Blood Tree – Mary Timony. Everybody dates a jerk or two. Rock stars, however, get to humiliate them publicly. Mary uses this song to recite the many ills of her ex. There are, of course, the usual problems – too many drugs, hitting on other girls, lame friends – but nothing compares to the kicker: a topless picture of his ex, which he showed her, for reasons known only to himself. Consider the fact that Timony has confirmed that this incident actually occurred. Then consider the fact that even the best of us hook a few freak shows. Then feel better. Then dump your guy.

Sheela-na-Gig – PJ Harvey. PJ tries to make sexy time with her gentleman caller. He turns her down flat. This leads to the most glorious song in the history of angry lady rock. Anyone who can work “dirty pillows,” “childbearing hips” and South Pacific into a single lyric deserves some kind of lifetime achievement award. Also, a boyfriend who will put out. Read More »

“Who did this to you?” a new friend asked me yesterday when she noticed my near gagging at a couple holding hands crossing the street in front of us. It was followed later by a, “Damn…I would never date you!”.

I come off to everyone as a jaded and heartless b*tch, I guess. But that’s not really it at all. It’s not my lack of emotion that makes me steer clear of relationships. On the contrary, it’s my abundance of emotion. Sound silly?

Well, yeah. It is silly. But it’s how I am. When I really like a guy, I’m f*cking worthless. Every moderately aching emotion makes me want to puke all over everything around me. Love hurts…it’s not just a song, people. Sure, I feel ecstasy. I feel love. To quote songstress Feist, I feel it all. But when the pain comes, it kills me. I lost fifteen pounds in two weeks once after a breakup that I couldn’t emotionally handle. Read More »

Often when friends break up with their boyfriends, you have to chose whether or not to remain friends with the Ex. From years/months/beer pong matches together, you have developed a friendship with said Ex…so does the end of the main relationship mean you have to break up too??

Or can you go on as friends?

Flip the situation a bit:

You best friend has broken up with a boyfriend and is now in a very happy and loving relationship with someone else. Meanwhile, you have continued cultivating a relationship with her Ex and have stayed great friends. A year later, he tells you he’s “always wanted to be with you.”

Now, your friend is in a healthy/happy relationship with someone new. Are you allowed to date her Ex or is he still her territory??

Do you date your friend’s Ex?

For Christmas one year, my first boyfriend shocked the hell out of me by buying me this beautiful emerald and diamond necklace set in white gold (because he knew how much I hated gold jewelry). I was stunned. And pissed because I had only gotten him a new nice set of knives and a copy of The Ladies Man on DVD. I honestly didn’t think we were close enough for jewelry, or that he even liked me enough to buy me something so obviously gorgeous and expensive.

Turns out, I was right. We broke up two months later amidst screaming fights and accusations and I couldn’t wear that damn necklace anymore, not because I didn’t like it, but because he had given it to me.

I wish ExBoyfriendJewelry.com had been around then, so something good could have come from the whole relationship debacle. On the website, not only can you sell the jewelry that the bastard (or that wonderful guy you f*cked over) gave you instead of giving it back, or throwing it away, or letting it sit in your creepy Jeff shrine, or whatever, but you can also buy jewelry from similarly situated women and give it, in a sense, new life. Read More »

So, maybe this is old news–but all news worth hearing should be renewed news. And though this may have been a huge topic of conversation for women over chocolate martinis, Sex and The City episodes, kleenex and post break-up mending, something tells me that (crying over what might have been), will never be old news.

Naturally, when you listen to a friend (and we’ve all be “the friend” before too) gripe over a man who is completely undeserving of her time, you want to say, “MOVE ON! YOU CAN DO BETTER!!!” and if you’re a good friend, you do say that.

Usually, she won’t listen and sometimes the truth of the situation is : He’s Just Not That Into You. Period. Thank God for the authors, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, who wrote this little gem.

I don’t know about you, but I always feel like a crazy, bitchy friend if I say those words, even if it’s true. Not because the words are harsh, but because 90% of the time when you have to tell somebody whoever they’re chasing, or dating, isn’t as “devoted” or hell, “interested” even, they usually already know deep down.

No one likes to acknowledge that they’re “unwanted“, because it makes them evaluate something about themselves; then goes the endless wheel of, “why isn’t he interested? Why did he say he’d call? Does he think I’m ugly? Does the new girl have a better body?? Did I have a piece of spinach in my teeth the first time we kissed?? WHAT HAPPENED??” WHY DOESN’T HE WANT ME??” Read More »

When it comes to ending a relationship gone bad, there’s a right way to make the break (and it doesn’t involve leaving an “It’s over, I’m sorry” note for your significant other to discover under her door or in her inbox). In “Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Her” you learned when the break-up is inevitable, it doesn’t necessarily mean you want to do the actual breaking-up. Instead of procrastinating, we have a few ideas to guide you through this unpleasant confrontation.

1. Tell her first

Don’t let her find out you want to break up with her from her cousin who knows a girl who overheard a guy who talked your dad who thinks he heard from your best friend. You obviously care somewhat about this girl if she is your girlfriend. So, out of respect for her, it’s only right that she be the first to know about it.

2. End it face-to-face

Be a man. Don’t call her, text her or email her this kind of news. She will probably want to talk to you after you break it to her and there is no other way to have a serious conversation with her unless you do it in person. Read More »

Why the hell would you call your ex?

You just broke up a few weeks ago!

Your friends are saying you broke up for a reason, right?

It’s better left this way.

Right.

Yea, sometimes you do break up for a reason. And sometimes, your gut tells you that you are better off without him, as scary as it may be to force yourself to move on in the scary world of single people.

But sometimes, it doesn’t feel right after a break up. Or you didn’t get that closure you needed to move on. Or, you just want him back, plain and simple, can’t live without him and don’t want to.

But in order to get him back, you gotta reach out.

That’s where the Post Break-up Phone Call comes in. Get ready for some uneasy awkwardness, stuttering and lots and lots of underarm sweating!

And that’s before you even pick up the phone.

I don’t know if it’s the website for desperate people everywhere, or a website for the ultimate romantics, but GetMyExBack.com has some tips and advice for people who are in post break-up limbo. Regarding the phone call, here are the highlights, which I’ll create my own takes on:

“Let the Dust Settle.” DO NOT attempt to win him back, like, seven minutes after you break up. Emotions are still flying. You need to give it time, because you never know – after a week or so, you may not even want him back at all! Maybe you finally talked to that hot guy in your class who always looked over at you and maybe that was enough to help you realize there are more guys out there. Who knows? But calling him too quickly could be baaaad, so don’t risk it. Read More »

Alright girls, we all do it. Strangely enough, I think less of us will admit to this than masturbation. More hands will rise when asked if they watch chick on chick porn than when asked if they do this. This is the sort of thing we really don’t want anyone to know about.

What’s this?

Soundtracking our sadness.

Yup. I’ve playlisted my pain more than I want to admit, and have walked in on friends doing it often. No matter who the perpetrator is, it always looks the same; sad figure lying languid on a bed, fully clothed, eyes leaking, while Rufus warbles or Iron and Wine whines or Kelly Clarkson cries. A sad scene made even sadder by the underscore.

Even those of us who don’t fancy ourselves drama queens have, once or twice, tearfully sat at our computer compiling a “Sad” mix and retreating back to our beds to moan over our handiwork. Come on, Love, admit it. Sometimes you download that song because you know, you know, it’s gonna come in handy the next time you need to have a good old fashioned cry. Read More »

Wow! I stumbled upon this gorgeous little audio clip on PharmaGossip.com and OMG- this will absolutely kill you.

The long and the short of it is, This guy is about to propose to his girlfriend of 4 years, when he finds out she was caught giving some “oral dictation” to her Boss in the bathroom stall at the company Christmas Party. So, instead of breaking up with her in person, he recruits some help from a local radio show.

The result is painfully cruel- Gorgeous, I tell you.