Heartbreak lingers like a hangover. You wake up but don’t want to move, and your head is spinning. Sometimes you need the greasiest pizza down the street has to offer, and sometimes you *can’t eat at all. The only thing that sounds appealing is crawling into a dark cave away from anything (which is everything) that reminds you how shitty you feel. We get it. And we’ve all been that melodramatic. The only real cure for heartbreak is time, but there are definitely ways to spend that time to expedite the process and numb the symptoms.

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So as you know (if you’ve read my past few columns) I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago. And by breakup I don’t mean the whole, back-and-forth linger type-of-thing. I mean, cold turkey, cut him out! A friend recommended I take the “30-Day Challenge,” where you don’t see, speak or creep (shocking, I know) on the kid AT ALL for 30 days. I accepted the challenge and am pleased to say that after 30 days I feel like a new person. I feel more myself than ever in the past year, bettered by the failed relationship and am genuinely happy again. So please, I’ll be accepting virtual high-fives for completing that one!

The point is, a breakup is hard for both parties involved no matter the circumstances. And though I had my low moments, I still wanted to jump right back into the dating scene. Why? Because I’m young and there are hot guys everywhere at my university! Because I like to meet new people! Because not all guys are going to hurt me and I’m ready to meet someone worthwhile. And finally, because sometimes a drunken make-out is simply the best way to get over that douchebag! (Even if just for the three minutes while Weezy plays in the background).

So take it from a girl living through the dating scene after a breakup. It hasn’t been that long, but I’ve definitely learned some valid things. Even if you’re not fresh from a breakup, these tips can still help you out, too!

1. Shots and Ke$ha: Let’s be real here, after you have to tell someone you once loved goodbye, sometimes you just need a damn drink. Or two…or seven. No shame with this one! Alcohol sure does boost your self-esteem and when you throw in some crappy Ke$ha jams and a few friends on a dark dance floor, the night is all yours. So how will this help with your dating dilemma? Yeah, it’s probably not the best way to score a top-notch guy, but a good grind and sloppy make-out sesh never hurt anyone, right? Think of it this way; you’re just having some fun before the real guy comes along. And who wants to be at a coffee shop at 1 a.m. on a Saturday night waiting for that tall, handsome guy holding the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel to walk in, anyway? I know I’d rather be drunk and doing the stanky leg, that’s for sure!
2. Use your connections: Once you’ve gotten your “three-for-three” weekend out of the way (that means going out Thursday, Friday and Saturday night in the same weekend), it’s time to actually meet a decent guy. The easiest way is to ask the people around you! My friends and family know my character best and wouldn’t set me up with an asshole, so they’re the first people I turn to when wanting to get back into the dating scene. Two of the guys I’ve been seeing since the breakup were both introduced to me by friends and family, and both are pretty amazing so far!
3. Be bold: Ladies, it’s 2011, not the 1950s. It’s now socially acceptable to ask a guy to coffee or even a study sesh if you’re not ready to totally put yourself out there. If he says no or that he’s busy and doesn’t make further plans, let it go! In my past experiences, if you show you’re interested and he doesn’t respond immediately how you’d hoped, give him some time and he’ll come around. However, being bold doesn’t mean being a stage-17 clinger. Refrain from asking him out multiple times even if you really like the guy. If he wants to see you, he will.
4. Don’t settle: I know we’ve heard this our whole lives, but there’s something about when your mom sits you down and tells you, “Secret Girl, don’t settle, you’re better than that,” and suddenly it just clicks. I’ve already learned that if I start dating one guy and no other prospects are on the horizon, I’d rather not waste my time on an idiot just to say I’m dating someone.

Case in point: One of the guys I recently stopped seeing came over and watched a movie at my apartment. I have a charcoal sketch of a naked woman hanging on a wall in my room, and when the guy walked in he said, “BOOOOOOOOBS!” Um, yeah, get out. No seriously, get out right now. It’s called art, not giant tits plastered all over my wall.

• Look for douchelord tendencies: If I were to meet the “me” from a year ago, I’d shake her and say, “Run the other direction!” But had I not dated the kid, I wouldn’t be able to spot asshole tendencies from a mile away, as I can today. No really, it’s a talent. Here are some d-bag-isms learned from past relationships, club-hopping and other’s experiences.

• His friends are assholes (it’s a dead giveaway, friends say a lot about a person).
• He lives off of his parents and flaunts their money as if it’s his own hard earned cash.
• He cusses too much and wants to talk about vaginas at dinner. (Over a mediocre dinner– Me: “So how was your day, babe?” Dumbass: “What do you think lesbians do to each other during sex?”) WTF.
• He’s wearing a pastel polo…collar popped.
• He knows every word to that Apple Bottom Jeans song.
• He’s wearing thick-stitched True Religion denim.
• He wants to buy you a drink but won’t let you come to the bar with him (*cough* Rufilin *cough*).
• He makes you feel bad about yourself. (Get out quick!)

The bottom line? Be confident in who you are, know what you want and go for something if it comes your way! What do you have to lose? Your dignity, pride? Eh, maybe. But hey, there’s plenty more guys out there! And who knows, true love might be just around the corner if you’re open to it.

Curious to see how our resident He Said gets over a break up? Wait, do I even want to know?? Brace yourself and click through to COEDMagazine to…uh…enlighten yourself.

Dear Dude,

I’ve been dating this fella for about five weeks.  We get along well, we enjoy each other’s company, he’s good to me, he’s always treated me like a lady, he’s changed some of his habits for me, and he’s a sweetheart.  Here’s the thing though: I don’t want him.  I don’t feel that “spark” with him. I want to end things with this guy, but I’m not sure how to.  I can’t exactly tell him the truth, although I have talked to him about the lack of “spark” I feel and that didn’t seem to bug him.  Yet, I don’t want to give the lame “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse.  He’s a good man, Dude.  He’s just not my happily ever after. So, what can I tell him that will end things but not break his heart?

Sincerely,
Don’t Go Breakin’ His Heart Read More »

There are a few things in life that never cease to put me in my happy place.

Frozen Yogurt.
An awesome concert.
Pumpkin Spice Lattes in the fall/iced coffee in the spring – both while sitting outside.
Cozying up in bed on a rainy afternoon with some childhood classic movie – The Parent Trap remake anyone?! (Amazing movie but still makes me sad for LiLo.)
A late night convo with my best friends.
A new song that I love so much I keep listening to it on repeat:

Monday night, when I interviewed our surprise guest (check back for our ’90s bracket results and our surprise interview later today!) he/she/it told me about this new song saying it was a MUST listen. Insisting that as soon as we get off the phone I go listen to it on YouTube, even going so far as to email me her/his favorite version of the song. This person was so passionate about this new jam that I thought anyone who goes on and on about this song with a total stranger is either A) totally overselling it or B) totally onto something good. Read More »

You know those couples that make you believe in love? Like grandparents well past their 50th anniversary and still making each other laugh, or like Brad and Jen (granted I was, like, a toddler when they dated, but I’m sure I still thought they were cute then…) Well, I had a golden couple in my own life. They are two years older than me, and they’ve been dating for something ridiculous like four years. The girl is one of my good friends, and when we were moving, her boyfriend was an angel to have around. He moved my desk and futon, and did all of the handy man stuff we didn’t know how to do. We always joked that they were my college parents because they took such good care of me.

Well they just broke up yesterday.

To say I was surprised and upset is a gross understatement. When she came up to me sobbing, I wanted to sob right there with her. Of course I feel beyond awful for her and it hurts me to watch her hurt so badly, but it’s more than just the two of them that’s got me so emotional. My faith in love is shaken. What could have possibly happened to such a perfect couple that after 4 years he just decides to call it quits? And if these two people with so much history, so many inside jokes, who have survived so much together, can’t make it, how the hell is anyone else supposed to?

Even more, all this break up sadness has me thinking back to my own break up. Exactly one year ago, I was  the girl crying after the boy I’d dated for more than three years broke my heart. I was part of the ex golden couple. I was the broken half of a once-perfect pairing. And being reminded of how vulnerable, how upset, how disoriented I was… It makes me not want to ever be back in that place ever again. Read More »

Okay, so last week I was complaining because I was anxiously waiting for this one boy to finally ask me out (which he did two days ago, thank you very much). Now the part of my life that involves boys has become slightly drastically more complicated.

Last week was my school’s spring break, and while I spent half of the time in Arizona, (where it RAINED for three out of five days), the other half was spent in Chicago with the boy that I dated all through high school.

Oh yeah, him. I can try to play it off as casually as I want, but this now single girl went through the entirety of high school being coupled. And having the boy that you dated for three years come to visit you in your new life is anything but casual.

FACT: I dated him all through high school, we fell in love and he broke my heart. Hardcore, he crushed my heart.

FACT: He has been apologizing for breaking my heart since last August, and I didn’t even respond for the first month and a half of his apologies. His persistence finallyconvinced me to respond once, and he later persuaded me into talking as ‘friends’ ever since.

FACT: I have been on so many dates and hooked up with many guys since we were over, and I have yet to find anyone that I was not comparing to him. Read More »

Dear Dudeness,

OK, so I need your help. My ex dumped me about 8 months ago saying that we needed space. I called BS and we didn’t talk after that. But yesterday we were talking, just catching up and I was secretly checking to see if he was with someone. Well he ended up inviting me to a party and so I went. We didn’t really talk at the party; he came up to me and said hi but I was really busy winning beer pong. Then me and my friends left to go get Taco Bell and when we got back he had left. He said earlier that he would come back for me if I needed a ride and I ended up needing one, of course, so he came and got me.

Long story short, we ended up in my room about to have sex and then he blurts out: “You were the only girl I ever loved.” Umm WTF? I told him it was just sex and that we didn’ need to discuss that right now (I was trying to not be clingy… did I get it right?) but then he told me that again later on. Why? He was the one to dump me and say we needed space. My ex broke my heart right in half and I don’t want to do the whole obsession thing of wondering what he meant, but why would he tell me that? It was almost awkward. Almost.

Anyways I’m totally rambling but I figured you would know what to tell me.

Thank you, dude!
Taylor Read More »

I figured this is a great time for a relationship self-help post. Summer is coming to a close and with that comes the end of summer flings. Maybe it was the extreme heat or all the margaritas, but, you REALLY believed that it would last with that fantastic guy. And now, one of you is going back to school and even if you promise to stay close, long-distance can be tough.

So, I’ve found a book for all you victims of the summer fling.

Often, relationship self-help books focus on clever ways to meet men. You know, the art of the wingman, etc, etc. However, for most of us, the problem is not meeting men – it’s meeting NICE men. And maintaining a relationship with these nice men. And that’s where JM Kearns steps in.

His first book “Why Mr. Right Can’t Find You” was of the typical relationship self-help type and focused on meeting men. But, with his next book, he steps up his game and goes to a place few relationship self-help experts are willing to go. First by healing your broken heart… then, after you’re feeling good, telling you what you’re doing WRONG.

The book is written in two parts. Part one is titled “Repairing the Effects of the Breakup.” No matter how long a relationship is (even one week – ya, I’ve sadly been there), the breakup hurts like hell. Even if you cant admit it, you’re ego is damaged and recovery is necessary! Kearns maintains that before you can start a new relationship, you’ve got to nurse your heart and build up confidence. And when you’re ready for step two, you can move on and learn from your relationships. Read More »

Paris Hilton’s new man carries a murse.

Dealing with a creepy coworker.

Miley’s about done with Hannah Montana.

Sacha Baron Cohen bares it all for GQ.

Fix your hair to get over a broken heart.

The best facial cleanser ever?

We all know that women tend to be a little more emotional than men, but when it comes to break ups, shouldn’t everyone be a little hurt? Shouldn’t both parties be at least a little emotional?

Why then does it always seem like the guys are moving on so much faster? While we sit home and watch sad movies and listen to sad music as our friends force feed us, our guys are out at the bar with their friends picking up chicks and having a grand ole’ time.

How can they get over it so quickly? Are girls – even serious girlfriends – that disposable and easy to move on from? I asked one of my boys for the lowdown. His perspective may not make you feel better, but it does explain a lot. Read More »