First, her parents go and give her a stupid name like Rumer. It’s not spelled right to be the noun (or transitive verb), so her name is basically a made-up word that sounds like the thing your worst enemy spreads about you in high school.

Second, her mom goes and marries a guy only a few years older than her. So now she’s got a perpetual kid in a trucker hat as a dad, and probably has to fight off urges to A) sleep with him herself or B) picture him naked with her mom.

Thirdly, her real dad has been known to rub up against every hot young thing in Hollywood.

Gross.

And as if all that wasn’t enough, she’s got some of the worst genes I’ve seen in a while.

It’s totally not her fault, but I mean, who knew that Bruce Willis and Demi Moore would combine to create someone…so round? I’ve truly never seen a face so oval in my life, and her newest choice of hair color isn’t helping things.

PerezHilton can’t stand her, and always calls her out on whatever she tries to do to divert attention away from her radically round head.

If I were her, I’d be crying every night from some of the things he writes.

While I consider myself to be above insulting someone’s genetic make-up, I’m not above saying that if I were Rumer Willis, I’d be pretty damn pissed at my parents.

For everything. Ever.

…Especially my tiny eyes.

There’s been a lot of buzz lately over the upcoming movie “Grindhouse.” I know it’s like, a guy movie and all, but I gotta say, it looks kind of cool. Quentin Tarantino’s “Pulp Fiction” and “Kill Bill” films were pretty good, and although I haven’t seen Robert Rodriguez’ “Sin City” or “The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D” yet, I hear they rocked the $@%. Well, that’s what I heard about “Sin City” anyway.

Plus, Rose McGowan has a gun for a leg in “Grindhouse.” And that would be sweet!

After the anticipation, PageSix just reported that the flick finally has a rating. Instead of NC-17, (there was supposed to be one scene where a guy get his head gets chopped off while his girlfriend gives him a blow job, but that was cut) now it’s just rated R. Lame-O.

Either way, it’s still very college-age appropriate, and it still looks like a good movie. Not a girls’ night out movie in which you all paint your nails and gossip about the cute actors afterwards kind of movie. But a movie in which, if a guy asks you on a date, you could say, “Let’s go check out ‘Grindhouse,’” and you’d not only enjoy it, but he’d think you were cooler than a girl with a gun for a leg.

“Grindhouse” opens April 6, 2007.

Check out the trailer: