Question?! Answer. Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
What’s up!? I love your column; I always find myself in line with your advice and generally agreeing.  Well, now I have my own situation and I have never been good at giving myself advice or seeing my own situation clearly so here goes. Tell it to me like it is:

Ten months ago I met the best guy I have ever been with. After a first “date” and a visit from him, he asked me out.  We started dating and did the LDR thing (2 hrs away) for eight months; we fell in love and he told me he loved me after three months of dating.

Which brings me to now.  We just broke up and it has been so hard.  It was somewhat mutual; two weeks ago we were talking on the phone and he brought up something I wrote in his Valentine’s Day card, which was: I can’t wait till we grow up and get to see each other more.  Something along those lines.  He thought I meant forever but I hadn’t been thinking that far ahead and I just meant when I graduated (two months) and wasn’t working two jobs.  Then he said something about how he wants to move across the country eventually and how we probably wouldn’t be together forever. I responded, What’s the point of dating now, then, if you know at some point you don’t want to be with me/break up with me?  He got really emotional and I think he was crying and said he didn’t want to break up with me and he loves me.

Fast forward a week later: he breaks up with me for not having enough time for me, which I understand. He has a lot on his plate – full course load, involved in a lot at school, internship.  He said he felt selfish but just doesn’t have the time.  It’s been a few days now since the break-up and I asked him if we would ever get back together again in the future and he said he can’t answer that; he just doesn’t know what will happen.  It’s been really tough and I just don’t know what to do.  He said he wants to stay friends.  Should I bother?  Should I  not text him?  The days after the break up I did the typical thing of texting him and asking if there was any solution, blah blah blah, to which he just says he doesn’t have time for a relationship and it’s bad timing.  Did I blow it by texting him? Right now I’m trying to not contact him to “make” him miss me.

The thing that sucks is he dumped me a week away from my birthday and I know he bought me a present, so it seems to me he hadn’t been thinking this for a long time.  Anyways what do I do? Is there something I’m not seeing?  Do you think he met someone else? I just want to be with him.  Do I keep in contact or will that just hurt more?

I’m afraid if we get back in the future I won’t be able to forgive him for doing this so close to my birthday or if he sleeps with someone else, I would be devastated.

Sincerely,
I Thought Love Conquered All?

Dear I Thought Love Conquered All?,

You thought wrong.

Not everything works out, kiddo. Guess what, kids? MOST RELATIONSHIPS END.

Look, I’m sorry you’re devastated and all, but the bit about your birthday present kind of threw me. You wouldn’t be able to forgive him for doing this so close to your birthday?! THAT would be the reason not to take the love of your life back?!

Well, so. I don’t think this is really worth pursuing. If the proximity to your birthday is really a big enough reason for concern, I’d say this was just not meant to be.

Frankly, Love, you seem a bit immature. This is not a criticism, okay? It’s just an observation. But, I mean, you’re not immature for your AGE. You’re perfectly fine for the end of college. You’re just a bit immature to have such a serious LDR.

It’s hard to break up, you know? It really is. You’re sad. You don’t know what’s next. Maybe you miss him. (Maybe you don’t.) Basically, you’re starting over without a major ally, and that’s scary and hard. Happily, this is easier with LDRs than with SDRs (short distance, suckas). Out of sight, out of mind. Okay, not quite. But at least not running-into-him-at-Starbucks, in mind. Yes?

Stop texting him. Stop torturing him–and yourself. There’s no point. It’s not working right now. If you want to make some grand gesture in the future, you could figure out a way to move closer to him. But PLEASE don’t do this until you’ve waited at LEAST 6 months. After six months, if you are still DESPERATELY missing him (not kind of missing him, not just kind of lonely, but REALLLLLY desperately missing him), then I’d say call him up and make the gesture. But until then, forget about it. The timing ain’t right. The breakup is done. Let things take their course.

My advice to you: Move on. Don’t be petty and try to make him miss you. Don’t drag this thing on any longer. Go out and meet some guys you can actually see on a day-to-day basis. Get to know them. Find a few to date. End up with one who’s actually good for you. Who will make the time to be with you. Who isn’t already planning on breaking up with you down the road.

And, please. If you can’t forgive someone because of the DATE on which they dumped you (or something equally unimportant), it’s probs not made to last. Like, at all.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Get more Tough Love right here. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing.

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer as she takes on a personal challenge. And this month Meredith is giving up junk food. Yes, really. Her first week was good. Great, even. Then life got in the way. This week, she's turning things around.]

I ate mozzarella sticks. And I’m not ashamed.

Not much has changed since my tough week last week. I’m still adjusting to the single life, which I love more and more every day.  The nausea is the only thing that has really persisted, which means that I will unfortunately probably have to see a doctor just to make sure that nothing is medically wrong with me. Though I’m convinced it’s nothing more than the residual effects of Lady Gaga’s meat dress. Ew, I don’t even like thinking about it. Even if she was wearing a lean protein.

So finally on Tuesday, I felt up for a late night snack at the dining hall. The good news is the mozzarella sticks smelled like heaven. The bad news is they definitely did nothing for my post-breakup bouts of nausea. I could have sworn that they would have healing powers, that I’d take one bite and instantly feel happy and free and content. But alas, I woke up the next morning as sick as ever. I’m definitely not mad at myself for eating them, though. If everything this month had gone according to plan and I was eating like Jillian Michaels every day, then I probably would be pissed at myself for eating disgusting fried cheese mid-month. But, that’s not the case and if anything, I needed the calories.

Of course I knew that I can’t continue to barely eat because I feel like I’m going to puke and then chow down on junk food when I finally feel up to having some food. That seems to totally contradict what I set out to do this month. So on Wednesday I took a trip to the grocery store. The goal was to get some healthy food that I loved, but were bland enough to stomach. Now my dorm is fully stocked with rice cakes, wheat bread, celery, and Cheerios. It doesn’t sound like much, but when you’re living like I am right now, always having food around for when I can eat is very important.

It may sound like I’m not making progress, but I am. I’m eating much more than I ate last week and I believe that trend is going to continue. But, because this whole month is about challenging myself and meeting goals, I’m going to set specific goals that I want to meet by the next time I write about this, and I want you guys to hold me to them. (Well, as much as you can from wherever it is you’re reading this.)

So here goes: by next week, I want to be eating full meals complete with protein, whole grains, and vegetables. This means no more slip ups, no more mozzarella sticks, no more excuses. I wrote at the beginning of the month, “The idea is to do more than merely give up junk food, though; it’s to adopt a generally healthier lifestyle.” I really want to work on that this coming week.

Wish me luck!

I had a vision in my head for how this month would go. I would give up junk food, be healthier, maybe slip up once or twice, but succeed overall. I would end the month being skinny, beautiful, and confident. My life situation would remain the same; it would be ME that changed.

I made a very big lapse in judgment. As Knocked Up taught us, “life doesn’t care about your plans.”

My boyfriend and I broke up Saturday night. I WOULD publicize all of the fun details, but Destiny’s Child put it best when they said, “You know I’m not gonna diss you on the Internet, cause my momma told me better than that.” Now, before you start to pity me, don’t. I am much happier and I have so many amazing people around me constantly. I adore being single again (some think maybe even too much…).

But I do have a confession. My friend and I ate some ice cream on Saturday night. The truth is that it didn’t make anything better, obviously. We ended up walking four miles that night on our quest for lots of fresh air, which, in my opinion, cancels out the ice cream. Judge for yourself. I immediately was junk-food-free again on Sunday.

I wanted more than anything to be a good example of giving up junk food and taking on a healthier life, but unfortunately I’m caught in a very bad cycle. My current lifestyle is far from healthy. I’m not sure whether it’s due to the breakup, my dad’s impending wedding (which I now have no date to), or the excitement of trying to meet all of the boys on my floor, but I have been having a physical reaction to all of the commotion. Namely, nausea and insomnia.

I drink about four caffeinated beverages a day to offset the sleep deprivation. In addition, most anything with flavor makes me want to puke, so I have been sticking to salads and rice cakes.

For a long time, I was really upset with myself, because I couldn’t write about the awesome, healthy meals that I have been eating. I was sad that I couldn’t give you suggestions as to how to avoid the temptation of junk food, because I have no interest in eating it when I feel this sick and generally disinterested in food. But, the more that I thought about it, I grew less disappointed in this setback. Mostly because I’m a human, and I want to show that. If I could go through this month without any problems, it would be abnormal and unrealistic. Maybe everyone initially thought that the setback would be me slipping up by eating junk food; that’s certainly what I thought it would be.

I’m going through some of the most human problems that any of us could have: a break up, a change in family structure, and a general adjustment to a new lifestyle. A big part of my inability to sleep and eat is the excitement of it all, but my body needs to catch up with these modifications. I know that it will.

I truly do apologize to those of you who were looking forward to an article about resisting junk food temptation, but believe me when I tell you that this was a tough one to write.

So, I’m dealing with a really bad breakup right now. No, my boyfriend didn’t dump me – that would require me to have had a boyfriend in the first place. But my very good guy friend did dump his very serious girlfriend and now I’m left in the middle.

They have been dating for nearly a year and in that time I’ve grown quite close to the GF. We hung out a lot as a group and as things got more serious, I began to hang out with her independently. We’d see movies, do girl dinners and spend long hours at the library studying and making fun of her boyfriend.

And then last week, he up and broke up with her. She was shocked. I was shocked. We were all left with a lot of questions, mine being what I’m supposed to do now.

The breakup wasn’t messy – it’s not like my friend cheated – so I have no reason not to support my guy friend in his decision. If he was no longer in love with his girlfriend, who am I to take her side and give him the silent treatment? On the contrary, I support him; I know I wouldn’t want some guy to drag out a relationship with me just because he was afraid to end things. And, when it all comes down to it, he’s my really close friend and I love him no matter what.

But on the other hand, she’s my friend now, too. And my friend is hurting and needs people to lean on. And I don’t know if I can be that person. I don’t know if I have to take the side of my guy friend – who I was friends with first – and cut off all communication. I don’t know if their breakup means our breakup. I don’t know how he would feel knowing that I’m still hanging out with her, getting drinks with her, and eating broken-hearted cupcakes with her.

I don’t know what to do, but I know so many people have dealt with this exact scenario in the past. So tell me: what should I do?

This has been a rough month. On top of approaching midterms, stress over summer internship plans, and the most awful Political Science professor known to mankind (he legitimately looks like a cartoon character, has the intelligence of an action figure, and wears his cell phone around his neck on a rope…), it seems like half of my school has recently been broken up with. Yes, apparently Break Up Season has officially begun, and as a result four of my best girlfriends are in varying degrees of ending relationships!

Since we returned from winter break, I have been in red alert nurturing mode, making sure that chocolate, ice cream, and Sex in the City episodes are all abundant for the initial mourning process for my girls. My phone, which usually I can never even find, is on uber loud at all hours so I can be there for the melt-downs at all times. When the grieving stage has passed, I’ve been there to make sure that the random rebound hook-ups (inspired by one too many whiskey sours) don’t turn into even bigger mistakes.

I have absolutely no problem taking care of my friends, but seeing their raw pain after a break up is heart wrenching for me. It makes me flash back to how upset I was when I broke up with the boy I dated for three years. I had never understood before why some people became so upset over a break up. Then it happened to me, and I collapsed. I was a sh*tshow (and not in the fun, had one too many cocktails kind of way…) for way longer than I’d care to admit, and sometimes I still don’t know how I survived that. I have the best friends in the world; otherwise I would’ve long gone insane.

Seeing so many good friends upset over some a**hole move a boy pulled makes me not want to ever talk any male ever again, let alone date one. I’m not usually the cynical, bitter type, but I do not ever want to be in a position to be hurt like that again.

You know how people say that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Well, the mood I am in tonight makes me want to punch those people. Because when you’ve never fallen for a guy, you don’t know what you’re missing out on. Now I look back on that ignorance as bliss.

And that’s all I have to say about that. It’s time for this (temporarily cynical and bitter) single girl to put another upset, drunk, newly single friend to bed.

I eventually had to weigh the pros and cons.

PROS

The sex with Brian would be wonderful.

Brian is incredibly well-endowed (adding to the wonderfulness of it).

It would be easy. He would be leaving town the next morning.

CONS

He would be 45 miles away.

The weather got crappy.

The two of us having real privacy would be a gambling game.

And still, the biggest question lingered in my mind:

Would it really be sex without strings attached? This was the guy who proposed to me, who offered to buy me a house in any city I wanted…I was the first girl he had said “I love you” to in his adult life. And then I broke up with him during that drunk text message.

Would it really be as easy as I thought it would be?

Considering the doubt in my mind, on top of the distance and crappy weather…I ultimately decided against it.

I would have loved to have had sex last night, but I think I made the right choice.

Brian and I broke up under relatively ridiculous terms. We were in the midst of a long distance relationship. A passionate one.

We both got wasted one night and in a fight via text message. And that led to a fight via telephone. And that led to me texting him: “We’re Over“. And then we were.

Like some sort of f*cked up magic trick, I pulled the ‘We’re over!’ card out of my black hat and POOF…our relationship went silent. On the morning after, I woke up so hungover that I didn’t really recall what had happened the night before..until I read my text messages. And apparently, he woke up in the same scenario. But neither one of us made the effort to fix the damage we had done. I think it was because we both knew deep down that we were not right for each other, anyway.

It’s with pain that I confess that Brian is one of the dumbest people I have ever met…let alone dated. But, like most dumb guys, he did have redeeming qualities. He was sweet to me. He actually made me feel like a girl; he made me feel loved. He was outgoing and always down for any adventure. And we LOVVVVVVEEEEDDDD getting stoned and screwing. It was like our sex brought us together in the sickest, but most satisfying way imaginable. He’s so well endowed that I can’t help but wonder: did god just put some of his brain in his dick?

Over the last year…we have slowly rekindled our friendship, a friendship that has remained a friendship. I have never thought even once about ever being emotionally involved with Brian again. I know now that he is a complete mismatch for me. However, a couple weeks ago…he comes out with THIS in the middle of an AIM conversation:

“Well…I would have sex with you again. I mean, I’m not going to ask you or anything..but it would be awesome”.

He continues on to tell me about how I’m the best sex he’s ever had.

He starts to recount memories of particularly awesome sexual encounters with each other.

He starts to send me pictures of his…um….you know.

He points out the fact that he’ll be in town very soon…

And…I can’t lie. All of this has got me thinking. We DID have great sex. Maybe the greatest. I DO feel as though we could do this exsex thing without risking ourselves emotionally–for once.

I’ll be seeing him this weekend. I feel awkward about it already. Will I dress hot and play hard to get and get off on the fact that he’ll be looking at me all night and thinking about me sexually? Or will I have a couple drinks and remind him of what the best sex he’s ever had in his life feels like?

To tell you the truth…I’m not really sure. But there will be a part two to this that will follow our much anticipated encounter…