Take a break, dude. You deserve it!

Part of the reason I write a Weekly Ten is because I’m paying homage to my man David Letterman (seriously, my dad hasn’t ever missed an episode), and partly it’s because I like lists. Particularly lists where I can prattle on about whatever issue I feel is super relevant. Ya know, like how I’m just not that into you or being super fabulously sober.

This week I’ve decided to list the 10 jobs that totally deserve to sleep in past noon on this very special Labor Day. Why is it even called Labor Day? Shouldn’t it be Not-Labor Day? But I digress. Some people deserve a break for all they do/deal with on a daily basis. I don’t have the power to give it to them, but maybe they’ll note my appreciation and hook me up in the future.

So here are the people both on and off campus that totally deserve the holiday and our respect on this last official day of summer. Read More »

I have to take off my flip flops to get on a plane, but they'll let anyone into the White House.

By now everyone has heard about the infamous couple who somehow managed to crash a party at the White House. Michaele and Tareq Salahi gained entry to the White House state dinner last week without being on the list, rubbing shoulders with Joe Biden, Katie Couric and Obama himself. Everyone wants to know who these people are and what they were thinking.

What I want to know is who the hell was the security guy and how can I get him hired in my city?

I think the White House needs to make some cuts, let this guy go and perhaps hire some security guards who have “able to read guestlists” on their resume. (I mean, come on, what’s next – will Bin Laden just saunter into the Oval Office??) Then this guy will be free to work a number of venues, (where he has no way of sacrificing our national security) and help me out big time.

The Liquor Store Near Campus
Now that I’m 21, I no longer sweat buckets buying a bottle of wine, but for all of my poor under-age college friends who still do, this guy would be a big help. He obviously doesn’t want to offend anyone by say, turning them away. We could all march in there anxiety free, pick up a couple cases of beer and confidently claim we’re 25 year old Susan from Canada.

An Overpriced New Years Eve Venue
This year NYE is really stressing me out. All the cool places want to charge me an arm and a leg to party all night long, sending me straight into the new year with a big fat negative in my bank account. But this White House guy can really help me out. If I shmooze him and claim that I did in fact purchase a $300 ticket but absent-mindedly left it home, chances are he will believe me and let me pass. Being able to party at a venue I can’t afford without giving up eating for a month? Priceless. Read More »

Every week I emulate my favorite late night talk show host, David Letterman, and countdown from ten. And then, last week, my favorite late night talk show host shared with us his story of being blackmailed for fooling around with some of his staff.

Whether you think his announcement was noble or unnecessary, whether you care where Letterman puts it or not, the scandal brought me to this week’s topic: the top ten people you should avoid sleeping with unless you want to suffer some serious aftermath. Maybe not a mistake that warrants a $2 million extortion, mind you, but still pretty scandalous repercussions.

10. The Bartender and/or Bouncer
Especially not at your favorite bar or club. One mistake with a bouncer equals embarrassment strong enough to keep you out of the doors of your favorite sports bar forever.

9. A neighbor in your dorm
Do you really want to worry about running into your fling when you’re in the dorm hallways wearing Powerpuff girl pajama bottoms?

8. “That Guy”
Collar popped underneath his Ed Hardy shirt with a sideways hat and a Lance Armstrong bracelet. Spare your dignity.

7. Ray-J
Unless you want a sex tape on the internet. Although it did kick-start Kim Kardashian’s career, so I guess this isn’t such a bad idea if that’s the direction you want to take your life. Read More »

Do you know what today is? No, it’s not just the CollegeCandy.com editor’s half birthday – it’s the International Day of Peace! A day where people around the globe come together to reflect on the world peace we (and all those Miss America contestants) yearn for.

In honor of this beautiful day, I started thinking about my own personal wars I’ve been fighting. I’ve held onto a lot of grudges in the past year and I think today is the perfect day to wave the white flag and let them all go. Because there is nothing more freeing than peace.

I’m ready to call a cease-fire and here are a few of my former enemies I’ll be burying the hatchet with today:

The R.A. that stole my fifth of gin. I know I probably shouldn’t have been walking around with it in public. But it was so tiny and bite-sized and it packed such a big punch that I couldn’t bare to part with it. That is until you snatched it from me. I might have gotten a $50 fine, but at least I escaped alcohol poisoning that night. Peace and thank you. Read More »

"My name is Lisa Frank and I live at 222 North Wells Street and I was born on...."

You’re totally over the stinky, sweaty frat party scene, and the lines for the bathroom, keg, and beer pong table at house parties is starting to piss you off. You need something new for your weekend festivities… something like, the bar.

Ok, so you’re not 21, but you know as well as anyone that the bar on the corner of campus would let in anyone not still attached to their umbilical cord. All you need is a little fakey fake ID. If you’re lucky, you have an older sister who looks just like you who ceremoniously passes it down to you the minute you hit campus. If you’re not so lucky, you’re the oldest sibling/the only girl/have an older sister who is a giant bitch and won’t give you her ID because “I never had anyone to give it to me.”

But that’s OK too, because everyone knows that Howie with the sideburns on the 4^th floor of the dorm does more than sell weed out of his room. He also has a pretty sweet printer and only charges $100 for an ID that he claims can even scan (!!). So you scrounge up some cash and get yourself a pretty good Fake. The picture is a little blurry and it says you are 22 and an organ donor, but it looks better than some of the other IDs you’ve seen around campus. Overall, money well spent. Read More »

I learned more my first week at college than I did in my entire life. And I don’t mean academically. I mean socially, financially, emotionally and drunk-ly. Some things took longer to figure out than others (that I should visit the ATM before I get to the bar, to avoid extra fees and my tendency to tipsily make it rain) and other things took mere minutes (don’t eat dining hall hot dogs).

But there are 5 things that every freshman should figure out their very first week on campus. Consider this College Life 101: Intro To The Best 4 Years of Your Life.

The go-to hangover breakfast spot: For those mornings when a Gatorade and toast just won’t do the trick, you need to find the most happening breakfast place near campus. This is not only important for the mornings when you need to take things to-go (back to your bed where you can lie in the dark while watching Daisy of Love marathons), but also for the social aspect of morning-after breakfast. Because everyone knows, after the party it’s the after party…and after that and the hotel lobby… it’s IHOP.

So, on those mornings when your inner monologue sounds like “Hahalalala definitely still drunk and my hair and makeup still look great!” you’ll know where you and your girls can go to re-cap last night’s madness while chowing on carby goodness and watching people walk in wearing their clothes from the night before. Read More »

I just turned 20 about a week ago and as I was blowing out the candles on my 10,000 calorie vanilla flavored cake, all I could think was, “I‘m not a teen anymore, but I’m not yet a woman.” Now I know how Britney felt.

My only wish was that the next twelve months whizz by so I can finally be 21.

Don’t get me wrong – I was excited that I will no longer be labelled as a teenager. But being 20 still means that I can’t get into most clubs without using my sister’s ID, or drink myself to oblivion (without my sister’s ID).

I’m tired of my friends having to plan their birthdays or events around the fact that I’m not yet 21 and can’t get into a 21 and above club. Sure, some clubs don’t check IDs when the bouncers think you look older, but  I’m a 20 year old who looks like a 16 year old, so there’s no way that works for me. And the few times I tried, I spent the whole time stressing about whether the bouncer would notice that I wasn’t looking him in the eye, or wearing layers and layers of makeup that made me look like a drag queen.

Once I did get in, I would be so paranoid that someone would notice that I was under age and would have me kicked out of the club that I never had much fun. Not to mention the fact that nervousness, adrenalin, those disco lights and the 2,000 other sweaty people gyrating on the dance floor created a serious drag makeup meltdown. Read More »

Lots of people in the USA like to complain about the drinking age. And by lots of people, I mainly mean those who are under the legal drinking age of 21.

This included me when I was underage. I used to rant continually to any listening ear around me about how hard it was for me to get into bars. I despised the injustice of the photo ID and the fact that I had to constantly verse myself in the full name, birthday, and address of the older friend I was always pretending to be while out on the town.

I had a boyfriend in London and HE was allowed to drink already. It drove me, as he would say, mad. However, now that I’m a few years past the drinking age and a few years wiser, I have come to understand how detrimental a legal drinking age of 18, for instance, could have been to my life.

If I had been drinking (legally) when I was 18, things would be different for me now, I reckon: Read More »

(SARA, 23, enters a dive bar with a small group of friends. She is the last one in.

The second she steps in, a middle-aged guy in a leather jacket, the bouncer, stops her at the door.)

MIDDLE-AGED GUY

ID.

(Our heroine is surprised surprised because this is a serious dive bar, and not a single one of her friends got carded before her.)

SARA

Just me?

BOUNCER

Yep.

Sara shows him her ID. He looks it at very carefully, gives it back, and then smiles and nods Sara in.

Once inside, Sara finds her friends.)

SARA

I can’t belive the bouncer carded me.

FRIEND

What bouncer?

(Sara turns to point at the bouncer, but now there’s no one standing at the door.

They leave soon after and Sara spots the “bouncer” drinking with his friends.) Read More »