Dear Dude,

While I was in college I noticed this guy in my class who I thought was attractive, “Matt,” so I decided that if I ever saw him out that I would make something happen. I eventually did see him out and initiated a hook up. We briefly hooked up that year until he got a girlfriend and the fun ended. A few months later I met someone else in one of my classes and began dating him, this lasted for four years.

The minute I became single I started seeing Matt at the bar I always go to. Note: Matt had been MIA while I was dating my ex. I rarely saw him at the bar I frequently attend but here he was. I found out quickly that he was dating a girl (because she called me a scandalous bitch for buying him a shot) but within 2 weeks he was single and texting me ALL the time. Being that I was just out of a four year relationship I was not interested in dating anyone, so we began sleeping with each other again, all the time. I would always leave the minute he passed out because I wasn’t trying to force anyone to hang out with me the next day nor did I want to go through the awkward “well that was fun, I’ll text you later” business. This is how our “relationship” proceeded for months. Read More »

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[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Whether you’re a guy or a girl, gay or straight, old or young, one of the most frustrating things about liking someone is not knowing if they like you back. Wait, no – that’s not totally right. The most frustrating thing is the amount of time wasted thinking/wondering/analyzing/wishing they like you and then playing games to make them show it.

I can honestly say that about 79% of my college career was spent wondering if the socially awkward Jewish boy who wasn’t cute in high school but came to college, learned how to do his hair and got a good pair of jeans I liked at the moment felt the same way about me. (For the record, the other 20% of the time was spent in an actual relationship where I knew the boy liked me, and the remaining 1% was spent planning for my future, considering a career path and “studying”…)

My mind was filled with thoughts like:

Does it mean he likes me if he texted me first?
And used an emoticon?
Left a witty message on my Facebook wall?
Spent the whole night talking to me at the bar?
Bought me a Natty Ice?
Asked me to stay over, then spent the evening doing pleasurable things to me until the morning light started peeking through the tapestry he had hanging over his window without getting ANY pleasure in return (what? You know I’m not a fan of it….), and then drove me home and kissed me goodbye only not to call or text for 4 whole days?

As you can imagine, it was exhausting, and I constantly found myself wondering, “Why can’t guys make it obvious when they’re not interested like we girls do?”

And then I realized: maybe we girls aren’t so clear either. Maybe guys don’t understand that me not sitting next to them in lecture means I don’t want to see them naked. Or that the fact that I’m not texting them back every 4 seconds means I’m not really feelin’ it. Read More »

When I graduated from college, I told myself that I was never going to behave the way I had for the past four years. Especially since I was no longer going to be attending Thirsty Thursdays, Wasted Wednesdays and Tipsy Tuesdays, and there weren’t horny boys lurking around every corner. Essentially, ‘hooking up,’ in all of its glory, was taking a gracious bow out of my life.  And I accepted it. I was ready to burst into the world of dating, cute little kisses at my doorstep, waking up at 8 am alone and never again embarrassing myself when I walked home wearing a tutu and a Run DMC shirt.

My new mature self truly believed hooking up was for immature people who peaked in college. But not me. I was now an adult and completely grown out of my college meet-a-guy-in-the-corner-and-hump-him-against-a-wall self. Now I’d meet men in grocery stores and in passing on the sidewalk near the cigar shop. (What am I, 50?! Whatever, I saw it.) I had a little fantasy land in my mind where I would meet my knight in shining armor, he would work with numbers, wear a suit and have a passion for life so thick and deep, I would not be able to see the end of it.

I had no time for immature boys who wanted to spoon with me on a futon after we took red headed slut shots together at the bar and talked about Jurassic Park because it was “oh my gaw, so totally our favorite movie in grade school!”  I had no time for the silly guilt I’d feel the next morning until I smoothed it over with my girlfriends. And I had absolutely no tolerance for deciding mid-makeout sesh that I’d rather be eating a tortilla with cheese in my own bed. Read More »

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It’s 8 o’clock on a Friday night. While the majority of campus males are chugging beers and pulling dirty t-shirts out of the hamper, most of us girls are raiding our roommates’ wardrobes.  We’re primping in front of the mirror, doing our hair, applying our make-up, choosing that perfect outfit that will make us appear sexy, but in a “I-don’t try too hard” kind of way.

Then comes the finishing touches: the shoes.

We dig through our closets to find the perfect pair that will compliment our outfits. Having to walk across campus to get to the party, you would think that our eyes would lead us straight to the comfy flats.  But of course this is never the case. We want to make a statement, so instead we choose the high-heeled pumps that may leave us blistered and bruised, but hey, they’re cute. So we limp to the party while cursing our footwear choice. Determined to make the night a success, we dance with the guy who sits behind us in bio. Our toes may feel as if we’re two-stepping on glass, but hey, he’s cute.

After 3 ½ years of college, and many nights like this, I have come to the conclusion that guys are like shoes: we always want the cute ones even though we know they will probably end up hurting us in the end.

Think about it…

Dear Dude, 

Get ready for a toughy—the way this guy has demonstrated interest in me is far beyond my comprehension. He started flirting with me in October: sitting next to me in class, texting me nonstop, asking if I had a boyfriend, etc. I was very receptive and flirtatious back, but nothing happened. Physically speaking, the most we ever did was hug one another. We haven’t done anything more than study alone together several times in his dorm room—again, nothing physical. Out of the blue, he has told me that he has a lot of respect for me and that he thinks I’m intelligent, and he has mentioned my various accomplishments to his friends. You think everything would be good and that he’s just a little timid, but here’s the tricky part:

Sometimes when he texts me, they’re very direct and sexual.

Earlier on, he has asked me how far I’ve been even though he knows I’ve never had a boyfriend before and that I take my morals very seriously (although, I’m not entirely against having premarital sex—I just want to make sure I am in a committed relationship before doing so). At the very beginning of second semester, we were joking around via text that we were cold and that we should warm up together. When I asked him if this was an invitation to snuggle and have a movie night, he said he only cared to snuggle without pants on. I got really upset by this when he continuously pursued the topic, asking me what I was afraid of and telling me that trying new things could be fun, even though I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that by any means. He did apologize for the behavior and things were just as normal as they always were when we saw one another in class a few days later.

Then about a week ago, he has asked on several occasions late at night for me to come over for what he phrases as being a “pajama party.” I responded that I would like to hang out with him so long as it wasn’t in obscure hours of the night, but we haven’t actually set anything up. I’m severely frustrated by the whole situation, and my friends have mixed feelings about him, some professing that he’s toying with me and others saying that I’m paranoid for thinking that he’s using me for sex.

What is he exactly after? I think I have made myself perfectly clear on my unwillingness to casually hook up, so if he is trying to just hook up with me, why does he continuously pursue it when this has dragged on for months and his tactics aren’t working?

I really don’t know what do anymore. Everyone refers to him as the prototypical nice guy, so I don’t know why this keeps happening to me. It just kills me, and at the risk of sounding cliché, I never cared so much about a guy before, and I’m not willing to give up just yet, which probably makes me sound certifiably insane. At the very least, if something doesn’t develop between us, I don’t want to make this more awkward than it already is.

Help Me,
Victim of Sexual Cryptic Texter Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Whenever I ask a guy for guy advice, he always says one of two things:

1. “Stop worrying about guys and just hook up with a girl….so I can watch.”
2. “Guys are not that complex. They say what they mean.”

I want to believe that (the second one; I usually just completely disregard the first one…after I smack him). I mean, he’s a guy so he should know, right? But hard as I try to take a guy’s word at face value, it’s impossible. They’re just so vague. And confusing. And what the f**k does, “whatever” mean?!?!

And that’s especially true when it comes to text messages. Read More »

So last time we ran a post like this, you ladies learned a lot about sex, even though you didn’t really think you needed to when you first clicked the link. 171 Facebook shares later, it was clear that you learned A LOT more than you expected. Even though we’re young, college girls living the college life, we don’t know sex like we think we do. Especially since the rest of the world keeps coming up with all this new (and sometimes useful) information. So check out the links below, and discover what you didn’t know about sex, the pros, the cons, and everything in between.

1. You are better than a booty call.

Because casual sex isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be.

Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I’m not a crazy person. On the contrary, I like to think that I’m quite level-headed in all aspects of my life. I tend to think things through and really try to understand all perspectives in a situation before I say or do anything. And that’s probably why all of my friends come to me for advice; they trust what I have to say and know I’ll be objective.

Of course, there is always an exception to that rule.
And of course that exception has to do with guys.

There’s something about liking a guy that can make even the sanest girl go crazy. And I’m not talking “show up at his house in the middle of the night and profess my love outside his window” sorta crazy. I’m referring to the more internal diagnosis: thinking about him all the time, analyzing every single interaction you’ve ever had with him, going to every person you know and asking them to analyze every single interaction you’ve ever had with him, carrying your phone with you everywhere you go just in case he calls or texts, or checking your email in the middle of the night to see if he sent you a Facebook message.

And what drives a girl to such a low level on the pathetic scale?

The not knowing. Read More »