I used to think there was nothing worse than going downtown on a drunk guy. He thinks he’s being all sexy and just shoves your head south (which, we all know, is the opposite of sexy), and then your feet fall asleep as you crouch down there trying to get something to happen. Which doesn’t. Because homeboy thought it would be fun to chug whiskey out of the bottle.

But I was wrong. There is something worse. Way worse. And his name is Masanobu Sato.

Not familiar with Mr. Sato? Well, you should be. This guy just won the 9th annual Masturbate-A-Thon. Yes, that really exists. And yes, Masanobu lasted a full 9 hours and 58 minutes.

Nine hours and fifty eight minutes! Of masturbating. Sato set the world record last year -a paltry 9 hours and 33 minutes- but beat it (pun intended) this year with a little extra training. For real. Apparently he worked long and hard (tee hee) to build up his endurance. Whoever said “no pain, no gain” was obviously not training for this sort of event.

But with all that glory comes a price. That poor guy is never gonna get laid – just imagine what your neck would feel like after a night (and day) in bed with him. I’ll stick to my drunk guys, thankyouverymuch.

My first boyfriend was uncircumcised. At the young, inexperienced age of fourteen, I realized this only because one day while chilling on the futon in the den having a post BJ-sesh chat, he informed me that some of the girls he had been with (because as a sixteen-year-old senior, he was far more sexually experienced than my freshman self) were initially freaked out by the au natural state of his Scottish-born ween. Huh, I remember thinking. He’s not circumcised. So THAT’s what that looks like.

It’s not like I was totally ignorant. I had been reading Seventeen and YM since I was nine. I knew all about hymens and G-spots and that you couldn’t get pregnant from a boy shooting his load into the open waters of a hot tub, so I certainly knew that some gents had foreskins and some did not; I just wasn’t really sure what that meant, anatomically.

I didn’t actually fully experience the difference between the two until about ten months later when my boyfriend and I were “on a break” and I hooked up with another boy, birthed in the good old U.S. of A. and fully shorn to prove it. As we sweatily made out on the couch, I jammed my hand in to his shorts, confidently grabbed a hold of his manparts, and…proceeded to give him the rawest handjob in the history of the earth.

For those of you who are lost, allow me to explain. On an uncircumcised boy, one can give some kind of an HJ without any sort of lube at all. Granted, as I have aged I have learned that some lube is certainly preferable to none in any case, but a fluid up and down motion causing some pleasurable sensations is achievable. But on the circumcised penis? Without the pliable sheath of the foreskin acting as a kind of…sleeve or whatever*, all that an unlubed HJ will achieve is some serious chafing and sad faces all around. Aww. Read More »

[Editor’s Note: New York Magazine does these Sex Diaries that are sometimes cool, sometimes lame. Sometimes they’re interesting portrayals of every day life, and sometimes they make it seem like EVERYONE in New York City is having copious amounts of crazy sex — which isn’t always the case, btw. What would happen, I wondered, if some of CC’s writers blogged about their sex life for a week? Would it be cooler? Funnier? More believable?

Let’s see…]

DAY ONE

9:15 a.m.: Walking to the gym in sweatpants, a dirty wifebeater, no makeup. Get catcalled by at least fifteen people. Oh, ethnic neighborhood, you’re so charming.

12:03 p.m.: Walking home from the gym in the same gear as before, only now drenched in sweat, get catcalled by about fifteen more people. I finally tell one of them to f*ck off. It feels good. His response? “Someone needs to get laid!” I hate dudes.

11:23 p.m.: At my place of business which is, in fact, a strip club, where I am, in fact, a stripper. A scruffy but jovial old man solicits me for a trip to the VIP room, which I gladly agree to (Guaranteed $160 for a half hour? Hell yes!), but first warn him that I’m not one of those girls that do “special favors” in said room. He says that’s fine and wanders off to get more cash from the ATM.

11:43 p.m.: After about ten minutes, the old man pulls out his dick and asks me to give him a blowjob. I tell him no way in hell; I already said that’s not how I do. He tells me it’s fine, because he has a condom. I tell him he can get the f*ck out.

11:50 p.m.: After five minutes of arguing and an extra fifty bucks for being an asshole, we finish the dance and the guy behaves himself. Before we exit the room he kisses me on the cheek and tells me I’m a lovely girl. Read More »

• Finding the perfect sex position can be such a chore… if only there was a tool.

• Gisele and Jessica Simpson are bringing sexy BACK.

• There are some things a girl just shouldn’t do, but Is It Ok to Ask…

• Black Kids are hot… and their ep is free.

• VIDEO – Fishingline and cake… Bad combination.

• Hillary Clinton for Les-ident???

• Tyra Banks gives good head… shots.

• Jigga What, Jigga Who, Jigga MakeUp???

• 3 surefire signs he’s into you.

• VIDEO – Radiohead parties online. Everything comes Unravel-ed.

Not sure if any of you have heard – probably have by now – about Genarlow Wilson, who was convicted at age 17 of having consensual oral sex with a girl age 15. He was sentenced to 10 years and has already served 27 months — FINALLY, some judge took his head out his ass long enough to go…WHOA, WTF are we doing?

Half the internet has made this an issue of white vs. black, about double standards and race discrimination. Don’t get me wrong, there are still some places in the South that still think the Civil War was an impass, but this poor kid was convicted because we have a judicial system that goes by absolutes. “If/Then” statements rule half of the laws out there. Genarlow was considered an adult, while his partner was a minor – that is the legal justification of the “crime”. PLUS, they have demanded that he register as a sex offender.

In this case, there are many other factors: he was also accused of raping a 17 year old girl (ACQUITTED), he and all members at the party were drunk and stoned (NO CHARGES FILED) and some idiot video taped the whole thing for his personal whack-off library. Everyone is bringing up all of these other charges, when they discuss this case, but there is no reason – he was found NOT GUILTY – which is only the basis of our entire judicial system.

How does this case involve us?

Read More »

- Life is short, and then you die or so the story goes. But it’s not that short and before you’re ready to kick-off, here’s a list of 10 Things Every Woman Should Try. Topping the list is the Rabbit. Trust me, you haven’t lived until you’ve gone a round with the Rabbit.

- Hangover, Schmangover. The cure to the common hangover is finally here.

- TATS Incredible. Two weeks ago, we gave you the 20 Hottest Hollywood Gals with Tats. This week it’s all about the Men. Vanishingtattoo.com has just released their list of The 101 Hottest Tattooed Men in the World – 2007. Did your favs make the list?

- Kanye West 3.0. On the heals of the release of album #3, The Louis Vitton Don is giving away the album’s first video “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” on iTunes for FREE. That’s right kids $0.00. How can you pass on this one?

- Bikini-clad Celebs of Summer. Yes, Bikini Season is in session. Take our poll. If this doesn’t inspire you, I am not sure what will. Get your body looking like Jessica Biel by Summer’s End.

- Bikini not your thing??? Introducing the MonoKini. For some reason, Borat comes to mind.

- VIDEO. Everyone’s least favorite cable news anchor Nancy Grace falls victim to an on air prank by her staff. It’s pretty gorgeous.

- Horn Dawg. What do you do when you can’t control your dog’s sex drive? Well, buy it a sex doll ofcourse. Duh???

- To give or not to give… a blowjob. That is the question.

- “Our music will get you high, literally.” A new CD claims to possess the power to get you stoned… Whoa dude!

There is something very wrong about this one.

Check it out.