Okay, Justin-Bobby, if that is even your real name, let’s talk. You don’t like me because I don’t like you. But, I can’t help it; when you wear swim shorts and a pair of army boots, what choice do I have?

When you ignore the obvious plight of your hair, what do you expect me to do? Sit back and let you believe girls like those greasy locks?

Maybe I could have let it go if you weren’t such an asshole. Maybe if you didn’t just say all those nice-ish (in your own special way) things to Audrina and then leave her at the party.

No goodbye. No explanation. Just a helmet. On a couch.

Fuck you.

But enough about you. There are much bigger things to discuss this week.

Namely: Spencer’s visit to Colorado and Brody’s Beach Partayy.

Visiting Mount Butt: Am I alone in this? Did everyone but me know that Heidi comes from a farm? Like a real farm! Not just a small town; there were ANIMALS at her house. How could a family that raises horses produce that bleached blonde, fake boobed bimbo? I just don’t understand it. Read More »

Turns out the platinum bleached babes of The Hills aren’t the only fakes! Surprised? Of course you’re not. In case you missed the last episode (and all 762 reruns since), Spencer Brat –I mean Pratt– spends “big bucks” (attempted borrowed bucks from pal Brody Jenner) on an engagement ring for his uber-fake girlfriend Heidi. Turns out, fake ring for the fake lady!

The fugly pink diamond that Pratt claimed identical to J.Lo’s legendary rock, is actually a lavender, lemon amethyst.

Dun dun dunnnn. Read More »

It’s not news that I feel instantly ill whenever The Hills comes on, and it’s also nothing new when I say BSG (bitchy straight guy) Spencer Pratt gives me hives, but here’s something that IS different: he might actually be real.

Recently, Pratt posted this blog on his official website, and it’s a doozy. Not only does he challenge people to “feel free to hate on me here on my blog / board where I actually read the comments”, but he totally (and I mean totally) blasts his “co-star” Lauren Conrad.

“Lauren ruined Heidi and Laurens friendship when she told Heidi that she could not be friends with her as long as she dated me” Pratt types. “…the fact is Lauren is in LOVE with Heidi…she used to scream at Heidi if she left her alone one night…she used to ask to get in bed with Heidi and I to cuddle in the mornings…believe what you want…when those cameras turn off LC (MEAT CURTAINS) is a completely different person.

Read More »

Monday’s aren’t my favorite day of the week for many reasons:

1) it’s Monday

2) my favorite bar cancelled their $1 pitcher night

3) I am always totally hung over from the weekend

Yet, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. At 10:00pm. On MTV.

And it is called, The Hills.

While my own life reflects Lauren’s in many ways (my name is Lauren…oh wait, that’s it) it is nice to avoid the ridiculous drama in my own life and kick back and watch it in hers. And boy does it.

This season has put the “rama” in drama. But as good as the entire season has been, last night really did it for me. Namely, Lauren’s surprise birthday party.

Now, I totally hate Heidi, but I really had to give it to her for throwing Lauren the bomb.com surprise party for her 21st birthday. And the best moment of the night? Definitely Spencer’s speech. Read More »