Yeah, that's me. As Octomom. Never. Having. Sex. Again.

I have a good life: a job I love, a closet full of fantastic clothes, and some pretty rad friends and family. But even with all that I am always wondering what it would be like to trade places with someone else for a day.

Like my friend Amy – I’ve always wanted to know what it is like to have big boobs and a teeny, tiny waist. Or Octomom – spending a single day with 14 kids will teach me not to skip the condom when I’m in the heat of the moment. Or pretty much any celebrity with oodles of money and people bowing down to them wherever they go.

I’m pretty sure everyone – no matter how content – would give anything (even that coveted slice of drunken late-night pizza) to be someone else for one day. So this week I asked the CollegeCandy writers which celebrity they’d want to trade places with.

Who do you wanna be?

Thu – USC: I’d be Oprah and give away houses this time.

Kayla – California State University, Sacramento: Maybe I would be Heidi Montag. It might be nice to not have to use my brain for one day.

Kathryn – University of Wisconsin-Madison: I would want to trade places with Renee Zellweger. ONLY because she’s reportedly dating Bradley Cooper. Yum.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: Jennifer Aniston.  She’s hot and, let’s face it, everybody secretly roots for Team Aniston.

Brithny – Duke: Michelle Obama! ‘Cause then I’d be First Lady, have an awesome family (and cute dog), and tons of fabulous clothes.

Elise – Stanford: I’d be Padma Lakshmi -  total fox, AND she gets to sample all the deliciousness on Top Chef.

Cristina – Michigan State:  I’d have to say Chloe Sevigny.  She dresses like a boss and is so weird she’s cool.

Jill – University of Wisconsin: I want to trade places with whoever is dating Jason Segel. He’s funny, he’s tall and have you seen the full frontal nudity in Forgetting Sarah Marshall?

Desiree – Columbia University: I’d love to be Christina Hendricks, the woman who plays Joan Holloway on Mad Men. She’s really hot right now but not hot in a let’s-wait-to-see-how-she-screws-up-next way. Beauty, brains, sharp tongue, and she gets to raid the wardrobe closet!

Brittany – University of Richmond: I think I would be Brooke Hogan or Lady Gaga for a day. That way I can settle the age old man/woman debate. It would be for the greater good of society. I am philanthropic in that way.

Carly – Grinnell: This is a toughie, but I think I would love to be J.K. Rowling for a day so I could see what it’s like in her mind.

Ricki – University of Michigan: I need to be Heidi Klum.  I can speak in a cool accent, walk down the Victoria’s Secret runway, and discover if she actually is human since she is always working and has four kids and a hot hubby.

Kari – Florida State:  I would trade places with Robert Pattinson for the day, for three reasons and three reasons only. 1) Stare at myself naked in the mirror for a few hours, 2) Get drunk and chain smoke at the Chateau Marmont for no reason, 3) Make out with/ declare my love for Kristen Stewart in the most public way possible, just to see if I could beat Obama’s magazine cover record.

Ness – Sheridan: I would be Paris Hilton. Just to figure out why the hell she thinks she’s famous.

Elizabeth – University of Missouri: Rachel Zoe – I don’t know if she actually counts, but I would love to be able to wear anything in her closet for a day. Oh, and have Brad, aka the cutest guy on the planet, as my assistant.

John – UConn: Emma Watson is going to be a freshman at Brown, and I’m going to be a senior at UConn. I’d trade places with her in a heartbeat. Oh, to be a young girl again!

Mandy – Hofstra: I’d like to switch places with Jenna Dewan so I can do the nasty with Channing Tatum. Multiple times.

Sara C – Fordham: I would want to be Usain Bolt, the sprinter from Jamaica who just broke his own world record in the 100m dash (9.58 seconds, which translates to about 24 mph). How sick must it feel to be able to run that fast?!?

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Angelina Jolie. Save the world, take care of some adorable kids, AND sleep with Brad Pitt? Count me in.

Maddie – Tufts: Gisele. It’s pretty self explanatory. Plus I’ve always wanted to wear those Victoria’s Secret wings!

Alana – Boston University: I’d totally want to be Suri Cruise. She sits around all day, looks cute and gets to wear Burberry.

You may want to reconsider those Big Macs.

Lohan’s arrest warrent recalled.

Gossip Girl, we miss you!!

Oh lord, I did NOT need to see that, Brooke Hogan!

Pete Wentz drinks his pee pee.

Filing your taxes isn’t so hard.

The most cliche lines for a breakup.

That Lady Gaga is talented.

Things are getting worse for Jessica Simpson.

Do Angie’s lips make her hotter?

Forget the Uggs. These boots have a purpose.

Life in prison for this fashionable felon.

President-Elect Obama loves YouTube!

Paula might be leaving American Idol.

Is Kim Kardashian really engaged?

Hulk Hogan & Co. are a bunch of douches.

Anderson Cooper watches Real Housewives of Atlanta.

ESPN is stereotyping your school.

Makeup trends for the holiday season.

It’s a hard-knock life for your RA.

The idiot’s guide to networking.

The Palins know babies love camo!

Recapture your manhood, Shia!

Nicole Richie done wth the troll?

This guy should probably be punched repeatedly

A-listers who suck

See Miley’s boyfriend in his skivvies

Worst. Outfit. EVER

Apple cake + toffee crust = heaven

Winehouse finally looks good — as a Lego

Oh yeah, she’s a classy broad

Welcome to America

Messing with the drunk guy?  Always fun

Janet Jackson continues to murder fashion

As usual, last night’s Video Music Awards blew.  The geniuses at MTV have succeded in turning what was once a borderline semi-entertaining awards show into a series of tedious advertisements between more advertisements.  Great Job!

But despite all the foolishness, the red carpet was chock full o’ eye-catching looks… some hot, some way not.  So, rather than making you search thru all those grocery-store-checkout-line-webzines for your VMA fashion fix, we have compiled the best of the best and the best of the worst for your viewing pleasure.

BTW Pink- You saying “Lemme Check My Flow” in a song has a way different connotation than when Eminem says it… and the thought makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

(click thumbnail to view full image)

I give this a 10 in the hot bod competition

Studying Creationism? Graduating just got harder for you

Brooke Hogan continues to dig that stupidity hole

According to GMA, curly hair blows

Breaking up, Dinosaur Comics style

Have you had too much sex?

The only way Katie Holmes can get into a movie these days…

U.S Women’s Gymnasts think China totally f*cked with them

No more chicken mcnuggets in LA

She hates the fans

Dane Cook is kinda right.

Jessica Simpson, go home!

Brooke Hogan thinks a lady president would have too many PMS problems

You too can look good in a swimsuit

Mormon Boys Gone Wild!

I like jeans, but at least I’m not a crazy compulsive shopper, like this girl

Does anyone care about Ebay anymore?

I hated summer camp too, friend

This picture makes me shudder…I don’t know why

How to make yourself 20% more attractive

Danika Patrick gets pissed off at the racetrack

Traumatise your baby with weird sh*t

The Atkins diet, for realz?

It took them 4 years to decide Janet’s “wardobe malfunction” was no big deal.

“The Dark Knight” is upon us! WHO ELSE IS FREAKING OUT?!

Keeping up with the Kardashians…in jail

Sarah and Jimmy split–the Matt Damon video is just awkward now

It’s not the happy ending most girls grow up dreaming about…

“Hey, um, Papa Hulk…were your girlfriend and I separated at birth?”

I don’t know if Hitch would have prescribed an “open relationship”

The new power jobs are in–”socialite” ain’t one of ‘em, Paris!

Off-topic, but I think Jeff Goldblum is really sexy

Radiohead’s new music video is awesome. ‘Nough said.

18-year-old waitress hooks up with a Rolling Stone–and it’s not even Mick or Keith!

[Photo courtesy of Mollygood.com]

Remember when Girls Gone Wild used to shame party girls across the country who had one too many body shots on Spring Break and had the bad luck to land in front of a camera? Since when has slutty behavior turned into a profitable asset and a celebrity vehicle? Mini Me’s lover is collecting big after a sex tape “somehow” leaked, and now Eliot Spitzer’s ex-whore is getting a REALITY TV SHOW. I can’t believe that we Americans will actually tune in to the lives of nutjobs like the Lohans, the Kardashians, and now, some hooker who happened to win the jackpot.

When Tila Tequila burst on the scene, she had a great gimmick: the first bisexual reality dating show. But after the Bobby Banhart breakup-scandal, and oh-so-predictable opposite-gender-choosing finale in season 2, there’s not much buzz left in Tequilaville. Bring in the hooker! If you thought Tila’s patented, “How will your parents react when they find out I’m bisexual?” act starts to get old, imagine the “How will your parents react when they find out I’m the whore that ruined Eliot Spitzer’s career?” segment.

Yes, Handprint Entertainment, the fine folks who bring the lives of Pamela Anderson and Nicole Ritchie to the small screen, are in talks with MTV to give Ashley Dupre a shot at love. Monica Lewinski must be green with envy. Sure, she got a book deal, but she could have found “true love” in front of millions of strangers, and the producers would probably have thrown in a mansion as well!

If the dating show falls through, I’d like to pitch some backup ideas to Dupre’s new producers:

1. Dupre’s Deal or No Deal- Combination dating-slash-game show: Dupre’s bachelors be able to buy some sex after their “one-on-one” dates. But what about after elimination?

2. Hooker and the Geek- 10 prostitutes and 10 geeks are paired up to learn from each other. The geeks teach the girls financial skills and politics (so they can find themselves their own Spitzer prototype), and, well, you can guess how the ladies reciprocate.

3. What Not to Wear: Escort Edition- I think the name says it all.

4. Real World: The Brothel- This is the true story of seven pimps and prostitutes picked to live in a house…

5. Are You Smarter than a Harlot?- Jeff Foxworthy would host this one for free!

6. The Slutty-real Life- Okay, so my Surreal Life pun needs work. But they can invite back reality skanks Trishelle Cannatella and Adrianne Curry, and let the STD’s begin!

Shows that probably won’t end up in TV Guide: Made: I Want to Have Sex for Money; So You Think You Can Screw; Celebrity F*** Club.

If programming catapults Ashley Dupre to the top of the celebutante ladder, why stop there? Throw in a record deal! If Brooke Hogan and Heidi Montag can cut an album, it might be a charttopping success! They can also add a movie deal, creating a modernized version of Pretty Woman… but in the end, instead of Richard Gere showing up with a limo, a money-hungry producer shows up with a TV contract.

Seriously, though, where are we going to go when this novelty wears off? How dirty is reality television going to get before draw the line? How many talentless nymphomaniacs are going to get rich while we struggle to pay off our student loans? I, personally, am sick of seeing these women re-objectify the gender every week and make a bad name for sexually liberated women who don’t need the cameras rolling 24/7. I prefer my walks of shame to go unrecorded, thank you very much.

I blame Carrie Bradshaw for this

I never thought I’d say this: I feel bad for Brooke Hogan

Rev Jesse Jackson has got a few words for Obama–and they ain’t pretty!

And another Jackson just ain’t pretty at all

Similarly, Bridgette Nielson wants to get back into Playboy

Iron Man’s new role: Sherlock Holmes

You’re suppoed to take long walks–not romps–on the beach

6th grade Orchestra Camp has never looked so good

Finally, reality TV gets real: Dating on Demand

I now dub today: National Guido Appreciation Day

Yeah.  This is really going to help us grow closer as a Nation

Michael Jackson…and his kids…do weird sh*t