Hm. Maybe that wasn't such a great idea.

This song has been in my head for weeks, probably because perfectly describes what I’m living through. I recently broke up with my boyfriend.

Except not really.

Long-distance was not working out for us, so we tried an open relationship. When that didn’t fix anything, I ended it… two days before going to visit him for two weeks. Awkward much? I visited and we carried on like nothing had changed, promising we would start acting broken up once I left.

I’ve been home for over a month now and we still talk every day. He asked me to be his Valentine. I’m visiting over spring break, which also includes our one-year anniversary, and we’re still celebrating it. I’ve been on two dates, and each time felt like I was cheating. How could anyone call this broken up?

My situation may be especially strange, but I know many of my friends have been in similar positions. It’s hard to let go of someone, and usually that means a break up is more of a process than an event. You end things, cry, drunk dial, cry, sleep together, cry, keep sleeping together, get it together, stop sleeping together, move on. It ends up looking something like this.

And now that I’m in it, I’m confused. I know that I’m probably not going about this right, but I’m not sure what right is.

Can break up sex be right?

What do you girls (and guys) think of sex with a recent ex? Is it a normal part of the break up process? A good way to get closure? An immature means of trying to hang on to the past? A sign of a deep fear of being alone?

I personally think it varies for everyone. I have friends that have had break-up sex once, then moved on and never looked back. I’ve also had friends that have kept sleeping with someone who broke their heart hoping he would change his mind. How do you know which one you’ll end up being?

This is one topic I’m just not an expert on, so I’ll leave it up to you guys to debate in the comments.

Break-up sex: good or bad?

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I’m going to be honest: my last break up was over four years ago. So when my editor suggested I do a Miss Manners piece on break ups (“because we all suck so badly at that”), I really had to rack my brains for “polite” ways to conduct a break up. What I found was:

There is no polite way to break up with someone.

Yes, the cold, hard truth is, breaking up with someone is dirty business and – unless the relationship really wasn’t that serious – one of you is bound to end up looking like a mess. While there is no set in stone way of saying, “Hey, it’s over,” or “Sorry but I’m leaving you for your brother,” there are some more or less common sense rules to abide to:

Break up face to face. I know it’s tempting to pick up your iPhone and send a quick “ITS OVER. C U,” at him, but if your relationship meant anything to you at all (or if, you know, you value being a decent human being) you at least owe him that much. Same goes for IMs, and emails. Oh and changing your Facebook status to “Single” before you tell him/instead of telling him is probably not the best way to go about it either. Take him somewhere. It doesn’t have to be romantic, but it does have to be private. Don’t break up with him in a room full of people unless you want to cause a scene. Plus it’s so humiliating when you’re forced to bawl your eyes out in front of total strangers – or worse, people you actually know. Trust me, I’ve been there. Bad times to drop the bomb on him? On his birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, at family parties, etc. You get the point.

Do it privately.

Timing is crucial.

Avoid cliches. “It’s not you, it’s me,” is so overdone and transparent. What it really means is, “It’s soo you” and everyone knows it. The most important rule of etiquette is to be honest, just not brutally honest (read: “I can’t stand the sight of you naked. It makes me want to hurl.”). Tell him how you feel, where it’s all coming from, why the relationship won’t work out, etc., and let him ask questions. Let out everything that you need to say and try to walk away from it with all your issues resolved.

Don’t ever suggest break-up sex (first).

Don’t tell him he’s not good enough.

Don’t say “I love you” unless you actually mean it. Don’t tell him you still love him because you think it’ll cushion the blow. It really doesn’t.

Don’t hook up/get caught with another guy too soon. He’s hurting and he needs time to heal – and the best way to do that is to think you’re hurting too. Flaunting your new boy toy around town will make you seem heartless and it will only break his even more.

I guess the main message here is to Be respectful – as respectful as you can, anyway. Remember that his heart and his dignity are at stake and, honestly, if your relationship was real, it deserves a real ending. Even if the relationship meant little to you, remember that he might feel completely different about it, so don’t be so quick to brush him off. You respected him enough to date him, now respect him enough to man up and end it with dignity.

If I remember correctly, these rules should serve you well, but I need your feedback. Have I been so out of touch with the breakup/makeup world that I’ve completely forgotten how it works? Please share: leave a comment on the article, tell me about your own breakup stories, remind me if I’ve left anything out, or tell me if I have it all wrong. Whatever it is, just share! I’ll be waiting to hear from you!