Angelina smiles! (Oh wait…that’s not the news.)

My Christmas dreams have already come true.

What happened to Rihanna!?

Drunk guys will hump anyone….

How do Blake Lively’s boobs do that?

Fergie’s SNL meltdown.

So, Kristen Stewart is gay?

Rihanna is embarrassed she ever loved Chris Brown.

We’re loving Charlotte Russe accessories.

Damn, that’s a sexy hobby.

Britney Spears forgot something….

What’s Brad hiding in that beard?

“Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.” –  Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

And that is exactly what I plan to do on this day, National Sandwich Day. Sit in peace and eat my go-to sandwich: the T.B.M sandwich from Cosi. With only a mere three ingredients, this sandwich somehow speaks to my soul and brightens even the darkest of days (no thanks to you, Daylight Savings Time.) If this sandwich was a man, I’d be rolling around in bed with it right now. Hell, maybe I’ll do it anyway.

My love of sandwiches and my love of men run almost parallel to each other on the mathematical graph of my life, intersecting only at the moment someone lets me eat a sandwich and have sex at the same time. That’s the stuff dreams are made of. And until that time comes, I’ve thought up a few sandwich ideas that bring my two weaknesses together.

The “I Love You, Sandwich” Sandwich: A piece of Paul Rudd in between two slices of Jason Segel with a side of honey mustard. Paul is the tried-and-true turkey to Jason’s hesitant-at-first-but-turns-out-to-be-a-party-in-my-mouth avocado. Unstoppable.

Ocean’s 11-Grain Sandwich: George Clooney and Brad Pitt lying neatly between two pieces of multi-grain bread. Let’s face it. George is getting old, bound to be a little gritty. But Brad balances out the sandwich with his smooth and creamy loins texture. Add a little Matt Damon on top for a little extra pop of flavor.

The Knocked-Up Fat Cat: A large submarine sandwich filled with ingredients such as, but not limited to: French fries, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, jalapeño poppers, pizza bites, Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. Because who doesn’t get the munchies from time to time? Maybe you can cut it with the Samurai sword you keep in your room.

The Guilty Pleasure Open-Face Melt: Because there’s nothing I like more than Chace Crawford, Ed Westwick and whole wheel of cheese.  As much as you would like to just say no in the face of temptation, I’d like to see anyone deny these Gossip Girl stars…. especially if they’re covered in gooey, melted, cheesy goodness.

The Sloppy Jack: Grade-A man meat Jack Black is a hot mess. But we love him anyway. It’s obviously going to splatter all over the crotch of your pants, but no one ever cries over spilt Jack Black. I want my Manwich, please!

Rihanna’s gonna tell her side of the story.

That’s a lot of meat.

Uh, WTF, Brad Pitt?!

If these wallets could talk, what would they say?

Mariah Carey’s high heels are dangerous!

We love Leighton Meester’s rock star side!

Those are the cutest pigs I’ve ever seen.

That’s Katy Perry? Homegirl looks chic.

Is Katie Holmes really a “woman of Hollywood”?

Brad and Jen have another secret rendezvous.

Don’t mess with Lebron James!

Get Kim Kardashian’s beauty secrets.

Welcome back to The Rival Rundown! If you’ve always wanted to give props to your school on CC, now’s your chance! Shoot us an email explaining what’s awesome and unique about your school (or what stinks about Rival U) at rivalrundown@collegecandy.com!

We’ve covered college rivalries centered around sports, location, tradition, gender (and many other factors), but what about academics? Besides endless keggers and lack of parental supervision social stimulation,  isn’t an education the reason we came to school in the first place? That’s the way students at California Institute of Technology (Caltech) and Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) look at things. The two schools boast impressive faculty rosters, tirelessly motivated students, dozens of highly decorated alumni, and a fond affinity for pranks.  Which school will most likely produce the discovery of a cure for cancer? Let’s assess the variables.

1. Provocative Pranks

Caltech – Though certainly not an athletics powerhouse, Caltech once made an appearance at the Rose Bowl. In what’s known as The Great Rose Bowl Hoax, in 1961 Caltech students designed a series of cards to be held up by spectators at the Rose Bowl (contested between Washington and Minnesota) to read “CALTECH.” And in the last decade, several Caltech students appeared at MIT’s  campus preview weekend to hand out t-shirts reading “MIT” on the front…that when unwrapped were found to read “Because not everyone can go to Caltech” on the back.
MIT -Excuse us – at MIT, they’re called “hacks,” not “pranks.” A popular one is finding another place to hide MIT’s unofficial acronymous slogan, IHTFP (“I Hate This Fucking Place”), which has been delicately placed everywhere from class rings to assemblies of giant letter cubes in campus lobbies. The most epic Caltech hack occurred when a bunch of MIT students disguised as movers removed a 1.7 ton cannon from the Pasadena campus and drove it all the way back to Cambridge.

Three credits to: Looks like Caltech is tops in this category, for originality and humor.

2. Nobel Prize Tally

Caltech – Boasts 31 Nobel Prizes among 30 winners; chemist Linus Pauling won in 1954 for chemistry (natch), and the 1962 Peace Prize for preventing the testing of nuclear weapons.
MIT – Affiliates have brought home 63 Nobel prizes, including 27 for physics alone!

Three Credits to:  MIT hits one out of the park!

3. Terrific Traditions

Caltech – Ditch Day is an annual tradition in which seniors design a handful of tasks for underclassmen to perform to gain entry into their dormitories, which are trapped. Professors cancel classes and students consider it the highlight of the year.
MIT – Designing each year’s class ring, known as the Brass Rat, is a storied tradition carried on by students in Cambridge. It forms a bond between all students and alumni, and it’s a campus pastime to try to find the letters IHTFP somewhere in the design (see Provocative Pranks, above).

Three credits to:  Caltech, since trapping doors usually results in arrest elsewhere.

4. Ass-kicking Alumni

Caltech – Frank Oppenheimer (physicist on the Manhattan Project), William Shockley (invented the transistor radio), Sabeer Bhatia (co-founder of Hotmail)
MIT – Buzz Aldrin, George Eastman (founder of Eastman-Kodak),  Benjamin Netanyahu (PM of Israel),  (Honorable mention, from the MIT Admissions website: “Steve Altes ‘84, Brad Pitt body double and model on the box of “Just For Men” Sandy Blond hair color”)

Three credits to: MIT, for alumni who span, erm, all trades.

5. Acceptance Rate Agony

Caltech – 17.4% for the class of 2012
MIT – 11.4% for the class of 2012

Three credits to:  MIT, though both schools tied for 4th place in US News & World Report’s Best College Rankings 2010

And the diploma goes to: The score is MIT 3-2! Can’t argue with math, folks!

The Hoff wasn’t drunk, OK?

Mmm. That food sounds tasty, doesn’t it?

12 secret signs he’s into you.

Mariah and Nick: most awkward couple ever.

Megan Fox is pretty...but that’s about it.

Brad Pitt’s questionable red carpet attire.

Yeah, that's me. As Octomom. Never. Having. Sex. Again.

I have a good life: a job I love, a closet full of fantastic clothes, and some pretty rad friends and family. But even with all that I am always wondering what it would be like to trade places with someone else for a day.

Like my friend Amy – I’ve always wanted to know what it is like to have big boobs and a teeny, tiny waist. Or Octomom – spending a single day with 14 kids will teach me not to skip the condom when I’m in the heat of the moment. Or pretty much any celebrity with oodles of money and people bowing down to them wherever they go.

I’m pretty sure everyone – no matter how content – would give anything (even that coveted slice of drunken late-night pizza) to be someone else for one day. So this week I asked the CollegeCandy writers which celebrity they’d want to trade places with.

Who do you wanna be?

Thu – USC: I’d be Oprah and give away houses this time.

Kayla – California State University, Sacramento: Maybe I would be Heidi Montag. It might be nice to not have to use my brain for one day.

Kathryn – University of Wisconsin-Madison: I would want to trade places with Renee Zellweger. ONLY because she’s reportedly dating Bradley Cooper. Yum.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: Jennifer Aniston.  She’s hot and, let’s face it, everybody secretly roots for Team Aniston.

Brithny – Duke: Michelle Obama! ‘Cause then I’d be First Lady, have an awesome family (and cute dog), and tons of fabulous clothes.

Elise – Stanford: I’d be Padma Lakshmi -  total fox, AND she gets to sample all the deliciousness on Top Chef.

Cristina – Michigan State:  I’d have to say Chloe Sevigny.  She dresses like a boss and is so weird she’s cool.

Jill – University of Wisconsin: I want to trade places with whoever is dating Jason Segel. He’s funny, he’s tall and have you seen the full frontal nudity in Forgetting Sarah Marshall?

Desiree – Columbia University: I’d love to be Christina Hendricks, the woman who plays Joan Holloway on Mad Men. She’s really hot right now but not hot in a let’s-wait-to-see-how-she-screws-up-next way. Beauty, brains, sharp tongue, and she gets to raid the wardrobe closet!

Brittany – University of Richmond: I think I would be Brooke Hogan or Lady Gaga for a day. That way I can settle the age old man/woman debate. It would be for the greater good of society. I am philanthropic in that way.

Carly – Grinnell: This is a toughie, but I think I would love to be J.K. Rowling for a day so I could see what it’s like in her mind.

Ricki – University of Michigan: I need to be Heidi Klum.  I can speak in a cool accent, walk down the Victoria’s Secret runway, and discover if she actually is human since she is always working and has four kids and a hot hubby.

Kari – Florida State:  I would trade places with Robert Pattinson for the day, for three reasons and three reasons only. 1) Stare at myself naked in the mirror for a few hours, 2) Get drunk and chain smoke at the Chateau Marmont for no reason, 3) Make out with/ declare my love for Kristen Stewart in the most public way possible, just to see if I could beat Obama’s magazine cover record.

Ness – Sheridan: I would be Paris Hilton. Just to figure out why the hell she thinks she’s famous.

Elizabeth – University of Missouri: Rachel Zoe – I don’t know if she actually counts, but I would love to be able to wear anything in her closet for a day. Oh, and have Brad, aka the cutest guy on the planet, as my assistant.

John – UConn: Emma Watson is going to be a freshman at Brown, and I’m going to be a senior at UConn. I’d trade places with her in a heartbeat. Oh, to be a young girl again!

Mandy – Hofstra: I’d like to switch places with Jenna Dewan so I can do the nasty with Channing Tatum. Multiple times.

Sara C – Fordham: I would want to be Usain Bolt, the sprinter from Jamaica who just broke his own world record in the 100m dash (9.58 seconds, which translates to about 24 mph). How sick must it feel to be able to run that fast?!?

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Angelina Jolie. Save the world, take care of some adorable kids, AND sleep with Brad Pitt? Count me in.

Maddie – Tufts: Gisele. It’s pretty self explanatory. Plus I’ve always wanted to wear those Victoria’s Secret wings!

Alana – Boston University: I’d totally want to be Suri Cruise. She sits around all day, looks cute and gets to wear Burberry.

Do I even have to ask what you think?

Hey, LiLo – put on a bra!

American Idol is really scraping for some judges.

Brad Pitt likes the pot.

Brett Favre really needs to make up his damn mind.

Can Keri Hilson save R. Kelly’s career?

It’s official. I’m moving to New Orleans.

No, not because I love flashing my boobs for beads (it might be my favorite pastime, but I can do that right here in Ann Arbor) or eating beignets for every meal (Ok, maybe that’s part of it). I’m packing my things and hitting the road because rumor has it Brad Pitt might be running for Mayor.

Can I get a “hell yes!!”?

I didn’t think we could get a politician much hotter than the presidente, but it looks like the impossible is indeed possible. But Mayor-to-be Pitt is more than just a really freaking gorgeous face; he’d do wonders for the city of New Orleans. He’s already created a non-profit organization to help rebuild and his being mayor could do so much more.

1. He would Increase the population of New Orleans: One of the biggest problems facing New Orleans right now is the loss of population post Hurricane Katrina. What’s the best way to get people to come back (or come at all)? A hot mayor. I’m in, and I know about 10,000 other girls who’d be right behind me.

2. He would increase interest in politics: Do I watch political press conferences now? No. I’m too busy watching The Real World Cancun. Would I watch political press conferences if Brad Pitt was holding them? Three words: def.i.nitely.

3. City-Wide Unity: If anyone can pull a city together, it’s Brad Pitt. Especially with a policy of legalizing gay marriage and marijuana.

4. He would bring the attention back to the city: It’s been 4 years since Katrina and most of America has turned its attention to more current issues. But New Orleans is still suffering. If Pitt were running the show (or just walking around town without a shirt on….), the paparazzi/news/media would follow him and we’d all be reminded of what we can do to help the struggling city.

5. He would look hot behind a big, mahogany desk: What? That’s not a good enough reason?

P.S. Brad, I know my way around an office and I’m ready and available to be your Chief of Sex Staff