[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“I hated the f**king noodle dance! I don’t need to do a dance when I get an idea – f**k you! That’s why you’re otters! If you were smarter, you’d be a more highly evolved mammal! And you wouldn’t need to break sh*t on your stomachs to eat it!”

“So we’re gonna put the thing there.”

“No, we can’t put the thing there, you a**holes!”

“Why are we a**holes, Steve, why are we a**holes? You think we’re a**holes because we can’t put the thing where you want.”

“Dude, it’s the f**king thing! It has to go there! A**hole.”

“That’s not a deer, that’s an ingénue!”

“Yo, Team Food Butthole stinks. Team Food A**hole is Awesome!”

“Hey, I’m Nate. Nice to meet you.”

“Cool. I’m Kevin – I’m this dude’s brother. Yeah. We came out of the same hole. Nice to meet you too.”

“Gimme some french fries.”

“Dude, stop it, you have your own fries!”

“I want to put them on my pizza.”

“Weren’t you trying to lose weight?”

“Exactly. That’s why I’m eating french fry pizza.”

A guy and a girl are walking through the Student Union, with giant empty boxes over their heads.

“Hey, Brenda, check it out! I’m a box turtle!”

“What?”

“A box turtle… get it?”

“Yeah. You know what, shut up, Dan. This was a terrible idea.”

“Okay, so here’s the scenario: you’re trapped in a burning building, and you can’t get to any exits. There’s a big hose attached to the wall, though.”

“I’d probably turn on the hose.”

“Uh-oh! The hose is filled with lighter fluid! You just got f**ked, man.”

“I hate you.”

You might be able to laugh off some of these poor decisions, but in other cases, you might reap the consequences, especially if your fling affects the people around you. Here are some awkward hook up scenarios that you may just wish to avoid in the future.

1. Your Best Friend’s Brother.

Usually, you give your best friend all of the deets regarding your trysts, and she listens, and laughs, and offers advice when necessary. No can do when you’ve crossed the line into sibling snogging. Your best friend doesn’t want to picture her brother in any type of sexual situation. If the hook up turns into something more, congratulations, but you’re still not going to be able to share certain details, because the guy won’t want you gossiping to his sister, and your friend won’t want to hear it. Dating the brother might also strain your friendship, depending on whether your friend resents your decision.

If things go sour with the brother and you remain friends with your BFF, you’re bound to run into him in the future. Another thing to keep in mind is that if things go sour, your friend will probably side with her bro, because blood is thicker than the those vodka tonics you guys share at the bar.

2. One of Your Brother’s Friends

Just like your BFF’s brother is off-limits, your brother’s friends are also risky business. Your brother certainly doesn’t want to imagine you hooking up any more than you do, and he certainly doesn’t want to hear any “locker room” talk among the boys once the rest of his crew finds out about your promiscuous ways.

3. A Co-Worker

Getting it on with someone from the office is up for debate. I have plenty of friends who have hooked up with, or are currently dating someone at work and have figured out a way to balance work and pleasure. Still, tread lightly. A one night stand with a co-worker can easily go awry, and you don’t want to zone out in a meeting because you’re recalling the multiple orgasms from last weekend. Also, if the rumor mill churns out a he-said/she-said account of the fling, you’re going to have to face your colleagues around the water cooler and wonder if they still think of you as a professional. If feeling uncomfortable isn’t enough to turn you off from hooking up, remember that many businesses frown upon inter-office relations, and you could be jeopardizing your job.

4. The Guy You Only Hooked Up With Because the Guy You Wanted Turned You Down

You get decked out for a party with one goal: Hook up with Joe. You get a decent buzz on and walk in on Joe making out with some girl on the sofa in the middle of the party. Feeling rejected, you engage in conversation with Tom, who is more than willing to swap spit with you. The next day, you regret Tom, and Joe changes his Facebook status to “In a Relationship.” Double burn.

If you don’t know the guy, aren’t attracted to him, or don’t have feelings for him at all, you are a thousand times more likely to regret adding his notch to your belt. It will also definitely add to the morning-after “What was I thinking?” factor.

5. Your Strictly Platonic Guy Friend (Until Last Night, That Is)

Can guys and girls be close on a strictly platonic level, or are feelings bound to be stirred up by one or both parties? Not only can hooking up with your best guy friend change your relationship forever, but it can also be disappointing.

Case in point: I was super close with a guy in college, and everyone thought we liked each other (we didn’t). The rumors alone weirded out my friend, because he wasn’t sure if he should believe them. We worked through it, and when he transferred, we kept in touch. One summer, I went to visit him, and it was like nothing had changed…until we had sloppy, drunken, mismatched sex later.  I think it happened out of sheer curiosity, and we learned that our naked bodies simply don’t mesh well together.

We said our goodbyes the next day and pretended that it never happened. The end.

6. A Girl. But You’re Straight.

If you want to experiment, college is the perfect time and place. When I was in college, it was the norm to see girls making out at parties or bars, for no reason other than shock value and attention. Then Katy Perry’s runaway smash “I Kissed a Girl” came out and glamorized same sex experimentation.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with same sex relationships, and nothing wrong with experimenting. But making out with your girlfriends can lead to just as excruciating an aftermath as a one-nighter with your guy friend.

Anybody out there have any experiences that fall into any of the above categories? We’d love to hear them, along with any other types of awkward sexual situations that we should all learn to avoid.

[Photo courtesy of thenoyes.com]

Coming in at a close second in the gift-giving challenge is the BF. Sure, you love him. Sure, he knows you better than most people. But finding a gift he’ll like because it’s cool, and not just because you’re his girlfriend? Tough.

In case you haven’t reached your breaking point yet (I know Hanukkah is almost over, but there’s still time!), I’m compiled a list of presents the Bro and the Beau might like. It’s always hard to tell with these strange specimens, but hey, even if they scrunch their face up again this year…at least you tried. Besides, they’re been giving you shit from The Body Shop for years. Teach them through example about branching out.

• Charles & Marie Dosh Wallet ($60) – compact, manly, and oh-so-full of special pockets, this wallet is a lot better than that ratty, duct-taped thing he’s been carrying around for years. It’s a little expensive, but just think of it as payback for that time you stuck gum in your Bro’s hair or ‘accidentally’ told your friends about the Beau’s bedroom ‘issues’.

• Dakine Plaid Backpack ($59.50) – it’s really hard to hate on a backpack, especially one that’s so nondescript and cool. Plus, he can carry his laptop and snowboard / skateboard around wherever he goes.

• Nooka Zub 20 Zenv Watch ($135) – complicated, weird looking, and kind of hard to understand, your gadget-loving Bro or Beau will go crazy for it. Let’s just hope he’s getting you more than bath salts for this price.

• Ninja Flipper ($4.49) – aren’t all guys obsessed with Ninjas?

• Sudoku Toilet Paper ($5.48) – part gag gift, part something they’ll probably use.

• Badass 3-in-1 Gloves ($49.50) – sure, it’s a lot of money for gloves, but he’ll never have to buy another pair…provided he doesn’t lose them a day later.

• Shockingly Expensive Toothpick holder ($800-$1500) – if your Bro or Beau has everything…get him a diamond encrusted toothpick holder. Chewing toothpicks in public is kinda rude, but if he’s got this thing, ain’t no one gonna question!