This balloon gives a whole new meaning to blow jobs.

I have spent 8 years (not continuously) with my mouth between a dude’s legs, and while I finally know that I’m good at it (one fine young man – whose name I do not know – exclaimed, “Wow! That was good!”), I still don’t love all the work is involved. It kills my jaw, my neck, and I’d rather let the guy handle things on his own than risk lock jaw on a sweaty appendage.

And do I get paid back? Not often. Lots of guys I know and have “interacted” with really aren’t into making the trip downtown on a lady. “It’s so hard!” they say. “You don’t know what we’re dealing with down there!”

Um, excuse me? They think they have it hard (pun totes not intended)?

I decided to take this issue on myself with my favorite IMing male to see if we could work through our problems and come to some sort of truce for men and women everywhere. Will this entice more men to venture South? We can only hope. Read More »

I used to think that guys who carried condoms in their wallets were big cocky jerks…until I found myself naked in bed with a super hottie who not only didn’t have one on him (or, rather, in his wallet), but didn’t have one anywhere in his apartment. Talk about a buzz kill.

Now I like a man who comes prepared. Like a Boy Scout (only without the weird uniform…or maybe that could be fun). I mean, I’m not going to carry condoms around in my purse; women supply the birth control pill, so it’s up to the dude to bring the rubbers. At least that’s my feeling on the sitch. Besides, my going-out-bags barely have room for my camera, wallet and keys, let alone a box of Trojans.

The topic of birth control is one that comes up often in a relationship – long term or one night – so I wanted to see what the guys were thinking about it. Looks like we’re not the only ones freaking out about babies, ladies! Read More »

When I was a freshman I was fortunate to meet my best friends in the world right there in my hall. We were all randomly placed there, but it took no time to realize that fate had put us there together. The 8 of us hit it off immediately and began spending every moment together.

As we went through our 4 years of college and all of the experiences that come with it, we turned to one another for advice, feedback and any information the others might have to shed light on our situation. And yes, to this day, that includes the juicy details of our late-night (or midafternoon!) exploits.

As soon as a guy would leave the room, my best friends and I would gather to dish it all out. Every. last. bit. From the quality of the hookup to the size of his….friend….. we’d let it all out. I knew everything (and I mean everything) that went on between my friends and their boys between the sheets. More than those boys would ever want to know about.

But after a particularly juicy recap recently I started to wonder if guys do the same thing. Do guys sit around and give a play by play (or blow by blow….) of their late night trysts? I know they like to add the notches to their bedposts, but do they share the deets like my friends do? I asked a guy. Here’s the skinny: Read More »

So, apparently the Wall Street crisis is hurting people in more ways than we thought. We’ve discovered yet another desperate person trying to sell sex to pay off debt.

Remember that crazy, desperate college grad student from Sacramento who tried to sell her virginity to pay for her student loans (I guess working and saving is just not as profitable)?

Well, looks like she inspired someone because after Johnny No Name blew away the severance pay he was offered when he was let go from his investment banking firm position, he decided to move on to selling his gay virginity online — because whoring yourself out is the must have job of the year.

What is gay virginity, anyway? According to him, it’s a hand job and/or blow job, but absolutely no anal (at least not part of this specific deal), because he’s not gay. Sure, keep telling yourself that.

The real comedy comes when he swears to the bidders he is “HOT” and looks like Adam Brody. Well Johnny, if you’re so “HOT,” maybe you should try to model your way out of debt instead of selling a hand and blow job.

…Just a suggestion.

It may or may not shock you, but where there is one desperate person there is of course a few more; currently Johnny No Name has a high bid of $11,000.

You gotta loves those brothels in Nevada and Rhode Island, thanks to them this is all perfectly legal. I wonder if Mr. No Name’s plane ticket from New York to Nevada is included in the bid?

This is just another piece of evidence that shows how far people will go for money and sex. Would you sell your body to pay off thousands of dollars of student loans?

“So…how many people have you slept with?”

If someone asks you this question: get out now. Seriously, do not answer, do not pass go, just leave.

About a year or two ago, I decided to stop counting how many people I’ve had sex with. Have I lost count? No. In the back of my head I know exactly who I’ve slept with because, frankly, it hasn’t been that many guys. I just simply decided to stop thinking about my number, to stop talking about my number, and, most importantly, to stop worrying about my number.

And I think you should too.

Every day our bodies are the subject of judgment…from men, from the media, from other women…somewhere along the way it became their business to dictate what we do in our own sex lives. Our magazines tell us we should focus on how to please our man and how to look better naked (for the benefit of our man). We are constantly confronted with the virgin/whore complex—men want a girl who’s sexy, seductive and gives a killer blow job, but wait, she can’t be a slut. Men don’t want to date a slut. Bloggers like PerezHilton see a young actress with a new man, and she is labeled a whore, literally: the word is scrawled across her photograph. Read More »

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File this under: Fun Things to Bring Up During a Party.

Although it’s not 100% provable, there’s a big movement that claims drinking a glass of pineapple juice a day may sweeten semen.

Since what comes out of us can only be made up of what goes into us, our “secretions” (horrible word) tend to change slightly depending on what we eat.

Dairy and certain types of meat are supposed to make things not-so-nice, while pineapple juice and “high grade alcoholic drinks” are said to make things sweeter.

Illustrating the history behind this news, Jezebel recently found a Del Monte pineapple juice ad from the 1930’s with italics in all the right places:

“Cater to his fondness for flavor” the ad urges homemakers, “…men like the rich, ripe taste of this juice…the bracing refreshment it always brings…and so will you.”

I may not know much, but I know vague references to cunnilingus when I see it.

I’m not a porn person.

I know, I know. Shock. Surprise. Gasp.

It’s just never done much for me. I don’t dislike porn, I just don’t understand what the craze is about.

Now, look, every once in a while one comes across an image or something late night on HBO that she doesn’t mind staring at and using later, but actively seeking pictures or movies has never been something I’ve put my time into. Not because I’m not a sexual person, not because I’m embarrassed, and not because I think it’s “wrong” for girls to enjoy pornography.

I just don’t like it.

For one thing, the guy is never attractive. If he’s not hairy, he’s fat. If he’s not fat, his face looks like it got run over by a truck. A big dick doesn’t make you hot. It just means you’ve got a big appendage attached to and ugly face. There’s nothing less fantasy-worthy than a good-looking girl getting rammed by a gross dude—at least for a woman. It just reminds me of all the mistakes I’ve made.

Secondly, I find hard-core pornography disgusting. There’s nothing gross about the sexual act, but there is something unappealing about a 10-minute close up of a blow-job. I already know what that looks like, thanks. Read More »