Angelina smiles! (Oh wait…that’s not the news.)

My Christmas dreams have already come true.

What happened to Rihanna!?

Drunk guys will hump anyone….

How do Blake Lively’s boobs do that?

Fergie’s SNL meltdown.

Seriously, it’s getting really hard to hate Angelina when she’s so damn perfect.

Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson?

10 fashion tips that will never go out of style.

Is there a Samantha Ronson reality show in the works?

Chew gum, get bigger breasts.

Calvin Klein gets naughty.

I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

Celebrity couples are hideous beasts born of the 24-hour news and gossip cycles and there are none more powerful than Brangelina and TomKat.  But which one is worse?  Which one makes you want to throw your TV out the window, turn off your computer, and hide your iPhone just so you never have to hear what ridiculous name they’re giving to their 17th adopted baby?  Such a difficult decision, but we can work through it.

Tabloids
Brangelina are regular fixtures in the tabloids, claiming spots from week to week concerning issues like who’s cheating on who, where they’re adopting their next baby from, and how much Angelina Jolie isn’t eating.

TomKat has had their fair share of face time on the cover of the tabloids, but it’s only due to Tom Cruise’s occasional crazy antics (couch hopping and weird religions, much?) and the public’s strange fascination with Suri Cruise.

Point: Brangelina.  If I never see them on the cover of anything again, then I’ll…well, that’ll never happen, so I don’t have to worry about what I’ll do.

Kids
Brangelina loves making babies.  They also love buying babies from foreign countries.  They just love babies.  We get it, you’re good looking, you’re successful, and you can have a healthy (well…) family life.  Yeah, well…bite it.

TomKat has Suri and it’s ridiculous how much gossip there is about that child.  Ballet lessons, expensive designer outfits, new haircuts, etc.  Her parents already passed on a healthy dose of crazy, so all this media attention is probably helping create some sort of future monster person.  Can’t wait.

Point: TomKat.  Even with one baby, they’re more annoying than Brangelina.

The Ex-Factor
Brangelina has a veritable black book full of celebrity exes that they’ve pissed off or left in a pit of depression.  Also, a very large number of Angelina Jolie’s ex-boyfriends (or husbands) are certifiably crazy.  I mean, just look at Billy Bob Thornton.

TomKat has quite a star-studded list of ex-lovers themselves (mostly from the Tom part of that equation).  Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Cher (yeah, they dated for a hot second), Mimi Rogers…and none of them are that crazy.  In fact, they make Tom Cruise seem less crazy since they deigned to date him at one point.

Point: Brangelina.  There’s too much crazy there to ignore.

Fans
Brangelina has a GINORMOUS fanbase.  There are the fans that love Angelina Jolie (mostly men…and teenage boys), the fans that love Brad Pitt (mostly women…and gay men), and the ones that love them together.  The movies they make are powerhouses and we’re all (apparently) addicted to their every move.

TomKat seem to be riding on their fans from days-gone-by…neither of them have made any movies of note lately (Anyone see Valkyrie? Anyone?) and they haven’t been helping their case by acting all crazy and whatnot.  Considering the success of all of Tom’s exes, Katie should bail and win an Oscar or something.

Point: TomKat.  I mean, at least Brangelina actually still have fans, instead of just thinking they do.

Celebretard Prize Goes To: TomKat.  Gotta give it up to TomKat, even though I’m incredibly annoyed by the crap I have to read every day about Brangelina. The tie-breaker was Tom Cruise’s whole Scientology thing.  I mean, seriously…he is clinically insane.

Did Angelina Jolie flash her Britney at Cannes?

Randy Jackson next to hop on the designer bandwagon.

Well hello, perfect floral dress for summer!

Your student ID is useful…even after college.

We hope Carrie Underwood is OK…

OMG. Someone loves Adam Lambert a bit too much.

Project Runway is on!

Celebrities on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?“

Lookin’ for love? This guy’s single.

What are women’s biggest guilty pleasures?

Lindsay and Sam are dunzo. For now.

Brad Pitt storms out on Angie…according to the Enquirer.

True fact: I went years without cable.  And I never complained.  But, as soon as I was old enough to babysit, I would put the kids to bed and turn on the TV and embrace the goodness of TLC. Those were the glory days of The Learning Channel, because it’s gone downhill since then.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are still some shows I’ll watch.  After all, I am a self-diagnosed What Not to Wear addict, and, like many other College Candy writers, I adore Jon & Kate Plus 8.  Not to mention I now dress up while grocery shopping, all because of Take Home Chef, Curtis Stone.  This sexy Aussie can ambush me and make me dinner anytime.

But, it ends there.  Lately, I can’t even watch show previews on TLC, because even they freak me out.  The Learning Channel either needs an overhaul (starting with this guy), or a new name.  Our suggestion: The Scary Channel (dun dun dun).

Now TLC, I do have to thank you for one thing.  Some of your shows are cheap birth control.  I mean, 18 Kids and Counting makes me want to join a convent and never have sex again!  While I adore Jon & Kate Plus 8, you should have stopped there, because the multiple birth/Brangelina’s competition shows now take up the majority of your scheduling time.

But then we have the pedophile’s wet dream, Toddlers & Tiaras. There is nothing scarier than a mom reliving her youth by putting lipstick on a 2-year-old. Yes I know these pageant moms exist, but I don’t want to see their doll-like children paraded around on screen. Doing sexy poses. In bikinis. (I feel icky.)

Then we have the medical mystery shows which really freak me out.  First, there’s the My Shocking Story series, featuring the half-man, half-tree; then there’s the multitude of Half-ton (insert descriptor) shows.  And let us not forget the show, “Woman With Half a Body.” Interesting? Yes. While I ate dinner? No thanks.

The scariest of all – and the one making me reconsider my cable package – is April’s all new, “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant” series. Seriously? WTF, TLC? Why?

Move over Brangelina; there is a new hot couple in town.

Katy Perry needs a new stylist.

Get ready to pee in flight.

And for online news.

This is the coolest office ever!

The government works to save Citigroup, another giant bank.

Aveeno haircare? We want.

Rachel Zoe...eating?!

Try a polyurethane condom!

How to make an appropriate magazine cover.

Not getting enough sleep? Try these tips.

Forever 21 launches a bathing suit line!

The men of the Oscars. Mmmm.

Jennifer Aniston was smokin’ last night!

There was no Brangelina/Jen drama at the Oscars, even though those cameramen tried. 

Who had the best Oscar dresses?

TMZ paid $62,000 for that awful Rihanna pic?

10 weird human sex facts. Iiiinteresting.

This makes women look awful.

Foods you should never give up for the sake of a diet.

Tips for keeping that hair shiny and strong.

The economy is only gonna get worse before it gets better…

While I laid on my couch and watched reruns of SVU, the celebs hit the Oscar parties.

Don’t lose your beer again!

The big night is finally here! On Sunday Brangelina and Jennifer Aniston will be reuniting for the first time since the big divorce the best actors and actresses in Hollywood will be showered with big gold statues and lots and lots of praise.

Yes, my friends, it’s time for the Oscars!

Who is going to win? Who is going to cry? How hot is Hugh Jackman gonna look? And who is going to wear something totally ridiculous?

Since we have nothing better to do on a Sunday night (and since there is really nothing better than talking sh*t about celebrities/staring at Hugh Jackman for 4 hours), CollegeCandy will be ordering in some Pad Thai and watching every last minute.

Care to join? We’ll be live blogging the Red Carpet Pre-Show on E! starting at 6pm EST. Grab your friends, some wine and your laptop and discuss all the highlights and lowlights of the big event with us!

See ya Sunday!

Jennifer Aniston is reportedly bringing her boyfriend, John Mayer, as her date to the Academy Awards this Sunday, which has everybody talking about what’s going to happen when/if they run into Brangelina on the red carpet.  It’s the first time Jen, Brad, and Angelina have been in the same room together since Jen & Brad’s divorce, so will it be totally awkward?  Will Jen and Angelina get into a hair-pulling-roll-on-the-carpet catfight?  Or will they totally ignore each other?

We’ll have to wait till Sunday to see what happens, but this whole possible situation got me thinking how any of us could have (or already have) that inevitable run-in with an ex and his new love, and what we should and shouldn’t do when we find ourselves in the same situation:

DON’T run in the opposite direction – Chances are if you saw him, he saw you too. Running away looks pathetic, awkward and could result in injury. Trust me on this one. The stress of the sitch may cause blindness and that poor freshman walking behind you falls to the ground a lot faster and harder than you’d think.

DO look good – What better way to make the guy feel like the a-hole he is than by reminding him what he’s missing out on?  Of course, there’s always the chance that you’re going to run into him when you’re least expecting it, like at Starbucks first thing in the morning before you’ve had a chance to shower and you’re still wearing sweatpants and last night’s makeup.  In that case, just be extra charming and act like nothing is bothering you at all, making him wonder why he let you go in the first place and his new girl wonder why she isn’t as laid back and cool as you are. (Also, hold onto that coffee really tight; your nerves could get the best of you and dumping a scalding hot Mocha on the new girl could not only be seen as a little insensitive, but is also a waste of some damn good coffee.)

DON’T punch her in the face – Or call her names to her face, either.  You’ll just look like a bitter jerk, so be the bigger person and kill ‘em with kindness. Then talk about what a bitch she is to your friends when you get home.

DO keep things brief – Make that man think you have better places to be and better things to be doing with your time than spending it talking with him. This also protects yourself from saying something stupid. Something like, I don’t know, “Yeah, things are good. Had some great sex last night. Not as good as with you, but he tried…” Not that I know anything about that…

DON’T be too flirty with him – Instead of making him miss you, you’ll probably end up just looking desperate. And you don’t want him back, anyway! Greener pastures, my friend. Greener pastures.

Any other advice/horror stories?