At last: all my social problems have been resolved. Gone, for me, are the days of shyness, the empty nights, the nagging sense that I and my lowly breasts do not have anything to offer the world. No – these days, I’m the most popular girl on campus, with a sparkle in my eye, a spring in my step, and a blood alcohol level that is always just high enough to keep me from operating heavy machinery. What brought on this miraculous change, you ask?

Why, it’s the Wine Rack, a bra stuffed with inflatable polyurethane cups to be filled with the liquor of one’s choice. To paraphrase the immortal Fergie, I’m going to get, get, get you drunk, get you love drunk off my hump(s). And I now have a spigot on my chest designed specifically for that purpose. Read More »

Hooters? Depressing? You don’t say. All I’ve ever had to do was take a look at the horrible orange and white paint job adorning the outside of most Hooters restaurants to know those places are a bevy of bad taste and depression.

Oh yeah, and fifteen year olds.

In my town, Hooters was the place adolescent boys with fake IDs and too much cologne spent their Friday nights when no one their own age would date them.

Hooters was the place high school’s biggest assholes went to feel superior to women who would never look at them in real life, as well as the place a friend’s friend once tried to work at but quit after some perv threw a popcorn shrimp at her boobs.

In conclusion: Hooters is drenched in grossness. Read More »

Have you ever thought, “you know what? Screw traditional strapless bras, I want to squish my boobs into a semi-torture device!”

No? Well, someone has.

The Faveo Freedom Bra, invented by “scientist / business woman” Joanne Morgan, is supposedly the next best thing in undergarments, but looks to me like the next best thing in uncomfortable.

After buying a strapless dress and having no bra to wear with it, Morgan decided that instead of returning her purchase, she as going to whip something up herself. “I started to experiment with new ways to invent a bra.”

Morgan is quoted as saying, “I had my Eureka moment after a couple of glasses of wine.”

Her “Eureka moment” seems to consist mostly of a belty-strap thing that squeezes each individual boob and a piece of fabric that goes over the front. How this actually provides support or is even worth buying is beyond me, but maybe that’s just because I’m not a “scientist / business woman”.

Want to see more? Check out the instructional video after the jump! Read More »