Caneiro’s concern regarding this ailment is understandable – we don’t need an entire generation of hunchbacks, after all – but in the grand scheme of things, Laptop-itis is the least of our problems. Really, there are plenty of larger issues we college students should be worrying about. Like Athlete’s Foot from the showers. Or Mono from all those frat party makeouts.

Or any of these:

Laundr-phobia:  Often striking halfway through the semester, students present with an unhealthy, all-consuming fear of the laundry room (usually stemming from an uncertainty of how to use the machines).  Symptoms include a lack of underwear, crusty stains and a less than desirable smell of mildew permeating from their overflowing hamper.  In extreme cases, Laundr-phobia’s effects can be disastrous (and foul), often leading to ridicule and friend loss.  While there is no known cure, temporary reprieve is available during long weekends at home with mom.

Caffeinitis:  This illness is brought upon by any of the following triggers: coffee, Red Bull, Five Hour Energy shots, or some dangerous combination of the three.  Symptoms include: shaking hands, a quickened pulse, fast and frequent trips to the bathroom and an inability to sit still for more than 3 seconds. In very, very extreme cases, students become immune to the effects of the aforementioned beverages and begin to abuse Adderall  – IF YOU REACH THIS POINT, SEEK WARM MILK AND A BED IMMEDIATELY.

Pump Foot: Often the result of dancing for hours on end in sky-high stilettos, this disorder generally manifests itself on Sunday mornings.  Characterized by large and painful blisters, cramped toes, and painful arches/calves.  Research on this disorder is limited, but it is understood that certain libations trick victims into thinking that they are immune and actually cause more damage. At present there is no known cure, but preventative care is available in the form of cute and comfy flats.

‘That Girl’ Syndrome:  The most unpleasant of all the diseases.  This disease often (though not always) strikes when a female is at her most vulnerable. Generally speaking, this is after the dissolution of a relationship.  While symptoms are different for everyone, the most common include: dancing on a bar, crying in the bathroom, gratuitous public displays of affection, falling down stairs, and generally causing a scene.  The most harmful effects of this particular ailment hit the following morning and often include mockery, embarrassment, and a dangerously long log of outgoing calls between the hours of midnight and 4 a.m.  The victim typically complains of two hangovers – one characterized by physical pain, the other by an overwhelming sense of shame. Recovery time ranges from one day to one month depending on the case.

‘That Guy’ Syndrome:  Not to be confused with the female version, ‘That Guy’ syndrome seems to harm those around the victim more than the carrier himself.  While suffering, patients will generally spill beer on their peers, crush beer cans on their heads, challenge anyone with a pulse to a Shotgunning contest, and puff up their chest at any innocent passerby who might “look at me the wrong way.”

I-Wait-Until-The-Last-Possible-Second-To-Write-That-Ten-Page-Paper-Because-I’m-Looking-Through-Everyone’s-Study-Abroad-Pictures Disease: While mild on its own, if not treated properly (experts recommend disconnecting from the Internet) it can lead to severe cases of Caffeinitis and Oh-sh*t-I-have-to-retake-that-class syndrome.

I’m pretty sure he was referring to things like school work and job interviews, but I took that advice to heart….with beauty supplies.

Thanks to my dad I never leave the house without my big bag of beauty essentials. You never know what could happen on your way to class – blisters from your shoes, a sudden monsoon, laughing so hard you cry off all your mascara – so it’s best to bring along a few things to save you from a makeup meltdown. I’ll share with you all of my must-brings that have gotten me through all of my beauty emergencies and then you can customize your portable beauty bag to hold whatever you like (yeah, stacks on deck, Patron on ice…).

I live in my Rainbows. Period. No matter if it’s spring or fall, cloudy or sunny, hot or cold. No matter if I’m heading to a class, rocking out at a concert, or lounging by the pool. My Rainbows are constantly my go-to shoe, but sometimes – I admit – they’re just not a very good shoe choice.

So, my dear Rainbows, I’m totally torn…

Love Em:

There’s many reasons why 99% of the time you see me (and the majority of the other girls on campus), I’m in my Rainbows. They’re arguably the most comfortable shoes ever made, thanks to the leather construction and cushioned sole that molds to your feet (you can even see the layers of leathery softness!). And if you want more comfort, you can even buy ‘em double-layered! Can you say “heaven”?

Rainbows come in a ton of varieties. You can choose your color (white, brown, or black), material (leather or cloth), and straps (thin or thick). Not that it matters; whatever you choose, Rainbows always match your outfit and make you look 100% Cali-cute!

Even better, the people behind the flip flops are so sure of them that they even include a lifetime warranty for the odd chance that the straps break or the stitching comes undone. And seeing how often I wear them, that little guarantee makes them pretty perfect.

Loathe em:

Once you break them in, Rainbows are super comfy. Until you break them in, though, these flippies cause some serious pain and oozy blisters. Especially right between your big toe and the little guy next door. So. much. pain.

The price tag for these casual flip-flops is also a problem: $50!? For flip flops?! Flip flops that cause your feet to ooze and bleed? Yes, they are good quality sandals, but it’s not like sandals offer any quality support for your feet! An article in Newsweek cites research that shows flip-flops actually alter the way you walk, resulting in shorter steps and more stress on your joints that can cause even more pain (aside from your blisters).

And although you’ll want to wear them everywhere (after you break them in…and break your wallet buying them), you really shouldn’t wear them when it’s raining, snowing, hailing, or your playing beer pong/flip cup; once they get wet, your feet turn brown. And stay brown until you literally scrub them raw. And definitely not good for super long walks or hikes. Although, I may be the only one who ever tried that one…

So Rainbows, I’m torn. What do you think about these flippy-floppies?

No matter how crazy you think your personal situation is, it is not just you. So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone - we’ve all been there before.]

It’s Friday (or Saturday, Sunday…or any day that ends in “y”) and you are gonna hit the town with the ladies. You crack a beer and sip it in front of your closet as you figure out which low cut top and jeans to wear. The stereo in your room is blasting a little Lady Gaga to get you in the mood. Once you are dressed and properly accessorized, you gather your friends together for a little pre-party dance party.

Soon it’s time to go, so you throw on your favorite pair of going-out stilettos and make your way to the party. They aren’t comfortable, but you convince yourself that by the time they start hurting you will be too drunk to notice.

You walk to the party, holding hands with your BFF and having the “I love you so much” conversation that only happens when you are 3-4 drinks in. Upon arriving at the gathering, you make your way to the keg and fill up your red Solo cup. And the night officially begins.

There is dancing, there is drinking, there are laps around the room to see just which cute boys you may want to flirt with.

And then the pain sets in.

As you stand in a corner chatting it up with a friend of a friend of a friend, your baby toe starts to feel as though it is going to fall off. You switch your weight to the other foot. And then back to that foot.

You dig your heels into the ground and attempt to push your foot back in the shoe. You lean to the right and slip your left foot out of the pump. You try to drink a bit more to numb the pain.

But each attempt only offers momentary relief.

You can think of nothing else but the pain; nothing the cute boy is saying is registering. All your attention is focused on finding a band-aid or some place to sit. Too bad this party doesn’t have toilet paper, let alone benches for resting your aching tootsies.

You consider taking off your shoes completely before looking at the beer soaked floor and thinking better of it. You’ll just have to deal.

And you do. You sort of hop/hobble around the party, pausing frequently to readjust your feet in the shoes. You curse yourself for not opting for flats when you had the chance.

When it is finally time to head home, you wonder if you’ll even make it. Sometimes, if your friends also made unfortunate shoe choices, you can convince everyone to hop in a cab (even if that cab ride is 3 blocks). Usually, though, you are forced to suck it up and limp home in pain, 20 yards behind everyone

else because you can’t move any faster.

You kick the shoes off as soon as you get in the door – or, if it’s bad enough, as soon as you can see your door in the distance – and rub your ailing feet. The blisters have already formed and will probably plague you for a week. You swear you are never going to wear those things again, but you know that’s not true. They look so good with your skinnies and make your legs look a mile long.

Those blisters will clear up in time for next weekend. And then you’ll do it all again.

There is not going to be anyone there to feed you soup when you have a cold or hand you band-aids when you’ve had too much to drink, fall, and cut yourself on glass. There is only the student health center and they don’t want to hear about your minor ailments; they’ve got a whole campus worth of people with real problems. Like broken limbs… and broken condoms.

Because of this you have to be prepared to take care of yourself when it comes to the minor things: the tummy aches, the colds, the bumps and bruises. And you have to be prepared.

Below is a handy dandy list of things you’ll need to build your very own medicine cabinet. No more unnecessary trips to the Health Center (where they probably can’t help you anyway), or crying to your mom on the phone. Well, you can still cry on the phone, but at least you won’t have to leave the house to get some Pepto.

1) A container

First things first – you’re going to need a place to store your medical supplies. This can be an under-the-bed plastic tub or a cool toolbox you decorate with stickers. Anything you want really, as long as it’s storable. And make sure that whatever you pick can hold a few 20 oz and cans.

2) Band-Aids and Bandages

This is the most basic part of your kit; the thing that you will probably be using most of all. You should stock up on band-aids of all sizes. You never know what you might need one for: blisters, shaving nicks, paper cuts, drunken falls. Also keep a few ace bandages handy. Thanks to the combination of stilettos and alcohol, sprained ankles and wrists are inevitable.

3) Neosporin, Peroxide, etc.

Or pretty much anything you put on cuts to disinfect and keep them from getting infected. Because infection is nasty and can KILL YOU. Seriously – clean your wounds!

4) Medicine

And not just pain meds either. I’m talking about cold and flu stuff as well. I don’t know how many times I had to walk to the damn Rite Aide with snot dripping from my nose because I needed some Nyquil. Not a great feeling. Keep it on hand – both nighttime and daytime because you will get sick and you will have a teacher that doesn’t let you off for it. Also, keep some stuff for upset stomachs as well; that dining hall food can be killer.

5) Ice Pack

Once again, people are constantly spraining stuff and, chances are, you don’t have a frozen pack of veggies in the fridge to use. An instant ice pack comes in handy in these situations, especially if you don’t have a fridge. Bonus: also good for hot days in a dorm with no AC.

6) Food stuffs.

Ok, this consists of the foods that you need when you’re sick: saltine crackers, soup, ginger ale, water. That’s it. Nothing special and elaborate. Just some things to get you through the worst of whatever is plaguing you so you don’t have to go down to the cafeteria and ruin everyone else’s meal with all your hacking and wheezing.

7) A flashlight and extra batteries

Ok this technically has nothing to do with meds, but you need these things and where else are you going to keep ‘em? The electricity goes off all the time in dorms. All. The. Time. And you need batteries for all your stuff (yes, even that); nothing is worse then being sick and realizing you have to actually get up and change the channel. Stock up!

So there you have it; an easy-as-pie supply list to keep you going semester in and semester out. Good luck and stay healthy!

Last summer, I thought I was invincible when it came to the sun. My friends can get tan with SPF 4 or 8, so why couldn’t I? On two various occasions, I felt the effects of not listening to the realistic side of my brain in terms of summer sunshine. I spent a week in June in San Antonio, Texas, where it was roughly 95 degrees every day. As this was a more family-oriented – go out to dinner, do family related things – sunbathing took a back seat, until the last dreaded day, when I thought it was appropriate to lay at the pool, for three solid hours, with nothing – and I mean, not a drop of sunscreen – on my body.

After a few hours, I ran to the bathroom, out of the sunlight, and got a load of myself: completely toasted, head to toe (Did I mention I didn’t flip over, so my back side was ghost white and my front side was cherry red?). The plane ride home was torture, even in a tshirt and spandex pants I was in excrutiating pain, had the shakes and was nauscous – not to mention, my body was giving off enough heat that people started calling me a human radiator. I got home and proceeded to cry and lie on the tile in my bathroom, naked, until I passed out covered in Aloe.

The following day, I thought it was appropriate – after being in Texas and gorging for a solid week – to get on my treadmill and go for a run. No sooner did I break the first mile that I looked down at my stomach and noticed the sunburn had swelled into tiny blisters all over my body, which – once they died down – peeled and turned my skin into a lovely purple color, for two solid weeks. Lesson learned: Wear sunscreen at all times.

A few months later, after telling myself I had learned my lesson, flew to my house in South Carolina for a week, where I proceeded to use 15 SPF instead of 45 SPF like my white behind should’ve. I wound up with a heat rash that landed me in the Emergency Walk-In Clinic and, after a shot of cortisone steroids in my rear end, antibiotics and another round of steroids, I landed myself on my couch, watching trashy television, while everyone else got to play in the pool. Lesson learned: Wear the RIGHT type of sunblock for your skin.

Despite the intense pain sunburn brings, there are long-term repercussions for not taking care of your skin in the warm weather, aka skin cancer. So, lather up in the right stuff and enjoy catching those rays in a healthy way, otherwise, you could wind up lying on the bathroom floor like me.

Luckily, I didn’t give up. I tried every product in or around the foot care section of Duane Reade before stumbling upon an ingenious blister blocker: surgical tape. It stays on for the entire day and is thin enough to not create any discomfort between your feet and your oh-so-fabulous shoes. It works great as a preventive blister measure; and in my case so many times, after the fact to keep those shoddy band-aids in place.

Even better, though, is the fact that it is clear; making it less obvious you’ve wrapped your feet up like a post-op patient.

While my surgical tape is always in my purse, there are a few new blister protectors out on the market gathering rave reviews. I’m looking to try band-aids new blister blocker stick, which looks like a teeny-tiny stick of deodorant and smells pretty damn good too. (A co-worker showed the new goods during our after work drinks as we swapped blister tips.) It works a bit like deodorant as well, as you just apply it on your foot before you hit the town.

Another new product I’m dying to try (if twenty extra bucks ever comes my way) is invisi-sole. Unlike other products, this rubber-like liquid is painted onto your shoes, instead of your feet, and is pulled right off at the end of the night. With invisi-sole there is no sticky residue or unseemly tape lines to deal with. But for $19.99 for 10-12 uses and roughly 30 minutes drying time, it takes way more planning than the other quick fixes.

Unfortunately my feet have already sustained permanent damage from my uncomfortable shoe habit. Luckily, there’s always my trusty surgical tape and a few new products just waiting for my rigorous tests.