Dear “That Guy”,

Your ability to drink in excess and ruin 95% of pictures taken at parties gets me hot and bothered. I think it’s uhh… adorable that you maintain your appearance to the point where I question your sexual orientation. I guess I respect the fact that you tweeze, bleach and pluck more than me. The fact that you care about your “fresh kicks getting smudged” more than your future or GPA is super sexy…?

Babe, what happened to you? Before you became “that guy” you were once “just one of the guys.” You were playing Madden instead of photoshopping your Facebook pictures. You couldn’t tell Armani from Target. Your cellphone lived in your pocket instead of clipped to your ribbon belt, and for the love of God, why are you orange-r than an Oompa Loompa?! I liked you without your bromosexuality. I’m not interested in the Brody Jenners or the Gotti wannabes!

Why does your tee shirt have more sparkles on it than Limited Too’s entire Spring Collection circa 1998? These glittery numbers are worsened by being “slim fit” to show off your “killer pecs.” Maybe they work for Hulk Hogan, but they don’t work for you and they definitely don’t work in public. Do society a favor and wear clothes that fit. And if your shirt has a collar? I don’t care if you’ve been popping it ever since you can remember. Old Yeller that nonsense. Put. It. Down.

Take out your Bluetooth headset. Kudos if you use it in your car – safety first. But, that blinking blue light glued to the side of your head while you’re out and about, especially waiting in line at stores (most likely Armani Exchange or Abercrombie and Fitch), makes you look like an ultra douchebag. I am laughing at you. The store clerks are laughing at you. Humanity as a whole is laughing at you. Leave the damn thing in the glove compartment of your car.

What the hell is on your head? First, turn your hat frontwards. Backwards hats were cool for Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit. Ten years ago. Secondly, what kind of hat is it? Baseball hat? Fine. Trucker hat? Toss it out. Ashton Kutcher threw out his, and he was like the Dane Cook of the ’90s. Douche of the decade. Plus, enough with the pre-frayed brim! How do brims even get frayed in the first place? What did you do with yourself to even get a frayed brim? Walk head-on into a concrete wall multiple times? Drop it on a belt sander in shop class in high school? Jesus Christ!

Which brings me to your hair. If it’s longer than your chin, you probably need a haircut. If it’s gelled to the point where you look more like your front lawn than a dude, lose the L’Oreal. Shaggy is cute, spiky not so much. Also, quit it with the weird chin pubes. They’re itchy and freaky and especially way gross if they’re flesh colored a la Spencer Pratt.

Darling, I like you for you. Not your ill-fitting clothes and designer flip flops. Hell, I’ll let you continue to tell your stories about your drinking glory days once in a while, but please consider at least some of the previous advice, chill out, and leave the metrosexuality and manscaping where it belongs. On Bravo.

Lots of love,
Melanie

[This story was originally posted by Melanie - Northeastern.]

Likey? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

Is your computer making that weird noise that sounds like it’s about to blow up mid-Facebook wall post? Does it totally burn your legs when you have it on your lap? Maybe it just totally sucks?

If so, it might be time to start a-lookin’ for another. And with school starting right around the corner, what better time to begin the search?

Here are a few affordable laptops that are out there on the market now and our breakdown of their perks and flaws to help you out in your search:

Sony VAIO 16.4″

The Sony VAIO is like a pretty boy with rock-hard abs: it’s nice to look at, but doesn’t bring much to the table. It weighs close to 7 lbs, which is a lot when you’re going from class to Starbucks to library to your bed for late night IMing. It also costs nearly $1,600!

The VAIO does have some cool new features, like a Blu-Ray drive and built in Wi-Fi, but the poor battery life and high price tag (nearly double many other computers on the market) might not make it the best choice.

Gateway MC7801u

The Gateway MC is definitely cheaper than the Vaio, only $950, but that might be its greatest feature. It weighs 7.5 pounds, has a slower processor, and a weak graphics card, which makes running multiple programs a bit dicey. It is also missing some of the fun stuff that many other laptops on the market boast:  Blu-Ray drive, Bluetooth capabilities, and light-weight design.

Asus F50SV-A2

With an Intel Core 2 Duo P8600 and 4 GB of RAM, the F50SV-A2 is on average with laptops on the market. Weighing in at about 7 lbs, the Asus boasts good specs, but has many complaints of compatibility issues. From non-functional keys to preloaded software issues, the many probs with the Asus lead to its downfall.

Along with the many complaints, the Asus has a battery life of marginally over 1 hour, which is pretty craptastic when you need to churn out a paper at the libs and all the plugs are taken.

Toshiba Satellite A505-S6960

The Toshiba Satellite is priced pretty low, around $700, but the performance is also on the low end. Weighing in at over 7 lbs, The Satellite’s slower processor and weak graphics card makes running some programs slow and annoying. How annoying? How about that constant stuttering when you’re trying to listen to some music on iTunes (and not “Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol…”) while also writing a paper and IMing your friends. Yeah, I know.

The Toshiba also lacks Blu-ray and Bluetooth capabilities that many laptops come standard with. The Toshiba may be a good price, but performance and features are sub par.

HP Pavilion dv6

The dv6 is powered by a 2.0 Ghz Intel Centrino Processor Technology (Intel® Core2 Duo) with 4 GBs of memory. What does all that mumbo jumbo mean? It means that this computer lets you easily run multiple demanding applications or games at the same time. Downside is it is almost as heavy as the others (6lbs).

This puppy also lets you store over 90 hours of HD video on its 500 GB Hard Drive (and you know you’ve got plenty of video-worthy moments), and use the built-in HP Webcam with integrated digital microphone to chat it up with your friends or family across the country (or upstairs…lazy). The webcam has better resolution than the others, and the HD is much bigger than the others. Oh, and there is a Blu-Ray player and DVD/CD burner. The dv6 offers a full keyboard and numeric keypad, and has 6-Cell Lithium-Ion battery, which means you can use it at the library for about 2 hours and not worry about finding an outlet. Don’t plan on whipping this out on a plan or anything, because it takes up the whole pull-out table.

This is the best in the lot for the price and value.

"Hey, mama - did you get that text I just sent?"

I am, without a doubt, addicted to technology. I spend 10 hours a day in front of my computer and the minute I step away, I’m checking my email/Facebook/Twitter/IMs/stock market reports from my iPhone. (Note: stock market reports are a real downer these days.)

When I’m out with friends, I’m constantly checking to see if anyone has texted/emailed/called. Or looking things up on Google maps. Or getting Yelp reviews for anything and everything we might be doing over the course of the evening.

And, obvi, I’m uploading pictures and status updates the entire time.

I have a problem and I know it. My addiction to technology is taking over my life and, despite the fact that I am always an email or text (fromlastnight) away from anyone, all this “connection” is really ruining me. I can’t even go to the bathroom without my phone anymore. And, yes, that’s a true statement.

I know I’m not alone, so this week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share their personal peeves with technology. What are yours?

Kathryn – University of Wisconsin-Madison: People who have really personal cell phone conversations in really public places. I definitely do not want to hear about your latest sexcapades and either does the rest of the room. I’m embarrassed for you.

Anna – Northeastern University: I hate when people have to research online reviews on everything, from the restaurant they want to get dinner at to the movie they want to see. Nobody can be spontaneous anymore!

Thu – USC: Maybe if I weren’t wasting my life away in front of the computer, I would choose to do something more productive.

Lindsay – University of Texas: I hate that technology becomes our only means of communication. My mom calls me on her cell phone when she’s down the hall from me, and friends Facebook message me instead of coming to my dorm room. And the trolls on this site are so annoying.

Liza M – Minnesota: Love technology, hate that everyone has it and knows how to use it. It makes it hard to get away with things!

Lena Chen -Harvard: I get freaked out by people who use ear pieces and hold passionate conversations in public. They could be on an inconveniently timed conference call or they could be raving lunatics having  arguments with imaginary adversaries.

Lauren – University of Michigan: People who text during movies. I can’t hear you “whispering” into your phone, but that bright screen is RUINING HARRY POTTER FOR ME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Carly – Grinnell: It really bothers me when my friends text other people when they are hanging out with me. They could at least step outside. Maybe I’m just selfish, but I want people to be PRESENT when they’re with me.

Kim – Stanford: When people talk on the phone when they are working out. Nobody wants to hear your effing conversation while trying not to fall off the treadmill.

Elizabeth-University of Missouri: I work at a coffee shop and I absolutely hate it when people order when they’re on their Blackberry/iPhone/Cell. Sorry, did we forget the soy in your Triple Venti Half-Caf 2.5 Pump Raspberry No-Whip Light Foam 140 degree latte? Next time get off your phone so we can actually understand you. But don’t forget to have a great day!

Alana – Boston University: I hate when people need to be texting 24/7. That being said, I also hate it when the guys don’t respond to your text messages right away. The waiting is the worst

Jordan – University of Miami: I hate that it allows people to update Facebook statuses or Twitter with annoying updates that are either TMI (we don’t need to know you are getting a bikini wax!) or awkwardly ambiguous (“Jane is *sigh*” ??!!).

Kari- Florida State: That people think I’m accessible 24/7. Don’t get mad at me if I don’t respond to your urgent 4 am Facebook message until I wake up the next day!

Elise – Stanford: I hate how addicting it is! I wish email wasn’t a 24/7 thing that I needed to tend to – it makes us all more stressed!

Ricki- University of Michigan: I hate that people can use technology to avoid actually speaking.  It’s not like a text message replaces hearing someone’s voice, but people think if they send off a hello text, it’s completely okay.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I hate Bluetooth headsets. You look like an idiot talking to himself so take the friggin’ thing off already and use a cell phone like normal people!

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

These days, it seems like the etiquette rules of the past just can’t keep up with the changing face of communication. Now, I like my cell phone as much as the next person, but there are some things you just shouldn’t do with a phone…

- Having a cell phone lets you talk whenever, whereever, but that doesn’t mean you should. It’s rude to talk on the phone in restaurants, movie theaters, libraries, lecture halls, opera houses (does anyone actually go to those?), etc. Keep your phone on silent. Duh.

- What’s more, it’s rude to talk loudly. I don’t mean the “slightly-above-normal-speaking-level” loud. I mean the “STRAIGHT-UP-SCREAMIING-INTO-YOUR-PHONE-LIKE-IT’S-A-MEGA-PHONE“ loud. If you have to scream, take it somewhere private. Otherwise, realize that the other person will hear you whether you’re screaming or whispering (preferably, talking normally). Plus it makes you look super crazy if you’re walking down the street screaming into a hidden Bluetooth.

- Ahh… Bluetooth. Useful for driving, useful when your hands are full, but not so useful for anything else. For goodness sakes, take it off your ear when you’re not on the phone. The thing is silly-looking and it’s completely unnerving to try and hold a conversation with someone who could be on the phone with someone else. Plus the blinking light is extremely distracting. Take it off.

- Loudspeakers are completely unnecessary (not to mention, obnoxious) in public. There’s no reason why anyone should have to listen to both ends of your conversation. Common decency, people.

- Yes, I know the Crackberrys, the iPhones, and the G1s are super addictive, but that doesn’t mean they should be permanently glued to your hand – or your ear! When you’re with someone, be with them. It’s rude to constantly text in the company of others (“Stop trying to be sneaky, I know what you’re up to. This isn’t high school, I can see you texting behind that menu.”) and even if you’re not texting, just fiddling with your phone makes the person talking to you think that you’d rather be somewhere else.

Maybe I’m selfish but when I’m with someone, I want them to focus on me. Not their email, not the playoff scores, not their online shopping. ME. Put the phone away (not on the dinner table next to the rolls, oh dear.) And if you absolutely MUST keep your phone on because you’re waiting on an important phone call, warn me first. I don’t want to be halfway through my pasta only to be interrupted by Daddy Yankee‘s “Gasolina.”

What about you? Is it just me or do cell-phone divas annoy you? Any other obnoxious things that people do with their phones that gets under your skin? Share!

Then this contest is for you, my friend.

Our friends over at AT&T gave us a brand new Palm Centro to give away to one lucky CollegeCandy winner. This phone is awesome. It’s small enough to fit in your clutch, but with a full QWERTY keyboard, Bluetooth® capability, and infrared connectivity. You can email, Instant Messenger and Push-To-Talk with your friends, listen to AT&T Music and XM Radio, take pictures and record video, and stay up to date on all those important assignments.

Yeah, it’s the bomb.com. And it’s also easy to win. Here’s what you have to do:

Are you a member of CollegeCandy’s Facebook group? Well, you might want to be because the person who gets the most people to join the group will take home this great new phone. Just send your friends to join the group. When they join, have them leave a message on the wall that says “(Your name) sent me.” (So, if you are Brad Pitt, we want to marry you your friends would say “Brad Pitt sent me.”)

The person who sends the most will have themselves a brand spanking new phone courtesy of AT&T. You have until 5pm EST on Christmas day (December 25th, if you don’t know) to round up all your friends. We will announce the winner on CollegeCandy and send your phone on over.

(And just in case you don’t win this phone, AT&T has tons of other great phones you can take home for the holidays. Like the Samsung Propel or the Pantech Matrix, both only $79.99 with a a two-year agreement and after a $50 mail-in rebate. Put that on the wish list this year!)

Your ability to drink in excess and ruin 95% of pictures taken at parties gets me hot and bothered. I think it’s uhh… adorable that you maintain your appearance to the point where I question your sexual orientation. I guess I respect the fact that you tweeze, bleach and pluck more than me. The fact that you care about your “fresh kicks getting smudged” more than your future or GPA is super sexy…?

Babe, what happened to you? Before you became “that guy” you were once “just one of the guys.” You were playing Madden instead of photoshopping your Facebook pictures. You couldn’t tell Armani from Target. Your cellphone lived in your pocket instead of clipped to your ribbon belt, and for the love of God, why are you orange-r than an Oompa Loompa?! I liked you without your bromosexuality. I’m not interested in the Brody Jenners or the Gotti wannabes!

Why does your tee shirt have more sparkles on it than Limited Too’s entire Spring Collection circa 1998? These glittery numbers are worsened by being “slim fit” to show off your “killer pecs.” Maybe they work for Hulk Hogan, but they don’t work for you and they definitely don’t work in public. Do society a favor and wear clothes that fit. And if your shirt has a collar? I don’t care if you’ve been popping it ever since you can remember. Old Yeller that nonsense. Put. It. Down.

Take out your Bluetooth headset. Kudos if you use it in your car – safety first. But, that blinking blue light glued to the side of your head while you’re out and about, especially waiting in line at stores (most likely Armani Exchange or Abercrombie and Fitch), makes you look like an ultra douchebag. I am laughing at you. The store clerks are laughing at you. Humanity as a whole is laughing at you. Leave the damn thing in the glove compartment of your car.

What the hell is on your head? First, turn your hat frontwards. Backwards hats were cool for Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit. Ten years ago. Secondly, what kind of hat is it? Baseball hat? Fine. Trucker hat? Toss it out. Ashton Kutcher threw out his, and he was like the Dane Cook of the 90′s. Douche of the decade. Plus, enough with the pre-frayed brim! How do brims even get frayed in the first place? What did you do with yourself to even get a frayed brim? Walk head-on into a concrete wall multiple times? Drop it on a belt sander in shop class in high school? Jesus Christ!

Which brings me to your hair. If it’s longer than your chin, you probably need a haircut. If it’s gelled to the point where you look more like your front lawn than a dude, lose the Loreal. Shaggy is cute, spiky not so much. Also, quit it with the weird chin pubes. They’re itchy and freaky and especially way gross if they’re flesh colored a la Spencer Pratt.

Darling, I like you for you. Not your ill-fitting clothes and designer flip flops. Hell, I’ll let you continue to tell your stories about your drinking glory days once in a while, but please consider at least some of the previous advice, chill out, and leave the metrosexuality and manscaping where it belongs. On Bravo.

Lots of love,

Melanie

I’d like to take this opportunity (5:30pm on a Tuesday sitting in a Starbucks…) to thank the techie gods for these five technological innovations I can’t imagine my life without:

1) The Laptop – I wouldn’t even be here, sitting in this Starbucks at 5:30pm on a Tuesday if it weren’t for the laptop. Mine is a black MacBook. It’s light, sleek, fast, and now that I’ve got a new battery, it holds a five-hour charge. As a writer I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to have to write papers, even novels, on typewriters. Writing a page and then realizing that there was a spelling error? The horror! Being stuck in a home office or computer lab in order to use a desktop computer? Never again!

2) The Cell Phone – My current cell is a black Motorola Razr (it matches my laptop, which was an accident), and even though I can call, text, and surf (the very slow) Internet, I can’t wait until my plan is up in September so I can upgrade to a new phone. There are so many phones now with speedy Internet capabilities, music players, digital cameras, even video cameras, you often only need this one tiny piece of plastic to get you through your day.

3) TiVo – Very few people I know actually own a TiVo machine, but most have a digital video recorder and we can thank TiVo for that. Now I get to start my day with The Daily Show and a cup of coffee, instead of having to end my evening that way. I can skip through the commercials for dishwashing liquid while watching Good Eats on the Food Network. And I can re-watch the season finale of Lost to try and figure out what the hell is going on with that wacky island. I never want to be tied down to a programming schedule or (gasp!) a VHS tape-recorded show, again.

4) The iPod – The iPhone has a music player and the iPod Touch has Internet capabilities, but I’ll take a regular iPod (now called an “iPod classic” That was fast!) any day. My life is richer now that I can walk to the subway station in New York listening to Of Montreal, and when I get in my car in Los Angeles, I scroll through my iPod to find the perfect song to drive to the beach to (Len’s “Steal My Sunshine” is a personal, pop favorite). I now have a soundtrack to my life and I can’t imagine my life without it.

5) Bluetooth – This is both a physical thing and a magical data transmission thing. I’m thankful for both. Physical Bluetooth devices, like the earpiece I carry in my car, are a life saver for two reasons: 1) I won’t kill myself while driving, and 2) I won’t get a $50 ticket now that California has a new non-handheld cell phone law. And I’m thankful for the magical powers of Bluetooth that can’t be seen, which help me to get photos from my laptop to my cell phone and visa versa. Now embarrassing photos of my sister are always around to share at the next family reunion.

Since it’s not a physical thing, I didn’t include Facebook on this list, but I think it deserves an honorable mention. There’s no reason to ever fall out of touch with someone now. I’ve got friends on Facebook that I haven’t seen since I was eight, friends that I see almost every day, and even an ex-boyfriend (or two) so I know when he has a new girlfriend (Ouch! They look so happy together! What a douchebag!). (Editor’s Note: And we can happily stalk people without ever being discovered!) It’s both a blessing and a curse, but one that I could never do without.

[Photo courtesy of pcworld.com]