So, I’m dealing with a really bad breakup right now. No, my boyfriend didn’t dump me – that would require me to have had a boyfriend in the first place. But my very good guy friend did dump his very serious girlfriend and now I’m left in the middle.

They have been dating for nearly a year and in that time I’ve grown quite close to the GF. We hung out a lot as a group and as things got more serious, I began to hang out with her independently. We’d see movies, do girl dinners and spend long hours at the library studying and making fun of her boyfriend.

And then last week, he up and broke up with her. She was shocked. I was shocked. We were all left with a lot of questions, mine being what I’m supposed to do now.

The breakup wasn’t messy – it’s not like my friend cheated – so I have no reason not to support my guy friend in his decision. If he was no longer in love with his girlfriend, who am I to take her side and give him the silent treatment? On the contrary, I support him; I know I wouldn’t want some guy to drag out a relationship with me just because he was afraid to end things. And, when it all comes down to it, he’s my really close friend and I love him no matter what.

But on the other hand, she’s my friend now, too. And my friend is hurting and needs people to lean on. And I don’t know if I can be that person. I don’t know if I have to take the side of my guy friend – who I was friends with first – and cut off all communication. I don’t know if their breakup means our breakup. I don’t know how he would feel knowing that I’m still hanging out with her, getting drinks with her, and eating broken-hearted cupcakes with her.

I don’t know what to do, but I know so many people have dealt with this exact scenario in the past. So tell me: what should I do?

This has been a rough month. On top of approaching midterms, stress over summer internship plans, and the most awful Political Science professor known to mankind (he legitimately looks like a cartoon character, has the intelligence of an action figure, and wears his cell phone around his neck on a rope…), it seems like half of my school has recently been broken up with. Yes, apparently Break Up Season has officially begun, and as a result four of my best girlfriends are in varying degrees of ending relationships!

Since we returned from winter break, I have been in red alert nurturing mode, making sure that chocolate, ice cream, and Sex in the City episodes are all abundant for the initial mourning process for my girls. My phone, which usually I can never even find, is on uber loud at all hours so I can be there for the melt-downs at all times. When the grieving stage has passed, I’ve been there to make sure that the random rebound hook-ups (inspired by one too many whiskey sours) don’t turn into even bigger mistakes.

I have absolutely no problem taking care of my friends, but seeing their raw pain after a break up is heart wrenching for me. It makes me flash back to how upset I was when I broke up with the boy I dated for three years. I had never understood before why some people became so upset over a break up. Then it happened to me, and I collapsed. I was a sh*tshow (and not in the fun, had one too many cocktails kind of way…) for way longer than I’d care to admit, and sometimes I still don’t know how I survived that. I have the best friends in the world; otherwise I would’ve long gone insane.

Seeing so many good friends upset over some a**hole move a boy pulled makes me not want to ever talk any male ever again, let alone date one. I’m not usually the cynical, bitter type, but I do not ever want to be in a position to be hurt like that again.

You know how people say that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Well, the mood I am in tonight makes me want to punch those people. Because when you’ve never fallen for a guy, you don’t know what you’re missing out on. Now I look back on that ignorance as bliss.

And that’s all I have to say about that. It’s time for this (temporarily cynical and bitter) single girl to put another upset, drunk, newly single friend to bed.

Why do we always have such a hard time letting go?
Do we actually miss the guy, or do we just miss being in a relationship?

College relationships bring comfort and ease during a time in our lives that is filled with uncertainty. We’re unsure about our future, our jobs, our grades, our finances, and are generally stressed out.  We look at our guys as the one thing we can count on always; to support us, to love us, to cuddle with us after a long day of class and studying.  Not to mention that being single is exhausting!  I’ve had one too many nights of getting dressed up in hopes of finding a cutie to take home, only to end the night crying and carrying a pizza.

But the majority of us college girls will inevitably endure a break-up within these four years. Sad but true. Breaking up is a major change and it’s scary!  It means saying goodbye to those sweet good morning texts, romantic dinner dates, and guaranteed booty (what? it’s usually the thing I miss most!), and hello to a completely new life. We feel vulnerable and lonely and ready to run right back to our ex before we even have a chance to sleep alone. The same ex who wasn’t giving us what we needed or deserved.

How do we move on?
Simple: we have to figure out what we really miss. Is it the boyfriend or is it a boyfriend?

And most of the time it’s the latter.

Face it: You don’t want him, you want it and you can find it with someone else. Someone who is way better at it.

Being newly single isn’t easy, but going back to a bad relationship isn’t the answer. Sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zones to find what truly makes us happy. It’s like getting ready to go out; taking off those sweats and squeezing into a pair of skinny jeans takes some work (and a few lunges), but just think about how much better you feel once you’ve changed.

There is a difference between comfort and love and when you finally wake up and distinguish between the two, you’ll find what you’re really looking for.

What do you guys think? After a breakup do you really miss the guy, or the comfort of the relationship?

Hm. Maybe that wasn't such a great idea.

This song has been in my head for weeks, probably because perfectly describes what I’m living through. I recently broke up with my boyfriend.

Except not really.

Long-distance was not working out for us, so we tried an open relationship. When that didn’t fix anything, I ended it… two days before going to visit him for two weeks. Awkward much? I visited and we carried on like nothing had changed, promising we would start acting broken up once I left.

I’ve been home for over a month now and we still talk every day. He asked me to be his Valentine. I’m visiting over spring break, which also includes our one-year anniversary, and we’re still celebrating it. I’ve been on two dates, and each time felt like I was cheating. How could anyone call this broken up?

My situation may be especially strange, but I know many of my friends have been in similar positions. It’s hard to let go of someone, and usually that means a break up is more of a process than an event. You end things, cry, drunk dial, cry, sleep together, cry, keep sleeping together, get it together, stop sleeping together, move on. It ends up looking something like this.

And now that I’m in it, I’m confused. I know that I’m probably not going about this right, but I’m not sure what right is.

Can break up sex be right?

What do you girls (and guys) think of sex with a recent ex? Is it a normal part of the break up process? A good way to get closure? An immature means of trying to hang on to the past? A sign of a deep fear of being alone?

I personally think it varies for everyone. I have friends that have had break-up sex once, then moved on and never looked back. I’ve also had friends that have kept sleeping with someone who broke their heart hoping he would change his mind. How do you know which one you’ll end up being?

This is one topic I’m just not an expert on, so I’ll leave it up to you guys to debate in the comments.

Break-up sex: good or bad?

The Razzies nominees are out!

Would you wear a necklush?

The 7 stages of a breakup.

Amy Winehouse likes whatever she can get girls.

Shop for Haiti!

How to judge a guy by his shoes.

“If the entire bunk is mad at you, could it be something that you’re doing?” She asked.

I started to cry. Not because she was right – those girls were being cruel to me, not the other way around – but because now even my counselor was being mean. My 11-year-old mind couldn’t wrap itself around her reasoning. I didn’t do anything wrong and she’s taking their side? Why not call the other girls over and tell them there was something wrong with them? I want my mom.

But now, a little older and a whole lot wiser, I wonder if Stacy’s argument holds true.

I’ve been single for three years now. Three long years. I’ve had my fair share of post-bar trysts, but nothing that hasn’t ended with a few awkward stares as I strolled back to my place in the outfit I wore the night before. I’ve also had a few dates here and there but, again, none of it ever panned out. I’d like to think it was all my choice – that there was something wrong with each and every one of the guys I’ve gotten naked/drinks with – but now I’m beginning to wonder if maybe the problem isn’t with all of them and is actually with me.

Yeah, I didn’t call them, but they never called either.
And yeah, I was fine with having a little late night fun, but why didn’t any of those guys ever call me when they weren’t on their way to Panchero’s for a 3am burrito?

I think I’m a pretty great person – my friends seem to like me well enough – but there can’t possibly be something wrong with each and every guy I’ve interacted with in 3 years. And if that’s the case, then the only other possible option is me. I’m the common denominator. I’m the only other factor in this equation. And that means I have to change.

But change what?
And how?
And is that even fair?

I have always refused to change for anybody – I am who I am and that’s it. If you like me, great; if you don’t, then get out of my way. Should I really have to change just to rope in a boyfriend? And even if I figure out what I’m doing wrong and change it up, won’t that just be the beginning of a really inauthentic relationship?

But at the same time, it’s not them it’s me. And is it really worth fighting change if that means I’m going to end up alone?

This past semester however, for our third semester of Japanese (seriously, why FOUR semesters of a foreign language? excessive, no?), we both had such weird and limiting schedules that we ended up in the same class. I was prepared for the worst, since less than a year before Matt said he hated the idea of us with a class together. To my surprise, he was actually looking forward to it. We did survive, but now, for our final semester, we are back to different professors at different time. Like most relationship happenings, having class with my significant other was full of ups and downs:

Up:
The convenience factor. We only had to buy one book (which, let’s be honest, saves a giant chunk of change). We also got to ride the bus to school together and if I was home sick (thanks, flu season ‘09), Matt could turn in my work for me.

Down:
Distraction. You try not talking to your boyfriend when you’re sitting next to him in class three days a week.

Up:
The study factor. No need to seek out some rando in class to help me out when I was struggling or try to coordinate a time that worked for a bunch of busy people for study group. Matt and I had each other and we were always around when help was needed.

Down:
The competition factor. Maybe it’s just us, but there was a constant need to beat one another on tests and assignments. And don’t even get me started on who could answer more questions in class.

Up:
Friendly face. It’s always nice to have a friend in class and even better when that friend happens to be a really good snuggler.

Down:
Awkward city. Do you have any idea how awkward it is to sit next to someone in class for 90 minutes when you just had a blowout fight over breakfast? And what if you break up??

So this class didn’t bring down my entire semester, but it wasn’t all a walk in the park either. In fact, the biggest lesson I learned that semester wasn’t some weird Japanese conjugation, but the fact that there is such a thing as too much togetherness. What can you really talk about with your significant other if you’re never apart? Granted, Matt and I turned out perfectly fine, but we all know plenty of couples that spend too much time together and eventually fizzle out. Or just annoy their friends with their inability to be apart.

I admit the perks to sharing a class were great (especially when finals came around), but I’m definitely ready to tackle Japanese on my own next semester. And maybe I won’t need all that study help if I don’t have someone distracting me the entire class.

Have you ever taken class with your sig other? How did that go?

He's not worth that smeared lipstick, girlfriend!

It all happens so quickly.

You are out a bar/party with your girls, looking amazing, because, honestly, what CollegeCandy girl doesn’t look amazing? You see him, he sees you and – boom – you start talking. Talking turns into flirting, flirting turns into so-bad-they’re-cute pick up lines and soon he’s buying you a drink. Maybe it’s the vodka, maybe it’s the way he keeps finding an excuse to touch you’re arm, but you’re smitten and your night just got a whole lot better. The number exchange comes next and the cute-textathon begins.

He’s sweet and witty and you look forward to the daily flirtation and then – out of nowhere -  it just stops. No more morning musings. No more responses to your adorable messages. Nada.

Turns out, homeboy just isn’t that into you.

After that lovely realization comes the packages of Oreo cookies, the Friends marathons, the comfy pajama pants, and the over- analyzing.  It doesn’t matter that nothing ever really came from this; getting rejected sucks and it hurts and you really thought this guy was gonna be the guy. But you were wrong. And now you’re 3lbs heavier, lonely and hating yourself.

While getting over a guy should be as easy as getting into him, it never is. But you deserve more than nights spent alone in front of the mirror wondering what’s wrong with you. Because there’s nothing wrong with you. Remind yourself of that and follow these 5 little steps and you’ll be over that turd in no time.

1. “Delete Him”-   This is challenging because in some instances, and almost all of mine, we all hold onto the hope that it might just work out. That he’s been super busy and just hasn’t had time to send a text or two. But let’s be real: it won’t, he’s not, and you must, as hard as it is, delete him from your life. That means cell phone, Facebook, gchat, etc. All of it. Get rid of him. Don’t leave yourself any opportunity for a drunk dial/text/very public Facebook wall post.

2. “Replace Him”- Get the speakers out and turn up Beyonce. Remember, “you can have another him in a minute.” He’s nothing special, and he is definitely replaceable. You’re in college, honey; there are plenty of really attractive and intelligent fish out there, so jump back into that pond.

3. “If he didn’t have time for you, don’t give him time.”- Stop sitting around and pondering the details. Gather up your friends, go out and have fun. Distraction is the best way to move on, and all the time you waste thinking about him is all potential time you could be using to find someone who will return your calls.

4. “Refocus on You.”- Throughout every boy chase, I feel like girls always lose focus of who they are.  Remember that you were awesome before him, and you will be after him. Stand in front of the mirror and remind yourself of all your good qualities, rediscover what makes you happy and do it.

5. “Make a hate list”- It’s okay to be bitter for a bit. In fact, hate is a very important part of getting over someone. Take out some paper and make a list of his less than finer qualities. Be brutal. It will not only make you feel really good, but you now have a working list of things to avoid in the future.

We only have 4 years in college (Editor’s Note: Trust me, it goes by way too fast!) and it is not OK to waste most of that pining away for a guy who’s not worth it. So get him out of your phone and out of your mind fast. It is possible.

By far the most -  ahem – interesting article, though, was The Guy Report (surprise, surprise). Read on for the gems of advice that Cosmo doles out this month.

Cosmo Says: If your guy won’t let you put pics up of the two of you kissing on FB, he’s just concerned with privacy.
Kari Says: OR he doesn’t want anyone knowing you two are dating…sketchy. I’m not into PDA, especially not when it involves a 5 minute video of you two staring into each others’ eyes meaningfully, or passionately making out in hi-def (Note: no one else is, either). But we’re all guilty of letting a little mush slip into our tagged photos every once in a blue moon. If he’s serious about you, he won’t mind letting his friends (or “Friends”) know.

Cosmo Says: Stop asking your date questions about himself! Make sure the convo revolves around you, he’ll be smitten.
Kari Says: Really? Because I’ve been on dates like that – they’re not fun! I understand that Cosmo is trying to promote self-confidence, but being interesting is just as important as being interested. The best conversation should casually flow back and forth about both of us, right? I want to get to know a guy as best as I can when we’re on a date…kinda hard to do if I won’t shut up about myself the entire time. Besides, a great date will ask all the right questions about me—all on his own!

Also Enlightening was “How a Guy Gets Over a Breakup”:

Cosmo Says: Men don’t like anyone to know they cry, but they all do, and it helps them process emotion.
Kari Says: Believe it or not, us womenfolk are actually clued in to the fact that yes, men do cry! We know they don’t want to do it in front of us, and we suspected there might be some background soundtrack to drown out the noise, but I never did suspect that it was heavy-metal. Or that they referred to the act as producing “hot, manly, motor-oil tears”…

Cosmo Says: Any dude who’s upset about a break up will punch things.
Kari Says: Also true. Except men punching things and taking their fury out on inanimate objects/CGI Halo enemies has never been exclusively limited to break up anger. I like to make sure that when my BF watches Monday Night Football, any small object within a 3 foot radius is nailed down. If it’s not, I can expect it to get hurled across the room.

Cosmo Says: The first Friday night your ex is alone, he will attempt to get you back (by drunk dialing).
Kari Says: If any guy is serious in his attempts to win back a girl, I would hope that this epiphany occurred for reasons other than a bottle of Jack and a cell phone nearby. If this sudden realization does result from actual remorse, pain or missing his ex-girlfriend, guzzling a six-pack before he calls probs isn’t the way to go.  A better route? Skip the Bud and buy some knee pads; now swallow the pride and prepare to make a heartfelt apology.

Ok ladies, what advice do you have about guys that Cosmo should really be writing?

We're gonna stay together forever...or until we get to college and grow apart/find better options.

Upon graduation, my high school sweetheart and I left for different universities in the same city, vowing to stay together, no matter what. “No high school couple lasts beyond their first semester freshman year,” someone told me, to which I replied with a scoff and an eye-roll. That kind of advice was meant for bicoastal couples separated by thousands of miles, and people who just weren’t committed enough to making it work. I resolved to survive the turkey drop.

But by the middle of second semester, I had unceremoniously ended a four-year relationship, citing midterms and the “different directions” in which our lives were headed. What was once was a comfortable refuge ultimately felt stifling, and the messy breakup regrettably tainted years of good memories for a long time after. But I had to do it and it was definitely worth it in the long run.

For those contemplating the High School Sweetheart Breakup (and those of you who are and just refuse to admit it), here’s why it might be better to shelve your boyfriend’s varsity jacket with the rest of your senior yearbook memories:

1. Long distance sucks.
You may have promised to stick together whether you were 30 or 3,000 miles apart, but the truth is, maintaining a long distance relationship is hard. Spending time together isn’t as simple as it used to be; now you have to drive across state lines or fly hundreds of miles every other weekend, cutting into the amount of time you have to catch up on homework, hang out with new friends, or simply explore your new settings. Plus, nobody wants to have to turn down potential weekend plans with, “Sorry, I’m driving to Ohio again to see my boyfriend.”

2. Your interests will change (and so will his).
The two of you shared a bunch of friends and dominated Wii doubles tennis together, so who’s to say you have nothing in common? Though not all high school relationships are affairs of convenience, many of them are, especially if your senior class was only 50 people big. College opens you up to a slew of experiences, and along with discovering you like volleyball and theater (who knew?), you’ll probably switch majors at least twice before you figure out what you really want. Ditto boyfriends. If your nightly marathon phone calls are dwindling down to awkward silences, maybe you guys have less in common than you thought.

3. You’ll be too busy for a serious relationship. No, really.
Between juggling 18 credit hours and trying out for the swim team and joining eight student organizations, free time is hard to come by for a college freshman. There will be many occasions down the road in which you will invariably use the excuse, “I just have too much going on right now to be in a relationship,” but this time, it might actually be true.

4. There are other fish in the sea, and other guys on the quad.
That said, you are going to want to date other guys. I repeat: you are going to want to date other guys. “No!” you protest, “I love my boyfriend, and we’ve gone through so much together.” That may be true, but there is something to be said for the appeal of (and conversely, the fear of) the unknown. Ask yourself frankly: Do you kinda maybe want to see what else is out there, but are afraid of being on your own after so long? Do you wish there were some sort of trial separation you could undertake without fully letting go of your boyfriend? Do you want your own crazy singleton stories? If the answer is yes, it may be time to jump ship (and go fishing).

5. He’s a boyfriend, not a security blanket.
Moving away from home and living on a campus with hundreds, if not thousands, of strangers is definitely daunting at first. That is, until you meet all the awesome people on the floor of your dorm, start exploring the local shops and restaurants, and figure out that the quickest way to get to your poli sci class is through the math building. Holding on to a hometown relationship can be the easiest way to seek stability amid the chaos of settling down in a new campus, but is that really a reason to stay in a relationship? Yes, there exists the rare person who marries his or her high school sweetheart and lives happily ever after, but if you’re only calling your “love” when you need a little comfort and consoling, you are not that person. Face it: it’s just cruel and selfish to stay with a guy only because he reminds you of home. If that turns out to be the case, in the immortal words of Liz Lemon, “shut it down.”