Let me put it out there: whoever said money couldn’t buy happiness was a moron. Aside from being a super dad-like statement, it’s completely false. While I’ve always suspected a little extra cash brings on the smiles, a study out of the Wharton School now also suggests my inklings are spot-on.

As if we needed a study to tell us this, it looks like the truth might actually be we’re simply happier people when the bills are covered, the loans are paid, and there’s a little extra play money lying around for those just-because purchases. As a college student or a recent grad, you probably feel the financial strain more than most groups within society. Rent, school, transportation, random incidentals…chances are you’re paying for one or more of these hefty items on your own with minimal life savings to your name.

And that’s all before you factor in the cost of shopping, vacations, and going out…if you can even afford to do those things. So what are we left with? A lot of debt, a lot of stress, a lot of mail we don’t want to open, and NOT a lot of affordable ways to de-stress.

Don’t try and tell me that the free yoga classes offered at the university’s gym are a wonderful stress-reliever. I don’t want to know about it. As far as I’m concerned nothing makes me smile faster than a cold umbrella drink in my hand, a fancy new pair of shoes on my feet, and knowing that there’s an exotic beach somewhere not too far away.

Tough love: sometimes it takes a million bucks to feel like a million bucks.

…Now if only the economy would improve so I can get a job and finally understand what it is to be truly, blissfully, happy.

Your favorite reality villains going completely broke: Priceless.

In a move that had to have been endorsed by God Himself, the fates that be zapped all of Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag’s money into oblivion.  They’re bust.  Belly up.  Runnin’ on empty.  Got less dough than a Pizza Hut.  Basically, they’re poor.

Some sources are saying it’s because Heidi’s never met a designer bag she didn’t need to have, others are saying Spencer’s the one with the shopping problem.  From night vision goggles to NASA approved telescopes, he’s got more gadgets in his house than Stephen Hawking has on his wheelchair.  Add to this the fact that they owe money on various back taxes and mortgages and that The Hills (aka their paycheck) no longer exists…it becomes supremely clear that Speidi are in need of a career reboot.  Or at least a short-term scam to earn them some extra green.

But what can these two- okay, four if we’re counting Heidi’s…friends- washed up reality stars do that they haven’t already done?

Write a book on positive body image and go on a nationwide tour promoting natural beauty.  Because Heidi clearly embraces these values.  And Spencer loves a flat-chested woman.  Little girls everywhere would benefit from their wisdom and perspective since they’re two healthy individuals who successfully shunned the pressures of living in Hollywood.

Run for public office. The Governator proved that dreams really can come true, and Speidi already know where there political affiliations lie.  Free health care?  Try free nose jobs.  Gun control?  As if.  Sister wives for all?  Probably.  If we can’t see a Palin 2012, perhaps there’s room for a Pratt/Montag ticket in Washington.

Get real jobs. And be like the rest of us?  Please.  Next idea.

Make a porno. Not a sex tape, mind you.  But a properly produced, fancy lighting, no handheld cams porno.  I mean, aren’t you wondering how Heidi’s implants handle when put to the test?  No?  Wait, why are you vomiting?  Don’t cover your eyes!  Okay, so maybe it’s more like a horror movie…

Soap operas. Bad acting, senseless plots, petty drama… I mean, they’ve kinda got some experience already.  I can see it now: Heidi as the younger mistress, Spencer as the seedy nightclub owner.  They fall in love, but (!!) his wife (guest appearance by Audrina) wakes from her coma and discovers their affair.  Extensions and fake nails go flying!  Come on.  If James Franco can do it, so can Frankentitties and her furry-faced ex-husband.

Let’s watch the best scenes again!

5 things you gotta experience before you graduate.

Tim Gunn has something to say about EVERYONE.

Old men are creepy (via the New York Times).

5 single girl traits to re-learn after a break up.

Dirty little secrets we ladies keep from men.

Vices that are making college students go broke.

Wanna know the origin of the French kiss?

What happened to Christina Milian and The Dream?

Surprise: there’s drama for the Real Housewives of NJ.

No money? Here are 15 cool ways to say you’re broke.

Do you like to wear clothes while gettin’ busy?

The Girls of The Hills: Then and… holy sh*t is that the same person?

It should be no surprise to my fellow college students that I’m broke. We all are. So it’s also no surprise that my boyfriend is too. But sometimes this little fact of life can get in the way of our relationship. It’s hard to have spectacular dates when your electric bill is past due, and you can’t really expect fancy anniversary presents when you’re digging into the couch cushions for gas money.

Sometimes this can get a bit stressful. No one likes the feeling of being in debt, it’s emotional, so naturally when the subject of money comes up in a relationship, it’s bound to start some fights. Matt and I have gotten into plenty and it’s mostly because he gets about 4 times the amount of financial aid that I do. How is it fair that we split things evenly if he’s got more to spend than me? And if he’s got more, why isn’t he offering to do more?

And so the fight begins.

The best thing that I’ve learned from those types of fights is that you should sit down, actually talk about your finances and try to find a balance. For me it was accepting the fact that I just don’t have as much money for Matt, and he agreed to divide up the expenses accordingly. I always hated asking Matt for money and it’s much easier now that we’ve sorted everything out and have an understanding.

As far as the dates go, Matt and I are always finding ways to have fun together without spending a whole lot of money. In fact, we’re going to a museum this weekend because we get in free for being students. As far as cheap dates go, here are a few things we’ve managed to come up with that don’t make us feel like we’re broke as a joke:

-Look into what your city has to offer for students. Always be looking for student discounts. My favorites are student nights at movie theaters and free passes to concerts and museums.

-Do some research into what your town has to offer parks-wise. I love heading to the park on a nice weekend, having a picnic and going kayaking, which together can be as cheap as $10.

-My best friend introduced me to Groupon.com. It’s seriously amazing. They have deals every day that are essentially gift certificates for a discount, but you can only get it if X amount of people buy it. I’ve found everything from $20 for $40 worth of food at local restaurants to $10 massages.

-This where on-campus events can be your friend. Check out cool clubs together, or go to events together. Matt and I always go to this thing at UT called 40 Acres Ffest, which is pretty much a fair that covers the main areas of campus that’s put on by all the student groups and ends with a free concert from some pretty well-known bands. Check out what your school has to offer and take advantage of it all!

With a little understanding of your financial situation and a pinch of research and creativity, it’s totally manageable to not let money affect your relationship. Just don’t be afraid to have the money talk with your significant other; and never be embarrassed to go on a “cheap” date. Sometimes they’re the most fun!

Anybody else have any ideas on the cheap?

What is a girl supposed to do?  Let me share a relatively recent discovery of mine: you don’t necessarily need money to have a nice meal out.

I moved to New York City for an internship this month and subsequently have no money.  The first weekend I was here just happened to be my birthday (funny how that worked out), so I was obligated to spend lots of moolah…on myself.  Now I have even less money.  This is a HUGE PROBLEM in a city where every block is full of deliciousness and fun.

My solution?  First dates.

It’s not hard to find a guy to take you out on a first date.  First dates are easy – no pressure, no expectations, and all you have to do is chat pleasantly and eat delicious food (or see a cool movie, or whatever).  If you don’t want to take it beyond the first date, then you don’t have to. If you do, then more power to ya, sister (more free food ).

Either way, you both had a nice time and you got to try a new restaurant for free. Win/win.

Obviously, I realize it’s not very nice to use guys just for a free meal.  But hey, the way I see it, they’re getting the pleasure of my company and conversation and I’m not completely ruling out the possibility of a second date or even a relationship (one not entirely based on free food, that is). And I’ll pay it back eventually. You know, when I have a job and I’m making money and not dancing around my sublet when I find a dollar in a pair of jeans I haven’t worn in awhile…

In the meantime, though, that Korean restaurant down the street is looking de-LISH and I think that dishy Korean guy would be the perfect person to buy me dinner.

It’s your BFF. You’ve known her since you were five. And yeah, you just spent a whole paycheck on housing, but you still need her to hang out. But still, you’re both broke, college students. So who’s taking the brunt, financially? If you feel like you are controlling your spending, but still can’t figure out where your cash is going… I hate to say it, but it might be your friends.

1. The Gas-Guzzling Gretchen.

You know that friend who always has an excuse NOT to drive? Sure, if you’re traveling far, you might mention splitting the cost of gas beforehand…. but when it’s someplace close, it’s hard to notice. “My backseat is full of clothes, nobody will fit back there,” or “I”m really tired, I can go out, but I don’t want to focus on driving later.” These excuses are fine from time to time, but if you realize your car is the only one getting mileage, you may want to reconsider your gas costs. It’s easy not to care when your friend needs a ride down the street, but when it becomes a daily “favor,” you end up paying.

2. The No-Cash Nancy.

With direct deposit, who the hell ever has cash nowadays? Unfortunately, this can become an excuse, and the little things can add up. $10 minimum for the card at dollar-night? If you have cash, why not cover this round? Going on a road trip, and she only has a card? Guess what- it’s on you. Sure, you don’t want to keep tabs on your friends, but a stick of gum here and a cash-only Gucci knockoff there can really add up.

3. The Homeless Harriet.

Friends truly don’t let friends drive drunk. But if you’re the gal with the on-campus apartment, it becomes the norm for people to crash at your place, especially if it’s walking distance from the pub. This might not seem like a big deal, but if you have water or electric bills to pay, you’re going to have to dig deep to make sure your friends get home safe. Even if you’re in student housing, where everything is prepaid, you’re probably going to cough up some free drunk-ass ramen noodles or a few bottles of spring water. This might not seem like a big deal, but I bet if you kept a tab, you’d end up with a whole night of free boozing for the cost it takes to be cordial to your guests.

4. The “I’ll Get the Next One” Alice

Similar to the No-Cash Nancy, Alice insists that you are such good friends, you don’t need to keep official tallies. However, she also is prone to making sure she always gets the good half of any bargain. “Let’s go drink-for-drink” you say, so Alice invites you to an expensive martini bar, where you shell out at LEAST $10 per martini, plus tip. When the drinks are over, Alice says she knows a place with more atmosphere, and brings you to a dive that happens to serve $1 Natty Lites. She buys you a beer, and stiffs the bartender. The damage? You– $25. Her– $2. But hey, she bought you a drink, didn’t she?

How can you really say “NO” to your friends, the people who bail you out of tough times over and over? You really can’t. And some friends know it. And some friends DON’T realize it, but inadvertantly rob you nonetheless. It can be very difficult to bring up, even though “Hey, why don’t you spot me a $1-Menu Breakfast, since I paid for those the entire hotel for spring break” sounds like a reasonable request.

Don’t let yourself get walked over. Your buds might not even notice that they are making out like bandits while you are selling your Sociology book to cover their bar tabs. Be honest and direct with your pals if you think you are getting the shaft, and you’ll find you have more money in your checking account… and a solid friendship to boot.

How ’bout some new boobs?

Yeah, you heard me right – a new rack could be your solution to the no-money blues. The Sun is reporting that breast augmentation is the latest trend among the jobless. Because spending $10,000 is a great idea when you don’t have an income. The idea is that any advantage on a job interview is a good one, especially when it involves first appearances.

That’s where I get a little lost though; why would a bigger chest signify a more qualified employee?  I understand ironing your shirt or shining your shoes, but implants? Really? Major invasive cosmetic surgery is really the route you want to go to give yourself that little something extra on an interview? Color me confused, because unless you are being interviewed to become the next Playboy centerfold, I really don’t think double Ds are going to help.

I mean, I knew the job market was competitive in these trying times, but I didn’t know it was wet-t-shirt-contest competitive. Does this mean that my college education is worthless and I should have just spent my tuition on a new rack?

I think I might be depressed all over again. But believe me, I won’t be heading to my local plastic surgeon. I think I’ll just add something flashy (glitter?) to my resume.

And eat some more chocolate.

We’ve all been subjected to them, but which of the most widely known Freshman Year stereotypes are false?

#1 The Freshman Fifteen- This is the alligators-in-the-sewers equivalent of college urban legends. Paranoia runs wild in freshman dorms in front of the mirrors, as we wonder if That Dessert just contributed to the infamous Fifteen. The truth is, if you don’t stuff your face at the all-you-can-eat cafeteria, and make some effort at aerobic activity, it’s not going to happen to you. With the stress of being in a completely new situation, I actually lost weight, and went through a phase where I couldn’t eat. With a trip to the gym a couple times a week, or simply knowing when to push back from the table, you’ll be absolutely safe from the mythical menace. The Freshman Fifteen, like most urban legends, is what you make it.

#2 You’ll be broke and living on Ramen Noodles- Absolutely false. Most colleges have an amazing setup of places on campus where you can eat using your meal plan, no extra money necessary. While Ramen Noodles are absolutely tasty, eating them is absolutely your choice. If by chance you do end up wanting spare cash, your college should offer a variety of part-time jobs you can work, often in more than one place. Ironically, despite their price tag, colleges understand that college students want money, and there are continuous jobs available for students. Be careful, though:work too many hours, and your grades may suffer.

#3 The dorms are full of constant parties, and nobody gets any studying done- This varies from dorm to dorm, but generally in freshman dorms, this is false. Nobody’s legal age, yet, and most of us are finding out that college classes are a lot harder than high school classes. While there are wild moments (fire trucks consistently show up with sirens blazing at the all-male dorm next to mine), and wild people (like the person who keeps setting trashcan fires in the Business building), you tend to have to seek out parties, rather than evade them. In the event that you are in the party dorm, you still have two options: the library is open almost all night, or you can join in.

#4 You Shouldn’t Be In A Relationship Freshman Year- Obvi, this depends entirely on you and whether you want an exclusive relationship. Personally, I chose to date my first semester, and while it was the right choice for me, I handled it badly. There’s a lot of responsibility associated with having a boyfriend your first semester of college (not skipping class to sleep in with him, or going out every night with him and blowing off assigned reading), and it can be fun to play the field a bit as a single lady. In the end though, like college itself, it’s all on you and what you choose to do.

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Ok, before everyone gets up in arms about every generalization I just made, let me clarify: if you disagree with everything I just said, you probably don't need this column. But if you're nodding along because you're officially an adult and still don't know how to manage your money, then you might want to pay attention every week, because I'm going to (try to) get you through this, and make you a successful saver and a wise spender. Starving college students of the world, I bring you Money Matters: a Guide to Handling Your Income (or Lack Thereof).]

This week, I’d like to introduce you to a splendid gem called Free Student Checking. Now, normally, banks will hold your money for you, but they like to find sneaky ways to make a few bucks back themselves. Some checking accounts, for example, have a minimum balance that you always have to have in your account. If your balance goes below that minimum, you get a fine.

Yeah, that’s right. You have to PAY your BANK for being too poor to have any money in the account that consists entirely of your own money that you started out with in the first place. I understand credit card late fees– with credit, you’re spending money you don’t necessarily have– but a fine on your own money? That’s bullsh*t.

Luckily, the banks have caught on to the fact that college kids won’t open accounts if they know they won’t be able to keep up with the minimum account balance… and the fact that once we’ve graduated and become successful career men and women, they can switch us to premium accounts and fine the ever-loving sh*t out of us.

Free student checking comes with a variety of perks. First of all, it’s free. No interest, no fines (unless you overdraw), no minimum balance, and they usually only require about $50 or so to open them. So, just put off buying one textbook for about a day and you’ll have the money to open a checking account and become a real grown up, personalized checks and all.

Before you hop over to the first bank in sight, however, it’s wise to do some research. Because college students should ALWAYS be on their toes for a bargain, whether it’s free food sponsored by the PanHellenic Society, Penny Night at the Pub, or a free toaster with every new bank account.

Seriously, though, shop around. Some banks will give you MONEY just to sign with them. I got $50 last summer for opening a new direct deposit account with M&T Bank, for example, and when I used Wachovia in the past, they were always advertising bonuses for students who got friends to open checking accounts as well. Search for banks in your area on Google Maps and see if there are any perks for opening a new account.

Then, proceed to step two:

Check out the long-term benefits of the account. Remember, you and your new bank are going to have at least a four or five-year relationship, and you want the relationship to be as much a one way street as it can be (in your favor, of course).

Currently, Bank of America has an online student checking offer, which includes a “Stuff Happens” card, good for a one-time fee refund (read: if you overdraw once, you can waive the pricey fine); a free check card (read: debit card); free online banking with unlimited bill pay (read: no fees for paying bills online); and an easy way for your parents to deposit money into your account (read: you can still beg for cash).

Wachovia’s Free Student Checking also offers one-time overdraft protection, but also includes a free savings account, for those of you motivated scholars who actually hope to put some cash away for a rainy day. AND Wachovia’s plan includes a “Way 2 Save” program, which encourages students to make debit card purchases and pay bills online, allowing you to accrue cash-value points for every check, purchase, and payment, in addition to a rebate on the money you’ve saved in your account each year. Talk about rewarding responsibility!

Other perks include Key Bank‘s ATM fee reimbursement plan, Washington Mutual‘s reward-earning debit card, and Meta Bank‘s checks with your school logo on ‘em (for you spirited savers out there)!

The bottom line is, you’re going to have to start managing your money eventually, so you may as well take advantage of the student-friendly perks of free checking accounts. Along the way, you’ll learn to balance your checkbook, make financial transactions, and become more aware of how much you’re earning and spending. Even if you take advantage of the “no minimum balance” advantage and constantly flirt with overdrawing your account, at least you’re getting started.

By the end of this series, you might even have enough to call “savings.”