This scenario is all too familiar: You, crunched over in a ball with an empty bag of potato chips and chocolate bar wrappers strewn about yelling out “Why God why!?” while wondering if you’re considered ‘Promises Rehab’ status if you take ten Advil.If there is anything that my period cramps have taught me it’s that I soo do not want to have children. They say cramps are supposed to prepare your body for childbearing. I even read that because of this fact, I should ‘man up and face the pain’.

Nothing says “Let’s get pregnant” like debilitating cramps that ruin my weekend and keep me in fetal position for hours at a time. Childbirth is going to be like cupcakes and dandelions. Can’t wait.

When it comes to cramps I would say I take the opposite route of “manning up”. Heating pads, drugs, exercise, (booze?), whatever is necessary to help me get rid of the pain, I welcome with open arms. Read More »

What if I told you that you never needed to worry about getting knocked up ever again?

And, what if I told you it involved no pills, shots, or weird, granola-hippie “herbal” treatments?

Well ladies, it’s certainly a possibilty…and while it sounds like a dream come true for those of us held prisoner by Tic-Tac-sized pills, I’m not entirely convinced that I can get down while free and clear of all worry. What is this magical device?

Meet the Lady Comp, the one thing on Earth you’ll have to trust more than God. That is, if you dont want mini-me’s running all over the place. It works by recording your temperature upon waking up in the morning, and from the readings, will detect whether or not you are ovulating. Green = go. Red = YOU’LL GET PREGNANT!! DON’T DO IT!!

It sounds incredible. No more bloating, loss of sex drive (which defeats the purpose of BC), acne, and the other millions of side effects birth control usually boasts. But isn’t this esentially the Rhythm Method?

I mean, there is science to back up the claims that you’re internal body temperature rises when you’re ovulating, but I can just hear the voice of the school nurse, my doctor…and yes, my mother telling me I’m crazy for even considering this all-natural, all-faith option. Read More »

Everybody hates PMS.

The crazy mood swings, the back pain, the excruciating cramps, and the lazy lazy lazy.

Everybody loves chocolate.

The bittersweet, the dark, the nutty, the shameless calories.

Jamieson Laboratories in Canada have just introduced PMS Support Chocolate Bars, fifteen different soy crisp treats infused with natural botanicals that help alleviate physical and emotional symptoms of the dreaded Aunt Flow.

The smart sweets are made up of sodium caseinate, artichoke leaf and chasteberry, white willow bark (said to be “herbal aspirin”) and a bunch of other ingredients we’ll never recognize. All these natural ingredients work together to relieve pains, bloating, and your baaaad attitude.

Hallelujah!

Seems like the perfect solution considering everyone craves chocolate on their period anyway. Lucky for us we can stop popping pills and throw out that damn warm compress, because these delectable delights cash in at only 70 calories a serving. Read More »