First of all, even though my public high school was brimming with middle to upper class white kids, even middle to upper class white kids know that certain fashion decisions are worthy of an ass kicking; tight shirts with silk-screened skulls paired with multiple cross necklaces, random newsboy caps, giant sunglasses worn inside, and LANDING STRIPS ON ONE’S FACE are just a few of the things that Adnan wears with wild abandon that would surely mean his demise at my high school.

Secondly, carrying around an obvious pompous assh*le jerk vibe has been known to get certain idividuals thown into dumpters.  Very rarely, an obvious assh*ole jerk would climb the ranks and become a popular assh*ole jerk, but most of the time, Upperclassmen didn’t take too kindly to douchebags who walked around like they owned the place. I knew a kid Sophomore year who tried to hit on a Senior’s girlfriend (even though it was front page school news the senior was dating this chick) and that kid ended up taped to the flagpole — overnight.

Thirdly, nobody likes snitches.  In my high school, it was common for a dude to sleep with a girl and then brag about it, but attempting to make yourself more popular by talking about how you slept with the crazy girl and then taped it…bad news. A lot of guys can be d*cks, but most of them understand that taking advantage of someone who is obviously out of it is pure f*ckward material. What usually happened to pure f*ckwards in my high school is that they were never able to walk to their car alone, because if they did, chances are they’d be dragged onto the baseball field and pantsed for the whole school to see.

So yeah, Adnan might be walking around Hollywood like he owns the place (and a recorded piece of Britney history), but had he only gone to public high school in upstate NH, he would never be the true waste of space he is today.  In fact, he’d still probably be tied to that flagpole.

[To solidify my argument, I IM'd my brother while writing this article.  Below is further proof that Adnan would be destroyed]

Is that…Brad Pitt?

Oh yeah, ‘peen in slow motion

How the world would vote for our President

Hot and Hotter get married

Surviving a broken heart: week one

 Adnan: could we hate you more?

Oh Posh…you confuse me

Laugh your abs into shape

Heather Locklear’s arrest on tape

Amy Winehouse knows she’s effed

Celebrities need protection too, okay?

Katy Perry: trying too hard?