When I was younger, a dentist told me that I had an “oral fixation”. Now get your mind out of the gutter, and hear me out. I have super flat teeth due to the fact that I grind them in my sleep, and I used to chew on everything: pens, remotes, keys, phone antennas, straws, etc. I just always had to have something in my mouth. (Oh gosh, this sounds awful.) As the years went on, I realized that this was not only bad for my teeth but also really bad for my health. My fingers were dirty most of the time (I was a kid! How often did I really wash my hands?) and then I was sticking them in my mouth along with germ infested pens, remotes and other household objects.

Now if you don’t think I’m a freak and want to continue reading, I thank you! I swear I’m normal, but all this talk about my oral fixation past got me thinking: what else should never go in your mouth? I came up with a pretty good list, but it’s sad to say that some of these things still do make their way into my trap (and maybe yours?). You’ll probably want to brush your teeth or make a trip to the dentist after this post, folks. Read More »

My enthusiasm for blowjobs is a recent occurrence. A couple of years ago, I was fairly neutral on the act. When I was in high school, I was absolutely adamant that I would never, ever, in a million years, give one. I thought they were degrading, uncomfortably submissive, and something only women with no self-respect would do (I’m utterly ashamed of my younger self). Now, I see them in a different, vastly more positive light. Here’s why:

1. They’re easy.

There is an absurd amount of blowjob tutorials out there, making it seem like oral is akin to rocket science. When I first starting giving oral, I used to obsessively read how-tos written by guys and blowjob queens alike, and it was so overwhelming. It felt like a chore when I was down there, because my head was swirling with so much info. But really, it’s simple – find your rhythm, keep your mouth wet, be enthusiastic (but no need to pretend you’re in a porno), and when you get tired, start incorporating your hands.  Of course, there are a ton of other little “tricks” to spice it up, but really, in my experience, guys are not that pressed. They’re generally just stoked that you’re down there. Read More »

I might as well come out and say it: I love Steak and a Blowjob Day. And no, not because I have a penis. I don’t. That would be awkward. It’s because I firmly believe guys deserve a day to get theirs. I hear so many girls complain about this being a misogynistic “holiday,” an affront to women everywhere, an excuse for men to be crude and selfish and ask for red meat and demand oral sex. Ugh, the injustice of it all! In response, I have to ask — what the hell is wrong with you ladies!?

Really, we get Valentine’s Day…why shouldn’t there be a day specifically set aside to indulge your best guy? Hear me out. The entire premise of my argument hinges on the assumption that you have a significant other of some variety — a hookup, a friend with benefits, someone you’re loosely dating, maybe that particular endangered species also known as a boyfriend. If you’re single, imagine that you’re not. Just to humor me. Please? Great. Read More »

One of my friends is in an LDR with her boyfriend while he’s studying abroad. Naturally, they’ve had to turn to technology to keep their connection strong. Last week, he asked her why she hadn’t sent him any scandalous photos yet. When she told me about this, I asked if he had sent her any yet, and she said no. I couldn’t have been less surprised.

Our society places the burden of “performing” sexiness on women.  There are endless products designed to enhance our aesthetic and make us more alluring – from cosmetics to fashion to the most popular ladies magazines, we are constantly bombarded with messages and images that emphasize the significance of being sexy. This, of course, influences our intimate relationships (in a heterosexual context), because men are also exposed to the idea that women should make being attractive to men a top priority.  I think, either consciously or subconsciously, they expect us to always put in effort to be sexy, that we should be the ones to be super flirty, dress in ways that are pleasing to the male gaze and be the ones who spice up the relationship. I know that men are also under pressure to conform to society’s ideas of masculinity, that they are under pressure to achieve certain body types, exhibit certain personality traits and generally be considered sexually attractive. But, the pressure seems to be a lot less  and men definitely have more freedom to be unconventional. Read More »

I’ve got to be honest…I hate giving oral sex. If I’m going to be sticking a massive sausage down my throat, it better at least be edible.  (And no, unless the stuff that comes out is BBQ sauce, it doesn’t count). But just because I don’t like it, doesn’t mean I haven’t done it before. If the guy loves it and I love the guy, well then, consider it me giving him a gift each time. Otherwise, dude, my hand or your hand works just fine! Or if my guy and I are already having sex, let’s just get straight to that instead. Nevertheless, oral sex has become a part of our sexual culture and it seems to be the norm and at times, precursor to sex. So for those of you who have given oral and made up your mind about it, you’ve got your own opinions on the etiquette of giving oral sex. That said, here are mine:

• Yes, you may play with my hair or lightly caress my head, but if you push my head down hard towards your package (gently is fine, that way I know I’m doing a good job…but if it’s an aggressive push…) that’ll be the end. As said before, I’m giving you something, don’t get carried away now.
• If it lasts longer than five minutes, be a doll and just let me stop. Please. Five minutes is way too long to have something jab at my throat repeatedly.
• Don’t be offended if I spit. Let’s be real here, if his man-juices tasted like a strawberry-banana smoothie, things would be different. Spits or swallows baby, it’s the ladies choice.
• If both partners are performing oral, let the guy give it first. It’ll make him more aroused and that way he won’t get impatient with you later. Read More »

I’m obsessed with everything about Rihanna’s look on this month’s cover of Glamour. Her bright and bold red hair, her sexy halter top, those sequin pants, her gorgeous smile…one of the best covers in recent memory, for sure. As this is the September issue, the mag is about three times heavier than usual, which means there are three times as many ads to dig through to get to the actual content. That said, I did want nearly every piece of makeup and clothing featured, so I can’t really hate too hard this time around. That made up for the questionable articles in the issue.

The number one thing a guy wants in bed? Is a blowjob. Really? I am shocked and awed. I had no idea guys liked getting head. So disappointing, I thought they’d at least take  page out of Cosmo’s book and talk about doggy style or anal. There was a horrifying article about Female Genital Cosmetic Surgery, which is just as depressing as it sounds. G-spot collagen, vagina tightening and labia nip/tucks, among other procedures, were outlined. Because women really need another part of our bodies to be discontent with.

Hey Dude,

I recently (as in a few days ago) had sex for the first time, with the guy that I am dating. It really hurt, but he was patient with me. Round two the next morning felt better, but still hurt a bit.

But that’s not my problem. What’s kinda worrying me is that he’s so quiet during sex, and during foreplay. Even when I go down on him!

It’s not what I was expecting, his breathing doesn’t seem to get heavier during the deed, unless he’s just about to come. I’m not expecting him to be moaning at the top of his lungs or anything, but a bit of feedback would certainly help me to know that I’m getting the hang of things. And considering he said I’m really good at going down on him, is it fair to expect some noise?

I’m trying to make sure we tell each other what we want and what we’re willing to do, because I think that’s really important (and if there’s anything College Candy blogs have taught me, its that communication with your partner makes things easier and better). So I tried to talk to him about it in a light-hearted way, telling him its okay to make a bit of noise and that no one’s going to hear him (I live in a shared house with friends), and that I find it hot when guys lose a bit of control and let go, and he just said he’s a quiet guy and pretty much dropped the subject.

So, does it sound like its him, or me?? I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, but as this is all new to me I don’t want to feel insecure either. How can I approach this subject (again) with him?

Sincerely,

Newbie

Read More »

Jenna Jameson taught me how to give a blow job.

I never got a private lesson (no matter how many emails my boyfriend sent begging her), but I found her fool proof tips tucked away on page 108 of her autobiography, How To Make Love Like A Porn Star. It’s actually a really interesting read (especially compared to the 18th Century Lit I’ve been reading) and I recommend you go out and buy it. But for now, I’ll just share with you a few of her 10 Commandments for giving “killer head he’ll never forget.”

Come on – who doesn’t want to know that?

Eye Contact.
Jenna says: “When you’re going down on him, keep your hair out of your face and look up at him with big doe eyes.”

I say: Great, but we’re not all porn stars, and it strains your neck to make eye contact the whole time. Just make sure you look up occasionally and try to make some sexy “I really love what I’m doing” eyes while you do.

Use Your Hands Wisely.
Jenna says: “In addition to stroking him, try tickling his balls a little.”

I say: “Mind the stepchildren” is something all guys want us to do. Fine. But even if that area isn’t really your thing, using your hands is also a great way to make things easier on you (read: give that jaw a break) and make things better for him (read: a little added pressure).  Just make sure to use plenty of saliva to keep things smooth. Read More »

So here’s the sitch: John “I’m not dead yet” McCain likened Barack “Too Sexy for this presidency” Obama to Paris Hilton in one of his feeble attempts to get attention, or you know, “campaign,” which is pretty funny considering that McCain is married to a character who is very similar to Hilton. You know, blonde, looks like a leather handbag, is an heiress to a shit-ton of money but doesn’t really contribute other than being “umm, kinda good looking?”

I digress.

Anyway, the democrats got all pissy and whiney about the ad and made some comments that didn’t do anything to help the situation, but I’m sure they’re still whining about it, not being productive, you know, the usual. I didn’t really see the problem with the ad, mainly because I was psyched about Paris Hilton being president.

I’m not really wild about either candidate, so I’m going to have to say we all write-in Paris Hilton for president for 2008. Mostly, because who couldn’t do a better job than what’s his name? Also, because she would hopefully implement some great policies that would bring this country out of it’s depressing state.

She’s a perfect representative for America. She has tons of super sweet connections with people, even if the majority of her network is people she’s given blow jobs to. She’s concerned with appearances and does not approve of anything “not hot,” like terrorism, hate crimes, animal cruelty and flannel. She doesn’t seem to care about either the Democrat or Republican party, but she does party, thus making her the perfect middle ground this country needs. Read More »