How many times a week a day do you Google yourself? An embarrassing amount, right? Almost as embarrassing as the amount of time I spend diagnosing myself with fatal diseases on WebMD. But when we’re not googling our own name and Facebook stalking our frenemies, we’re googling (and ogling) guys. Like, a lot. So we wanted to do a totally scientific study (please note that we did this research while also doing research on the effects of Four Loko on a professional work day) on the most googled guys on the internet. And we were SHOCKED by the results. Like apparently no one else is as into Barry Manilow as I am. But a lot of people are really into Ne-Yo. Who knew?! Now you do!

But for the Top 11 American Idol contestants in tonight’s episode, Miley Cyrus is gonna attempt to be just that – their mentor. What is she gonna tell them!? What advice could she possibly give!?

“Yea y’all, it would be really helpful if you had a dad who was a one-hit wonder and had a really sweet mullet in the ’90s! Then you could get your own show on the Disney Channel, and your career will really take off!”

I personally feel kind of sorry for these Idol hopefuls, because contestants in past seasons have had the honor to work with legendary figures in the music biz. The contestants on season 6 hip-hopped with Jenny from the Block, rocked out with fashion and music mogul Gwen Stefani, and were even mentored by Bon Jovi, Bono, and- wait for it- DIANA freakin’ ROSS!

Then, season 7 featured mentors like Neil Diamond, Mariah Carey, who is the best-selling female artist with the most #1 singles in U.S. history, and the legendary Dolly Parton. Season 8 came and went with Quentin Tarantino and Jamie Foxx (blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol…sorry, can’t help myself)

My point is, that Idol needs to continue it’s longstanding tradition of having talented, award winning artists mentor the newbies who have made an impact on the world, not some teeny bopper who’s gonna perform a duet with a Jonas brother. Who knows, maybe Miley will make something great of herself in the future and become one of these unforgettable names. But as of now, she hasn’t even donned a cap and gown for a high school graduation, so let’s leave the mentoring to the real pros, shall we?

This Sunday, January 31st, the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards will air on CBS. And you must know what we’re thinking: it’s the perfect excuse to drink on a Sunday! (Until the Super Bowl, that is.)

Nothing goes better with good music than an ice cold beer (or 12), so we at CollegeCandy have come up with the perfect drinking game to accompany the big night. So go brush your teeth with a bottle of Jack, put on your Poker Face and see who takes home the big awards… and which of your friends will make it to the end of the show.

I gotta feeling…that Sunday night’s gonna be a good (good) night…

Take a shot:

(Of Hennessy) every time someone makes a Kanye West joke.

Each time of Lady Gaga changes her wardrobe. Take a double if it involves a mask, a cone, or fake blood.

(Of Jack Daniel’s) and some Oxycontin (just kidding) if Britney wins for Womanizer.  Then go shave your head and make a Starbucks run.

Every time a performer does something sexually inappropriate. Make it a double if it involves a head in a crotch. Triple if it’s guy on guy.

Take a sip:

Every time Gaga dedicates an award to the gays or her “little monsters.”

Every time the camera flashes to Jay-Z and Beyonce (inevitably seated in the front row).

Every time Taylor Swift wins an award (might wanna keep a barf bag nearby…)

(Out of a chalice) for every person wearing sunglasses inside.

(Of wine) every time someone thanks Jesus.

Drink It Up:

Drink “plenty of beer” when Ke$ha goes on stage to present.

Drink (big) whiskey each time you swoon over Dave Matthews. (What? Just me?)

Drink double every time you see Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers or Justin Beiber (since they can’t do it themselves).

Chug:

(A glass of milk) if Mariah’s boobs are hanging out.

(A beer/whiskey/anything, really) every time she opens her mouth and slurs her words.

If Snooki shows up. Chug another if she’s rockin’ the pouf.

If your vote (on CBS.com) for Bon Jovi’s performance wins.

If your favorite for Record of the Year (Beyonce – Halo, Lady Gaga – Poker Face, Kings of Leon – Use Somebody, Black Eyed Peas – I Gotta Feeling, Taylor Swift – You Belong With Me) takes home the award.

And, of course, bong a beer if Kanye West comes on stage and steals a microphone.

Fact is we connect to others by learning about them. And everyone has something to share (even if it is a story about that time they fell down the stairs in the middle of lecture).

So to give you yet another reason to procrastinate, we started ‘The Five Questions We Ask Everyone’ (plus five for that special someone) because we know whether we’re schmoozing with an A- list celeb or your local bartender, you’ll be equally entertained.

Lena is the author of SexandtheIvy.com, a blog about sex and dating at Harvard University. She started blogging back in 2006, sparking immediate controversy on campus and off. Lena received lots of attention for her saucy ways and has since been featured as a commentator on college sexuality in The New York Times, Newsweek, The Boston Globe, Salon, and Playboy Radio. She currently blogs at TheChicktionary.com. 

1.      What is your most hysterical/ridiculous college memory or the most trouble you’ve ever gotten into?

A tie between dating my former teaching assistant and my psycho ex posting naked photos of me online. I swear I don’t try to be a cliche; my life just turns out that way.

2.      Five things you can’t live without

Wifi, sushi, my boyfriend’s bulldog, eight hours of sleep a night, and the spotlight.

3.      What’s your motto/advice you live by?

Never put off until tomorrow who you can do today. In other words, it’s okay to f**k on the first date. The first (and only) time I did this, I moved in with the guy six months later.

4.      Your favorite song to belt out at the bar/in the car/for karaoke?

“You Give Love A Bad Name,” Bon Jovi

5.      Ten years from now you will be….

Hiding out from Google under an assumed name.

6. Why did you start writing Sex and the Ivy?

Because I didn’t think anyone would actually read it. In retrospect, that was a really stupid assumption.

7. What is the craziest sex experience you have ever had?

Losing a condom inside myself for 48 hours.

8. What are some lessons you have learned as you’ve worked on this blog?

That I shouldn’t publicly own up to things like losing a condom inside myself for 48 hours.

9. What is next for you?

Best case scenario: writing a memoir. Worst case scenario: writing my own Wikipedia entry.

10. Best piece of sex advice for the CollegeCandy readers?

Anyone who claims they’re qualified to give sex advice probably isn’t. But if you’re listening anyway: get vaccinated for HPV.

With no further ado, the top ten songs I personally can’t help but sing. In no particular order, let’s start with the obvious:

1. Don’t Stop Believing by Journey

Hold on to that feeling…

It’s inevitable. The bar will close, the party will end, and to signify the bittersweet ending of yet another great college night

2. Sweet Caroline (ba ba ba…) by Neil Diamond

So good, so good, so good!

Definitely should be reserved for last call, but still proves to be a favorite you can’t resist.

3. You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC

Cause the walls were shakin, the earth was quakin’, my mind was achin’, and we were makin’ it and you…

It requires a fist-pump. And that may be why I love it.

4. Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi

We’ve got each other and that’s a lot/ For love, we’ll give it a shot.. Ohhhhhhh….

Yeah. You maybe just started singing right now, I saw that.

5. Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money

I can hear you breathe, I can feel your heart beating faster (faster)…

A great song…and a great pick up line.

6. American Pie by Don McLean

Bye, bye Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry…

The chorus is just phenomenal. Possibly the definition of an oldie but a goodie.

7. Since You’ve Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

I’m so movin’ onnnn, yeah, yeah…

Guys definitely love this song at LEAST as much as we do, don’t be fooled. It’s just a good jam in general, especially if you’ve got any angst toward a recent ex or current significant other debacle…

8. Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations

So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don’t break my heart…

This one even gets you bopping around on a make-shift dancefloor. You can’t deny the greatness of Motown crooning.

9. The Piano Man by Billy Joel

Well we’re all in the mood for a melody, and you’ve got us feelin’ alright…

Don’t you wish you could play the piano and observe people on the job? At least you can sing about it…

10. Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard

I’m hot, sticky sweet/ From my head, to my feet, yeah…

I’m not going to try and say Def Leppard is good. I’m not going to sell it as a good song. But you can’t deny that you know the chorus, and you really can’t help but chime in when it’s on.

Did I miss any favorites? Let us know what made your own top ten!

[photo courtesy of www.a-1entertainment.com]

“OMG, I LOVE THIS SONG!” You scream to your friends, as you all begin singing and dancing in a circle.

While all songs are “the best song ever” when you are drunk, there are those certain special tunes that get you every time. This week, we asked our writers to weigh in on their favorite drunk jams. Note: Journey must be proud.

Beata: It’s totally a Notre Dame tradition, but I love “Midnight Train.” And, of course, “Since You’ve Been Gone.” Gotta love those memories of screaming at the top of your lungs in a dark, sweaty dorm room.

Elise – UCLA: Don’t Stop Believing – Journey.

Jill – University of Wisconsin: “I Want it that Way” is a great – it makes me want to put on a glow necklace and a t-shirt that says “I got Jammed all night at Aaron’s Bar Mitzvah.” Oh, and “Disturbia” is also a fist-pumping winner.

Ali – Syracuse University: “Shoop” by Salt n Peppa… yeah I have it memorized

Lauren – University of Michigan: “The Gambler.” It’s always the last song at the bar and a sign that I really should go home. But, man, singing that in a circle with my friends…such fond (hazy) memories.

Amber – Old Dominion: “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd, because guitar solos are always better when you’re drunk.

Erica – Kent State: Honestly, I love singing almost anything when I’m drunk. Even songs I don’t know any words to when I’m sober. Especially any songs I don’t know the words to when I’m sober. It’s like they… or something that sounds somewhat like the actual words… magically come to me when I’m wasted. But, anyway, if I had to pick a song, right now I’d have to say M.I.A’s “Paper Planes” even though it’s overplayed. I just love making hand gestures when the gun goes off. Awesome.

Suzanne- Tulane: “Murder on the Dance Floor.” You should see my moves.

Kathryn S.: The Old School version of “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” With the F-bombs.

Heather – Penn State: “It’s My Life,” by Bon Jovi.

K – NYU: That would be “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey…. I think it explains itself.

Carly – Grinnell: Probably “MMMBop.” If it was even ever played at a bar. (I think I just embarrassed myself horribly by answering that way.)

Kari – FSU: “Swagga Like Us.” I lip sync along with made up words until Jay-Z’s verse, then I yell “HOOOOOVAAAAA” at the top of my lungs while throwing up the Rocafella sign. It’s usually well received by the security personnel escorting me out.

Sara – NYU: “Like A Prayer”! Just like any good Jew.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey. BTW, I’ve been told I dance a mean “Soulja Boy” when I’m that drunk; oddly enough, I can’t do it sober.

So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone - we’ve all been there before.]

Hugging the Bowl:

You started the evening out with the girls and a few shots of vodka to the tune of Bon Jovi blaring from the stereo. Then you moved onto the party, where you couldn’t not play 10 rounds of flip cup, followed by a game of beer pong. You were feeling good – really good – so you decided to give into the boys and do a keg stand.

After all, you had to show them what you’re made of.

When your feet are firmly back on the ground it hits you: you are totally f**ked up. The room is spinning, the floor is rocking and all you can think about is getting home and dying.

But you don’t want anyone to think you are a wimp (because you’re not!), so you pull one of the girls aside and whisper, “I’m tired. I think I’m gonna go,” which comes out more like, “I’m <hiccup> tiiiired. I <hiccup> mthink I’mgomna <vurp> go.” Your friend offers to go with you.

You stumble home, run straight to the bathroom and strip down to your bra and underwear. Your friend brings you water in the bathroom as you crouch over the toilet and start spitting into the bowl. Your knees hurt already, but you are not leaving the bathroom until you puke, dammit.

Your head hurts. You feel like hell. You are never EVER drinking again. Please God, you pray, if you let me make it through tonight I will never drink this much again. Please god. PLEASE. I swear. No more alcohol. Ever.

And at that moment, you mean it.

You keep spitting into the toilet, opening your mouth and willing something other than saliva to come out. You try pulling the trigger (hey, it works for bulimics!), chugging water, or anything else that just might bring up all that beer.

You give up hope, grab the garbage can and begin to head back to your room when – YES! – it comes. Lots and lots of it. Beer, vodka, and the Jimmy Johns #6 you scarfed down for dinner. Vomiting has never felt so good. You welcome the heaves, celebrate the bile, and as quickly as it started you are done.

You are sweating. There are tears in your eyes, but sweet Jesus you feel great.

You pour yourself a glass of water, brush your teeth, grab the garbage can and head to your room where you quickly pass out.

When you wake up in the morning you feel great, and after some scrambled eggs and toast you are ready to hit the bottle again.

Come back next week for more moments of misery that we can all share. Like all those damn drunk texts.

And you have the pictures to prove it.

While the themes of the parties may have been different (Tiki Tuesday? Beach party? Ghetto Fabulous?), the music was not. I don’t know what it is, but it seems like there is one playlist that somehow makes its

way into every bar or house on campus. And then plays on repeat. All night.

You love it while you’re double fisting Coronoa’s, but, for the love of God, if you hear that damn song one. more. time…

Our writers know how that goes. We asked them which songs they never ever (as long as they live) want to hear at a party again. Watch your back, Flo-rida – I think your time is over.

Alex – Lakehead University: I never ever EVER want to hear Hotel California by the Eagles at the bar again. I know it seems like a strange one, but come to Thunder Bay and you’ll suffer through it at least once a night.

Kari – Florida State: “Boots with the furrrr.” Not only does this song make my ears bleed, it feels the need to accost my eyeballs as well. For some reason every girl with a FUPA feels that this is “her song” and runs to the middle of the dance floor. No thank you.

Carly – Grinnell: “Follow Me” by Uncle Kracker. It is not good now, and it was never good. It should be eradicated.

Ali – Syracuse University: Good question. I hope never again to hear “Low” by Flo-rida. Who parties dressed in boots with furrr?

Conan – Columbia College: Montell Jordan – This is how we do it.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I will die happy if I never hear Soulja boy again.

Kate Bean – NYU: What song do i NOT want to hear again at a party? The Titanic theme song. Yeah. It happened. I know what you’re thinking: “Kate, the mini fridge by your bed does not count as a bar. And binge drinking by yourself is not a party.” I beg to differ.

Jessica – FSU: Anything by Nickelback

Olua – I have no interest in Fergie’s (or anyone else’s) humps. I didn’t before the song came out and every time I hear it, a little part of me dies.

K – NYU: No question – “Love Generation.” I’m sure Spring Break 2006 was awesome but, really, don’t make me relive it.

Kelly – UMass: No Air by Jordan Sparks & Chris Brown…soooo overrated and over played!

Melanie – Northeastern University: “Livin’ On a Prayer.” Mostly because I think I AM Bon Jovi when I hear it and I screech it… at the top of my lungs…

Lauren – University of Michigan: Hollaback Girl. That sh*t is bananas. Oh, and “Get Low” cuz it’s gross and people are always pointing out windows and walls. Why?!

Erica – Kent State: JOURNEY, “Don’t Stop Believin’.” I really don’t think any explanation is necessary.

Victoria: That revolting, wretch-inducing, cringe-worthy Kelly Clarkson song “Since You’ve Been Gone”. For some mysterious reason, bars keep this cheesy tune in serious rotation. Since bars lack pre-pubescent angsty patrons, I’m puzzled.

Amber – Old Dominion: I’m a dance freak so I rarely get tired of songs, but I was rather happy when everyone stopped trying to “crank dat soulja boy.”

Noa – Colorado University, Boulder: Anything by Avril. Barf.

Sara – NYU: “Baby Got Back.” I actually really like that song (ah, nostalgia) but it always seems to make the DJ really grumpy.

“Hey. I can get you into the Bon Jovi concert at Madison Square Garden tonight if you can get down here in 20 minutes.”

I sat on my futon, Cheerios on my knees, hair tied into a messy bun, body exhausted from a typically exhausting Monday, and considered this offer. Am I a big Bon Jovi fan? Not really. But tickets for this thing were going for thousands of dollars, it’s Madison f*cking Square Garden, and breaking up my nightly pattern of Reality TV watching and cereal eating wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Plus, where else could I wear my acid-washed cutoff mom jeans? (Note: this last sentence is not true.)

After putting on my make-up as fast as I could (and hoping the lights would be in full “80′s glow mode” to keep the rest of my post-work face at bay), I slapped on some clothes and tried to tease my hair as high as it would go (Note: this may not be true). I then pushed past the milieu of yuppies on my block and jumped into a cab.

Once en-route, I chatted with the strangely friendly cabbie about where I was going, and he immediately offered $2,000 for my ticket. After telling him I did not indeed have the ticket on my person, he said he would “pull over at the Garden, park the cab, and get my ticket” with me, and then hand over the cash. I doubted he had $2,000 on him, and I can’t imagine how my friend would have reacted to have seen an old cabbie wearing a drug rug in my seat instead of me, so I politely thanked him, tipped him well, and ran inside.

This story could get mighty long if I continued to narrate the entire adventure, so let’s just list some of things I learned / saw once I was surrounded by Jovi mania:

1) Cutoff jeans are the official Bon Jovi fan summer accessory. Shirts with the arms ripped off are also fashion forward for a Jovi fan, as is platinum blond hair with crazy obvious roots.

2) Being a ticket-taker at the Garden during Jovi mania, and denying a few bedazzled teenagers access to the audience will get you a smackdown that sounds like this, “Whatever! We’ll just do whatever! You probably just want to have sex in your ticket booth or whatever! We’re gonna kick the window in! My dad is a lawyer and if he wasn’t vacationing at the Jersey Shore right now he’d kick your ass! F*ck you, you hate Bon Jovi!!“

3) If you stand in front of a woman with radical blonde highlights who is singing / screaming off-tune with John Bon throughout his entire set, your ears will sting real bad the next morning.

4) A guy who dances and moves his arms around exactly like Bon Jovi is weird, and will reveal his weirdness slowly throughout the night, staring at you with increasing intensity.

5) Jovi, as expected, will wear not only a black leather vest with no shirt underneath, but also a flowing red shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest for his signature song “Bed of Roses” (a song which has the very earnest line, “With an ironclad fist I wake up and French kiss the morning“)

6) There will be people from all walks of life at this concert, but mostly, there will be people who somehow buried themselves in a time capsule dated “1986″ and left it for the sole purpose of seeing Jovi at Madison Square Garden

7) No matter how cool you think you are, it’s impossible not to throw your arms up and scream the chorus of “Living on a Prayer”

I know it’s not a fashion competition, but what the hell was Randy wearing? You know he thinks he’s a general in his own mind. Yes, I believe he loves himself that much. Paula—I’m sorry about the bruise on your face, but do you have a speech impediment? To me, she always sounds like she’s talking with a retainer in her mouth, but last night, maybe due to pain killers, it was even more pronounced. And she was obviously tired from her fall cause she was relatively quiet.

Simon—I love you just the way you are. Maybe with a few more buttons undone. I’m sorry that everyone boos you. You’re the only one that makes sense.

Jordin owned Blake last night. Owned. What Simon said about her wiping the floor with him on the last (kind of wretched, but not surprised it was picked) song? Totally true. She walked out on that stage and it was like she’d already won. She knew she had it. And I loved her dress.

The tears were a bit much (though I imagine it is really overwhelming), but I’m pretty sure Blake was crying harder backstage. Cause he sucks. And I’m not going to lie, I got a little teary myself. Jordin’s version of Xtina’s Fighter…eh. She’s not so good at up tempo songs, but producers can take care of that for her. And she could probably have a long career singing those beautiful ballads. She really is excellent. And they only brought up her age 4 times last night.

Blake. Oh, Blake. You sucked. Hard. I was never a fan of the Bon Jovi beat boxing thing, but everyone else loved it. And then it just went down hill. Waaaaay down. Hon, you can’t sing. So don’t pick a ballad to sing (and ruin a great song). Followed by another even more horrendous ballad. I couldn’t even listen to his version of This Is My Now.

I was thanking God for Tivo because about a minute in, I had to fast forward. I don’t think he was in pitch the whole time. And was it just me, or were those last pair of pants he was wearing way too tight and framing his package? That was the only thing I could see. But maybe I just have a dirty mind.

If Jordin doesn’t win after last night I don’t know what’s wrong with America. Unless they just feel sooooo bad for Blake, think everyone else will vote for Jordin, and vote the other way. Cause it wasn’t even a competition. It was like watching a really bad opener for a band you’ve been dying to see.

And we’ll only have to hear This Is My Now one more time… before they release it on single and drive us all crazy by playing it over and over and over and over again until no one wants to buy the winner’s album. Maybe that’s why no one who wins American Idol is successful….