He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

In the economics of relationships, things seem relatively simple. You invest parts of you in hopes of getting something in return, be it love, affection, respect or in some cases of a Tiffany’s princess cut. The same applies to the economics of sex. When things are getting down and dirty you’re hoping at the end of all of it, you aren’t left down and out. Returning the favor is simple economics – what you get should equal (if not, surpass) what you put in.

At the risk of sounding anti-feminist, returning the favor (while it is not always something a girl looks forward to…especially after a guy’s had 10 vodka Red Bulls) is only fair. Strictly speaking in terms of giving and receiving, reciprocation makes sense because it balances the scale. Returning the favor is not necessary, but it is considerate. The guy just worked his tongue off to rock your world, after all, it’s only fair you do the same.

But, and there’s always a but, every rule carries with it a list of exceptions. Here are just a few of mine:

1. If you’ve already told him in advance that you’re not interested in going south on him –If you warned your man in advance and firmly stated your lack of interest in returning the favor and he still takes the time to focus solely on your pleasure, then by all means, lay back and enjoy.

2. If you’re not that into him – If you’re not feeling the heat while in the midst of messing around with a guy, what’s the point in causing jaw/neck pain taking the time to prolong the deed? If you’d rather make out with your gay best friend than the guy in front of you, there’s no shame in skipping out.

3. If you’re not ready – Like anything regarding sex, I would never promote the notion of returning the favor to a girl who wasn’t ready. If the time comes for reciprocation and something is missing or off, the potential regret is never worth pushing aside your own integrity.

I think that sometimes as girls we have a tendency to assume all boys are lecherous hornballs who’ll take whatever they can get in the sack, even if that means putting a girl’s pleasure before their own. But when it comes down to it, I’m willing to bet there are as many guys who don’t like going down on girls as there are girls who don’t like going down on guys. A lot of girls think they’re doing their guys a favor by letting them get to third base, like in some way it satisfies their stereotypical sexual appetite, but it’s not always better to give than to receive. Especially when what they can receive is as wonderful/earth shattering/mind blowing/thank-god-I-didn’t-have-to-do-this-myself as an orgasm.

Though the science of returning the favor is a game of expectations and pressure, at the very base of it, when you like the guy, returning the favor is considerate. I believe that if you expect the guy to focus on you, you should take the time to focus on him (and vice versa for guys).

There’s always going to be girls who swear up and down that their guy “absolutely loves giving even if they don’t receive” and while I don’t doubt that those men exist, I refuse to believe they in the majority. And if you’re one of the lucky ladies who have scored those elusive men, give yourself a nice pat on the back (then lay back and enjoy yourself) because you’ve just made every girl jealous.

But unless your genitals are made out of chocolate there’s no excuse to ignore the notion that pleasure is a two-way street. That goes for you too, guys!

If you truly enjoy getting it on with your partner, when it comes to returning the favor, there’s not much to think about because you should want to turn each other on. Though reciprocity carries some important exceptions, it’s a great way to show each other you care about the other’s pleasure level and really, if you’re both getting some, what’s the downside to heightened levels of pleasure in the sack?

Want to see what he said? Check out the male response at COEDmagazine.com

I have spent 8 years (not continuously) with my mouth between a dude’s legs, and while I finally know that I’m good at it (one fine young man – whose name I do not know – exclaimed, “Wow! That was good!”), I still don’t love all the work is involved. It kills my jaw, my neck, and I’d rather let the guy handle things on his own than risk lock jaw on a sweaty appendage.

And do I get paid back? Not often. Lots of guys I know and have “interacted” with really aren’t into making the trip downtown on a lady. “It’s so hard!” they say. “You don’t know what we’re dealing with down there!”

Um, excuse me? They think they have it hard (pun totes not intended)?

I decided to take this issue on myself with my favorite IMing male to see if we could work through our problems and come to some sort of truce for men and women everywhere. Will this entice more men to venture South? We can only hope.

Likey? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (some are more traumatic than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

After four long and frustrating years of sexual tension, my high school crush and I finally had our first hot makeout sesh the first week of college. That is if you consider making out with some nature special about tarantulas playing in the background to be hot. Regardless, it happened and I was oh so excited. I didn’t want to take things too far that first night, so I acted coy, pushed him away, buttoned up my shirt and left.

We spent the next week flirting on IM and, since he lived in the dorm next to me, running into each other randomly on the way to class. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t so random. Maybe I spent a lot of time outside hoping he’d walk by. Either way, he called me on a Friday night and asked if he could come over.

My roommate packed a bag for the night and shipped off to our friend’s futon down the hall. She was so excited for me, but even more excited to have her first official Sexiling. I, on the other hand, was nervous for the events to come. I had never really done much with a guy before that, so the fear of doing something wrong or, worse, letting him know how inexperienced I was took over. I paced the 10X12 room as I waited for him to call. I lit some candles then blew them out. I created a playlist to set the mood then deleted it. I changed my outfit 4 times.

And then the phone rang.

He was outside the side door of the building and asked me to come down and let him in. I took one last look in the mirror, gave myself a little pep talk (“You’ve practiced on a popsicle – blow jobs can’t be that hard!”) and ran down the four flights of stairs to let him in.

Somewhere around the second landing my stomach started to hurt. All my life my stomach was the first part of me to react to nerves, and at that particular moment, it was reacting with a vengeance.

“I’m going to crap my pants,” I thought to myself. “I can’t have him come to my room and then leave him there while I run to the bathroom to poop.” I had to take care of it immediately.

I ran (literally) to the public bathroom on the main floor of my dorm and made it just in time. The minute I sat down, my nerves exploded into the bowl. I probably could have and should have stayed in there a little longer, but I couldn’t make the boy wait forever. I cleaned up, washed my hands and wiped the sweat from my forehead.

After letting the boy into the building, we made our way back to the stairs to head to my room.
“Oh my god,” he said as we walked past the bathroom. “Someone should really do something about that smell.”

Mortified, I pushed him along, my stomachache returning. We eventually made it to my room where we put on the TV and snuggled in bed. That is, until I could hold it no longer and had to excuse myself to use the bathroom on my hall.
When I came back, green in the face, I told him I wasn’t feeling well and sent him back to his dorm.

My roommate slept down the hall that night while I slept alone with a heating pad on my stomach. I didn’t experience my first real college hook up and she didn’t get her first real Sexile. She was poopiled.

I poopiled my roommate.
Totally pathetic.

When you think of Megan Fox, a lot of words probably rush to mind: hot, rich, talented, eccentric, lucky, sexy, gorgeous, every man’s fantasy.  Well, BroBible.com is telling us this isn’t quite the case, listing 10 reasons why they deem the starlet “un-dateable”.  Fox’s surprising real-girl status is revealed through a selection of quotes- some highlighting her lack of promiscuity, her less than top-notch cooking skills, and her discomfort with being seen as a sex symbol.

Which are all no-no’s in the eyes of a Bro.

Well, guess what, guys?  Looks like you’re sporting some serious deal-breakers, too.  Here are the top reasons we’d never look twice at a Bro:

They’re a**holes

The Bro says: “I can’t even motivate myself to f*ck the same girl after being with her for three months, so why would I want to sit at home trying to whack off to a low-budget porn starring her has-been ass?”

They’re cocky a**holes

Should any relationship with a bro take a turn for the worst, you’ve got some interesting things to look forward to.
The Bro says: “It is common knowledge that two wrongs always make a f*ckin’ right and one of the best ways to get over a girl, especially a two-bit whore of this magnitude, is to publicly humiliate her and effectively ruin her life.”

They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues

You wouldn’t guess from the way they keep those obnoxious flat brimmed hats glued to their heads, but most Bros are hiding horrendous hair – be it a bowl cut, a receding hairline, or no hair at all.  It’s like Kenny Chesney syndrome, only you can’t sing along with a Bro.  Also, be sure to flip down his polo collar and check that he’s not sporting a mullet…you never know!

They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues who over-generalize

The Bro says: “Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Southern girls are dumb as rocks while at the same time hot as sh*t. It’s really remarkable.”

They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues who over-generalize and practice casual misogyny.

Every day is Steak and a Blow Job Day to a Bro.  You can expect him to have as much charm as Ike Turner on an ego trip as he bosses you around and yells at you in public.  Now get in that kitchen, then get on your knees before he has to make you, woman!

They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues who over-generalize, practice casual misogyny and loooove the sound of their own voice.

And they love it loud, in your face, talking over your favorite TV shows, spouting obnoxious opinions, and quoting Will Ferrell movies.  Hansel, anything but hot right now.

And their fratty counterparts aren’t any better.

If you think that by going Greek you’re weeding out the less-than-quality guys, think again.  While they might look nice in their croakies and boat shoes, the thoughts bubbling under that Vineyard Vines visor are likely to make you run in the opposite direction.
The Bro says: “Getting hammered and trashing a hotel (along with yelling at other hotel patrons who should mind their own f**king business instead of telling you to quiet down) becomes just as much of an end-of-semester mainstay as finals week. The best part? Girls fully understand that when they accept an invitation to formal that they have to put out.”

And, really, how many times do these morons have to Ice someone before they realize that it’s. not. funny anymore?
Thanks but no thanks, bros. We’ll stick with the nerds.

My first sex question! Someone wants MY advice? Sweeeeeeet!

Well, first off, I feel obligated to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. It’s something that just hasn’t happened for you yet, and that’s fine… so I’m hoping you’re not feeling too badly about it. That said, I understand that you just want to go for it. My advice? Watch lots of porn. I’m sure you’re smart enough to realize that sex isn’t going to be the way it looks on screen, but you can get a general idea of how things are done (I’ve had friends who’ve had girls just put it in their mouths and sit there… don’t do that).

If I were you, I’d put my energy into looking for a guy I could have a relationship with instead of just someone to have sex with. Not that there’s anything wrong with just having sex, but being in some kind of a relationship with the person is going to a) make you a lot less likely to regret anything, and b) make you feel more comfortable explaining that hey, you don’t have a lot of experience, but you really want to try this out so maybe be could talk you through it. One thing I wish I had been told is that a guy won’t always finish every single time — if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen, and try not to take it too personally.

As for the HJs, try it out and see if it’s something you’re interested in. They can be kind of awkward, even for the most experienced, and you might decide that you’d rather move on to other things.

Try not to stress too much. It’ll all happen in time, don’t worry. Get out and meet people – meet guys – and eventually you will find one that’s worth experiencing this with you. For now, I’m going to refer you to some good books that might be able to make you feel a bit more comfortable and a bit less nervous about doin’ it. And these aren’t just for our dear friend who reached out above; everyone can stand to learn a few new things in the bedroom and I’ve found these guides are the best ones to turn to whether you’re looking for new techniques or new ideas to spice things up.

Sex For Dummies — My high school boyfriend bought this as a joke, and it ended up being both funny and informative. It’s co-written by Dr. Ruth, which makes it extra great.

Real Sex for Real Women — Dr. Laura Berman, a fantastic sex therapist, wrote this one (you may have seen her on a little show called Oprah), and she really breaks down sex from a woman’s perspective.

The Joy of Sex –  An oldie but a goodie, this book has been helping people since the ’70s. I’ve seen it received at many-a-wedding-shower, and I’m sure many clueless virginal newlyweds took to studying this one before their wedding night. Might just be worth checking out.

Good Sex: A Woman’s Guide to Losing Inhibition — When it comes to being inexperienced, it’s normal to be nervous about not knowing quite what to do when the moment to get naked comes. This book breaks down why women are self conscious about the things we’re self conscious about in bed. Seems like it could be a good one for figuring out why we feel the way we feel and how to stop feeling that way.

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like colleges giving out condoms!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

We all have our own definitions of what does and doesn’t count as sex. There’s the classic, “just the tip doesn’t count” or the frat party anthem, “if I can’t remember it, it doesn’t count” or, my personal favorite, “he didn’t get off so it doesn’t count.” But apparently there’s a whole new level of not counting at college – according to a survey at the University of Kentucky, only 20% of students think oral sex counts as sex.

On one side, I get where they’re coming from. Truth be told, I’ve never really thought of oral on the same level as “real” sex (aka penetration), and most of the girls I know wouldn’t include a guy in their “number” if they had only given/received head. Whenever schools or parents or after-school specials talked about sex, they always meant horizontal mambo, baby-making sex; I don’t think I even knew oral existed until all of the guys started snickering about it in middle school. And once you got old enough to actually be doing dirty deeds, getting an Australian kiss always seemed more like foreplay than actual legit sex. After all, we were always taught that sex was about emotions and how it was an expression of love, which, I guess shoving your head between someone’s legs kind of is, but it was never the romantic sort of thing that movies and TV shows call sex, so why should it count?

Why shouldn’t it, though? This is mouth to genital contact we’re talking about – that’s seriously personal, maybe even more so than traditional sex if you think about it. I mean, it’s your freaking mouth! Most of us are pretty selective of what we put in there on a day to day basis, so why would we even think that putting someone else’s naughty bits in there should count as less than sex? Not to mention the fact that most people don’t even bother with condoms when it’s “just head,” which makes about as much sense as “this stove won’t burn me if I touch it with my foot instead of my hand,” so by not counting it, we’re just opening ourselves up to all of the diseases we spend most of our sexual lives warding off. How does that make sense?

Alright, chiquita’s, you tell me – do you count going down? Is it really that big of a deal? Or should we all just get over it stop making such a fuss? Duke it out!

I never got a private lesson (no matter how many emails my boyfriend sent begging her), but I found her fool proof tips tucked away on page 108 of her autobiography, How To Make Love Like A Porn Star. It’s actually a really interesting read (especially compared to the 18th Century Lit I’ve been reading) and I recommend you go out and buy it. But for now, I’ll just share with you a few of her 10 Commandments for giving “killer head he’ll never forget.”

Come on – who doesn’t want to know that?

Eye Contact.
Jenna says: “When you’re going down on him, keep your hair out of your face and look up at him with big doe eyes.”

I say: Great, but we’re not all porn stars, and it strains your neck to make eye contact the whole time. Just make sure you look up occasionally and try to make some sexy “I really love what I’m doing” eyes while you do.

Use Your Hands Wisely.
Jenna says: “In addition to stroking him, try tickling his balls a little.”

I say: “Mind the stepchildren” is something all guys want us to do. Fine. But even if that area isn’t really your thing, using your hands is also a great way to make things easier on you (read: give that jaw a break) and make things better for him (read: a little added pressure).  Just make sure to use plenty of saliva to keep things smooth.

Use Your Tongue
Jenna Says: “When he’s in your mouth, stick your tongue out as far as it will go. Then wiggle your tongue on the underside.”

I say: This drives my boyfriend absolutely crazy, but it’s not the most comfortable move. Don’t expect to keep doin’ this one for awhile.

Shield Your Teeth
Jenna says: “Shield your bottom teeth with your tongue, then open your mouth as wide as possible so that your top teeth stay clear.”

I say: This is much more comfortable than wrapping your lips around your teeth, for you and him.

Experiment with Facials.
Jenna says: “A facial is when a guy finishes on your face, and there’s no man I know who isn’t turned on by them.”

I say: I don’t want to know the men you know. It may be a turn on, Jemma, but the semen hardens in your hair and makes your skin feel nasty. No thank you.

So there you go: the perfect porn-star blow job. I left a few of the less important commandments out, so if you want to read the rest get yourself to a Barnes and Noble. Or maybe just order the book online so you don’t have to get the look of death and disappointment from the old lady working the register.

What special tips or tricks do you use down there?

So starting this week, I’m going to be taking a look at the advice that falls into the “moronic” end of that spectrum. If I can convince even one girl to reconsider whatever’s being professed in her glossy of choice, I’ll sleep a little better at night.

Let’s begin by talking about sex, baby. Everyone who’s seen a drugstore magazine rack knows that the cover of any women’s magazine isn’t complete without some headline like “BETTER BONING: 113 Sex Tips to Rock His World.”

I don’t know what you guys think, but I’m pretty sure those articles always end up containing variations on the same 15 generic sex tips (“Be confident and tell him what you want.” “Send him naughty texts during the day.” Lather, rinse, repeat). But sometimes, instead of being boring and predictable, the pointers end up being flat-out crazypants.

While browsing through Cosmo’s “9 Erotic Tips to Rock Your World—and His,” for example, I came across this tip from one Cricket Richmond, who apparently wrote a book called Secrets of Sizzling Sex in 1994 (although it’s nowhere to be found on Amazon):

“Freeze some grapes in a Ziploc bag. Once they’re ice-cold, put them in your mouth. Then begin oral sex. The temperature and sensation produced by the grapes while you’re giving him oral sex is incredible.”

Um… seriously? This reminds me of the time Cosmo told us that guys are really into girls putting donuts around their disco sticks and then eating them off. Can you imagine how awkward it would be to pause your hook-up to run to your freezer and grab a baggie of cold fruit—let alone how weird your partner-in-crime would think you were for trying to give him head while you had chipmunk cheeks? And doesn’t it seem inevitable that one or more of the grapes would fall out while you were trying to rock his world, creating a slobbery mess/the potential for wine stains on your sheets? I can think of no way that attempting a grape-job wouldn’t end in serious embarrassment for all parties involved.

Later in the article, Cricket also advises girls to use “a new, soft, manual toothbrush” as a sex toy and tells us to try wearing a long strand of pearls in the bedroom, running it along a man’s body and finally wrapping it “around his penis and sort of roll[ing] the individual pearls around and press[ing] them on his skin.” What’s with the props, Cricket? When did good, old-fashioned foreplay become boring? And even more, I’m not so sure my grandmother had penis-wrapping in mind when she shelled out for that string o’ pearls.

While I know that criticizing Cricket’s advice without trying it myself is a little bit of a cop-out, I’m pretty sure that most guys think doing stuff like this while you’re getting busy needlessly complicates what should be a pretty straightforward encounter. Shaking up your routine is all well and good, but there must be a better way to do it than putting a Crest Spinbrush where the sun don’t shine. Here’s some advice that might be a little more useful: most people who try to spice up their sex life by using everyday objects as toys are probably going to end up looking like idiots in the sack.

Thanks a lot, women’s magazines!

We all have those days when the last thing we want in and around our mouth is our boyfriend’s Little General. Let’s be honest, sometimes the art of fellatio can be quite a chore. But denying our man what he most wants doesn’t come without guilt. While flat out rejection seems like cruel and unusual punishment, there are some foolproof excuses that will lessen the blow of the job-not done.

“I think I’m allergic to your sperm.”
Yes, that is possible. And unless he want’s to explain to the nurse at the health center exactly why your mouth is swollen to the size of a grapefruit, he better let you off the hook this time.

“It’s not me! It’s the curse of the lockjaw!”
A stiff jaw does not a good BJ make. The attack of the lockjaw is just as painful for him as it is for you. Especially if you catch a little skin in the midst of the untimely episode. The thought of a bleeding dick may turn him off to the idea altogether, and if it doesn’t, the thought of calling EMS to remove you from his man-bits might do the trick.

“Sorry, but my gag reflex is super sensitive today.”
There is no such thing as erotic vomiting. You may have loved that romantic dinner you two just enjoyed, but no one will be smiling when you see it for a second time. On his stomach. End of story.

“I have a cold and can’t breathe through my nose. I could die!”
Unless asphyxiation turns him on, this is an undeniable excuse. No one wants the headline of their obituary to read “Girl Loses Life Going Down on Boyfriend.” Remind him that you’ll be the shame of your family and it will be all his fault. And your dad owns a big ol’ gun. That should do it.

“Okay, but I spit.”
That one will work. Trust.

I’m just gonna say it, I’m good in bed. I might be a little arrogant about it, but a big part of good sex is confidence, so I think it’s OK to be a bit smug. A lot of girls are insecure about their performance in the bedroom, but there’s really no reason to be. Being good in bed is much simpler then you think. Here are some tips from an expert:

Enjoy Yourself. If it’s good for you, it’ll be good for your partner. Knowing what you like and how to ask for it takes the stress of figuring it out off your partner so you’re both free to relax and enjoy. Don’t know what you like? Start masturbating.

Try New Things. It’s always good to break the routine. Trying new positions, places, toys, etc. might help you both discover a new favorite.

Be Dirty. Don’t hold back and don’t worry about your manners.

Bring Another Girl Along. Okay, this one was a suggestion from my boyfriend. While I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt, it’s not necessary. Just keeping an open mind about any and all things sexual is a good way to have great sex. You don’t have to actually partake in any of them, but talking about fetishes and fantasies can be really awesome foreplay.

Make Noise. Dirty-talk or moaning provide the positive reinforcement everyone needs.

Use More Than One Hole. Front door, back door, mouth, nose, hands, feet, etc…

Love Sex. Be enthusiastic, don’t be afraid to initiate, and don’t be afraid to take control.

Swallow. The semen is in your mouth longer if you’re busy looking for somewhere to spit it out anyways.

Get To Know Your Partner. Everyone has different preferences, so take the time to learn the special things that drive your partner crazy. Don’t be afraid to ask, but if they can’t name any, make it a mission to discover them together.

Do you have any other tips on how to be good in bed?