We pre-gamed in a hotel room, where my date doted on me. And by “doted,” I mean basically poured booze down my throat. I even started pouring drinks down the drain out of fear of being too drunk around strangers. (Go me!)

We get to the formal and since he planned it, he left me every 5 minutes to “take care of things.” He couldn’t get me a wristband for whatever reason but brought me a flask of vodka (red flag #2). I decided to have a little chat with him about expectations, which was me conveying my disinterest in anything but “cutesy dancing” and eating and drinking. As well as I thought that went, when we got to the dance floor it was obvious that “cutesy dancing” did not register on his radar, or that maybe he thought grinding me against a wall was cute.

He later asked me to accompany him to the hotel room, and I politely declined (and threw up in my mouth a little bit). Looking defeated, he hugged me (an attempt to lure me into his bed, I presume) and ended up giving me a nice cigarette burn in the process. Once that wound is gone, I hope to completely forget that formal, but I know that little round scar with be a lifelong reminder to never return to another formal again.

But even though I was scarred for life (literally), there is some good to come from this. Namely, the lessons I will pass onto you:

Lesson 1: Your best bet is to bring a “friend”

Unless you are hooking up with someone, bring a friend and set the terms before you go. “Wanna be my date to formal, you know, go as just friends?” Formals are like the older, slutty cousin of Prom; they can be a fantastic dance party extravaganza, or the longest, most awkward night of your life if you do not properly set the terms with your date.

Lesson 2: Though the drinks will be flowing, be classy

Some of the most fun formals will be hosted by fraternities that can get away with having an open bar and tons of minors. Not coincidentally, some of my most embarrassing moments in life have occurred at or after these events. No matter how good the song is, avoid break dancing, doing a split, or really any type of dance-off – you will be photographed…and tagged. Don’t skip the food to have more time and room to drink – it has never ended well for me or any sloptart I have seen do it.

Lesson 3: Hooking up with your date’s “brother” has consequences

I had a friendship ruined because of a guy bringing me as a potential hookup when I thought we were friends, and me blatantly “mingling” with his brother in front of his face. Oops! Thanks, ice luge. Chances are, if you end up with another brother and are hoping it remains a secret, it definitely won’t. Frat boys are just as gossipy as your average girl and even use their chapter email servers to send embarrassing or funny (or “fratty”) emails to and the all the bros. The truth will come out!

Lesson 4: Bring a Water Bottle

Those long bus or cab rides back are brutal after 6 hours of open bar heaven. Come prepared. Most bus companies charge $500 or more if someone hurls on the seats, and one wrong splash could get you blacklisted from fraternity events for.e.verrrrr.

That’s all for now – I am officially formal jaded!

Have no fear, single girl.  Valentine’s Day isn’t just for couples.  In fact, when you’re not joined at the hip, you can usually have more fun by partying it up and enjoying your independence with a gaggle of equally fun, single ladies this year.

Hit the Bar Scene.

Valentine’s Day is one of the biggest bar nights of the year (along with Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day,  the last Saturday before exam week, etc.), and if you have to miss it for a boring dinner date, you definitely drew the short straw.  The bars will be packed with other singles, and if you want to shack up, you’ll find plenty of fish in the booze-flooded sea.

Ogle Some Hotties.

Valentine’s Day, whether you’re single, dating, married, whatever, is a woman’s holiday.  And guess what – you’re far from the only one who isn’t getting wooed this year.  Plenty of nightclubs sponsor male revues and other events where men are forced to put their six packs on display for salivating singles.  Can’t find a live show? Rent your favorite hot stud films and admire Brad Pitt et al on the small screen.

Have a Girl-Date.

Why can’t you bring your BFF out to an expensive, overpriced dinner and drink champagne and toast yourselves? Just because you aren’t in a romantic relationship doesn’t mean you lack other quality relationships in your life.  Take the money you would have spent on frivolous gifts to express your love for a man, and bring out one of your besties.

Host a Meet and Greet.

I am hesitant to suggest blind dates on Valentine’s Day, because you never know what you’re going to get.  So save the speed-dating for another random weekend, and have your own mixer.  Have each of your girlfriends bring a few single guys.  This works best if you don’t know each other’s guy friends, so look into platonic friends at neighboring schools, and play matchmaker in a totally low-key, stress-free setting.

Have a Good Old Boyfriend Bonfire.

If you’re still bitter about the way things ended with your ex, take a hint from Friends and have a boyfriend bonfire.  Or… nonfire, if you want to keep your housing.  If you can’t stand the fact that he’s wining and dining his new ladyfriend, release some steam and get closure by hosting a ritual to cleanse yourself of his memories…and all the crap he never picked up from your dorm.  Have a girl’s night, complete with guilty-pleasure food, chick flicks, and loads of vino, and give everyone a chance to vent about how they are better off without him.

Whatever you do this Valentine’s Day, there’s no excuse for staying home alone.  You aren’t the only one without a date, and you’re not the only one waiting in a long-ass line at CVS to buy a cheesy, heart-adorned greeting card as a means of expressing yourself.  So save a tree and revel in your current relationship status (or lack thereof).  Next year, when you’re taken, you’ll miss certain excuses to wild out with your chicas.

What are your V-Day plans, single girls?

Keep your head straight.

Prioritize your goals. Meeting a new guy, as awesome as it theoretically seems, should definitely not be numero uno on your list. No matter how much time and effort you dedicate to searching for your Prince Charming, it won’t pay off if that’s all your interested in. A) You will absolutely come off like that crazy girl from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days—and guys just aren’t into that. B) It’s Murphy’s Law that whatever you want will find you exactly when you’re not looking for it. And, most importantly, C) Maintaining your circle of friends, hobbies, talents and already great life in general is what makes you an interesting person in the first place; if you want to meet an interesting guy, don’t you think he’ll have the same expectations of you?

Get Sexy (-er).

Whether you’re already a bona fide bombshell or you’re ready for a complete face/wardrobe/etc., overhaul, getting dressed up to the point where you look HAWT and you know it is an instant guy magnet. Why is this? Well it’s more than your 4- inch stilettos and “ass jeans”—it’s the confidence you radiate knowing that you’re the bomb.com. So whatever you need to do to get yourself in the “You will worship the ground I walk on” frame of mind–be it a blowout, manicure, shopping spree or your favorite perfume—make it a habit before you go anywhere you think you may meet Mr. February 14th…and it could be somewhere you weren’t suspecting.

Location, Location, Location!

While getting wastey faced and shooting anything with testosterone your “sexy” bedroom eyes (more difficult to pull off than you’d think while inebriated!) was a perfectly effective method to reel in your midnight New Year’s kiss, it might not work when you’re setting your sights on something more than a one night stand. So skip the bars/club/ house party route and seek your dream boy somewhere outside the realm of beer goggles.

- Take advantage of the remaining New Year’s Resolutioners at the gym—but steer clear of the estrogen- overloaded ellipticals and head straight to the weight room. If you can get past the grunting, spray-tanned set (unless you’re into that) and check out the iron-pumping hotties, ask one that catches your eye to spot you. Bonus points if you have good form—maybe you can even give him a few pointers.

- Grab a girlfriend and go to a tennis court or indoor squash court. Not only do hot, sweaty guys abound , but you two will get to wear sweet outfits and get a fun workout in, regardless of if you meet anyone.

- Head over to good ol’ Starbucks, order yourself your favorite Venti and park yourself in the corner with a good book. Don’t get too absorbed though, and scan who enters every time the baristas welcome someone new; if he’s cute, give him a warm smile and pray he can’t find anywhere else to sit.

Carpe Diem!

When opportunity knocks, invite it in to curl up on the couch with you and watch the Dark Knight. When your best friend wants to set you up with her co-worker who mentioned a band you like, just let it happen. When your cute lab partner asks what your weekend plans are, bat those eyelashes while you tell him you may have some free time with his name on it. Keep an open mind and accept invitations you normally would pass on, for whatever reason. Even if you don’t meet your V-day partner, you may meet next year’s, or at least meet cool guys you otherwise never would have bothered with.

Whether you find someone before February 14th or not, living by some or all of these rules will pay off eventually. And if you don’t have a date on Cupid’s High Holy Day? Grab some Godiva and curl up with a nice slasher movie.

If you can travel…

Hey, if you’ve got the funds, lucky you. Hit up another country and see how they do New Years. You don’t regret it. If you’re still underage, Canadian cities can be quite the hotspot (take it from someone who spent her last <21 New Years in Montreal, after a 10-hour road strip). If you’re loaded despite being in college during the recession, head on over to Europe. Hate the cold? Sing Auld Lang Syne in Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic.

Okay, those are nice ideas in a fantasy world… but let’s move onto options for those of us who can’t cough up the money for airfare.

If you want to travel but can’t afford it…

Throw a Chinese New Year’s party. Okay, so technically the CNY kicks off February 1, but who cares? Cater your party with Egg Rolls and Fortune Cookies (way cheaper than many food options), decorate with paper dragons, and serve Sake till the last Geisha’s standing.

Create Your Own Times Square. NYC is pretty much insane on New Year’s anyway. Hang a disco ball from the ceiling and buy skyscraper cut-outs for the walls. Have everyone dress up (because in college, the land of hoodies and sweatshirts, you can never have too many fancy-dress parties), and broadcast the Manhattan festivities on your TV in the background. It’ll be warmer than Times Square, and you probably won’t have any bums hitting you up for spare change on the way home.

Throw a Hotel Party…in the Next Town Over. Grab a room at the Best Western or the HoJo, and pretend you’re at the Ritz Carlton. Nobody will have to drive, you won’t have to clean up, and maybe you can work it so you share a queen bed with your crush.

If you really don’t care about traveling, and just want to have a good time:

Throw a “My Tie” party. If you can make a large quantity of Mai Tais in a punch bowl, more power to you. But encourage everyone to dress business-casual, and when the men arrive, have them remove their ties and throw them in a basket. The ladies then choose a tie, and the man who belongs to that piece of neckwear is her date for the night. Takes the pressure off of finding a kiss at Midnight.

New Year’s Resolutions parties can also be fun, because we all have them, and none of us stick to them. Wear a necklace made of empty Marlboro boxes if you plan to quit smoking, or wear some hot spandex if you vow to go to the gym more regularly. Things can get pretty effing creative here. Not into costumes? Have everyone throw their resolution into a hat, and try to guess who is giving up what this year.

Have a Blind Date. They say the way you ring in the new year is a prediction of how the next 365 days will unfold. Plan a girl’s night and go Speed Dating as a group, or see if any bachelors have posted on CrazyBlindDate.com. The key is to get your friends involved, so that at the very least, you can have a laugh. New Year’s Eve is all about letting loose isn’t it?

If you really don’t care about getting smashed…

Check out your city’s First Night. There’s bound to be fireworks, free live music, and tons of street vendors. Many cities across the US host First Night celebrations, and they are quite lucrative.

Host a Best-Of 2008 Movie Marathon. Curl up with some take-out and a stash of DVDs – just be sure to press pause for the Ball Drop at midnight!

Make Some Money. I’ve had my share of insane NYE celebrations. So last year, I opted to wait tables, since every weekend for me is as crazy as the novice’s New Year. The tips were good, and I was still out by midnight. And I made up for missing the big party by having several “No Reason” celebrations. Scour Craigslist and you’ll see tons of opportunities to work at private parties on the 31st. You never know what kind of adventure will actually unravel.

For the past year I have enjoyed new experiences, new men, new positions and a whole new chapter of my life. Having recently gained the self-confidence to approach a man, I took charge of my sexuality and decided it was time to let loose a little bit and have a good time.

And that was the best decision EVER.

Recently, though, I was set up on a date. Not really looking for anything serious at the moment, I only agreed to the whole event to appease my friend. But as soon as the boy came to pick me up I was glad that I did.

He was cute. He was smart. He was funny. And he was a total gentleman.

At the end of the evening I thanked him for dinner and awkwardly dodged his attempts at a kiss by slamming my apartment door in his face. Smooth, I know.

It was not like I didn’t want to kiss him – in fact, I wanted to do a lot more…in the shower – it was just that, well, I didn’t know how. I haven’t kissed someone I actually liked in a really long time. The last 10 guys I kissed, in fact, had names I could not recall and happened in a dark corner in a gross bar. The kiss almost always led to sex, which was always lots of fun, but was always purely physical, carnal, and fueled by too much alcohol.

In other words, the only “feelings” involved in the whole exchange were the feelings that were happening below the belt.

I knew I would never see the guys again, so I never really cared how things turned out. I didn’t think about what I looked like naked. It didn’t matter if they ever wanted to see me again. I just wanted to have a good time and be home in time for breakfast the next morning.

With each passing Walk of Shame, though, sex changed for me from an expression of feelings to nothing more than a physical act with a very happy ending (if I was lucky). And I never noticed – until now, that is, when I find myself faced with potential feelings and no clue how to act on them.

I don’t regret the past year of my life, but I do question if treating sex as a light hearted and fun activity has permanently desensitized me to the emotional aspect of it all. I am afraid that my life as a single, sexually uninhibited woman has made me incapable of anything more and that sex can never be anything besides a drunken quest for physical satisfaction.

I think I’m ruined.

I remember having a drunken bonding moment with a really cool guy in college a few years ago, and he asked for my number. I asked for his screen name instead. I mean, IM-ing someone is so much more casual, and so much less stressful. You don’t have to feel your heart thumping through your chest as the phone rings. Is he going to answer? Is it going to go to voicemail? Is he blocking me? What do I say if he picks up?

With IM, you can see if he’s away or idle, and choose your own adventure from there. You can leave a casual “Just wanted to say I had a great time last night” IM, rather than starting a phone call with the same line and then struggling to make small talk. Likewise, you can make small talk behind the shield of the IM window, where he can’t hear your voice crack, and where you can copy and paste the whole convo to all of your girlfriends and get advice while you try to weed out his intentions.

And then came Facebook. The social network has made quite the mark on the dating scene. There’s the poke, which can be viewed as casual, flirty, or creepy. There’s the “it’s complicated” label for the relationship you’re in (finally- you can be open about having a f*ck buddy without warding off the rest of the male population!); and of course, there’s the wall post, which makes the casual IM seem like the awkward phone call of yesteryear.

I mean, the Facebook Comment is meant to be a quick exchange, with no pressure to make conversation. When you make a phone call, you have to come up with a discussion and keep the ball rolling. When you IM, there’s still the slight chance that he comes un-idle and writes back. With the F/B comment, it’s open and shut. Even if he writes back immediately, you can pretend you didn’t read it, and wait until the drunken-hookup hormones die down before you decide whether you want to pursue a fling or keep it casual.

Even better, the post-date phone call screams “interested.” So there’s not really a way to let someone down gently. You meet, you have a date, you feel a connection. Then you wait three days. If he calls, he wants you; if he doesn’t, you’re done. But Facebook gives people a chance to be “friends” first (and I use the term loosely, since Facebook friends and true camaraderie are entirely different entities). But the “friending” option is beneficial in two crucial ways. One, you don’t owe a Facebook friend anything. You don’t owe him a date, just like he doesn’t owe you an explanation if his last fifteen comments are from blonde supermodels in training. Two, since you don’t owe him a date, you can safely flirt through F/B until you know it’s time to make a move.

Say you meet someone at a party, and your buzz makes you believe you could be compatible. He calls, and you’re pressured to make some sort of plans. Then you have to fake food poisoning and skip out on the check because the beer goggles have flown off with the force of a Kansas tornado. However, if you have access to his Facebook, you can check out his interests, his friends, and, most importantly, his photos. You can also poke and message for an undetermined amount of time, and bide your time until you’re ready to meet up again.

Yeah, Facebook and Myspace have their flaws, which you’ll discover when you’re denied a job because a recruiter saw your kegstand photos during a background check. But they’ve changed the face of relationships. And personally, I think the dating scene has gotten easier. Nobody ever got an STD from a cyber-poke.

[photo from jupiterimages]