A broken condom is like a broken promise. From the moment we learn what sex is, we’re urged not to have it. But then immediately warned “but if you do have sex, USE A CONDOM!”

Like taking vitamins, using a condom is one of those things we don’t do because we like to, but because we’re told over and over again that it will keep our bodies safe and healthy. We don’t all agree that doing charity will get us into heaven, or that recycling will save us from global warming, but we all hold the belief that using a condom ensures safe sex. This is why I was in absolute denial the other night when the condom broke during sexy time. I’d felt like I was doing something self-charitable by using protection, but I ended up getting screwed in a different sense of the word than I’d hoped for. Though the breakage happened during the middle of sex and not the grand finale, premature ejaculation is one of my greatest fears — so I decided I’d go to CVS the next day to pick up some Plan B.

Read More »

Ordinarily when we think about sex we instantly flash back to our most recent lovefest with our boyfriends. Chances are it was a hot, steamy session filled with excitement and overflowing with passion. There are those few times, though, that we have our hesitations when we’re about to take it to that next level, especially with a new guy. So what are we so afraid of? We all have our fears when it comes to sex, and more times than not, those fears aren’t without merit. I’ll share with you a few of my own fears, counting down from the not-so-bad to the absolute scariest.

7. My self confidence is low today: what if he can tell?

6. What if we share an awkward moment (like queefing!) that kills the mood?

5. What if I don’t climax?

4. What if he doesn’t reach the big O?

3. What if the condom breaks?

2. What if I get pregnant?

1. What if this happens? Seriously — gah! — I don’t even know what I’d do.

We’ve all got ‘em, so what are your own fears? Share them with me in the comments below!

You know what’s super awkward? Sex. All that nudity and rubbing and body parts all over the place. It’s a recipe for disaster. There are about a billion things that can go wrong, from cutting open your head on the corner of a dresser (been there) to dropping a wad of drool on your man’s face (done that). And if we took a moment to truly reflect on what it’s like to fart during the entire thing, well, I’m pretty sure we’d all just stop sexing all together.

I’m sure most people don’t put as much thought into the intricacies of sexy time as I do, but I am sure that plenty of sexually active adults have considered the multitude of things that could go wrong during the act. Does everyone have the same fears (babies and disease)? Do guys fears differ from a girl’s? Is a queef as big a deal to everyone else as it is to me (and do other people laugh uncontrollably when one happens)?

I asked my friend who is a boy to give me his thoughts. Read More »

After countless years of sex education and awkward lectures from our parents, we all know to use condoms. They are the cheap, safe way to keep your uterus empty and your lovely vag disease free — but we know that already.

So you bring home a (somewhat) nice guy one night and decide to get your freak on. Two horny willing participants? Check. Place to do the deed? Check. Condom? Check. Congratulations, you’ve done the responsible thing.

Things get heated up, and you’re too busy blissing out to notice anything, until your man-of-the-night pulls out and says “Um, I don’t know where the condom is…” (actual quote from a friend of mine). Yep, that thin latex bugger slipped off, exposing you to both his swimmers and any potential diseases he might have. Now what?

1) Breathe. Don’t panic. Accidents happen.

2) Find the damn thing. Check the bed, the sheets, the wall? If those locations turn up nothing, take a trip to the bathroom and check out yourself. Yes, there. Sounds gross, but chances are, that’s where it’s ended up.

3) Make sure you’re on the pill. While, of course, it’s not going to protect you 100% from getting knocked-up, it will help ease your nerves. Still freaking out? Continue to step 4… Read More »

If you think it’s awkward to go dutch on a meal, then you clearly haven’t gone dutch on Plan B. I’m all for gender equality but when a friend of mine relayed the following tale, I threw my split-the-bill philosophy out the window.

Here was her not-so-hypothetical scenario: Guy meets Girl. Guy buys Girl many, many rounds of drinks. “Where are your condoms?” Drunk Guy asks. Drunk Girl thinks. Drunk Girl thinks some more. Meanwhile, Drunk Guy performs a couple warning thrusts. Several thrusts later, Drunk Guy’s endurance reverts to that of a 12-year-old boy. Girl, no longer drunk, is not pleased.

Come morning, both parties agree that emergency contraception (better known by its brand name, Plan B) is in order, but when the guy realizes that this anti-baby antidote is a whopping $50 at the local CVS, he asks to share the cost. My friend is slightly mortified, and I’m nothing short of outraged when she asks my opinion on the matter. It’s not her fault, after all, if he has neither the patience to look for condoms nor the foresight to pull out. Besides, he has a job and she doesn’t. I’m sure Karl Marx would agree that this is a situation that perfectly illustrates, “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.” In this case, my friend’s ability to pay was next-to-nothing and her need to not get pregnant was quite significant. Communism has never made more sense. Read More »