Ready to see this guy's hockey stick?

Are you getting pumped about Levi Johnston’s upcoming full-frontal spread in Playgirl?

Wait, what’s that? You just threw up in your mouth a little?

Levi might be conventionally attractive, but his status as Bristol Palin’s baby-daddy, Jon Gosselin’s new buddy – Michael Lohan must be green with envy – and an all-around jerk (in response to New York Magazine asking him how he was adjusting to life in the Big Apple, Levi said, “I run this city. It ain’t no thang.” UGH) means that we’re less than excited about the idea of having naked pictures of this asshat plastered all over the internet next week.

After giving the matter some thought, we realized that there are actually only five guys that we’d be even more opposed to seeing in their birthday suits. Read the list if you dare—the thought of these dudes naked might just make you shudder. Read More »

Letterman and Palin’s tiff over his hilarious and, okay, slightly horrible and sexist comments, had the media’s focus back on our favorite Alaskan governor: Mrs. Sarah Palin. Finally – after a lot of back, forth and all around – the two kissed and made up and all is right with the late night funnyman and ex-candidate for VP, who, shocker, has a sense of humor?

Inspired by the feud and by Letterman’s classic “Top Ten” format, I’ve decided to do a Weekly Ten on whatever the presses and our readers are buzzing about. Late Night, CollegeCandy style. Now even though Palin jokes are so last fall, as a tribute to both Dave and Ms. Palin, I’m going to kick off the “Weekly Ten” with the Top Ten reasons I wish Sarah Palin was my Mommy. Apologies to my own mommy, the cougar version of Barack Girl. Still love you, mom!

10. Never ending shades of lipstick to borrow!
Warning: even with perfect application, these cosmetics may still make you a pig.

9. MILF!
And GILF! Maybe she can give pointers on how to age gracefully. Provided you don’t care about anything other than looking fly in glasses and a red skirt suit.

8. Exotic digs.
I mean, this is just a gimme: she can see Russia from her house.

7. Homegirl can bust a rhyme
Oh wait, that’s Amy Poehler. Another point for cool SNL moms.

6. Never ending supply of skirt suits!
Also a bonus if you want to be a flight attendant. Notice how I didn’t say slutty. Take note, David. Read More »

Personally, I think it’s funny…

Paris Hilton is single. Again.

Add a zipper for instant punkification.

We totally heart Jordin Sparks and her new video.

Celebrity odd couples.

Does a hot teacher make learning easier? Harder? Sexier?

Abstinence and sex education was a hot-button issue in our recent election.  It was also a funny and ironic topic, considering the events that played out.  The Republican party was making grand speeches about abstinence-only education and the virtues of waiting until marriage (a la The Jonas Brothers) while Bristol Palin was out getting knocked up.  Hah.  Apparently she doesn’t watch Jon & Katie Plus 8 (or do any babysitting), ’cause that pretty much closes up shop downtown for me.

As long as people continue having sex before marriage, there will be people trying to stop them.  The best part about this (well, the only good part, actually) is the advertising.  Here are the Top 5 Funniest Abstinence Ads Ever. If these don’t make you want to change your sexy ways, I’m not sure what will:

I always knew deep down that engineers could never get laid, and now I know it’s true:

Read More »

This makes me uncomfortable.

Pulling out may just work!

Openly gay student wins prom queen.

Apparently Tori Spelling killed her father.

Lindsay Lohan can’t catch a break.

So, why are these dudes single?

This morning on Good Morning America, hypocrite Bristol Palin discussed her plan to push an “abstinence-only” message on teens. She couldn’t quite explain how abstinence got her where she is today (with, ahem, a child at age 18), but she was very confident that “abstinence is the only way you can effectively, 100%, prevent pregnancy.”

Props to B. Palin for that brilliant realization (and for basically admitting being a mom sucks), but since, as she said herself just weeks ago, “abstinence is unrealistic,” why don’t we figure out a more-um-successful way to stay child-free, while still satisfying our libidos.

Enter: Birth Control!!

Crazy, right? This stuff comes in all sorts of forms: patches, IUDs, condoms, looking at teen mothers trying to care for their kids and realizing how much less fun life would be with a child… Oh, and the pill, which, when taken correctly (not a difficult feat to accomplish if you can swallow a pill), is 99.9% effective. Certainly more effective than preaching abstinence…and then having unprotected sex with your hockey playing boyfriend in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness. And most of the pills now come in pretty packaging! (Yaz has a tidy blue suede case with fun stickers that help you stay on track and turn birth control into a fun craft project).

Of course, we all (should) know that hormonal contraception doesn’t prevent against narsty STDs, so, unless you and your sex-bud have been tested and are exclusively hookin’ up, please use condoms too! I can tell you from looking at some pretty graphic books that Syphilis ain’t pretty. Neither is abandoning your education to raise a child on welfare and food stamps. So instead of shooting moose, go get yourself some nooky. Because, like Ms. Bristol once said, not getting any is just “unrealistic.”

Just remember to pop that very important pill first.

Pink benefits from breakup…then gets back together with ex.

Get to know Kim Kardashian.

The best remixes of Britney’s Womanizer.

Your yeast infection just got worse. Ew.

Octomom sits down for another magazine interview.

Levi Johnston hits the media circuit.

Levi Johnston blabs to Tyra. He’s dead (moose) meat.

The dos and don’ts of accessorizing.

Dancing with the Stars or Dancing with the Erections!?

The Fast and the…Bi-curious.

Single lip color is so last year.

WTF is Paris Hilton wearing?

It’s time to clean out the closet, ladies.

The Country awards were on last night? Hm. What happened?

[There are some women out there that we just can’t get out of our minds. No, we aren’t switching teams - yet - but we do have some serious crushes on some pretty fierce females. These ladies are all special in their own right and we aren’t ashamed to tell the world we love them.]

Ever since her role in Juno, I’ve had an unhealthy crush on Ellen Page.

While she’s not as mainstream as our past girl crushes, this doesn’t make her any less deserving of the title.  In fact, it makes me love her more. My fellow Canuck obviously has talent – she was, after all, nominated for an Oscar.  She may not have won, but she was the fourth youngest actress to be nominated for the role, and that in itself is pretty darn impressive.

And the movie was awesome. I don’t know one person who can say they saw Juno and didn’t fall instantly in love with it. Ellen played the main character perfectly and even showcased her vocal skills on the soundtrack, which is as good (if not better) than the movie. Sure, the movie sparked controversy – being all pro-teen pregnancy and all – but that’s not Ellen’s fault. Maybe people should teach their kids about sex before they let them watch movies like this. Or watch Bristol Palin on TV.

But I digress. Back to my love, Ellen Page.

Surprisingly, this isn’t the first or only movie Ellen has been in.  She totally kicked ass AND saved the day in X-Men: The Last Stand before she took on her dad’s new girlfriend while acing her SATs in Smart People.  She’s also been in Hard Candy, The Tracey Fragments, and An American Crime. Her next project is Whip-It, which is directed by Drew Barrymore. Two power girls on one project? Sounds like a winner to me. Read More »

Color me totally un-surprised.

Why does everyone think Kelly Clarkson is preggers?

We love (cheap) headbands.

Drug dealers make the Forbes Rich List. Time to reconsider our major…

Who steals mail!?

Goodbye, Power Rangers.

You’ve heard of a bucket list, but have you added things to your f**kit list?

Meghan McCain hates Ann Coulter.

Katy Perry looks so much cuter when she’s not trying to be all punky…

Mix up your diet with some healthy greens.

The Hills is in trouble…

Did Jen and John break up?