Dear Dude,

While I was in college I noticed this guy in my class who I thought was attractive, “Matt,” so I decided that if I ever saw him out that I would make something happen. I eventually did see him out and initiated a hook up. We briefly hooked up that year until he got a girlfriend and the fun ended. A few months later I met someone else in one of my classes and began dating him, this lasted for four years.

The minute I became single I started seeing Matt at the bar I always go to. Note: Matt had been MIA while I was dating my ex. I rarely saw him at the bar I frequently attend but here he was. I found out quickly that he was dating a girl (because she called me a scandalous bitch for buying him a shot) but within 2 weeks he was single and texting me ALL the time. Being that I was just out of a four year relationship I was not interested in dating anyone, so we began sleeping with each other again, all the time. I would always leave the minute he passed out because I wasn’t trying to force anyone to hang out with me the next day nor did I want to go through the awkward “well that was fun, I’ll text you later” business. This is how our “relationship” proceeded for months.

Periodically he would make reference to me and his friends that I never stayed the night. I brushed it off until he actually said to me, when I was going to go home, “Why don’t you ever stay?”, so I stayed…and left early that morning because I had to work at 8. By this time, even though I would still leave, my feelings were changing and I was starting to actually become interested in seeing if this was something I wanted to pursue. However, I didn’t want to bring it up because I was always leaving and had established this as a hook up so if he wanted it to be different then, as I see it, he should have been the one trying to change it and he wasn’t.

Shortly after this, a guy I knew came to visit and we hooked up. Little did I know, he was staying at Matt’s house and apparently they are friends. I found this out when Matt called me to come hang out and says to me “So, do you think you’ll be able to stay in here when I go to sleep and not sneak across the hall where Chris is staying?” Cue awkward silence and me throwing up in my mouth. I still stayed and no, I did not run across the hall. In fact, being busted irritated me and I asked Chris to lose my number and to never talk about me with Matt again.

Now, not that this situation was the reason things happened the way that they did, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but Matt began not texting me as much. The texting became so spaced out that eventually it was maybe once a week if that. I began to wonder, does he have a girlfriend? What is going on? Should I say something? But my better judgement or maybe its crappy judgement, told me not to bother him and not to tell him that my feelings had changed.

ANYWAYS, he texted me “Happy Thanksgiving,” offered me sex on my birthday, which I declined, and sent me the “Merry Xmas” text. I next heard from him New Years Eve; I was a little drunk so I complied and went over to his house. We hooked up and then hung out with his friends and I left. I didn’t hear from him for a few weeks and then finally, the text came. He asked me to come over, which I did, and he dropped the bomb on me, “but I have a girlfriend.” I suppose I have hoe tendencies so I went along with it; however, a few days later I decided that was a shitty move on my part and that I wasn’t going to do it again. He called again a few weeks later and I said no, not until you’re single. A few months went by and he tried again, I was drunk so I said ok (he still had a girlfriend). Once again I felt bad and turned him down and didn’t hear from him for 2 months. He texted and informed me his girlfriend had broken up with him so, I decided it was fine. To my NOT-disbelief, they got back together the next week. He tried me again the following weekend, to which I finally laid it all out there that I was not comfortable with him using me to have fun and then go play the bf/gf game. That unless he intended for this to go some where other than what he calls “fun” then I was not game anymore. He gives me the response “ok…i dunno, it is this way right now.”

I know I look like a bad person for participating in someone else cheating on their girlfriend and I don’t claim to think that it means anything but what I want to know is WHY does he keep calling me? This has been going on for over a year (he and I, only since January with the girlfriend). The situation seems cut and dry, obviously he doesn’t like me and guys like to hook up so of course he still calls me, I guess. But why? why why why? He isn’t ugly, he could easily find some other girl to hook up with, clearly he did with the current girlfriend. I dunno, I just need a little clarity from a guys perspective.

Dear _______

Tangent: How do rebounds get so f*cking complicated?!?!?!?!

On to the task in hand: He keeps calling you because you keep answering. A little simplistic but I dare say that’s the essence to your predicament. If you say “No, I’m not going to sleep with you unless you’re single and you want to make an actual go of whatever the hell it is we’re doing,” then one of two things will occur: 1. He’ll stop calling. 2. You’ll meet up, probably hook up, and then actually discuss whatever it is you’re doing and where you want it to go. I’m sure there’s a third option but it’s probably less important or dramatically interesting than the formers.

Now, yeah, you feel bad that you contributed to the cheating. And hey, I’m not here to judge or condone. The point is you say you feel bad but the flip side is that you continued to contribute your rear end to the situation. So, actions, words, bygones. If you want it to stop then you’ve got to stop it. You’ve got to own up to your portion of this, it certainly sounds like you want to, and you need to own up to him about how you feel.

Leaving things left unsaid and unchecked is generally a cause for personal chaos. Why don’t we just cop to what we’re feeling and thinking? My generalization is inaction comes from fear of some kind. Maybe you’re afraid he’ll reject you, say “Let’s give it a shot,” or “I’m married.” Maybe you’re afraid of getting hurt by the next guy after getting hurt over your last break-up. I don’t know and can’t possibly know. If I were you, though, I’d do a little soul searching about it. Not much, maybe an hour on Saturday nights to replace the hole Doctor Who’s absence has left in our lives until 2012.

Just because you set the rules doesn’t mean you can’t change the rules. I’m going to mildly call you out on this section of your question: “[I] had established this as a hook up so if he wanted it to be different then, as I see it, he should have been the one trying to change it and he wasn’t.” The way you saw it is part of what’s gotten you deeper down the rabbit hole. Let it be a lesson, in the future when you know your feelings are changing/evolving/devolving, and you want to know if his are, too, then ASK. Take responsibility of how you feel and take care to make sure you’re feelings get addressed.

A year’s a longtime to be climbing around in limbo. From the guy’s perspective, if he’s getting girlfriends but you’re the constant hook up as his relationships come and go, well, that might mean he’s waiting for you to take charge. Or he’s a douchebag and you’re his sure thing. If he wanted you to be his girlfriend then he might have broached the subject. On the other hand, he might not have for the same reasons you didn’t. Was he cheating on the relationships he was in before you entered a picture? Food for thought. If he’s just a cheater then you probably would want to reassess whether or not you think he’d make a great boyfriend. Unfortunately, I’d be suspect of his credibility.

You’ve got to decide what happens next. You can let him keep booty-calling. You can own up, step up, and air out what you want from him. You can move on to another guy who isn’t staying across the hall from him. But if you let him jerk you around then he’s going to keep jerking you around, which makes him a f*cking jerk and that’s all I got to say about that.

Up, up, and away!

Super Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Whether you’re a guy or a girl, gay or straight, old or young, one of the most frustrating things about liking someone is not knowing if they like you back. Wait, no – that’s not totally right. The most frustrating thing is the amount of time wasted thinking/wondering/analyzing/wishing they like you and then playing games to make them show it.

I can honestly say that about 79% of my college career was spent wondering if the socially awkward Jewish boy who wasn’t cute in high school but came to college, learned how to do his hair and got a good pair of jeans I liked at the moment felt the same way about me. (For the record, the other 20% of the time was spent in an actual relationship where I knew the boy liked me, and the remaining 1% was spent planning for my future, considering a career path and “studying”…)

My mind was filled with thoughts like:

Does it mean he likes me if he texted me first?
And used an emoticon?
Left a witty message on my Facebook wall?
Spent the whole night talking to me at the bar?
Bought me a Natty Ice?
Asked me to stay over, then spent the evening doing pleasurable things to me until the morning light started peeking through the tapestry he had hanging over his window without getting ANY pleasure in return (what? You know I’m not a fan of it….), and then drove me home and kissed me goodbye only not to call or text for 4 whole days?

As you can imagine, it was exhausting, and I constantly found myself wondering, “Why can’t guys make it obvious when they’re not interested like we girls do?”

And then I realized: maybe we girls aren’t so clear either. Maybe guys don’t understand that me not sitting next to them in lecture means I don’t want to see them naked. Or that the fact that I’m not texting them back every 4 seconds means I’m not really feelin’ it.

So I decided it was time to end the madness once and for all. To clear it all up so we can stop wasting time with the “are they or aren’t they??” and have more time to spend on the “let’s get naked and show one another how much we care.”

So let’s do it. Here are 5 major signs that a girl’s not interested:

1. She doesn’t keep the convo going: A girl will do her damndest not to text or IM or call you first. She doesn’t want to come on too strong, after all. But you better believe that if she likes you, she’ll pray you reach out first, then keep that ish going and going and going until you propose marriage. If her texts are one-word responses (“yeah.”) or don’t leave room for further convo (“cool”), she’s not interested.

2. She only texts after midnight: Much like guys, sometimes we ladies just want a warm body – any warm body – next to us. So an after-midnight text doesn’t mean she wants to snuggle and have a romantic Sunday-morning brunch. It means that her sexy outfit didn’t work at the bar, she has no one else to go home with and she needs some attention from you to make her feel better about herself.

3. She’s talking to other people: When a girl likes a guy, she’ll do anything to be near him, to charm him, to touch his arm. So if you’re at a party and she keeps finding excuses to get away (“Whoops, need more….beer!” or “Oh, this kid from my Stats class is over there. Gotta talk about the test with him!”), she’s not playing hard to get. She’s playing gotta get away.

4. She lets you see her at her worst: We all want to believe that our opposite-sex best friend loves us, they just don’t know it yet. I know; I’ve been there….4 times. But the truth is, if there’s EVER a chance that we ladies might have feelings for a dude, we’ll primp for him. Mascara, flat iron, perfume in all the right places. If she’s inviting you over to watch a movie while she cuts her toenails and plucks her eyebrows…yeah, not happening, bro.

5. She turns down a free drink. Seriously, we’ll take free cocktails from ANYONE. Even the creepy old guy who’s always saddled up to the bar. (Sidenote: why is there always a creepy old guy at every college bar? Who let him in? And did he have to wait in line for 45 minutes, too?) If we’re not taking one from you, not only are we not interested but, god, something is SERIOUSLY wrong with you.

Agree? Disagree? Got anything to add? Share it in the comments section below. And then check out Coedmagazine to find out the obvious, blinking signs a dude’s just not that into you…

When I graduated from college, I told myself that I was never going to behave the way I had for the past four years. Especially since I was no longer going to be attending Thirsty Thursdays, Wasted Wednesdays and Tipsy Tuesdays, and there weren’t horny boys lurking around every corner. Essentially, ‘hooking up,’ in all of its glory, was taking a gracious bow out of my life.  And I accepted it. I was ready to burst into the world of dating, cute little kisses at my doorstep, waking up at 8 am alone and never again embarrassing myself when I walked home wearing a tutu and a Run DMC shirt.

My new mature self truly believed hooking up was for immature people who peaked in college. But not me. I was now an adult and completely grown out of my college meet-a-guy-in-the-corner-and-hump-him-against-a-wall self. Now I’d meet men in grocery stores and in passing on the sidewalk near the cigar shop. (What am I, 50?! Whatever, I saw it.) I had a little fantasy land in my mind where I would meet my knight in shining armor, he would work with numbers, wear a suit and have a passion for life so thick and deep, I would not be able to see the end of it.

I had no time for immature boys who wanted to spoon with me on a futon after we took red headed slut shots together at the bar and talked about Jurassic Park because it was “oh my gaw, so totally our favorite movie in grade school!”  I had no time for the silly guilt I’d feel the next morning until I smoothed it over with my girlfriends. And I had absolutely no tolerance for deciding mid-makeout sesh that I’d rather be eating a tortilla with cheese in my own bed.

But there is a soft twist. A soft “I’m-definitely-fooling-myself” twist (Mmm, anyone else totally want a Wetzel’s Pretzel right now?): I still wanted it.  I still wanted the excitement, the fun, the great stories in the morning. And it felt so wrong.

So I made it right. By no longer referring to my craving as “hooking up.” It’s so vulgar and expired! Post-grad Brittany doesn’t hook up, she has  ‘grown-up sleepovers.’

The problem with a grown-up sleepover is that it looks a lot like a college hook up, only in business casual attire. Whereas the hookup occurred between the hours of 2 and 8am, the sleepover can start as early at 10p.m. on a Friday. (What? Working a full week is exhausting!) And unlike the college hookup where you could opt out of Friday classes to stay in bed and snuggle with your buddy all day, the grown-up hookup comes to an abrupt end when that 6am alarm clock goes off and you gottta get up, get your English muffin and mango butter on, and fly out the door for your early morning staff meeting.

Also, did you know taxi cabs are a little bit harder to get when it’s 10 a.m. on a Sunday morning…in the suburbs?  Did you know that the walk of shame when you aren’t in college is a little more embarrassing, based on the fact the average age of the people around you are six years old or fifty plus? Did you know EVERYBODY goes to church on Sunday when you like to skip back to your apartment in wooden heels and a bedazzled shirt from Express?  Did you know that people are up and jogging at 8am on a Saturday (which used to be your safe time because no college student was ever out of bed before noon)?

Yeah, I didn’t either. But my adult self does.

And you know what else I know? That the only thing worse than waking up next to someone you know you shouldn’t be having sleepovers with is waking up and realizing that your post-grad liver can’t metabolize alcohol like it used to. Not only is morning fun out of the question (it’s hard to get it on with a little man jackhammering on your brain), but it’s hard to look cute and put together when you’re curled up in the fetal position and groaning about purple Gatorade.

But despite all that, at its core, the grown-up sleepover really doesn’t look so different. Post-grads still pick up people in bars, make out in bars, and later avoid one another in bars. There are still ridiculous stories, guys who have no idea what they’re doing, and that moment of fear when you wake up in the morning and have no idea what you’re going to wake up next to. The bottom line is: the only difference between and undergrad and a post-grad is a diploma. And having that little piece of paper doesn’t automatically turn you into some refined, classy, mature adult.

But I can still pretend, right?

Blame it on the booty call

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It’s 8 o’clock on a Friday night. While the majority of campus males are chugging beers and pulling dirty t-shirts out of the hamper, most of us girls are raiding our roommates’ wardrobes.  We’re primping in front of the mirror, doing our hair, applying our make-up, choosing that perfect outfit that will make us appear sexy, but in a “I-don’t try too hard” kind of way.

Then comes the finishing touches: the shoes.

We dig through our closets to find the perfect pair that will compliment our outfits. Having to walk across campus to get to the party, you would think that our eyes would lead us straight to the comfy flats.  But of course this is never the case. We want to make a statement, so instead we choose the high-heeled pumps that may leave us blistered and bruised, but hey, they’re cute. So we limp to the party while cursing our footwear choice. Determined to make the night a success, we dance with the guy who sits behind us in bio. Our toes may feel as if we’re two-stepping on glass, but hey, he’s cute.

After 3 ½ years of college, and many nights like this, I have come to the conclusion that guys are like shoes: we always want the cute ones even though we know they will probably end up hurting us in the end.

Think about it…

Dear Dude, 

Get ready for a toughy—the way this guy has demonstrated interest in me is far beyond my comprehension. He started flirting with me in October: sitting next to me in class, texting me nonstop, asking if I had a boyfriend, etc. I was very receptive and flirtatious back, but nothing happened. Physically speaking, the most we ever did was hug one another. We haven’t done anything more than study alone together several times in his dorm room—again, nothing physical. Out of the blue, he has told me that he has a lot of respect for me and that he thinks I’m intelligent, and he has mentioned my various accomplishments to his friends. You think everything would be good and that he’s just a little timid, but here’s the tricky part:

Sometimes when he texts me, they’re very direct and sexual.

Earlier on, he has asked me how far I’ve been even though he knows I’ve never had a boyfriend before and that I take my morals very seriously (although, I’m not entirely against having premarital sex—I just want to make sure I am in a committed relationship before doing so). At the very beginning of second semester, we were joking around via text that we were cold and that we should warm up together. When I asked him if this was an invitation to snuggle and have a movie night, he said he only cared to snuggle without pants on. I got really upset by this when he continuously pursued the topic, asking me what I was afraid of and telling me that trying new things could be fun, even though I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that by any means. He did apologize for the behavior and things were just as normal as they always were when we saw one another in class a few days later.

Then about a week ago, he has asked on several occasions late at night for me to come over for what he phrases as being a “pajama party.” I responded that I would like to hang out with him so long as it wasn’t in obscure hours of the night, but we haven’t actually set anything up. I’m severely frustrated by the whole situation, and my friends have mixed feelings about him, some professing that he’s toying with me and others saying that I’m paranoid for thinking that he’s using me for sex.

What is he exactly after? I think I have made myself perfectly clear on my unwillingness to casually hook up, so if he is trying to just hook up with me, why does he continuously pursue it when this has dragged on for months and his tactics aren’t working?

I really don’t know what do anymore. Everyone refers to him as the prototypical nice guy, so I don’t know why this keeps happening to me. It just kills me, and at the risk of sounding cliché, I never cared so much about a guy before, and I’m not willing to give up just yet, which probably makes me sound certifiably insane. At the very least, if something doesn’t develop between us, I don’t want to make this more awkward than it already is.

Help Me,
Victim of Sexual Cryptic Texter

Dear Victim of Sexual Cryptic Texter,

What does he want? SEX. When does he want it? NOW. What does he want? SEX! When will he get it? Well, that’s your call, isn’t it?

Based on the evidence you’ve given, I’d say he may not just be looking for a booty call but he also might not be looking for a heavy duty relationship. He could desire the ever popular FWB. The fact that the two of you have been tap dancing for months on end is some indication that he’s not only looking for the quick fix. On the other hand, some fellas love a challenge and who’s to say that, in his mind, you’re not his best option for a little hanky panky?

Texting and e-mail is the perfect outlet for the inner freak. You can claim to save a little face because your horniness isn’t coming out of your mother. However, every nice guy has a sexual deviant inside him somewhere. We get horny. But we’re scared we’ll come off creepy and get rejected. Somehow, using an indirect way to directly let our doggedness is less…real. Does that make sense? I’m not claiming it does. I’m just saying it happens.

So, what’s my advice? Confront the sombitch! You set him straight and set it right. Situations like this all come down to setting the boundaries. You’ve clearly set one boundary: no naked cuddling! He tested it, when you got mad, he backed off for a time and now he’s testing it again. Remind you of something? Like, a 2 year-old?

You say that you’ve never cared so much about a guy before. Then, here’s my question to you: Why are you still just friends? What’s preventing you from giving him a chance to be more than friends? I’m not talking about having sex; I’m talking about trying to have a romantic relationship. You don’t suddenly go from friendship to marriage; there’re a few steps in between but the two of you haven’t taken any of them from the sound of it. If it’s the fact he’s pushing so hard and you can’t get past that, then you’ve got your answer already: let the dog go.

However, if you still want him to be a friend then you need to make it clear. If there’s truly no chance of the two of you changing that dynamic then make sure you shut the door on his little guy. However, if you think you’d like to go down that road then sit his ass down and lay out the dealbreakers. Tell him what you’re comfortable doing and not doing. Tell him that the pace is going to have to be this slow, or this fast, and if you want to switch up gears then you’ll do it when you are ready.

You don’t have to throw the baby out with the bathwater yet; it all depends on if you want the baby in the first place. Make your choice: do you take this to another level, and make it clear what that level will and will not contain, or do you say “enough”?

Start with what you need – other than to not have sex – I’m speaking more on the emotional plane. When that’s clear, everything else will follow.

Taking a cold shower,
The Dude

[He's good, right? Sigh, we know. Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Whenever I ask a guy for guy advice, he always says one of two things:

1. “Stop worrying about guys and just hook up with a girl….so I can watch.”
2. “Guys are not that complex. They say what they mean.”

I want to believe that (the second one; I usually just completely disregard the first one…after I smack him). I mean, he’s a guy so he should know, right? But hard as I try to take a guy’s word at face value, it’s impossible. They’re just so vague. And confusing. And what the f**k does, “whatever” mean?!?!

And that’s especially true when it comes to text messages.

Sigh. The text message. So few letters, so many hours spent analyzing it. And throw in some punctuation? My god, you might as well have me solve a trig equation. Ambiguous text messages leave so many of us ladies staring blankly at our cell phone screens, a look of completely confusion on our faces (and not always due to the iPhone auto correcting “we’re getting bombed” to “we’re getting boobed”). To say it’s frustrating is an understatement so I thought it was time to break it all down. Put an end to the textual over-analyzing once and for all. Give us back those hours to be used for more pressing tasks…like catching up on Million Dollar Listing.

Below, a list of common text messages and what I, a typical female, think when I receive them (as crazy as those thoughts might be). Read, relate, then click on over to see a guy’s perspective.

1. Sure - Sure? SURE? Way to be excited about whatever it is I just proposed.

2. What’s up – Either he’s trying to get a little witty text banter rolling…or he’s trying to get a little witty “will you come over for a booty call” banter rolling.

3. What are you doing later – OMG HE TOTALLY WANTS TO SEE ME LATER! Do I tell him I have no plans so then he asks me for plans? No, that might make me look like a loser. Who doesn’t have plans on a Friday night? But if I tell him that I’m going out with the roommates, he might not want to come and hang out with a bunch of girls.

4. I wish you were here – He misses me and is thinking about me enough to send a text message. He wants to experience things with me. He wants to experience LIFE with me. He wants to marry me! I wonder if he dreams about our wedding, and if he’s okay with the fact that I want to adopt. I hope he is because I really don’t want stretch marks. But I’m open for discussion if he has a really good reason for it

5. I’m not feeling well – OMG he’s totally blowing me off to hang out with someone else. But what if he’s not? Should I bring him soup? How cute would it be if I brought him soup and then we snuggled in his bed eating oyster crackers and watching Modern Family? But what if I go out and buy the soup, bring it over and he’s out with his guys? He’s totally blowing me off. But why? Did I text him too much? I was totally way too clingy.

6. It was nice seeing you last night - YAYYYY! He’s so into me! I can’t believe I tossed and turned all night wondering. Yayyy. But wait, why didn’t he ask to see me again? Should I respond to this and say it was nice seeing him, too? Or should I play hard to get and make him miss me so he asks me out again? I should totally ask Amy. She’s good at this stuff.

7. Whatever you want to do – Great, he’s so not into this. If he was, he’d be planning something, like a romantic walk through campus or offering to cook me dinner at his apartment. But no. He’s leaving it up to me, which means he doesn’t even want to see me.

8. I’ll text you later – When is later? Like, after class? Or after dinner? Or does he mean like “later” later, as in booty call time? Great, now I have to keep my phone on me at the gym just in case he texts. Or maybe I should leave it at home so I won’t be tempted to respond right away and then I’m all mysterious. But then I’ll just be thinking about it the whole time. I’ll just keep the phone by me. Yeah, that’s safe.

9. OK. He used a period. What did I do!?

10. haha – Convo ender. How do I respond to “haha”? I guess a smiley would work, but then there’s nothing for him to respond to. I guess that’s over. But he does think I’m funny. Smiley face.

Sound familiar? Yeah, don’t pretend you don’t do this. But guys do it, too. So let’s find out what they think when they get the same exact texts. Click here to see what he says on CoedMagazine.

So last time we ran a post like this, you ladies learned a lot about sex, even though you didn’t really think you needed to when you first clicked the link. 171 Facebook shares later, it was clear that you learned A LOT more than you expected. Even though we’re young, college girls living the college life, we don’t know sex like we think we do. Especially since the rest of the world keeps coming up with all this new (and sometimes useful) information. So check out the links below, and discover what you didn’t know about sex, the pros, the cons, and everything in between.

1. You are better than a booty call.

Because casual sex isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be.

2. There is such a thing as mismatched libidos.

And they can cause a lot of dissatisfaction.

3. You need to stop faking it.

And apparently, it’s a 15 step process.

4. It’s not just people we can be attracted to.

I’m talking robots, ponies, and mannequins…

5. You can’t stop half way there.

Unlike men, unless women are continuously stimulated our sexual tension can drop instantaneously.

6. If you’re sexually inactive you can now blame it on your name.

A  study shows that French women whose names end in “a” are more sexually active than others.

7.  You don’t have to be on top. But you can be.

One woman talks about how she discovered that in the bedroom, she didn’t always need to be in control.

8. Sex can make you happier and healthier.

Sex can improve you mood, make you look younger, and give you clear skin.

9. It’s about compromise.

Lights on or lights off? One psychologists tells us how to compromise with each other without compromising ourselves.

10. Certain strands of HPV can cause oral cancer.

HPV-16 and 18 can cause cervical cancer, and now researchers say that  HPV-16, transmitted through oral sex can cause oral cancer.

Want to learn 10 more things about sex? Check out the original post!

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I’m not a crazy person. On the contrary, I like to think that I’m quite level-headed in all aspects of my life. I tend to think things through and really try to understand all perspectives in a situation before I say or do anything. And that’s probably why all of my friends come to me for advice; they trust what I have to say and know I’ll be objective.

Of course, there is always an exception to that rule.
And of course that exception has to do with guys.

There’s something about liking a guy that can make even the sanest girl go crazy. And I’m not talking “show up at his house in the middle of the night and profess my love outside his window” sorta crazy. I’m referring to the more internal diagnosis: thinking about him all the time, analyzing every single interaction you’ve ever had with him, going to every person you know and asking them to analyze every single interaction you’ve ever had with him, carrying your phone with you everywhere you go just in case he calls or texts, or checking your email in the middle of the night to see if he sent you a Facebook message.

And what drives a girl to such a low level on the pathetic scale?

The not knowing.

Sure, there are batsh*t insane girls out there who do this sorta stuff (and worse) when they’re in a full blown relationship. But for the rest of us, this sorta crazy only presents itself when we’re being jerked around by a guy we like. A guy who seems to like us too…sometimes…we think? We hang out with him all the time, he sends us cute texts, invites us out with his friends, he’s seen us naked, he’s even bought us breakfast….

But he still hasn’t “made it official.”

And it’s not like we can bring that up. No, that makes us look like naggy girls who have already picked out the band for our wedding. We don’t want to scare the guy off or be labeled the “crazy girl” to all his bros. And that’s unfair. No, it’s actually total bullsh*t. Because unlike what so many guys think, we don’t want a title for the sake of having a title. Yeah, everyone loves getting to start off stories with “My boyfriend….” but the real reason any of us want a title is to give our overactive minds a rest. We want to have the comfort and security of knowing that we’re not just a booty call, that he thinks we’re special, and that he feels the same way about us that we feel about him.

A title isn’t just a title. It’s a declaration of your feelings, and at the end of the day that’s all I (and I imagine many girls) really want.  I don’t need some guy to take out an ad in the campus paper and tell the world that I’m his girlfriend or to change his relationship status on Facebook. Making it official, calling me his girlfriend or even just telling me that he only wants to see me naked is not some blood pact that we’re going to be together forever and that he’s now required to buy me ugly stuffed toys on Valentine’s Day. I just want to know that he’s mine, I’m his and that’s that.

Is that so hard?

Maybe. Let’s see what HE has to say.