Remember that LDR that I’m sooo into? And remember how I talked about how life was continuously shatting in my face but I was working on loving myself despite the crap?

Well, apparently life hasn’t stopped piling on the sh*t, because last night I was dumped by my LDR. Cool, huh? That’s what I said.

But f*ck it, it’s the weekend! I say forget the life dump and decide to dump your life in favor of a f*cking good time!

So here, I provide you with my Break-Up Survival Kit, so you can get back on your feet and back into the bar!

1)Chamomile Tea Bags- Soak them in some cold water, squeeze them out and place them over your puffy eyes. Do this a few times and your eyes are guaranteed not to look as swollen as they were last night. Plus, the smell is rather soothing as well! Double duty.

2)Your Possee- You need your support system. So call until they pick up and then wail and wail and wail. They will understand that you need them. Then tell them that tomorrow they must drag you out to a bar for a girls night. You might even score a few free drinks! Love the ladies!

4)Your drug of choice- If you feel it coming (like I did, I have great intution) get a little drunk first. Yes, it will make you more emotional and probably more irrational but who the hell isn’t both of things when you’re getting broken up with anyways. Read More »

Since no one will want to admit this, I’ll take one for the team and come out with it. I may have, on occasion, perused a dating self-help book. If you’ve ever found yourself “accidentally” wandering into the relationship section of your local Borders, chances are you’ve found yourself picking up one of two kinds of dating self-help books: the “how to find Mr.Right/trick him into staying with you” genre, or, perhaps even a few months after you picked up the first book, the “how to get over him” guidebook.

Some of us, however, have a different problem—one that not too many dating books address. How to chase a guy away for good. Lucky for those of us dating losers, Elle advice columnist E. Jean Carroll devotes a chapter to this dilemma in her book, Mr. Right, Right Now!

You can read the list of 79 tips on iVillage. Most are funny, but some have me a little worried and confused. Like these:

Rarely wear high heels to bed.

Um, are there women out there who regularly wear heels to bed that are ruining it for the rest of us? Can I substitute flats?

Make him watch the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

The Notebook is OK though, right? (Kidding!…Except not.) Read More »

Is there a formula for how much time it takes to get over an ex after a breakup? I’ve heard a range of answers from friends, from twice the amount of time you spent in the relationship to half that time. My Big Breakup of 2006 took me a year to get over after dating the guy for two, but I’m still fooling around with a guy I dated only briefly almost four years ago.

This discrepancy got me thinking—other than time, what are the factors that dictate how long it’ll take you to get over someone after a breakup? Are there relationship factors, like being in love, that add months to your healing time? Here’s my unofficial guide to the things that will tack on extra post-breakup Ben-and-Jerry’s-on-the-couch time, and the things that will have you getting over the ex and under someone else in no time.

Your friends hated him: – 2 months

This guarantees a few rounds of ex bashing whenever you need it. And when everyone you talk to agrees he’s a loser, it’s that much harder to reminisce about that one nice thing he did for you, that one time.

He broke up with you via MySpace: + 1.5 months

True story. This one is a hit to the ego, but remember—if he breaks up with you via MySpace, he probably would have proposed via text message, so you’re better off. Read More »