As I said last week, when I’m with my friends I tend to feel like the mom of the group; the one without the fun stories, the exciting crushes and the long drunken nights with friends. Well, I’ve recently discovered that there are some perks to being the momma of the group and the only girl in my group in a long term relationship.

I’ve become the one that everyone else comes to for advice or when they have an awkward relationship/sex questions.

Case in point: Last week I was at the gym with my friend who is one of the sweetest, most innocent girls you could meet. We were jogging around the track just doin’ our thing when she asked me if she could ask a bit of an embarrassing question. “Of course,” I huffed, not knowing what to expect. Especially knowing what came next.

“What’s giving a blow job like?”

I couldn’t believe one of my best friends, especially her, was asking me such a blunt question! On the track! But I realized that it took a lot for her to ask me that and that she must really value my opinion (considering I’ve never even heard her use that term before!), so I gave her the best description I could and answered all of her related questions. Quietly, of course, there were other people running around us.

Having a serious relationship has turned me into the go-to girl for my friends with relationship questions. They have told me that they know I’ve been through a lot and they value my advice. And I have to admit, giving out relationship advice is kind of fun! I like being the all-knowing sage and helping people who may not be where I am with Matt. It’s my unique way of contributing to the group when they’re all sharing stories and that I can no longer relate to. It makes me feel wanted and connected to a group that I sometimes worry I’m growing apart from. Read More »

Either that is a typo or this town has a much different view on news-worthy stories than the rest of us.

I definitely know a few people who would major in blow job science it there existed such an option… hey, if you’re good at it, go for it. That’s why I’m majoring lazy and minoring in eating frozen yogurt.

But, I understand that there are those who wish to acquire skills in college, and for some skills there exists no academic context.

That’s where Vera Zyla comes in.

You can hire Zyla to come to your next party and teach the “Art of Loving,” as her Vancouver shop is named.

Zyla will instruct you and your friends on the intricacies of male anatomy and show variations on, um, oral techniques. Her services have really taken off in Canada — her oral sex course is in high demand for bachelorette parties across the Northwest coast.

Here’s one of her tips: brew some hot tea and put it in a thermos next to your bed. When the mood strikes, take a swig and leave the liquid in your mouth, so your mouth is a comforting, warm, herbal environment for what is to come.

Hot tea? Sounds like academic sex to me.

Tired of all the washed – up rags out there that regurgitate the same gossip and beauty tips month after month? Well, there’s a new magazine on the rack that will be offering some different material. Muslim Girl is a magazine catering to just that — young Muslim girls who feel alienated by trashy, sex – fueled magazines like Seventeen and YM.

While Muslim Girl will offer advice columns and fashion spreads, the advice columns will focus not on blow jobs and dieting but “ethical dilemmas,” and the fashion spreads will not have scantily – clad tweens but modest models. But the magazine will spend the majority of its pages emphasizing positive female role models in Muslim culture.

I think Muslim Girl’s “white” counterparts should follow its suit. Seventeen, of course, was at the pinnacle of my reading list when I was all of twelve (I moved on to Cosmo when I was fifteen). For all the time I spent guiltily reading about crazy (and most definitely untrue) sexual exploits and blue eyeshadow, not to mention obsessively scrutinizing my developing body in comparison with the Brazilian models they used in photo spreads, I could have benefitted from some demure female role models of whatever ethnicity.

Not sure if any of you have heard – probably have by now – about Genarlow Wilson, who was convicted at age 17 of having consensual oral sex with a girl age 15. He was sentenced to 10 years and has already served 27 months — FINALLY, some judge took his head out his ass long enough to go…WHOA, WTF are we doing?

Half the internet has made this an issue of white vs. black, about double standards and race discrimination. Don’t get me wrong, there are still some places in the South that still think the Civil War was an impass, but this poor kid was convicted because we have a judicial system that goes by absolutes. “If/Then” statements rule half of the laws out there. Genarlow was considered an adult, while his partner was a minor – that is the legal justification of the “crime”. PLUS, they have demanded that he register as a sex offender.

In this case, there are many other factors: he was also accused of raping a 17 year old girl (ACQUITTED), he and all members at the party were drunk and stoned (NO CHARGES FILED) and some idiot video taped the whole thing for his personal whack-off library. Everyone is bringing up all of these other charges, when they discuss this case, but there is no reason – he was found NOT GUILTY – which is only the basis of our entire judicial system.

How does this case involve us?

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I’ve been reading Cosmo for a really long time—which is surprising since they’ve pretty much been putting out the same issue for, I dunno, ten years. The Cosmo Karma Sutra, X Number Of Tricks To Really Make Him Hot… it’s just the same thing over and over again.

Don’t get me wrong—I learned a lot from Cosmo when I was 15. Blow jobs—straight from the pages of this soft porn bible. And my gay friend Dave who taught us tricks on popsicles one summer night. Oh, those were the days.

Being older now, I kind of despise Cosmo. I hate all the sexual stuff and a lot of times I find myself thinking—aren’t women more than this? I mean, obviously we all think about guys (probably too much), but enough is enough. Can’t we talk about things like… politics, or even music that isn’t straight from American Idol? Why does the book excerpt have to be from a romance novel? I would even settle for simple chick-lit above the “he rubbed his rugged hands over my soft perky breasts as I sighed deeply in ecstasy.” Blech.

But I feel like Cosmo has reached a new low. In their new “exclusive Cosmo game,” Boy Toy “our cute sweet guy exists solely to serve you. That’s right, you control what he does, and if he keeps you happy, then you win points in the game. Watch out for the skanky ex-girlfriend though!” Um, gag me. Read More »

Are girls more willing to have sex than to give blowjobs? Is that really the case?

Well, I can’t speak for every chick who walks this planet, but I know why I feel more inclined towards the former. Two reasons, actually.

A) mouth + jizz = very intimate situation, and B) blowjobs are designed to make one person feel good, and only one.

CollegeCandy’s own Andrew points out an interesting phenomenon. He might be right when he says college and twenty-something women are more likely to roll around in the hay than kneel at the alter. But there’s a reason for the trend. Or reasons. (see rationales A and B above).

The older we woman get, the more we begin to take control of our sexuality. And the more we take control of our sexuality, the more we crave satisfaction. One would hope with maturity comes acceptance of one’s urges, and the stigma that only sluts like sex fades back into the mouths of the idiots who tried to preach it. Read More »

In the year since I’ve graduated, I’ve noticed a startling and disheartening trend. More and more girls want to have sex. Umm, what? A guy that’s disheartened because more girls want to get wild in the sack? Well, I’m not finished. The disheartening part is that this extra love-making is seemingly coming at the expense of oral sex.

In college, oral sex was the thing to do. Girls willing to give blow-jobs were a dime-a-dozen, and even as early as freshman year, any moderately good looking guy could walk into any frat and find at least one girl willing to go down on him that night. But now? Almost every girl I’ve dated since leaving college has been far more apt to get right to the nitty-gritty than take the time to pleasure me for a while. Even when I willingly and often eagerly take the time to go down on the girl, I’ve found that she’s only very rarely willing to reciprocate. Read More »

Men and their blow jobs! It’s unbelievable. Now, please don’t get me confused with one that does not provide oral sex to the opposite sex, because I most certainly do—and I’d like to think (according to my boyfriend’s face and grunts of joy) that I’m pretty damn good at it. But…if women were so publicly in love and obsessed with having their va-jay-jays licked, as men are with their penises, I think the world would go into shock.

Blow jobs are everywhere. From the endless supply of how-to literature, and porno medleys of non-stop fellatio, to over-hearing boys talk about it in a passing conversation; how to give it, how they like it, and how they want, seems to be all men ever talk about. They go hand in hand, like “me and my buddy”. Introduced to one another as young as 14 or 15-years-old, the male species and dick-sucking have been inseparable ever since. If in the event blow jobs all of a sudden became illegal and completely unattainable, the world would not only go into shock, but probably crumble at the seams. I guess it still really is a man’s world. Ugh, don’t get me started on that!

Literature, such as iVillage’s “A Guy’s Guide to Gals on Giving Amazing Oral Sex,” is one of the many examples of how-to literature—which I find nothing wrong with. Hell, I’d love to learn some new tricks, but someone better be supplying my boyfriend with some new tricks too.

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