Mmm. Only 480 calories of fast food goodness.

I can’t lie: I love fast food. So much so that I have mapped out all the fast-food restaurants near my campus and committed all of their locations to memory, as well as the fastest routes to get there. And I may have instructed a cab driver to swing by and grab me a large order of fries and honey for dipping them on the way home from the bar. Twice. Yeah, that’s a bit excessive, but don’t judge; we have all experienced that moment when the dining hall slop is simply too underwhelming and all we want is a Big Mac. And fries. And a milkshake to wash it all down.

It is my firmest belief that fast-food restaurants should be listed as one of America’s deadliest sins. But because I can’t say no to a good drive-thru (Editor’s Note: Don’t try the drunken walk-through-the-drive-thru…they don’t like that), I decided to figure out the healthiest options to order in hopes of keeping obesity at bay. And it’s surprisingly not that hard to find healthy options at grease pits these days.

If you’ve got a hankering for some good ol’ fast food but don’t want to undo that 90-minute Vinyasa class, these are the best options for you:

Wendy’s: I truly believe Wendy’s to be the 4-star restaurant of the fast-food nation. I wish they could all be a little more like Wendy. I would recommend the Mandarin Chicken Salad with Oriental Sesame Dressing and Roasted Almonds. It’s 480 calories and delectable to the last bite. If salad isn’t your bag, try the Ultimate Chicken Grill Sandwich. Only 320 calories and yet still a hearty sandwich. As the name states, it’s the ultimate.

Taco Bell: Taco Bell’s Fresco menu is basically the same items, minus the sour cream. You can get a crunchy taco for only 150 calories. That’s like a 100-calorie pack taco meal. I like the sound of that. But just a warning: You may be saving on calories, but it won’t save you any more time in the bathroom. It’s the curse of Taco Bell. Learn to live with it. Read More »

Seriously, if you want me to enjoy your new cleverly named “Seven Incher,” likening it to one of my least favorite activities isn’t going to help. When I see this I do not want to dig into all that beefy glory – all I can think about is lock jaw and “special sauce” in my eye.

Maybe I’d be more into it if it were a 12 incher, but seven? No thanks.

Want to know what song is playing on the radio? There’s an app for that.
Want to mix some fruity cocktails by the pool? There’s an app for that.
Wanna get your rocks off with the same electronic you use for making phone calls? There’s an app for that.

The iPhone has an application for everything, and getting fat is no exception. Because Americans weren’t doing a good enough job of porking up on their own, tons of companies are developing programs making it even easier to access the fat. Ironic, considering all the obese people complaining that their pudgy fingers were too big for the keyboard.

You looking to pack on some poundage? Looks like you need an iFat iPhone. Read More »

Oh yeah, baby. Finals are finally over, which means sweet freedom! I haven’t been this happy since my last snow day (in high school)!

It is all cheesy movie marathons, holiday jams, catching up on magazines, and heavy carbs for the next few weeks. No more frozen ears walking to class, IM fighting with the roommate who never does her dishes, or long nights in the freaking library. (Although, I really can’t complain that much; at least I’m not this girl.)

And maybe I can finally get over that dude who is so not into me and have me a little holiday fling. That would be nice.

I do have one thing to worry about, though, and that is what the hell to get my parents. Maybe my dad will want the new Burger King cologne? And maybe some makeup brushes for mom? Definitely not the female condom. Ew.

I could just win that sweet new AT&T Palm Centro and give it to one of them. Wait, I want that one for myself. After all, after a week like mine, I deserve it.

Imagine you’re on a date. Things are going well, he’s funny and charming and you’re feeling pretty mellow. He gets closer, puts his arm around you, and (you know it’s coming) he leans in for a kiss. It’s that first, impossibly sexy moment of intimacy. You get a whiff of his musk and–is that a Whopper you smell??

No, it’s not his lunch on his breath that you’re sniffing, but his cologne. Thanks to our friends at Burger King, your man can now smell like his favorite fast-food sandwich with help from their newly released scent, Flame. It’s described by the BK cologne website Fire Meets Desire as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.” Because nothing says “I wanna treat you like a princess” like smelling like a $2.39 pile of grease. Flame will be sold on the Fire Meets Desire website as well as at New York City-based retailer, Ricky’s, for a mere $4 a spray-bottle.

I’m not quite sure why the Burger King himself (who, by the way, looks like the result of an illegitimate mating between Holy Roman Emperor Charlemagne and Flava Flav) appears on the website reclining nude in front of a fire with just a fur blanket. Seeing that made me feel as though I’d just rubbed my eyes with horseradish. And is it just me, or have there been a lot of unorthodox colognes being released on the market lately? Next up: Valentino’s Eau du Public Transportation.

That being said, if the sweet aroma of the Whopper does send tingles down your spine, this is just the gift for you. After all, it’s not that strange to want to combine food and sex. Burger King just may be onto something with this food-scented body spray. As my friend said, if nothing else, it gives a new meaning to the term “special sauce.”

Mmmm. I hope it’s on the dollar menu!

You know all those times when you’re like “Damn, I would love to get some burgers for the whole family, but I don’t want to order them individually,” so, you order a pizza instead? Yeah, me neither. But apparently, Burger King thinks we’re all having a whole lot of these moments as they’re going to start offering a six-pack of burgers in an attempt to compete with the pizza market.

How does a six-pack of burgers differ from six individual burgers? Glad you asked.

The rolls of the six burgers will be stuck together, so to grab a burger, you’ll have to tear one off. Just like when you grab a piece of pizza. And just like you can order a pizza half cheese/half pepperoni (or whatever your tastes enjoy), one pair of these burgers will be topped with ketchup, another with cheese, and another with bacon and cheese.

Unfortunately, these burgers are only launching in the UK, Germany, and Spain. Let’s hope and pray that they do well over there so that they come here soon. Until then, I guess we’re just going to be stuck ordering pizza when we’re craving a shared meal. Or drinking a six-pack of beer. That could work too.

Herb Peterson, the McMastermind behind the Egg McMuffin, died last week at the age of 89. The egg-cellent treat has been curing hangovers and serious morning cravings since 1972 and Mr. Peterson’s genius will certainly be missed.

Though the Egg McMuffin has a place in the halls of fast food history, not every snack can be so lucky. As a junk food enthusiast and resident gross food researcher, here are my Top 3 Fast Food Flubs.

#3 – Tacos at Burger King (2002)

In a word, they were disgusting. For some reason, the King decided to make a trip south of the border and added 50 cent tacos to their dollar menu. They were soggy, poorly seasoned, used American cheese and the beef may have been horse…or vomit. I don’t know who quarterbacked that decision in the Burger King boardroom but I hope they were sent packing. Better question, I don’t know why I wasted a hard earned dollar from my high school wallet to try them out.

#2 - KFC Famous Chicken Bowls (2006) Read More »

I remember when Dane Cook was funny.

Back in my freshman days of college, me and my best friend would get a bottle of cheap wine, lock ourselves in her dorm room, play endless snippets of Dane’s authentic stuff and giggle obnoxiously until we went out to the parties, quoting the entire thing.

The Burger King bit was our personal fave. That was good stuff!

But then, every college student and their mother caught on to Dane, he sold out, started making crap movies with crap “actresses”, and, suddenly, his comedy isn’t so funny anymore. Pretty ironic that a guy who once made college students laugh so hard is now being laughed at by college students.

It gets worse. MUCH WORSE. Dane is now trying his Superfingered-hand at bad emo music. Yep. He just released a sh*t-tastic song that everyone is pointing and laughing at him over, called “Forward” and you can listen to it here.

Check out the sick guitar solo, amazing backup vocals and thought-provoking lyrics, such as:

“Pushing from within, everything’s not fine. Tonight I’m gonna take back what’s mine.” Read More »

Okay, I get it. We are all college students on a budget. We all love a great deal, a cheap meal and any leftover cash is going to be spent at the bar thank you very much. But, my fellow students, as a server I have realized that many of you are just clueless about tipping. And without your tips, I won’t have money to spend at the bar either.

Maybe it’s how you were raised or maybe you are just cheap. But if you are going to walk into any place that is offering you a service of some sort, be prepared to spend a few more bucks on the person waiting on you. If you are going out to a “splurge” restaurant- be prepared that the tip is going to be an extra chunk added on to the bill. Want the $30 dollar steak but don’t feel like tipping on it? Then please, that’s what Burger King and Denny’s are for.

In lieu of cheap tippers that I as well as other friends of mine in the service industry have come across–here are some of the guidelines when it comes to tipping. Click here For a full list of tipping etiquette for every service imaginable (and I mean everything). Read More »