Friday is back at last. And we are happy. Why? Because we have no life until school starts again and for once – thanks to the Olympic games – it is totally acceptable to sit home on a Friday night. Eating Moo Shu. With our hands.
Then we have to plan that Welcome Week party and, seriously, just making the guest-list is a pain. Let’s just hope our ex doesn’t show up, cuz you know once that margarita hits our lips we won’t be able to keep our hands off him. (And we have to cuz according to Facebook, he’s got a new bitch.)
From frat parties to late nights at the bar, power hours to beer pong tournaments, living the college lifestyle can really take it’s toll on your body. Hangovers are a bitch, you can feel your pants getting snug and all those unidentified bruises really don’t go with your collection of sundresses.
And don’t forget about your face.
Those dark circles under your eyes. The wrinkles from all that smoking (first or secondhand!).
Ugh. Partying is not a pretty thing. But what are you supposed to do….stop? Ha! You are no quitter, sister. What is the point of having a pretty face if you can’t take it out on the town? On the other hand, though, if your face is heading downhill now imagine what it is gonna look like in 20 years!
In this episode, the Lohans FINALLY get to Vegas! They didn’t fly there in a private jet though, which I’m gonna admit was a bit of a let down (I expected some major control issues and perhaps Dina’s debut as a pilot), and there was no liquor fueled dramz. While the episode was age appropriately absent of hard booze, it was heavy on the whine.
For some reason, Ali chooses to adopt an even more nasally tone for this 25 minute tribute to ungratefulness. She complains in this obnoxious tantrum pending voice about all of the trials life has delivered to her. Like the fact that she, her awesome brother and (arguably) cool mom have to live in a tricked out penthouse at the Palms while she records her album. I guess it gets pretty taxing when you’re attending all of these exhausting “Welcome to Vegas!” parties (with delicious looking cake) thrown just for you by the f*#king Maloufs.
Ugh, sorry about that. Anyways, Dina introduces Ali (who is wearing a gorgeous but way too mature minidress) to a bunch of important 30 something guys that she wants Ali to “get comfortable with.” Dina baby, they’re mentally undressing your 14 year old — not very comfort inducing, I would say. The men all flirt with Ali while she fidgets, present her the aforementioned cake (note to self, go buy something with chocolate as soon as I’m done writing) and begin an episode long tradition of complimenting Ali and promising her she’s the next big thing. Read More »
Many years ago, I decided to make a major career change, and, oddly it was just when I finally began my career as a professor. At the same time, two life major events happened. First, my mother suddenly passed from away colon cancer – the deadliest of cancers. She was diagnosed and died three months later, marking the exact day of the doctor’s discovery.
On top of that, and, as the cliché goes, my big “3-0” was right around the corner. Like most vain woman, the mere thought of turning thirty made me frantic, and despite my youthful appearance (I was still lucky enough to be carded for cigarettes!), I was resigned to the idea that Botox would soon be part of my regular regime for maintaining my present natural beauty.
At least I could claim to be happily married, a rare gift that I possess to this day, so I knew there were other qualities besides my looks that I had going for me. And, despite my looks, I am not the most exciting lover. Nevertheless, I knew that my new job, that of being a junior professor, meant that I’d be drowning in more work than I had had previously.
I was in the first stages of becoming a young scholar, but given my mournful state, which was becoming an ever increasing strain on my personal life, I had serious doubts about this chosen career path. Up until that time I had always planned on becoming a scholar. After all, my own mother had been a leading scholar in feminist studies, and she had made it clear that I too was destined to become a professor, just like her. She was my goddess, so why would I have ever doubted this plan that she’d laid out for me? Read More »
If you think Brazilian bikini waxes are a little too intimate, brace yourself—-below the belt grooming is about to get a lot more personal.
Thanks to the J.Lo-inspired era of backside obsession, I’ll admit I’ve certainly been paying more attention to how I fill out my jeans. But according to Marie Claire, there are women who really get up close and personal with their rear ends—and they don’t like what they see.
So, what’s a gal to do when she’s plagued with an imperfect backside? Anal bleaching of course!
The cheeks on your face aren’t the only ones that need color, apparently. Women are now looking to get that rosy glow on a part of the body that, up until now, remained untouched by cosmetic enhancement—-the anus.
Lucky for us, our anal imperfections can be fixed in a simple trip to the salon to pick up an at-home bleaching kit.
It doesn’t end at the anus. Next time you’re having your dermatologist erase any evidence that you may have smiled or frowned at some point in your life, ask the doc about bum Botoxing. An alternative to exercise and cellulite creams, there’s no faster way to get your butt swimsuit-ready than dropping your pants and injecting it with poison! Read More »
After making it through a winter that seemed endless in upstate New York, I must say that having warm weather here is almost as exciting as Christmas morning.
One thing that comes with warm weather that I completely forgot about is gross sweating from my armpits. Ew. My body is not accustomed to being in 85 degree weather, and I think my sweat glands had a bit of a heyday this morning when I stepped outside to head across campus.
Think deodorant is the only way to deal with this? Think again. Now, botox, is being used to cure excessive sweating. Although some, shall we say “questionable,” uses of botox came to light recently, this one might actually be effective.
A couple shots in the pit, and your sweating is cured. Sweet deal. Apparently it works because botox blocks a neurotransmitter called acetylcholine, which also sends the signal to stimulate sweat glands. It only takes about 15 minutes and the procedure is claimed to be virtually painless. Read More »
Okay, it’s hard enough for me to come to terms with the fact that my senior prom happened a whole FOUR years ago…But now, with recent reports of what upper class high school New Yorkers are getting done for their special night, I officially feel like an old geezer.
Botox.
Yes, the procedure that is usually associated with 50-year-old women who want to eliminate all facial expression muscles in their face in hopes of a smooth forehead or eye area. Supposedly, it is now acceptable for some high schoolers to get this procedure done, according to the New York Post. Read More »
Today, my friends, is a monumental day– Heidi from The Hills has been spotted frolicking on the beaches of Malibu, revealing her new chest and nose to the world. And how does it look? Well, she looks elated, her chest looks inflated, her nose looks the same and her boyfriend is still ugly.
I suppose it’s the “she just looks so happy” part that gets me. Obviously, that happiness will fade and her boobs will start to sag and she’ll be considering a chin lift in no time.
Or will she? Getting plastic surgery today is easier than your local section of Bio for Nonmajors. You’re in, a little nip here, tuck there, you’re out. In New York City, two plastic surgeons are opening a “Botox-on-the-go” store for women who want some body modification on their lunch hour.
I have little things I do to keep myself happy– why else would I have spent $75 on nail polishes this year?– but plastic surgery still stands in scary territory. After having four children, the writer Ayelet Waldman considered a tummy tuck after her plastic-surgeon friend told her she could fix her portruding stomach. She considered the surgery, but eventually decided that she “didn’t want to be remembered as the woman who was so vain she died on the operating table, leaving four motherless babies but a really nice-looking corpse.”
I may not have children, but I take her point seriously. And why spend thousands for new boobs when you can paint your own nails for free, and live to tell about it?
Friday is back at last. And we are happy. Why? Because we have no life until school starts again and for once – thanks to the Olympic games – it is totally acceptable to sit home on a Friday night. Eating Moo Shu. With our hands.
From frat parties to late nights at the bar, power hours to beer pong tournaments, living the college lifestyle can really take it’s toll on your body. Hangovers are a bitch, you can feel your pants getting snug and all those unidentified bruises really don’t go with your collection of sundresses.
In this episode, the Lohans FINALLY get to Vegas! They didn’t fly there in a private jet though, which I’m gonna admit was a bit of a let down (I expected some major control issues and perhaps Dina’s debut as a pilot), and there was no liquor fueled dramz. While the episode was age appropriately absent of hard booze, it was heavy on the whine.
Many years ago, I decided to make a major career change, and, oddly it was just when I finally began my career as a professor. At the same time, two life major events happened. First, my mother suddenly passed from away colon cancer – the deadliest of cancers. She was diagnosed and died three months later, marking the exact day of the doctor’s discovery.
If you think Brazilian bikini waxes are a little too intimate, brace yourself—-below the belt grooming is about to get a lot more personal.
After making it through a winter that seemed endless in upstate New York, I must say that having warm weather here is almost as exciting as Christmas morning.
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